Dr George Simon on Abuse, Narcissism, Predators, Character, Culture and Religion

Dr George Simon is an internationally recognised expert on manipulators and other problem characters and he’s been a clinical psychologist for over 45 years.
Watch my interview with Dr Simon.

Chapters

00:00 Intro
Listening to victims of abuse, Dr Simon learnt that our dominant paradigms misperceive abusers in their character, motivations and MO.
The methods we have for dealing with abusers are woefully inadequate.

04:52 How “In Sheep’s Clothing” changed the lives of its readers.
It described the ‘made to feel crazy’ feeling that we now call gaslighting. It told victims they were not crazy.

07:50 The importance of character.
Writing In Sheep’s Clothing validated for Dr Simon the importance of character, and why people have difficulty discerning another person’s capacity to truly love them.

12:15 Writing “Essentials for the Journey”.
In labouring to make every word true and accurate, the words and actions of Jesus came alive for Dr Simon in a way that he can’t describe.

13:50 Listening to clients is more than listening to their words.
Notice what they say, and what they don’t say. Notice their body language — what they do, and what they don’t do.

17:30 Narcissism: origin of the term, different types and degrees.

22:55 Mental health professionals use psychological terms far too loosely.

25:27 Malignant narcissists.
Some malignant narcissists are predators. A predator establishes the relationship for the purposes of exploitation or victimisation. Men who abuse their female intimate partners are predators. (We didn’t discuss female predators in this video.)

33:41 If you try to teach empathy to predators they become even better predators.
When a person has an almost irrational sense of grandiosity/superiority and believes they are entitled to prey, that makes for a really bad combination.

37:26 Predators can barely even conceive of a higher power, let alone subordinating their heart to a higher power.

42:01 Differentiating malignant narcissism from autism.
Having an empathy deficit that is biologically conferred doesn’t mean the person will become a malignant narcissist. Both autistics and non-autistics can lack empathy, and have difficulty empathising with each other! High danger is when a person has both an empathy deficit (they’re cold hearted, they can’t feel regard for you), and a lack of adaptive fearlessness (they don’t hesitate to do whatever they please with you).

47:13 The epidemic of character disturbance.
When character disturbance increases, this leads to cultural decline. It’s a vicious cycle. Dr Simon thinks we’re on the precipice of a really bad time, but he has hope.

56:03 Our major religious disciplines have failed to do their primary job.
Their primary job is to facilitate the conversion of human hearts. The word metanoia (often translated ‘repent’) actually means be of a new mind in the junction of the brain and the heart.

1:07:52 Shame and guilt. Healthy shame vs. toxic shame.
Healthy shaming can be done directly, or indirectly.
Barbara is more direct in her approach. Dr Simon is more indirect, more invitational, in his approach.

1:26:13 Upcoming books by Dr Simon
– Taking Jesus Seriously
– You Are Not Who You Think You Are: And This is Not What You Think it is

Ideas mentioned in the video

Don Hennessy’s work on men who abuse their female intimate partners

Persistent Predatory Personalities — Dr Karen Mitchell kalmor.com.au

Double Empathy Problem – Dr Damian Milton
Autistic people experience and express empathy differently to non-autistic people. This creates a lack of understanding between the two groups. 5 min video on the Double Empathy Problem