Barbara Roberts ♦ 8th October 2019 ♦ 28 Comments
The choices a person makes can bring the person into even more blindness. This is Part 3 of a series addressing the questions: Are abusers spiritually blind? (Or psychologically blind, which is pretty much the same thing.) Are abusers deceived? If they are deceived, to what extent have they been deceived by others and to …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 26th September 2019 ♦ 7 Comments
This is part 1 of a 7 part series on Spiritual Blindness and Deception. Are abusers spiritually blind? (Or psychologically blind, which is pretty much the same thing.) Are abusers deceived? If they are deceived, to what extent have they been deceived by others and to what extent have they deceived themselves? These questions about …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 8th April 2019 ♦ 76 Comments
Zephaniah 3:1-5 Woe to the city that is rebellious and defiled, the oppressive city! 2 She has not obeyed; she has not accepted discipline. She has not trusted in the Lord; she has not drawn near to her God. 3 The princes within her are roaring lions; her judges are wolves of the night, which leave nothing …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 25th March 2019 ♦ 171 Comments
Some victims of domestic abuse find Leslie Vernick’s work helpful; others find it confusing and even dangerous. To illustrate the range of responses that victims have to Leslie’s work, I will be quoting from their comments. Most of my quotes will be excerpts from victims’ comments and I will give links to their original comments …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 6th March 2019 ♦ 61 Comments
I know many victims and victim-advocates have found Diane Langberg’s work valuable. In her counseling, public speaking and writing she is raising awareness about abuse. She is reaching conservative leaders and she’s trained many counselors and church-goers about how to identify and respond to abuse, trauma and narcissistic leadership. Diane is one of the training …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 3rd February 2019 ♦ 7 Comments
The desire of the righteous is only good, But the expectation of the wicked is wrath. Proverbs 11:23 (NKJ) The righteous want peace, mutual respect, and safety. The wicked covertly stir things up by manipulating other people to become enraged at each other. Having sowed the seeds of the conflict, the wicked one walks away …
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The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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