A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

The abuser – at home and in leadership

[August 22, 2022: There have been some changes made to this post. For more information, read the Editors’ notes at the bottom of the post. Editors.]

The abuser contaminates his moral character. Harsh cruelty is the fabric, the warp and weft, of his thoughts. He scorns his marriage promises. If he has a position of authority, he scorns his responsibility to those he leads. Malevolence permeates his thoughts. He engrosses his moral character with wickedness. And if he refuses to set his victims free, his sinfulness is even greater.

Genesis 6:5 comes to mind:

….the LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.  (NKJV)

….the LORD saw that the wickedness of man was increased upon the earth, and that all the imagination and thoughts of his heart was only evil continually,  (MB)

The abuser is filthy, let him be filthy still. He will not reform. Set the oppressed free, so they can grow in holiness.

(Isaiah 21:2  NKJV)  ….The treacherous dealer deals treacherously, and the plunderer plunders….

(Revelation 22:11  NMB)  He who does evil, let him do evil still; and he who is filthy, let him be filthy still; and he who is righteous, let him be more righteous; and he who is holy, let him be more holy.

(Daniel 12:10  CSB)  Many will be purified, cleansed, and refined, but the wicked will act wickedly; none of the wicked will understand, but those who have insight will understand.

Proverbs 26:24 in different versions:

An enemy dissembleth with his lips, and in the mean season he imagineth mischief;  (MB)

He who hates, disguises it with his lips, and lays up deceit within himself.  (NKJV)

A hateful person disguises himself with his speech and harbors deceit within.  (HCSB)

Proverbs 13:2b in different versions:

….the soul of the unfaithful feeds on violence.  (NKJV)

….treacherous people have an appetite for violence.  (CSB)

….he that hath a froward mind shall be spoiled.  (MB)
[froward means stubbornly contrary and disobedient; obstinate]

Note: MB is the Matthew Bible, not the New Mathew Bible.

[August 22, 2022: Editors’ notes:

—For some comments made prior to August 22, 2022 that quoted from the post, the text in the comment that was quoted from the post might no longer be an exact match.
—For some comments made prior to August 22, 2022 that quoted from the post, the text in the comment that was quoted from the post might no longer be found in the post.
If you would like to compare the text in the comments made prior to August 22, 2022 that quoted from the post to the post as it is now (August 22, 2022), click here [Internet Archive link] for the most recent Internet Archive copy of the post.]


  1. Wendy

    I was in a very emotionally abusive marriage for 35 years to a “godly” man. When it finally turned physically abusive & I got a fist in my face, I woke up. It took a year after the fist, but one day God revealed the abuse to me & it was like a light bulb turning on.

    I felt like a concentration camp victim in the years following, but I also experienced the joy of the Lord beyond my ability to contain. God became my provider in every way when I lost everything….my job, grown kids, grandkids, church, friends & home.

    God has become my “enough” & I now have a job I love. I own my own home. My kids are in my life & my spiritual life is flourishing. I am headed out to another country with a medical mission team to spend my retirement years & hoping to share the love of Jesus with those who have never heard.

    [Light airbrushing of the country done for the safety and protection of the commenter and her family. Editors.]

    • Reaching Out

      Hi Wendy,

      For the safety and protection of you and your family, I have deleted the last name of the screen name you submitted with your comment.

    • Hi, Wendy, thanks for your comment, and welcome to the blog. 🙂

      You mentioned you felt like a concentration camp victim. I think that’s a good description. Don Hennessy, whose work I greatly admire, has lots of experience in counseling women who are being abused by their male partners. He says:

      I find it helpful to remind myself that my client is returning to a prisoner-of-war camp where she is being brainwashed into submission.

      See this post: For professionals who work in Domestic Abuse – (Don Hennessy series part 8).

      I think you would probably like my whole series on Don Hennessy’s work. You can check it out here: Don Hennessy Digest.

  2. Opted Out

    Thank you, Barbara, for this post. It really is THEM, not us. God’s Holy Word shows this. The hard part is discernment because the evildoers are crafty, deceitful, and cunning.

    Thanks for your ministry and work on this blog because it helps so many.

  3. Finding Jesus

    Today I was grocery shopping and I passed an old couple, the man in a scooter and the lady beside him.
    She stated “They are out of the product we usually get”. He looked at me in a mocking hateful voice “It isn’t brain science, if they are out get another brand!” He expected me to join him in his mockery of [his] wife. I looked right at him and shouted “YOU ARE MEAN”!!!. Thank you, Barbara, that I finally can stand up to all abusers, including my “nice” one and tell them just the way it is. She didn’t say a word or change the look on her face (practice I am sure). I just hope it helped a fellow victim know that it isn’t okay no matter how much they say it is.

    • What an encouraging story, Finding Jesus. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

  4. Karen

    @Finding Jesus

    Good for you in standing up to evil. Evil heart equals evil lips. If that is the behavior of the man in public, what is his behavior towards his wife at home? Possibly far, far worse?

    I appreciate your courage in standing up for the least of these in your encounter, and for sharing your truth here.

    • Finding Jesus

      Upon reflection I noticed how physically ugly that man was. His meanness made his face all wrinkled and screwed up. I am sure when he looked at me it was some kind of spiritual assault. Ha Ha. I fooled him. I always pray now before I go out. I have been abused enough. Thank God I can finally put on the whole Armour of God.

      • James

        Somebody famous (and I can’t remember who) once said, “God gives us our face but we make our mouth”.
        I have found it to be pretty true.

      • I’ve never heard that saying before! It rings true. Thank you, James. 🙂

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