Barbara Roberts ♦ 18th March 2020 ♦ 20 Comments
[July 21, 2022: There have been some changes made to this post. For more information, read the Editors’ notes at the bottom of the post. Editors.] If someone is diagnosed with a ‘personality disorder’ or a ‘mental health disorder’ – does that mean that person has a deficit? Does it mean that person is deficient? …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 25th March 2019 ♦ 172 Comments
Some victims of domestic abuse find Leslie Vernick’s work helpful; others find it confusing and even dangerous. To illustrate the range of responses that victims have to Leslie’s work, I will be quoting from their comments. Most of my quotes will be excerpts from victims’ comments and I will give links to their original comments …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 18th March 2019 ♦ 48 Comments
[May 17, 2022: There have been some changes made to this post. For more information, read the Editors’ notes at the bottom of the post. Editors.] Alongside each history of abuse, there runs a parallel history of prudent, determined and often creative resistance. This is one of the things I’ve learned from Dr Allan Wade …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 1st March 2019 ♦ 19 Comments
Darby Strickland is helping awaken the church to abuse issues. She is one of the teachers in the free videos which are soon to come out from Church Cares – the SBC’s attempt to start educating the church about how to identify and respond to abuse. In Part 1 of this series I praised the …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 14th September 2016 ♦ 60 Comments
IMPORTANT UPDATE In a recent article, “The Meaning of Hebrew תשׁוקה,” Journal of Semitic Studies 61 (2016):365-387, Andrew A. Macintosh did a thorough study of the word תְּשׁוּקָה (teshûqâ) and came to an interesting conclusion. He said (red emphasis added by me) — In summary, I conclude that ‘desire’ is not a proper rendering of …
twbtc ♦ 18th August 2016 ♦ 12 Comments
At a conference in Sweden, Dr. Allan Wade discusses social responses. In particular in this short video clip he touches on how people who have been abused may be further traumatized by the negative social responses they receive from ‘helping’ professionals, authority figures, family, friends and neighbours. Very often, the social responses an abused person receives from …
The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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