The Gray Rock Method (or, the Grey Rock Method)*
One of our dear readers turned our attention toward this article here:
The Gray Rock Method of Dealing with Psychopaths [Internet Archive link]
Note from Barb Roberts, added 6 Aug 2013 — the author of the article above goes by the name of Skylar on her current blog; we have changed the link at her request so it now goes to her current blog, 180rule.com
Addit from Barb, Nov 2014: the color is spelled grAy in America, but grEy in England. Go figure!
Essentially, the author writes that one way of warding off the attacks of an abuser (particularly one with whom a victim shares custody of children) is to be a “boring person”. To be a gray rock; to be bland. In other words, to have an emotionless affect when an abuser jabs. Many psychopaths, sociopaths or those who are just flat out emotionally draining crave drama. If we do not give into that drama, they will soon lose interest and, perhaps, wander away on their own, eventually looking for a new place to stir up crazy. This method is different than just cutting abusers off. Now, there are times when an abuser needs to be cut off and, if at all possible, please do it. There are other times where it seems impossible, as in joint custody or family issues. The gray rock method may or may not be helpful.
The article makes sense and there is much good to be pulled from it. At the same time, we want to caution readers to recognize that it is not written from a Christian world view. That does not mean there are not some gems in there (as we have seen time and time again from “secular” psychologists and authors). But, there are a few times in reading the article where it is obvious the author may not share the same values as we. We also cannot claim that the gray rock method. will “work”. But, it might. And it is certainly something to explore.
One positive aspect of the gray rock method is that it keeps the victim from feeling powerless or losing control. It may anger the abuser more — for he or she cannot get a “rise” out of the victim — but it may aid in helping the victim to stop feeling so powerless, crazy or out of control.