Barbara Roberts ♦ 19th October 2020 ♦ 10 Comments
The abuser contaminates his moral character. Harsh cruelty is the fabric, the warp and weft, of his thoughts. He scorns his marriage promises. If he has a position of authority, he scorns his responsibility to those he leads. Malevolence permeates his thoughts. He engrosses his moral character with wickedness. And if he refuses to set …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 28th August 2020 ♦ 8 Comments
The arrogant start with the false premise that service to God has to bring them worldly rewards. Once you accept that false premise, there is a certain logic to their reasoning. Psychopaths are incapable of doing good. They are driven to cause harm – evil. They believe that whatever they do is good, therefore they …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 18th March 2020 ♦ 20 Comments
If someone is diagnosed with a ‘personality disorder’ or a ‘mental health disorder’ – does that mean that person has a deficit? Does it mean that person is deficient? Should that person be excused? Should that person be given compassionate help and assistance? Mental health professionals use terms like ‘disorder’ and ‘personality disorder’ very inconsistently. …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 8th October 2019 ♦ 28 Comments
The choices a person makes can bring the person into even more blindness. This is Part 3 of a series addressing the questions: Are abusers spiritually blind? (Or psychologically blind, which is pretty much the same thing.) Are abusers deceived? If they are deceived, to what extent have they been deceived by others and to …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 26th September 2019 ♦ 7 Comments
This is part 1 of a 7 part series on Spiritual Blindness and Deception. Are abusers spiritually blind? (Or psychologically blind, which is pretty much the same thing.) Are abusers deceived? If they are deceived, to what extent have they been deceived by others and to what extent have they deceived themselves? These questions about …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 8th April 2019 ♦ 76 Comments
Zephaniah 3:1-5 Woe to the city that is rebellious and defiled, the oppressive city! 2 She has not obeyed; she has not accepted discipline. She has not trusted in the Lord; she has not drawn near to her God. 3 The princes within her are roaring lions; her judges are wolves of the night, which leave nothing …
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The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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