Barbara Roberts ♦ 18th April 2022 ♦ 7 Comments
Saiko Woods has interviewed me about the church’s responsibility to respond to domestic abuse, and how John MacArthur and Grace Community Church (GCC) treated Eileen Gray and David Gray. In the interview, Saiko asked me six questions. I’ve put time stamps for where each question occurs in the video. What contributing factors were involved in …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 22nd May 2019 ♦ 19 Comments
Rachael suffered sexual abuse as a child, from two male perpetrators. One was a church leader, the other was Dr Larry Nassar who is now in jail for abusing multiple girls in his role as doctor for high level gymnasts. Rachael’s husband, Jacob, is not a survivor of sexual abuse. Rachael and Jacob describe how …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 13th April 2019 ♦ 1 Comment
“Was it really that bad?” “What are the scars?” “Why didn’t you leave?” Australia’s ABC TV has been broadcasting a series called You Can’t Ask That. The series is helping break down misinformation, false concepts and stereotypes. In this episode, survivors of domestic and family violence talk about their experiences. We hear from several different …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 6th October 2018 ♦ 17 Comments
Is there someone in your life who belittles you or who makes you feel like you can never do anything right? Is this abusive? Is someone in your life being aggressive with you? Is this abusive? To understand the signs that there is an abusive person in your life and how should you react as …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 15th June 2018 ♦ 10 Comments
Don Hennessy appears in this Irish documentary which follows 26-year-old Emma Murphy as she tries to use her experience of domestic violence to make a difference. Filmed over two years, Emma undertakes a journey to increase awareness about domestic violence, and encourage other young women to speak out. At 29:16 in the doco, Emma talks …
The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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