Barbara Roberts ♦ 18th April 2022 ♦ 7 Comments
Saiko Woods has interviewed me about the church’s responsibility to respond to domestic abuse, and how John MacArthur and Grace Community Church (GCC) treated Eileen Gray and David Gray. In the interview, Saiko asked me six questions. I’ve put time stamps for where each question occurs in the video. What contributing factors were involved in …
Guest ♦ 4th June 2021 ♦ 3 Comments
Angela Ruth Strong interviewed Barbara Roberts in Dec 2011. Links updated where necessary and a few links added. Material in square brackets added by Barb in 2021. There was actually a time when my ex-husband sent me a list of scripture verses on why I could never remarry. This was a joke coming from him, …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 22nd January 2021 ♦ 28 Comments
Last year I promised to revise my book Not Under Bondage and publish the revised version in paperback, e-book and audio-book formats. I have made substantial progress but am still some way from publishing the revised version. I apologise for the delay. I got sidetracked and slowed down by Covid (didn’t we all?) and I …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 1st November 2020 ♦ 2 Comments
I am publishing this material here because I decided to remove it from the revised edition of my book Not Under Bondage in order to make room for other things. I did not want the revised edition to have more pages than the first edition. To increase the page length would have required an expensive …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 30th June 2020 ♦ 18 Comments
[August 13, 2022: There have been some changes made to this post. For more information, read the Editors’ notes at the bottom of the post. Editors.] [Update added August 13, 2022. Barb won’t be writing a revised edition of Not Under Bondage: Biblical Divorce for Abuse, Adultery and Desertion. For more information, please read her …
The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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