Barbara Roberts ♦ 18th March 2020 ♦ 20 Comments
If someone is diagnosed with a ‘personality disorder’ or a ‘mental health disorder’ – does that mean that person has a deficit? Does it mean that person is deficient? Should that person be excused? Should that person be given compassionate help and assistance? Mental health professionals use terms like ‘disorder’ and ‘personality disorder’ very inconsistently. …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 9th January 2020 ♦ 32 Comments
Lundy Bancroft’s Peak Living Network has many principles that run counter to God’s Word. By now it’s no secret that there are warnings on the Internet – including on our blog dating back to 2017 (here) – about attending Lundy Bancroft’s healing retreats. If any reader has any firsthand knowledge of behavior by him that …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 26th September 2019 ♦ 7 Comments
This is part 1 of a 7 part series on Spiritual Blindness and Deception. Are abusers spiritually blind? (Or psychologically blind, which is pretty much the same thing.) Are abusers deceived? If they are deceived, to what extent have they been deceived by others and to what extent have they deceived themselves? These questions about …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 11th July 2019 ♦ 28 Comments
Your platitudes are proverbs of ashes (Job 13:12a) Domestic abuse victims frequently find themselves misunderstood by those from whom they seek support. Such interchanges can be extremely distressing for victims — they feel at a loss as to how to respond to the attitude of the supporter. Frequently supporters don’t mean to hurt; it happens …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 13th March 2019 ♦ 47 Comments
You may be wondering why I am publicly articulating my concerns about various abuse advocates. I have searched my heart and don’t think I’m motivated by self conceit or sour grapes or a desire to be combative. And I certainly don’t do it because I relish being reprimanded on social media! I do it because …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 6th February 2018 ♦ 24 Comments
1 Don Hennessy says domestic abusers are like pedophiles – and there’s not much proof they’re redeemable. 2 “How He Gets Into Her Head” — an introduction to Don Hennessy’s book 3 How the male intimate abuser selects, sets-up & grooms a target woman 4 The male domestic abuser is a ‘psychephile’ — a sexual …
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The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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