A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

The Sci-Fi Series Part 2: The Wraith

The Wraith are a vampiric hive-based species that harvest the ‘life-force’ of other humanoid beings for nourishment through suckers on their right hand palm. – Wiki

It seems to me that X is part Wraith. Encounters with him leave me feeling like years have been shaved off my life. I didn’t recognize this when we were together. After we separated I went NC (no contact) with him and I started to feel like I could think and function. Then we started talking again and I’d end up feeling like I’d been hit by a truck. I got physically ill! It would take a couple of days to recover from going to dinner with the man.

I wonder why he does this. Does he receive some kind of “nourishment” from seeing me suffer?

So boredom is a constant problem for sociopaths and they have an incessant urge to keep up a high level of stimulation. Even negative stimulation — drama, worry, upset, etc. — is more tolerable to a sociopath than boredom.  – Adam Khan

I don’t know that his goal is to see me suffering. Perhaps he’s only addicted to drama. He did LOVE to get into excessively emotional confrontations with other drivers that didn’t follow his driving code. I think he savors the high that comes from confrontation. I do not. I desire peace. Drama drains my “life-force.” Even now he seems to be on a quest to provoke a response from me. I have minimal contact with him. I guard my responses to keep them all business. I hope that Gray Rocks* do not provide any nourishment for the Wraith in my galaxy.

Psa 120:6-7 Too long have I had my dwelling among those who hate peace. I am for peace, but when I speak, they are for war!

The more I limit contact with X, the healthier I am. In every way. I can think. I can focus. I can enjoy my life! I am learning to think without his critical comments (spoken or unspoken, I was always aware of them)  heckling my ideas. I am learning to focus without being interrupted to tend to his demands. I am learning to enjoy life without having to be hyper-vigilant, constantly patrolling for things that will upset him and invite his wrath. I can simply enjoy my kids, free of worry that they will do something to embarrass him or something that will reveal some deficit in my parenting. Surely the kids have more peace now too. Surely their little hearts were sensitive to his constant state of disapproval.

Have you learned to keep the Wraith in your life from harvesting your life-force?

Want to share your Wraith repelling tips?

Addit from Barb, Nov 2014:  the color is spelled grAy in America, but grEy in England. Go figure! 

 

7 Comments

  1. Brenda R

    I do not answer or return his phone calls. I limit emails to business only. I get a lot of I love, respect and trust you emails now. They always follow the ones that are threatening, accusing, hate filled stuff. Now anything other than essential business goes to the X folder of my email. My counselor says I should change my phone number and email address, but then if something really happens I would not know. There are no young children involved so that is a benefit for me.
    He is seeing a secular counselor or so he says and asked when I will be willing to “try” to talk to him. I hate that word “try”. It has been one of his accusations for years, that I said I would “try” to make our marriage work, which means I do it all and he reaps the benefit. I do as I’m told and all is right for him. Well I can’t make a marriage work by myself and can’t be intimate 5 minutes after he has gone through another of his hateful, accusing rants. I can’t “try” while he breaks every promise and covenant he has made with me. So I said we’ll see in a year. But I was not going to “try” again. No improvement, no reconciliation. I don’t even want one anymore. I am content where God has placed me, but wherever he leads I will go.

  2. When my ex was still communicating with me (when we still had to talk because of child visitation) and he would start criticising / denigrating me, I would stiffen my spine, make my chest like a wall, and say in a firm voice “That’s you’re opinion, but it’s not mine.” And if he persevered in pestering, trying to get me to bite back at his level, or cave in to his belittling, I might give him one warning ( “I’m going to hang up if you continue to speak to me that way”) and if he continued, which he usually would, I’d hang up.

    Zero contact is often the ideal, but when there are kids it’s often not possible.

    When I reached the place in myself where I no longer guilted myself for hanging up the phone on him or doing other things to keep my the wall up, that made a big difference. It was about me expanding and redefining my idea of “good Christian behaviour.” Being a godly woman isn’t only about being ‘nice’ and never offending anyone, never being firm or stern.

    • Brenda R

      Good boundaries not only for what I will accept from others but what I will allow myself helps me to be a better Christian. I believe Jesus set boundaries. I set it over again in scripture. He stood firm and did not waver. These are good things. The way you set the boundary was good. One warning–and we’re done. You stood firm and did not waver. That is a picture of Christ.

    • Here’s a Bible verse that recommends having zero contact with an abuser:

      But the people were silent and answered him not a word, for the king’s command was, “Do not answer him.” (2 Kings 18:36, ESV)

  3. Still Scared( but getting angry)

    His phone numbers are all blocked. All email goes to me and two other friends who have agreed to allow this filth continue in their lives. Same pattern of love, sorry then accusations. I have just over three more years I have to put up with emails!

    • Brenda R

      I’m so sorry. I go through the same cycle. Why do you have to wait? I assume you have minor children involved. I’m praying for you. As soon as the judge signs the papers my email address and phone number are changed, but we have no children. I no longer answer or respond to phone calls, but I have saved a few voice mails for safe keeping. Most emails go straight to a folder in yahoo. I am praying for you. It is good that others are seeing the mails too.

  4. Finding Answers

    I wasn’t consistent in discerning the wraiths in my life…..sometimes I could, sometimes I couldn’t….depending upon the variables involved.

    I evinced a far greater degree of accuracy helping other people identify the wraiths in their own lives….

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