A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

Tag Archives: language of abusers

Messages used by psychological abusers — domestic abusers and governments

In psychological abuse, the abuser conveys messages in order to steer and control the feelings, thinking and behaviour of his target. This article compares messages used by domestic abusers with messages used by governments and corporate media. Understanding the similarities and parallels may help you make sense of the confusion that is around you.  We …

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Discerning the difference between a victim and a liar: lessons from “Pride and Prejudice”

Most abusers claim to be victims. This is one of the reasons why genuine victims are often disbelieved when they disclose the abuse. When both spouses are claiming to be victims, church leaders often find it hard to tell who is lying. It’s a dilemma for the church leaders, and it’s devastating for the genuine …

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Psychopathic reasoning and Malachi’s rebuke of the priests

[August 20, 2022: There have been some changes made to this post. For more information, read the Editors’ notes at the bottom of the post. Editors.] The arrogant start with the false premise that service to God has to bring them worldly rewards. Once you accept that false premise, there is a certain logic to …

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Apologies—the good and the bad. Wade Mullen’s wisdom from observing institutional apologies.

Fake apologies employ self-justification. They appease just enough to quell resistance. They excuse the abusers and condemn the victims. Real apologies involve surrender, confession, recognition and empathy. What I’ve Observed When Institutions Try to Apologize and How They Can Do Better by Wade Mullen. Too often the words “We are sorry” are casually offered and …

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She nags me! – what the abuser means when he says that

“She nags me” means she presses me to accept my responsibilities. If you ask an abuser to fulfil his responsibilities, you are not being controlling. You are not abusing the perpetrator when you ask him to accept his responsibilities. You are being a reasonable adult human being. You are simply calling on him to be …

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5. Chris Moles sometimes endorses the abuser’s narrative

Chris Moles uses some wording that can endorse the abuser’s narrative. I will give three examples of this. Chris’s language permits the abuser to evade responsibility for his wrong choices. Chris wrote a blog post aimed at abusive men – ‘Telling The Truth To Yourself’ (T*). In that post he used some language that in my view …

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