twbtc ♦ 4th October 2014 ♦ 4 Comments
UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 17th September 2014 ♦ 13 Comments
Dr George K Simon Jnr reflected on the Ray Rice affair a few days ago. Simon is a clinical psychologist whose work we often recommend on this blog, His audio broadcast where he shares his thoughts on the Ray Rice affair can be found here.* [This link is broken and there is no replacement. Editors.] He says that …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 20th August 2014 ♦ 30 Comments
Christians, pastors, leaders, and bloggers sometimes talk about the evils of domestic abuse but use illustrations of abuse that are really extreme. For example: “What if a husband was kicking his wife’s teeth down her throat?” That kind of extreme illustration of domestic abuse may briefly arouse the concern of the average bystander who is inexperienced in domestic abuse, but …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 19th August 2014 ♦ 5 Comments
Request for a volunteer or volunteers to take shipment of Barb’s book and deliver it to worthy places in the USA. I have many copies of Not Under Bondage that I got printed back in 2008. They are currently in storage in Melbourne. My father is ailing, and I am being his carer. He offered me some …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 12th July 2014 ♦ 14 Comments
Hey everyone! We have allies in blog land! Check out this post by Savvy Wolfson at Soulation; Internet Archive link]. How John Piper’s theology allows domestic violence
Barbara Roberts ♦ 26th January 2014 ♦ Leave a comment
UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 11th November 2013 ♦ 12 Comments
How do I help a child when I think he or she may be at risk of sexual abuse? This question was put to me recently in an email. I would talk to a child or teenager by adapting the Protective Behaviors Program I used to give in the classroom when I was a primary …
The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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