Barbara Roberts ♦ 18th June 2021 ♦ 11 Comments
It’s estimated that almost one in 10 Australian women has experienced sexual violence at the hands of the person she’s meant to trust most – her intimate partner. The crime scene may be her own home, her own bed. Intimate Partner Sexual Violence (IPSV) is little understood, with insidious consequences for the women exposed to …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 19th May 2021 ♦ 1 Comment
I recently discovered the blog Tolerant Jesus Meek and Mild. The blogger obviously understands the dynamics of abuse and how the Bible is misinterpreted in ways that enable abusers and encumber the victims of abuse. He or she has been a student at Moody Bible Institute. The posts show a pretty good understanding of what …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 30th June 2020 ♦ 18 Comments
Not Under Bondage: Biblical Divorce for Abuse, Adultery and Desertion will be coming out in a revised edition. It will be in various formats: audio book, paperback and all e-book formats (not just Kindle). Nearly ten years ago a lady emailed me asking if my book was in audio version. The lady was supporting a …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 3rd June 2019 ♦ 2 Comments
Approximately 60% of domestic violence victims stay in abusive relationships because they don’t want to leave their pet behind. 15% return to violent homes because of fear for their animals. Head trauma is one of the most common non-accidental injuries for pets in domestic violence. Dogs are the most common type of animal to be …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 22nd May 2019 ♦ 17 Comments
Rachael suffered sexual abuse as a child, from two male perpetrators. One was a church leader, the other was Dr Larry Nassar who is now in jail for abusing multiple girls in his role as doctor for high level gymnasts. Rachael’s husband, Jacob, is not a survivor of sexual abuse. Rachael and Jacob describe how …
Guest ♦ 3rd May 2019 ♦ 9 Comments
[Trigger warning] From the taste of blood in her mouth to feeling powerless and unable to talk, sexual assault survivor Juliet dreaded annual visits to the dentist. Everything brought back the trauma of the sexual abuse she’d endured from a male relative from the age of three to 14. She would “white knuckle” the dental …
The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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