Guest ♦ 6th April 2013 ♦ 5 Comments
Cindy Burrell has written a great post over at her blog Verbal and Emotional Abuse.
Seven Long Years is about one of Cindy’s sons and how he became allied with his abusive father and was showing signs of becoming like his father, but eventually saw the light and truly repented. It’s such an encouraging story we wanted to recommend it to our readers.
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Barbara Roberts on Debi Pearl’s “Crea… | |
Anonymous on Debi Pearl’s “Crea… | |
Old Timer on Barbara Roberts is giving up w… | |
Finding Answers on A Common Characteristic of an… | |
Barbara Roberts on Wise as Serpents: Does the Chr… | |
Finding Answers on Don’t Waste Your Time Co… | |
Finding Answers on When the “Church”… | |
Barbara Roberts on When the “Church”… | |
![]() | Beware the illusion… on Three Kinds of Forgivenes… |
Finding Answers on When the “Church”… | |
Finding Answers on No Girls Allowed: How Boys… | |
Southern on No Girls Allowed: How Boys… | |
Barbara Roberts on The male domestic abuser is a… | |
Unknown on The male domestic abuser is a… | |
Barbara Roberts on The Trickle-Down Nature of Leg… |
The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
A Cry for Justice is a participant in the Amazon Associates Program. The tiny amount we receive from Amazon helps pay our annual fees to WordPress to ensure the blog is free of ads, and to keep our URL cryingoutforjustice.blog.
Excellent story. Excellent outcome. Goes to the point of the post earlier, having to do with how we tell our children what is going on, and what happens if they go with the abuser’s side of things. (How Do I Tell My Children We Are Leaving Daddy?)
I agree, we can only tell the truth in love and allow God to work through all the aspects of what happens. I believe that once our children know the truth for themselves, it will cast out all doubts and they will “come home”.
I was tempted to tell my son, that if his father loved him and was not an abuser, but let’s just say he was telling the truth and that I was an adulteress instead, why did we go hungry, while he was building himself a kingdom? Why didn’t he get help, so he could see him? Why did he take on another woman’s child, but not his own? Why did he not send one gift in 25 years? I could say numerous things like that to my son, but I am so afraid of hurting him with the truth, that I don’t. What’s the point? I want my son whole and healed. So, I just pray and believe that God is able to show him the truth, without my help, unless I can tell the truth, without it causing more injury to my son. My other 5 children have lived their life with an abuser also, and they know it, see it and they know I have done what is best for all of us and that I did not make a decision –ever–, without them and their lives in mind.
Thanks for sharing this link. I think it will give all here, great encouragement and also inspire us to set those boundaries, and uphold them! It pays off for everyone, in the end!
I think walking in truth is what is needed. Loving truth. I have one son who came home after visits horribly nasty and disrespectful. Now after living with his dad for a year, not boing wooed by him and seeing the selfishness without me to take the brunt of it has made him re-evaluate life there. My daughter is still being wooed and right now thinks she can “save” her father. Sigh. My biggest worry is that she looks so much like me when I was her age, the age my ex met me and put me on a pedestal and he doesn’t deny himself anything so …well, possibility of sexual abuse is so real. How to walk that, protect her but not get reported for “parental alienation.”
The only thing I can say now is- Thank-you so much for this post.
Thanks so much for this post!
Hi Lynn, just a tip: I changed your screen name in this comment because you’d given a name based on your email address (not a good idea).
It’s wise to check what is showing in the “Name” field of the comments box, and if necessary change it manually before hitting the ‘Submit’ button.