Barbara Roberts ♦ 12th January 2021 ♦ 1 Comment
Rebecca Davis asked a good question: Do you know anyone who grew up in a home that claimed to be a “Biblical patriarchal” home that was happy and healthy, with parents who loved and respected each other and in which the children grew up to be whole and well-functioning adults? Rebecca asked this question on …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 7th January 2021 ♦ 2 Comments
An ACFJ reader has asked me to seek comments on Beneth Jones’s book “Ribbing Him Rightly”. The book was given to a young engaged woman this ACFJ reader knows. Is the book dangerous? Is it worth reading? Beneth Jones, the wife of Bob Jones III, wrote ten books. Thousands of people came to Bob Jones …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 11th December 2020 ♦ 12 Comments
Don Hennessy’s new book, How He Wins: Abusive Intimate Partners Going Free, addresses a world-wide problem: Our failure to reduce the level of male intimate abuse. We’ve all heard the terms ‘domestic abuse’ and ‘domestic violence’. When a man perpetrates abuse on his female intimate partner, Don Hennessy calls that male intimate abuse. The most …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 6th November 2020 ♦ 18 Comments
The translation and application of Malachi 2:16 is very significant when dealing with domestic abuse. I have published a paper Malachi 2:16, ancient versions and English translations, and how they apply to domestic abuse. The paper examines and compares the ancient textual witnesses to that verse, how the verse has been variously translated into English, …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 1st November 2020 ♦ 2 Comments
I am publishing this material here because I decided to remove it from the revised edition of my book Not Under Bondage in order to make room for other things. I did not want the revised edition to have more pages than the first edition. To increase the page length would have required an expensive …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 19th October 2020 ♦ 10 Comments
The abuser contaminates his moral character. Harsh cruelty is the fabric, the warp and weft, of his thoughts. He scorns his marriage promises. If he has a position of authority, he scorns his responsibility to those he leads. Malevolence permeates his thoughts. He engrosses his moral character with wickedness. And if he refuses to set …
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The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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