Barbara Roberts ♦ 5th September 2021 ♦ 19 Comments
Diane Langberg doesn’t seem to believe there are people whose father is the devil — so she doesn’t seem to understand the mind of the sociopath. In her book Suffering and the Heart of God: How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores (New Growth Press, 2015), she writes as if all people have active consciences and every person feels bad …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 10th July 2021 ♦ Leave a comment
In 2019, the SBC produced its ChurchCares Program. I wrote five posts about it. Here they are for ready reference. 1. Churchcares.com – the SBC’s plan to equip churches to respond to abuse (focuses on Chris Moles) 2. Darby Strickland is raising awareness about domestic abuse, but… 3. Diane Langberg is advocating for abuse victims, …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 7th April 2021 ♦ 4 Comments
Don Hennessy speaks with wisdom and compassion. Much good info here. One thing I learned that I hadn’t heard before was Don giving more details about the Cork Relationship Counseling Centre’s experience of running groups for male perpetrators. After running those groups for a while, they realised that the groups were doing more harm …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 7th January 2021 ♦ 2 Comments
An ACFJ reader has asked me to seek comments on Beneth Jones’s book “Ribbing Him Rightly”. The book was given to a young engaged woman this ACFJ reader knows. Is the book dangerous? Is it worth reading? Beneth Jones, the wife of Bob Jones III, wrote ten books. Thousands of people came to Bob Jones …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 9th January 2020 ♦ 32 Comments
Lundy Bancroft’s Peak Living Network has many principles that run counter to God’s Word. By now it’s no secret that there are warnings on the Internet – including on our blog dating back to 2017 (here) – about attending Lundy Bancroft’s healing retreats. If any reader has any firsthand knowledge of behavior by him that …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 23rd July 2019 ♦ 18 Comments
There are many labels used to pathologise, blame and discredit victims: Stockholm Syndrome battered women’s syndrome learned helplessness codependency traumatic bonding re-enactment of trauma repetition compulsion women choose abusive men women unconsciously attract abusive men The concept of “Stockholm Syndrome” has become a ‘received truth’ in the mental health field. It shifts the focus away …
The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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