Barbara Roberts ♦ 1st September 2021 ♦ 2 Comments
“Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn, Feign, Flirt” — these are some of the ways recipients of abuse might respond to their abusers. In his post Separation from my body to escape suffering, Gary Pfeifer talks about this. If any readers think that recipients of abuse are silly or stupid for responding to abuse by fawning, feigning …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 7th March 2021 ♦ 2 Comments
A list of all the posts in my series “Is it always sinful to tell an untruth?” If I ever get the time to write more posts in this series, I will add them to this list. 1. Is it always sinful to tell an untruth? 2. When is it okay to not tell the truth? 3. Contriving …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 6th November 2020 ♦ 18 Comments
The translation and application of Malachi 2:16 is very significant when dealing with domestic abuse. I have published a paper Malachi 2:16, ancient versions and English translations, and how they apply to domestic abuse. The paper examines and compares the ancient textual witnesses to that verse, how the verse has been variously translated into English, …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 26th September 2020 ♦ 22 Comments
Many Christians believe that God hates divorce. This mistaken idea comes from mis-translations of Malachi 2:16. I have been rebutting the idea that ‘God hates divorce’ since 2008. I wrote about it in my book Not Under Bondage. I am in the process of revising my book and the chapter on Malachi will be entirely …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 17th July 2020 ♦ 19 Comments
Like a man in prison ever desires to be delivered, whether he be eating or drinking or sleeping, and like someone who is sick desires always to be whole, so every true Christian prays continually – yea, even when he seems not to pray. For prayer consists not in much babbling (Matthew 6:7) but in …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 12th August 2019 ♦ 34 Comments
“Blood is thicker than water” is often used to coerce victims of abuse to comply with the sinful beliefs and behaviour patterns within a family system. It is used to intimidate and extract loyalty from a member of the family whose conscience is more active and biblically guided than the rest of the family – …
The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
Recent Comments