Guest ♦ 2nd May 2021 ♦ 3 Comments
This post from James started out as private correspondence (which I, Barb, was privy to) between James and a mutual friend of ours. It focussed on “Power corrupts”, what gets corrupted and how. When politicians and pastors exercise extreme control, they use their authority to mislead, coerce, micro-manage and oppress people. In this post, James …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 11th December 2020 ♦ 12 Comments
Don Hennessy’s new book, How He Wins: Abusive Intimate Partners Going Free [*Affiliate link], addresses a world-wide problem: Our failure to reduce the level of male intimate abuse. We’ve all heard the terms ‘domestic abuse’ and ‘domestic violence’. When a man perpetrates abuse on his female intimate partner, Don Hennessy calls that male intimate abuse. …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 30th July 2020 ♦ 12 Comments
a) Male abuse and violence against women b) Mental health and mental illness These are big topics which intersect in complex ways. Violence against women and mental health is a research paper that examines the way that mental health intersects with trauma, complex trauma, disability, coercive control, access to justice and parenting. The paper is …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 19th June 2020 ♦ 18 Comments
Here is a way to identify whether someone is a genuine shepherd or a hireling-cum-wolf. Ask yourself, “Is this person pounding the facts? Or are they just pounding the witness or pounding the table?” This post is a recapitulation and coda to Part 3 of my series about Sheep, Shepherds and Wolves. The questions in …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 28th August 2019 ♦ 17 Comments
Australia is not the only place where children are being forced to have contact with abusers by the legal system. Caution: For some readers, some of the linked articles may be triggering. What is the so-called evangelical church doing about any of this? I answer that ^ question at the bottom of this post. I …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 17th January 2019 ♦ 13 Comments
We love our readers to share their own experiences so that others can benefit. To get the ball rolling, here is what three of our readers have said about the pros & cons of getting protection orders, and tips for those who have not done it before. Protection order legislation varies from state to state. …
The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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