Refusal to forgive is not resistance to healing; it is resistance to erasure.
— Vera Hart The Violence of Forced Forgiveness.
I’d like to unpack this a bit. Or rephrase it.
I honour my innermost being when I refusal to comply with social pressure to forgive.
It is true is that my enemy sinned against me. My enemy wounded me. Those wounds haven’t healed.
The church has many people in it who do not want to ‘weep with those who weep’. They would rather coerce the weepers to performatively forgive, i.e., pretend the rupture never happened, or pretend it wasn’t that bad. Or they might tell you to see a counsellor.
Weep in the counsellor’s office, but don’t weep here! We’re trying to make God look good, and your weeping is damaging the image!
If I submit to the truth-deniers who are trying to coerce me to deny or obscure the truth so that THEY will feel comfortable, I dishonour God and I dishonour myself.
So I refuse to comply with their coercion.
But I am still left with Jesus’ call that I am to forgive my enemies. The only way I have found to deal with this is to make an inner vow that I will not take precipitous vengeance on my enemy, because vengeance belongs to God.
I am a soul under the alter crying How long will you wait, O Lord holy and true, to judge, and to avenge our blood on them that dwell on the earth? (Rev 6:9-11)
And I cry to the Lord:
Dear Lord, help me temper my righteous anger and channel it into truth-telling that helps others. Guard my lips so that I do not lash out at my enemy and regret my stupidity.
Help the church stop playing the performative game. Help them stop parroting what they have heard from the pulpit. Enlarge their hearts so that they are not afraid of big emotions and are willing to share the pain of the abused.
Stir the consciences of the moral cowards. Honour the morally courageous. Expose the malignant narcissists. Stop the exploiters and moral cowards from running the show. Help the church become more authentic and honest. Amen.
Discover more from A Cry For Justice
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
This has been the theme of my existence for the last month. Saw a new doctor who told me that I would not heal unless I forgive my abusers.
Spent the next few weeks running this concept by everyone in my circle; lost a friend and now know to NEVER EVER talk about what happened to me and my family EVER to ANYONE.
Thank you for this essay. Yes, it’s like my existence is being ERASED. Spun out on the lack of Jesus in today’s xtianity.
LikeLike