Barbara Roberts ♦ 12th June 2020 ♦ 24 Comments
Society and especially the churches are in perilous times. It is imperative to understand what can happen when evildoers are controlling the masses. A brief review of Part 1 and Part 2 of this series: There are three kinds of people: Sheep, Shepherds and Wolves. Shepherds are focused on caring for the sheep. Shepherds are …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 28th May 2020 ♦ 47 Comments
Discerning good leaders from incompetent / bad leaders is vital in these perilous times. This is Part 2 of a 3-part series. Part 1 Part 3 In Part 1, I set out some basic differences between good leaders (true under-shepherds) and hirelings. Sooner or later, hirelings will abandon the sheep to the wolves. All true …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 18th May 2020 ♦ 62 Comments
Society and especially the churches are in perilous times. Therefore it’s imperative to discern the difference between shepherds and wolves. There are three types of people in the church, as there are elsewhere. That’s a generalisation, but it can help us understand life. In Christian terms, those three types are Sheep, Shepherds and Wolves. This …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 27th May 2019 ♦ 71 Comments
Have you ever sat through a sermon by a pastor and felt like he was behaving more like the coach of a male sports team than a pastor? Have you ever sat under a pastor whose tone was hectoring—who sprinkled his sermon with lots of forceful ‘shoulds’ about what you should be thinking, feeling and …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 20th September 2018 ♦ 48 Comments
One reason why the visible church is such an abuser-friendly environment is that the visible church has many people in it who are not born again. People who have not been saved. People who do not know Jesus. Some of those people who are not born again think they are Christians and are doing their …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 8th September 2018 ♦ 3 Comments
I’ve been reading about the Thomas Chantry trial at Thou Art the Man, and the shameful cover-ups of his abuse of young boys. Such a similar story to so many others, so many broken lives, so many years, so much harm, so much evil behavior from those who claim to represent Christ. That, and an unrelated …
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The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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