Guest Post ♦ 5th June 2019 ♦ 87 Comments
A guest post by Valerie Jacobsen. Misogynistic bias is a real thing, and it is very obvious here. Painfully obvious. Jay Adams is TEACHING counselors to side with male abusers and against female victims. He is TEACHING them to overlook crimes. So, if you have ever been in nouthetic counseling or “biblical” counseling and have …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 6th March 2019 ♦ 61 Comments
I know many victims and victim-advocates have found Diane Langberg’s work valuable. In her counseling, public speaking and writing she is raising awareness about abuse. She is reaching conservative leaders and she’s trained many counselors and church-goers about how to identify and respond to abuse, trauma and narcissistic leadership. Diane is one of the training …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 19th November 2018 ♦ 62 Comments
Transcript of video I want to thank all the people who have encouraged me and given me fair criticism over the last few weeks. I have really appreciated your emails, phone calls, messages and comments.¹ In the last few months I’ve been helping several victims of abuse get safe from serious abuse. And at the …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 20th September 2018 ♦ 48 Comments
One reason why the visible church is such an abuser-friendly environment is that the visible church has many people in it who are not born again. People who have not been saved. People who do not know Jesus. Some of those people who are not born again think they are Christians and are doing their …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 27th April 2018 ♦ 19 Comments
…there is a correlation between Calvinism and domestic violence. .. It is not Calvinism per se but mostly males who use Calvinism’s hierarchical theories and sovereignty theories to perform and justify behaviors. – Scot McKnight, reporting the findings of recent research into Domestic Violence Myth Acceptance (DVMA) and how that correlates with religiousness and particular types …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 16th April 2018 ♦ 26 Comments
Men who abuse women tend to target women who are: weighed down with sins led astray by their desires/passions/feelings always learning and never able to come to a knowledge of the truth ‘little women’ (the Greek is a single word which is the diminutive of women) That’s what the Bible says in 2 Timothy 3:6-7. This …
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The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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