Barbara Roberts ♦ 23rd July 2019 ♦ 18 Comments
There are many labels used to pathologise, blame and discredit victims: Stockholm Syndrome battered women’s syndrome learned helplessness codependency traumatic bonding re-enactment of trauma repetition compulsion women choose abusive men women unconsciously attract abusive men The concept of “Stockholm Syndrome” has become a ‘received truth’ in the mental health field. It shifts the focus away …
Guest Post ♦ 5th June 2019 ♦ 87 Comments
A guest post by Valerie Jacobsen. Misogynistic bias is a real thing, and it is very obvious here. Painfully obvious. Jay Adams is TEACHING counselors to side with male abusers and against female victims. He is TEACHING them to overlook crimes. So, if you have ever been in nouthetic counseling or “biblical” counseling and have …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 25th March 2019 ♦ 172 Comments
Some victims of domestic abuse find Leslie Vernick’s work helpful; others find it confusing and even dangerous. To illustrate the range of responses that victims have to Leslie’s work, I will be quoting from their comments. Most of my quotes will be excerpts from victims’ comments and I will give links to their original comments …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 6th March 2019 ♦ 61 Comments
I know many victims and victim-advocates have found Diane Langberg’s work valuable. In her counseling, public speaking and writing she is raising awareness about abuse. She is reaching conservative leaders and she’s trained many counselors and church-goers about how to identify and respond to abuse, trauma and narcissistic leadership. Diane is one of the training …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 1st March 2019 ♦ 19 Comments
Darby Strickland is helping awaken the church to abuse issues. She is one of the teachers in the free videos which are soon to come out from Church Cares – the SBC’s attempt to start educating the church about how to identify and respond to abuse. In Part 1 of this series I praised the …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 21st February 2019 ♦ 12 Comments
The SBC is preparing a video-based curriculum called “Becoming a Church that Cares Well for Abuse”. The teaching team they have chosen includes Chris Moles, Leslie Vernick, Darby Strickland and Diane Langberg. I have mixed feelings about this. The primary focus of churchcares.com appears to be sexual abuse, but domestic abuse is being covered as …
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The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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