Barbara Roberts ♦ 27th May 2022 ♦ 93 Comments
I have decided to give up writing for the public. I made this decision about 3 a.m. on Friday 22 April. I had been very depressed and suffering from high anxiety and insomnia for weeks, if not months, before I made the decision. I had also been battling suicide. That night it became really clear …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 28th January 2022 ♦ 28 Comments
What a week! The automatic spam filter used by WordPress suspended this blog for about 24 hours. I contacted WordPress to ask them why they had suspended the blog. Many hours later they emailed me saying it was an accident and they reinstated the blog. I’ve known for a long time that WordPress’s spam filter …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 16th April 2021
I have updated my post Joseph’s treatment of his brothers — reflections and applications. Click that link to read the updated version. I altered the post after receiving constructive criticism from one of my readers. The address (the URL) of the post is unchanged. I am taking a partial break for the next couple of weeks. …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 22nd January 2021 ♦ 28 Comments
Last year I promised to revise my book Not Under Bondage and publish the revised version in paperback, e-book and audio-book formats. I have made substantial progress but am still some way from publishing the revised version. I apologise for the delay. I got sidetracked and slowed down by Covid (didn’t we all?) and I …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 30th June 2020 ♦ 18 Comments
[August 13, 2022: There have been some changes made to this post. For more information, read the Editors’ notes at the bottom of the post. Editors.] [Update added August 13, 2022. Barb won’t be writing a revised edition of Not Under Bondage: Biblical Divorce for Abuse, Adultery and Desertion. For more information, please read her …
The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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