Barbara Roberts ♦ 25th September 2021 ♦ 8 Comments
Naghmeh Abedini Panahi endured horrific abuse from her husband Saeed, who was a pastor. Like most Christian women who are abused by their husbands, it took Naghmeh many years to realise that she was an abused woman. The purity culture in churches, common misinterpretations of Proverbs 31 and other scriptures, her Iranian cultural background and …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 19th September 2019 ♦ 14 Comments
The bank I used for my everyday banking closed my account. They did this without my permission and without giving me any warning. They did this while I was overseas visiting my daughter. My utility and internet bills were all paid by direct debits from that account. Because the bank closed my account, I was …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 20th September 2018 ♦ 54 Comments
UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, …
Jeff Crippen ♦ 5th March 2012 ♦ 10 Comments
UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, …
The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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