Barbara Roberts ♦ 25th October 2019 ♦ 4 Comments
The Bible says that we can be blinded by Satan and by other human beings. Some of the humans who blind us are consciously working for Satan. Some of the humans who blind us are unconsciously working for Satan. Perhaps they have to some degree been blinded by other humans who are consciously working for …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 14th October 2019 ♦ 13 Comments
The choices a group / group leader makes can bring the group into even more blindness. This is Part 4 of a series addressing the questions: Are abusers spiritually blind? (Or psychologically blind, which is pretty much the same thing.) Are abusers deceived? If they are deceived, to what extent have they been deceived by …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 8th October 2019 ♦ 28 Comments
The choices a person makes can bring the person into even more blindness. This is Part 3 of a series addressing the questions: Are abusers spiritually blind? (Or psychologically blind, which is pretty much the same thing.) Are abusers deceived? If they are deceived, to what extent have they been deceived by others and to …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 30th September 2019 ♦ 55 Comments
We are all born spiritually dead because we all inherit the sin nature of Adam. This is Part 2 of a series on Blindness and Deception. Read Part 1 here. Part 1 is an introduction and digest for the series: it will have links to all parts in this series as they are published. The …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 26th September 2019 ♦ 7 Comments
This is part 1 of a 6 part series on Spiritual Blindness and Deception. Are abusers spiritually blind? (Or psychologically blind, which is pretty much the same thing.) Are abusers deceived? If they are deceived, to what extent have they been deceived by others and to what extent have they deceived themselves? These questions about …
Guest ♦ 5th June 2019 ♦ 87 Comments
A guest post by Valerie Jacobsen. Misogynistic bias is a real thing, and it is very obvious here. Painfully obvious. Jay Adams is TEACHING counselors to side with male abusers and against female victims. He is TEACHING them to overlook crimes. So, if you have ever been in nouthetic counseling or “biblical” counseling and have …
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The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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