Barbara Roberts ♦ 11th February 2020 ♦ 62 Comments
Many people behave unethically when they are instructed to do so by what they perceive as a legitimate authority figure. If you have suffered abuse, whether it be emotional, spiritual, psychological, physical or sexual abuse, you might be asking “How can someone be so cruel?” The Milgram Experiment and the Stanford Prison Experiment have shown …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 12th August 2019 ♦ 34 Comments
“Blood is thicker than water” is often used to coerce victims of abuse to comply with the sinful beliefs and behaviour patterns within a family system. It is used to intimidate and extract loyalty from a member of the family whose conscience is more active and biblically guided than the rest of the family – …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 14th January 2019 ♦ 7 Comments
To seek a protection order from the court is not a sin. A victim of abuse does not go against biblical principles by seeking a protection order from the secular justice system, even if the abuser professes to be a believer. The “do not take a brother to court” principle from 1 Corinthians 6 must …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 8th March 2018 ♦ 25 Comments
Every survivor’s story can encourage and empower other survivors of abuse. Victims feel they are not so alone when they hear the raw, real accounts from other survivors. Three survivors of domestic abuse told their stories to Ray D’Arcy who is an Irish radio show presenter. Ray D’Arcy then sought comment from Don Hennessy and …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 22nd February 2018 ♦ 21 Comments
The skilled offender becomes progressively more abusive the longer he maintains control over his target woman. This is a truth universally acknowledged by those who have professional or long-term personal experience in the dynamics of domestic abuse. For their hearts are like an oven As they approach their plotting; Their anger smolders all night, In the morning it …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 19th February 2018 ♦ 26 Comments
The man who abuses his female partner is a skilled and very devious sexual offender who uses his psychephile skills to select a target woman, set her up, befriend her mind, and groom her. As his grooming tactics are progressing successfully he starts to offend on her sexually. After offending, he re-grooms her…in order to …
The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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