Typical Accusatory, Manipulative, Guilting Tactics of Abuse
Recently we received a communication from a person unknown to us. Here is the brief interaction we had. How would you handle this? What tactics do you see him using here? What is he trying to do by using these tactics with us? What is the most revealing phrase he uses that tells us what he is really up to? Comment and let us know. Oh, and why do you think he ended with “may the Lord bless you”?
Husband to ACFJ: “I’d really like to talk to you. My marriage is about to go through a divorce.” (Requests to talk to ACFJ via phone)
ACFJ Response: “I refer you to the resources on our ACFJ web page. There is a wealth of helpful info there.”
Husband’s Reply to ACFJ: “My wife is relying fully on your literature … I’d like to speak with you one on one if at all possible. We have gone thru the ringer and have had so many false people giving guidance and council [sp] and are so far away from reconciling now. If your [sp] too important to hold a phone call I fear my wife may be being lead [sp] down the wrong path yet again….”.
NOTE: When we told him “no, we are not going to talk with you,” here was his reply. Notice how people who crave power and control simply will not take “no” for an answer. They hate it and they just have to get in the last shot:
His Response to our “no”: I’ve been involved in ministry for years now. There are many guys like you , for instance Joel Olsteen. Have a whole entourage and can talk a good talk but when it comes to one on one they are not capable. I don’t appreciate how you turned the energy around on me but I assure you that I only came in good favor and love looking to know who we are dealing with . The evidence shows exactly that. I’m not sure if your Christian but if you are you are not displaying love at all. May the Lord bless you and help you in all your need.
NOTE: This is very, very typical of the abuser, the narcissist, the sociopath/psychopath. What I mean is, this kind of a reaction they give to being told “no.” Another one, a slick sociopath I am sure, several years ago pulled this on me. He showed up at our church impeccably dressed and had all the Christianese lingo down, along with a story of having mixed it up with some relatively famous people. On just his second Sunday at our church he emailed me (that afternoon) and said he wanted to make an appointment to see me and talk about me “discipling” him. I told him that we disciple people every Sunday in our church through the classes we teach and the sermon in the worship service and that he should step up and take advantage of those. Right away he fired back an email almost identical to what this guy here in this article did — “Oh, well I see that you have no time for someone as unimportant as me.” So this tactic is very typical of these types and we must beware of it and NOT yield to it.