Barbara Roberts ♦ 9th January 2020 ♦ 32 Comments
Lundy Bancroft’s Peak Living Network has many principles that run counter to God’s Word. By now it’s no secret that there are warnings on the Internet – including on our blog dating back to 2017 (here) – about attending Lundy Bancroft’s healing retreats. If any reader has any firsthand knowledge of behavior by him that …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 25th October 2019 ♦ 4 Comments
The Bible says that we can be blinded by Satan and by other human beings. Some of the humans who blind us are consciously working for Satan. Some of the humans who blind us are unconsciously working for Satan. Perhaps they have to some degree been blinded by other humans who are consciously working for …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 14th October 2019 ♦ 16 Comments
The choices a group / group leader makes can bring the group into even more blindness. This is Part 4 of a series addressing the questions: Are abusers spiritually blind? (Or psychologically blind, which is pretty much the same thing.) Are abusers deceived? If they are deceived, to what extent have they been deceived by …
Guest ♦ 24th June 2019 ♦ 24 Comments
Julie Cleaveland was married to a very wicked man. When she sought help from her church, she got the usual bad treatments. She published this letter to her former church leaders to highlight the bias in their thinking. Dear Former Church Leaders, I was surprised to hear that your head pastor and you parted ways …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 17th May 2019 ♦ 2 Comments
For centuries Jewish religious leaders have insisted that in order for a divorce to be legal, the husband must write a certificate of divorce. The essential words in the certificate were “You are free to marry any man”. Jews call this divorce certificate a ‘get’ – it is a Hebrew word unrelated to our English …
Guest ♦ 9th May 2019 ♦ 207 Comments
We have expressions and sayings in our language that contain rare wisdom otherwise known as Common Sense. “Too many chiefs and not enough indians”, in explanation of why the project fell apart (assuming it ever got started) is one. “Too many cooks spoil the broth” is another – it expresses the failure of a project …
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The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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