Barbara Roberts ♦ 12th August 2019 ♦ 34 Comments
“Blood is thicker than water” is often used to coerce victims of abuse to comply with the sinful beliefs and behaviour patterns within a family system. It is used to intimidate and extract loyalty from a member of the family whose conscience is more active and biblically guided than the rest of the family – …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 17th May 2019 ♦ 2 Comments
For centuries Jewish religious leaders have insisted that in order for a divorce to be legal, the husband must write a certificate of divorce. The essential words in the certificate were “You are free to marry any man”. Jews call this divorce certificate a ‘get’ – it is a Hebrew word unrelated to our English …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 1st February 2019 ♦ 4 Comments
Puzzling passages in the New Testament are illuminated by the notes which are in the October Testament. The October Testament is the New Testament of the New Matthew Bible; it is published by Baruch House Publishing. I’ve been reading my copy of the October Testament for many months now and I can assure you that …
Guest ♦ 19th December 2018 ♦ 28 Comments
You can press my buttons You can hurl your vile threats You can slander me in public You can beat me til I’m just like death. But I never said a word I cried myself to sleep And when I hustled a little strength I resisted without sin Yes I may have lost my temper …
Guest ♦ 13th August 2018 ♦ 54 Comments
I grew up in a Christian home. I should clarify, my mother’s faith was always an inspiration to me, but all I saw with my father’s so-called faith was hypocrisy and using the Bible as a weapon against others. Then one day, my mother came to me weeping over my father’s actions towards her. She …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 6th July 2018 ♦ 12 Comments
I honor Chris Moles for how he deals with the gender issues in domestic abuse. Here are five good things he says on gender and gender differences. 1. He says that men are much less likely than women to live in fear. He rightly points out that a man can do certain behaviors to his …
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The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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