Barbara Roberts ♦ 13th December 2021 ♦ 6 Comments
[August 18, 2022: There have been some changes made to this post. For more information, read the Editors’ notes at the bottom of the post. Editors.] If you feel like you are walking on eggshells… ….you may be suffering from domestic abuse, which is persistent or recurrent behaviour by an intimate partner that causes physical, …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 7th May 2021 ♦ Leave a comment
Here are the six posts in my series Joseph Tested His Brothers. The story of Joseph testing his brothers illustrates how to test whether an abuser has truly reformed, and how to discern true reformation from pseudo-reformation. 1. Joseph tested his brothers by falsely accusing them 2. The second test Joseph gave his brothers 3. Reconciled with …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 24th March 2021 ♦ 15 Comments
Update: I have altered this post after receiving constructive criticism from Sister. I no longer agree with everything I wrote in the first version but am keeping the first version in the public domain as a PDF (link). It can also be found at the Web Archive — Barbara Roberts, April 16th, 2021 *** Joseph’s …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 17th March 2021 ♦ 1 Comment
After their father died, the ten older brothers were afraid of Joseph’s anger. This post explores why. It also discusses the value of comprehensive horizontal confession: confessing in detail to the person we have hurt exactly how we sinned against them. (Gen 50:14-15) After Joseph buried his father, he returned to Egypt with his brothers …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 2nd March 2021 ♦ 3 Comments
Joseph would have been glad to see his older brothers again, but he still did not know how far he could trust them. In order to test them he had set them up with charges of theft (see part 2 of this series). Now he needed to see how they would respond. (Gen 44:14 -16 …
Guest ♦ 14th April 2020 ♦ 49 Comments
[July 25, 2022: There have been some changes made to this post. For more information, read the Editors’ notes at the bottom of the post. Editors.] Salvation is much mis-taught and misunderstood in Christendom. ABUSERS who claim to be Christians could be roughly divided into two groups: the ones who genuinely think they are Christians, …
The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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