Thursday Thought — The Deception of Twisting Things into Their Opposites
The abusive man, at home or in his church, rewrites facts and history to suit his own purposes. At Corinth, the false apostles made themselves out to be “truth-tellers” and convinced the Corinthians to disbelieve Paul, a true Apostle. They took Paul’s delay in coming and twisted it into a supposed example of the untrustworthiness of his word. They took Paul’ s genuine humility (working to support himself, for example) and twisted it into a sign of inferiority.
The abusive man re-writes truth to his benefit, and then he believes it. He tells these perversions of fact with all sincerity. Listen to Bancroft:
“The abuser’ s highly entitled perceptual system causes him to mentally reverse aggression and self- defense. When his victim attempts to defend herself against the abuser’ s attack, he defines her actions as violence toward him. When he then injures her further, he claimed he was merely defending himself against her abuse.
When I challenge my clients to stop bullying their partners, they twist my words around just as they do their partners. They accuse me of having said things that have little connection to my actual words. An abuser says, ‘You’re saying I should lie down and let her walk all over me’ because I told him that intimidating his partner is unacceptable no matter how angry he is. He then says, ‘So you’re telling us that our partners can do anything they want to us, and we aren’t allowed to lift a finger to defend ourselves’ because…I told her he has no excuse for calling her a disgusting name. He says, ‘Your approach is that whatever she does is okay, because she’s a woman, but because I’ m the man, there’ s much stricter rules for me’ because I pointed out his double standards and insisted that he should live by the same rules he applies to her.” [Why Does He Do That?]
These are the kinds of deceptive tactics abusive men, either in the home, in the workplace, in the church — use to maintain their façade. To keep us wondering and deceived. To prevent us from coming to see them for who they really are — servants of unrighteousness, evil angels of darkness.
[Excerpt from Ps Crippen’s domestic violence sermon series, “The Abusive Man as a Servant of Righteousness — Exposing the Deceptions of Abuse” (sermon 9 of 21). Complete sermon and PDF can be found here.]
***IMPORTANT NOTE: While we endorse Lundy’s writings about the dynamics of domestic abuse, we do not recommend anyone attend the ‘healing retreats’ Lundy Bancroft offers or become involved in his ‘Peak Living Network.’ See our post, ACFJ Does Not Recommend Lundy Bancroft’s Retreats or His New Peak Living Network for more about our concerns.