Barbara Roberts ♦ 25th October 2019 ♦ 4 Comments
The Bible says that we can be blinded by Satan and by other human beings. Some of the humans who blind us are consciously working for Satan. Some of the humans who blind us are unconsciously working for Satan. Perhaps they have to some degree been blinded by other humans who are consciously working for …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 14th October 2019 ♦ 13 Comments
The choices a group / group leader makes can bring the group into even more blindness. This is Part 4 of a series addressing the questions: Are abusers spiritually blind? (Or psychologically blind, which is pretty much the same thing.) Are abusers deceived? If they are deceived, to what extent have they been deceived by …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 19th November 2018 ♦ 62 Comments
Transcript of video I want to thank all the people who have encouraged me and given me fair criticism over the last few weeks. I have really appreciated your emails, phone calls, messages and comments.¹ In the last few months I’ve been helping several victims of abuse get safe from serious abuse. And at the …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 20th September 2018 ♦ 48 Comments
One reason why the visible church is such an abuser-friendly environment is that the visible church has many people in it who are not born again. People who have not been saved. People who do not know Jesus. Some of those people who are not born again think they are Christians and are doing their …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 8th September 2018 ♦ 3 Comments
I’ve been reading about the Thomas Chantry trial at Thou Art the Man, and the shameful cover-ups of his abuse of young boys. Such a similar story to so many others, so many broken lives, so many years, so much harm, so much evil behavior from those who claim to represent Christ. That, and an unrelated …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 26th July 2018 ♦ 54 Comments
It is wise to work on the assumption that the abuser knows what he did knows it was wrong knows he’s making false accusations about his target. How do we know that abusers know they are doing wrong? Abusers know they are doing wrong because they hide from the public the wrong things they do. …
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The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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