Barbara Roberts ♦ 25th April 2020 ♦ 47 Comments
“Keep your focus at the foot of the cross” is often dished out by those who consider themselves Christians. It’s a common mantra in Christianese. It’s used by accredited Christian counselors, church leaders, pew warmers, tin-pot evangelists… you name it. The saying is easy to learn and repeat parrot fashion, like a mantra. Or like …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 18th April 2020 ♦ 16 Comments
Have you been told to submit to church elders? Have you heard the ‘rule’ that we must obey church leaders? What is the basis for this ‘rule’ that you, as a professing Christian, must (must) obey church elders? Definition of terms…so we all start on the same page. I will be using the term ‘elders’ …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 23rd March 2020 ♦ 13 Comments
Domestic abuse and family violence are bound to increase because of the new laws and policies that have been put in place. Many victims of abuse are stuck at home with their abusers because of lockdowns of non-essential services, people being urged to work from home, and people being ordered or choosing to self-isolate in …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 17th January 2020 ♦ 5 Comments
Interview of Barbara Roberts, by Out Of The Gate. If you want to only watch the part where I talk about my work on domestic abuse — i.e. my book Not Under Bondage and the A Cry For Justice blog — go to 24:37 in the video. Who runs Out Of The Gate? Tye is …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 3rd December 2019 ♦ 33 Comments
Wayne Grudem used to say there were only two biblically-sanctioned grounds for divorce: adultery and desertion by an unbeliever (based on Matt. 19:9 and 1 Cor. 7:15). His counsel for abuse was to provide protection, church discipline, possible separation, but not divorce.¹ He has now had changed his mind. Let me quote from his paper …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 24th November 2019 ♦ 16 Comments
Don’t get too excited if a church apologises to abuse victims and runs an ‘awareness program’ about abuse. This post is a head’s up to those who might be getting hopeful about the churches that are running ‘abuse awareness programs’ these days. It is a re-working of an old post of mine. First I’m going …
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The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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