A child who was allied to the abuser but then came back to the non-abusive parent — a post by Cindy Burrell
Cindy Burrell has written a great post over at her blog Verbal and Emotional Abuse.
Seven Long Years is about one of Cindy’s sons and how he became allied with his abusive father and was showing signs of becoming like his father, but eventually saw the light and truly repented. It’s such an encouraging story we wanted to recommend it to our readers.
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- Posted in: Children & extended family
- Tagged: abuser's tactics, awakening moments, boundaries, children, guest post, parenting, repentance, survivors' stories
Excellent story. Excellent outcome. Goes to the point of the post earlier, having to do with how we tell our children what is going on, and what happens if they go with the abuser’s side of things. (How Do I Tell My Children We Are Leaving Daddy?)
I agree, we can only tell the truth in love and allow God to work through all the aspects of what happens. I believe that once our children know the truth for themselves, it will cast out all doubts and they will “come home”.
I was tempted to tell my son, that if his father loved him and was not an abuser, but let’s just say he was telling the truth and that I was an adulteress instead, why did we go hungry, while he was building himself a kingdom? Why didn’t he get help, so he could see him? Why did he take on another woman’s child, but not his own? Why did he not send one gift in 25 years? I could say numerous things like that to my son, but I am so afraid of hurting him with the truth, that I don’t. What’s the point? I want my son whole and healed. So, I just pray and believe that God is able to show him the truth, without my help, unless I can tell the truth, without it causing more injury to my son. My other 5 children have lived their life with an abuser also, and they know it, see it and they know I have done what is best for all of us and that I did not make a decision –ever–, without them and their lives in mind.
Thanks for sharing this link. I think it will give all here, great encouragement and also inspire us to set those boundaries, and uphold them! It pays off for everyone, in the end!
I think walking in truth is what is needed. Loving truth. I have one son who came home after visits horribly nasty and disrespectful. Now after living with his dad for a year, not boing wooed by him and seeing the selfishness without me to take the brunt of it has made him re-evaluate life there. My daughter is still being wooed and right now thinks she can “save” her father. Sigh. My biggest worry is that she looks so much like me when I was her age, the age my ex met me and put me on a pedestal and he doesn’t deny himself anything so …well, possibility of sexual abuse is so real. How to walk that, protect her but not get reported for “parental alienation.”
The only thing I can say now is- Thank-you so much for this post.
Thanks so much for this post!
Hi Lynn, just a tip: I changed your screen name in this comment because you’d given a name based on your email address (not a good idea).
It’s wise to check what is showing in the “Name” field of the comments box, and if necessary change it manually before hitting the ‘Submit’ button.