Lundy Bancroft is a predator

Lundy Bancroft presents himself as someone who supports victims of domestic abuse. I believe he is an emotional, economic and sexual predator. On what evidence have I formed this opinion? This post presents the evidence.

A Warning to Women — RUN GIRL! Lundy Bancroft is not your friend!

This video is by April W, who I’ve known online for many years. She was preyed upon by Lundy Bancroft, and is now telling her story on video. I honour and respect April for doing this.

April is not the only abuse survivor that Lundy Bancroft has targeted and abused.

Lundy Bancroft seems to specialise in preying on women who are vulnerable because they have suffered domestic abuse. He has a pattern of economically exploiting abused women: he gets some women to collaborate with him (i.e., do work for him) for free or for insufficient pay.

Update, February 12, 2025: A woman who was summarily discarded by Lundy Bancroft in a professional capacity, has today publicly testified. She has written her testimony as a comment on this blog post. Go here to read the comment by JusticeAdvocate. I want to honour JusticeAdvocate for publicly testifying about how Lundy treated her so disgracefully. JusticeAdvocate has privately shared with me photographs and emails that corroborate her testimony.
[End of February 12, 2025 update.]

Lundy Bancroft has emotionally and sexually preyed upon some of the women who have come to him for help at the “healing retreats” and other events he organises. April W is one of those women.

Photo of Lundy Bancroft from his Facebook account. Wording from https://static.vecteezy.com/system/resources/previews/006/383/387/large_2x/predator-word-on-metal-pointer-free-photo.jpg

April has commented many times at this blog, using various screen names. She began commenting in 2014 and her last comment (as of when I’m writing this post) was 2022. She has commented on many of the different topics that this blog has covered. She has commented to affirm and support other survivors of abuse. She has shared her own experience of the churches and “christian” teachings that she has encountered and been harmed by.

Update, February 1, 2025
Around 2017, April wrote this letter to warn victims about Lundy Bancroft. [Internet Archive version here.] The letter describes in detail the interactions she had with Lundy after she had attended his “healing retreat”. I encourage you to read the letter and see the skillful ways in which Lundy hooked her in to a ‘dating’ relationship and the things he said to test how much she would give in when he tried pushing her moral boundaries. His words and his conduct were typical of how abusers groom, entice and try to brainwash their targets.
[End of February 1, 2025 update.]

Update, February 4, 2025:
The psychologist Kerry McAvoy testifies on YouTube that she knows four victims of Lundy Bancroft. The first ten minutes of her video is where she talks about Lundy. Note: we do not know how much overlap there is between the four victims Kerry McAvoy knows of, and the four victims Kate Palmer Bowers knows of.

Another victim of Lundy has come forward. Her testimony (name withheld) can be found if you click this link and scroll down to the heading Victim Impact Statements.

Screen shots of two comments made by April at Kate Palmer Bower’s Facebook post:
I am not showing a screen shot of Kate Palmer Bower’s reply to April’s two comments, because I don’t want to reveal April’s surname, but here is what Kate said:

April, I definitely agree, going public is the ONLY way to get him to stop. He must be outed so he has less access to so many!
And I’m not surprised that some in his inner circle wouldn’t believe you. I re-read some parts of his awful letter (it’s really hard to get through it), and he’s so sneaky and subtle, it makes me so mad! He throws you under the bus BIG TIME!!! Especially the two people he threw under the bus that have never publicly come forward, and he made them out to have been “employees” he “had” to call out because they were doing something “wrong”, and then they “retaliated” against him out of spite or something. Even though they literally never did. Ever.
Again, he definitely outed himself with that one. He knew that they had tons of ammo against him and he preemptively striked and threw them under the bus to “save” himself. 😢

[End of Feb 4, 2025 update.]

I will now make a few statements about predators in general.

There are MANY people who present themselves as domestic abuse experts, mental-health professionals, mental-health academics, and life coaches who are predators or allies of predators. Some of those people are licensed mental health professionals, some are not. There are also DV professionals and “abuse advocates” who are predators. What matters most is not whether they have a professional qualification. What matters most is whether they are predators or predator-adjacent.

https://x.com/karenmitchell__/status/1883624183869116928

It’s ironic that we use the term “abuse advocates”. It’s a slippery term. I often take words literally, so I ask myself: Does the term “abuse advocate” designate someone who is advocating for abuse to continue? Or does it refer to someone who is advocating for abusers to be held accountable, and victims protected?”

Any term we come up with gets weaponised by the predators. I’m still trying to figure out what term would be better.

We need to study the actions and words of each “abuse advocate” carefully, in order to see how many red flags they show that would point to them being predators. Learn more about the attributes and tactics of predators here.

  • Is an “abuse advocate” covertly buddying with predators because the “abuse advocate” is actually a predator?
  • Are there credible reports from whistleblowers who have been targeted or muzzled by the “abuse advocate”?
  • Is the “abuse advocate” allying with predators because that gets the “abuse advocate” more click$? (That would be tantamount to the advocate effectively harming the victims almost as much as predators do.)
  • Or is the “abuse advocate” truly advocating for the targets of the predators?

Predators, i.e., Dark Personalities, love to gain access to vulnerable populations, in order to have more targets to abuse.

https://x.com/karenmitchell__/status/1883615676449112548

Predators also love sowing lies into the “mental health” field, because the more lies that the non-predatory humans believe, the easier it is for predators to get away with their evildoing.

Predators have hoodwinked the vast majority of the human population. Predators have infiltrated all the major institutions in society. The health and welfare systems. The justice systems. The financial systems. Governments. Churches, denominations and other faith-based organisations. Social Media. Mainstream Media. The list goes on…

The webs the spiders weave are deeply and widely interconnected. The spiders have their webs everywhere. It’s up to us non-predatory humans to become aware of this and resist it. Educating the non-predatory portion of humanity is one way we can resist.

Predators can be of either sex. Having said that, here is a post about how men who specialise in abusing their female intimate partners have hoodwinked society: Society has been hoodwinked by men who abuse their female intimate partners.

Now, back to Lundy Bancroft.

I want to share with you what Kate Palmer Bowers wrote on Facebook about Lundy when she shared April’s video. I’ve bolded people’s names and the names of organisations, added some minor punctuation and editing, and some links to help you dig into things further. Material in square brackets, and updates (all dated), have been added by me. If you are a Facebook user, dear reader, I encourage you to go to Kate’s post on Facebook and read the comments. There you will find evidence about Lundy economically and emotionally exploiting women.

Update added April 4th, 2025: Kate Palmer Bowers has now published her own blog post about Lundy: Unmasking the Wolf: The Truth of Expert Lundy Bancroft which is packed with good information. The post discusses how Gretchen Baskerville, who is a Christian advocate, “divorce recovery leader”, and author of Life Saving Divorce, has refused to believe that April was abused by Lundy. Kate’s blog post does a great job of explaining how the power imbalance between Lundy and April meant that Lundy was very unethical in the way he treated April W. (Internet Archive of Unmasking the Wolf: The Truth of Expert Lundy Bancroft here.) [End of April 4th, 2025 update.]

Here is what Kate wrote on Facebook:

Thank you April W, this video is amazing and so so brave! I definitely wouldn’t ever call that “dating” either, Lundy Bancroft PREYED on April. Of course she was in awe of Lundy, he’s “the one man who gets it”, right? While Lundy is NOT a licensed therapist, counselor, or professional, he TOUTED himself as a counselor, so many victims assumed he was a counselor (why wouldn’t they? He literally says he’s a counselor). So April came to him, the so-called “counselor”, for help, she PAID him for help, and she was in an extremely vulnerable position, and what did he do? He 100% abused his position of power and preyed on her.

And THEN, after April realized Lundy wasn’t a safe guy and later gained the courage to tell people her experience, he went on a smear campaign. But of course he had to do it subtly, right? Or else he might look bad. So he convinced his followers he was “worried about April’s well-being” and made her look unstable and not credible. I also read the letter he wrote about April that he sent to his followers, it’s absolutely horrendous and sneaky!

I personally have spoken with MULTIPLE victims who’ve been abused by Lundy, including author Jac Patrissi who co-authored Should I Stay or Should I Go with Lundy, and all of their stories are so so similar — albeit not always sexual, but the abuse tactics are the same. He abuses his position of power.

Update February 5, 2025:
I, Barb, have spoken to Jac Patrissi and she approved every word in this update.

At the time of writing of Should I Stay or Should I Go, Lundy had, by his own description, not worked with men for about fifteen years, and was not trained as an advocate and did not work with survivors, so that though the writing was split evenly, every chapter’s examples and construction came from JAC’s work.

The close friends and colleagues fell out during the writing of the book, because JAC began to challenge Lundy on his treatment of his intern, whom he was trying to sexually exploit, and because he refused to put in safeguards against violating participants’ boundaries while visioning the organization he wanted to create based on co-counseling.

During that time, he refused to stick to his deadlines writing chapters, claiming that his energy needed to be focused on his “number one priority: finding a partner.”

He went from claiming JAC’s written work was “golden,” to attempts to rewrite all her work, which she rejected, leaving it for the publishing editor to make the determination. The editor said she would not change a word.

Lundy worked hard to dissolve the relationship during the end phase of writing the book, so that he could claim JAC’s work all as his own, but JAC hung on, knowing he would lie, disparage her work, as he does with the vast collection of his former women friends and colleagues whose work and attention he devours and then spits out.

Now his acolytes just erase JAC’s name for him.
[End of Feb 5, 2025 update.]

Kate Palmer Bowers continues:

What’s also interesting is that in Lundy’s letter against April, he alludes to two others who he insinuates accused him, and then tries to discredit them as well by making them out to be disgruntled ex “employees”. But the thing is, those two never went public with their experience, nor did they ever officially have it out with Lundy to tell him how they felt. So the fact Lundy felt the need to preemptively throw them under the bus only proves he KNOWS he mistreated them in some way. I mean, if he truly believed he treated them great, and they never publicly said a word about him or to him, why would he feel the need to go on a smear campaign against them?

He told on himself and didn’t even realize it.

My opinion is there’s a pattern of what I see as a predator exploiting women, especially with his Peak Living Network cult. And April is correct, I’ve investigated his Peak Living Network (PLN), and it’s EXTREMELY similar to the scientology-offshoot cult “RC” (Re-evaluation Counseling) that Lundy used to be in. Like eerily similar. PLN is huge into “Co-counseling”, which Lundy learned from the RC cult.

April W explains more about the Peak Living Network here: The Cult of Lundy Bancroft.

And get this, this isn’t the first time Lundy has tried to make a cult-like organization! He previously made an organization called Nature’s Temple (and in case he deletes that website, I have screenshots y’all!!!). And yes, it’s as creepy as it sounds. In one section he calls “Nature’s Mysticism,” he tells followers that “The pursuit of ecstasy is inseparable from the pursuit of love. We strive to make our hearts ever more open to the giving and receiving of love”, and “Ecstasy is about communion”, and “Our gatherings are devoted to the pursuit of love, justice, and ecstasy”, and “The highest form of human life happens when we..find ecstasy..”.

[Lundy’s cult affiliation / Nature’s Temple — a Google Doc created by Kate Palmer Bowers.]

Now doesn’t that sound exactly like something a cult leader would tell his female followers?

What’s most sad about all of this though is,

  1. Lundy is STILL preying on women, and that’s the biggest concern. He claimed he retired (and I attended his speaking engagement a few years ago where he claimed it was his last one), but he didn’t. For example, he’s still holding retreats for women, he’s still doing Peak Living Network (or I should say he’s having women run it for him, often for free), and a Betrayal Healing conference this month held by Tammy Gustavsson has Lundy as one of their speakers!!! (Yes, I sent her a message to warn her, no reply so far. Also, just an FYI heads up, some of the speakers attending that conference have said many victim-blaming things, be careful.)
    Update added 5 Feb, 2025: Here is proof that Lundy is listed as a speaker at the 2025 Betrayal Healing Conference which is a 5 day online event:

    Source: https://web.archive.org/web/20250204225123/https://betrayalhealingconference.com/

    At the Contact page of Lundy’s website, he claims that he has retired from domestic violence work except for public speaking and training events. He claims that “he is no longer offering retreats for abused women.” He is being disingenous by not speaking the complete truth — he is still doing co-counseling and running groups at PLN (see here and here). The page says he doesn’t have an office assistant and is unable to return phone calls. Like any canny businessman who went rogue, Lundy has made it pretty hard for the general public and aggrieved survivors to connect with him: “Emails not about speaking inquiries will not be passed onto Lundy and won’t receive responses.”

    At his Contact page, he claims that he reads all regular mail sent to Lundy Bancroft, P.O. Box 253, Northampton, MA 01061, but adds that he is “not able to send responses”. I would suggest that he chooses not to respond to letters sent to his PO box — unless of course they are from people whom he thinks he can exploit!

    The Peak Living Network is still active (see here). It runs support groups and other activities, it offers co-counseling, and there are 13 local networks of PLN (ten in North America, and three in Europe). Lundy Bancroft is one of the contact people for the New England PLN network, which proves he still has access to vulnerable women!

    The PLN Calendar shows that Lundy is very active in PLN: he runs training in co-counseling, and he’s a contact person for the writer’s group. The Calendar says: “If you’re interested in leading a group, please reach out to Lundy at PeakLivingNetwork@juno.com, or send a Direct Message on the PLN Slack space to [woman’s name redacted] or [woman’s name redacted].”

    If journalists or law enforcement want to hold Lundy’s feet to the fire, I suggest you email him at PLN!

    So much for Lundy’s claim that he has retired from domestic violence work except for public speaking and training events. He may not be ‘working for pay’ with abused women, but he’s still interacting with them and messing with their heads!
    [End of 5 Feb 2025 update.]

  2. A few of us have directly told MANY professionals about Lundy, we gave them all the evidence and gave them a letter written by April along with her contact info, and some of these professionals turned around and STILL promoted Lundy!!! One of them, Sarah McDugal, told victims in her group that the stuff about Lundy was “unconfirmed” and a “rumor”, she said Lundy’s book “remains the very best”, and basically told them not to talk about it in there anymore. Like what?? A letter written directly by a victim with her contact info is NOT an unconfirmed rumor!!! Geez, if a victim’s personal account isn’t good enough, what would it take for a victim to be believed by these professionals?

(Note: Many professionals DID believe it though. Shout outs to Barbara Roberts at Crying Out for Justice, she’s been warning victims about Lundy for YEARS, to Barbara Steffens for always being great and a champion of truth, to JoAnn Russell over at Sisterhood Of Support who immediately took down her recommendations of Lundy, to Betrayal Trauma Recovery for working tirelessly to remove years worth of Lundy’s content from their platform, and many many others! THANK YOU)

If anyone is like “Oh but Lundy’s book is so so good, maybe we can just still recommend his book but add a caveat”. Sadly no, I’ve seen people try this and it doesn’t work that well, PLEASE don’t. It still runs the huge risk of sending victims his way to be preyed on. Plus, there’s better books out there! A much safer and more educated and ACCURATE book is How He Gets Into Her Head by Don Hennessy. It’s not perfect, but is far superior in information than Lundy’s. I also HIGHLY recommend Response-Based Practice, which is personally my favorite resource, they are the most educated organization in abuse and anti victim-blaming language I’ve ever come across!

#wolfinsheepsclothing #lundybancroft #lundybancroftisanabuser #WhyDoesHeDoThat #warningtovictims #warning #victimsupport #intimatepartnerviolence #betrayalabuse #betrayaltrauma #sexaddiction #domesticviolenceawareness

[End of quote from Kate Palmer Bowers’ Facebook post.]

Here is Sarah McDugal telling victims in her Facebook group that the stuff about Lundy Bancroft was “unconfirmed” — and muzzling discussion about it:

Update, 4 Feb, 2025:
Trigger warning for all who have been hurt by Lundy!
Video of Lundy explaining what Co-counseling is. In the video, Lundy makes some astounding claims. I, Barb, will intersperse his claims with some comments of my own. Lundy’s words are in block quotes.

Many people say that co-counseling is the most powerful emotional healing they’ve ever done. In the world of co-counseling we’re trying to, over time, achieve quite a high level of skill, and use a lot of techniques with each other, that we teach, and that makes it very different from what we think of as peer counseling.

What a lot of gobbledeygook! I could de-code the wolf’s words and say that LUNDY BANCROFT is using mind-control techniques whenever he does co-counseling with a survivor of abuse.

The very fact that it’s mutual is part of the power of it. That being in an equal relationship of itself supports healing. Because so many of our wounds are related to deep experiences we had of inequality, of being treated as if we were less than other people, as if we were inferior to other people. And one of the fundamental principles of emotional healing is that we heal much better when the conditions we are living in today are very different, and as opposite as possible, to the conditions in which we were originally wounded.

So if we were originally wounded in conditions of deep inequality, we’re going to heal better when, in the present, we’re in a relationship that’s very equal.

I think in general it’s true that we heal better when we’re in a relationship that’s reasonably equal. If I want help with my emotional healing and I go to a mental health professional or a pastor or a prayer counselor, I will not get much healing if that person sees him or herself as superior to me. I will be re-traumatised when I sense their attitude of superiority. And I will probably be hurt or led astray if I follow their haughty formulaic advice.

What Lundy is NOT saying is that when he (the GREAT LUNDY BANCROFT) participates in co-counseling with a woman who has been abused in her marriage, it will NEVER be an equal relationship. There is too much power differential. The woman looks up to Lundy, trusts him, sees him as a kind of saviour, and is incredibly grateful that he picked her to be his co-counseling partner. The flattery of the wolf is very powerful!

Another reason co-counseling is so powerful is that in co-counseling we’re not very focused on insight. We’re focused almost entirely on feeling emotions, and releasing emotions: discharging them, getting them out of us and gone. So that we’re not carrying those old scars. They’re actually getting healed and taken out of us.

Insight is very helpful in emotional healing, but only so far. It’s not a substitute for deep processing of emotions and deep discharging of emotions. And when we’re talking about discharge, we’re talking about emotional processes that exist inside of us biologically. They’re naturally built into us, these processes for getting pain out of us after injurious things have happened to us. We have these mechanisms that we refer to as bio-emotional releases. And the reason I use the term bio-emotional is that they’re not just emotional, they’re actually built into our bodies. When you’re crying, you cry with tears. When you’re trembling from being afraid, you’re sweating. No one has to teach us to cry.

I want to say DUH Lundy! What fancy labels you give to these things! Bio-emotional releases! Wow! Give the man a Nobel Prize for coming up with that brilliant new term which gives humanity so much more insight into the experience of being human!

No one has to teach us how to have a tantrum. A tantrum is how anger is discharged.

So Lundy, is that how you justify yourself when you throw a tantrum at a woman who resisted your sexual advances? Oh you poor boy, no one can blame you — you were only discharging your anger!

No one has to teach us to laugh. Children will do those things naturally. Why are they there? These are there to get the pain out of our body after an incident is over.

Lundy’s concept of emotional healing is a simplistic hydraulic model. When the water boils in the engine’s boiler, the steam must be discharged. He is reasonably correct that insight-based therapies like CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) are pretty limited when it comes to healing deep trauma. But his steam-engine model of discharging emotions is far too simplistic, and it’s wide open to being exploited by a predator like him.

I’ll leave my analysis of Lundy’s video here. The drivel goes on, but I think I’ve made my point.
[End of 4 Feb, 2025 update.]

This comment by “Jane Doe” (July 2018)  at Can we talk about Lundy Bancroft? (a post by insanitybytes) was written by April W, and she has given me permission to tell you this. If you can’t access those two links, search for them on the Internet Archive, as I’ve saved them there.

I, Barb, with the help of my assistant Reaching Out, will be going through this blog and amending anything that we have previously said about Lundy Bancroft. We will be removing his books from our Recommended Books. In the past we had put a caveat on Lundy’s books, but I’m going to take Kate’s advice and remove them altogether from our Recommended Books list.

Dear readers, if you would share this post to your networks, you would be helping current and future victims of abuse to avoid Lundy Bancroft altogether. Every little bit counts. The lower lighthouses often shine further, especially in stormy weather!

Predators will ALWAYS try to infiltrate abuse-survivor communities, but we can better protect the non-predatory portion of humanity if we work together to spread the word about predators who have been credibly exposed. We can also educate the non-predatory population about the attributes and tactics of Persistent Predatory Personalities (PPPs).

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony.  (Revelation 12:11, NMB)

Before publishing this post, I sent the draft to April W. She asked me to add this:

Love protects. Love without strength is not “love”.
I appreciate that Barbara understands that love, truth and righteousness walk hand in hand.
She is not an “abuser bystander” but rather she is someone who is willing to give a voice to those of us who had our voices silenced and suppressed.
Many will listen, but then walk away. Or agree with slander and character assassination by predators who don’t wish to have their empires shaken.
Barbara, however, was willing not only to listen — but to take action. I thank God for her and her support!

P.S. I (Barb) also want to give a big shout-out to insanitybytes, who was denouncing Lundy Bancroft in 2016. See her post Can we talk about Lundy Bancroft? (Internet Archive of her post here). In her post, insanitybytes mentioned that she had not been allowed to comment on the A Cry For Justice blog when she was trying to denounce Lundy Bancroft. I have publicly apologised to insanitybytes.

UPDATE March 19, 2025. Lundy has now started blogging again after having taken quite a long break! He’s writing a series titled “Starting A New Relationship”. His advice includes the suggestion that you “consider having a relationship that isn’t serious. …You might well find that having a casual relationship (or two, or three) is fun, helps to soothe some of your wounded places, and keeps you from jumping too soon into something intense.” This sounds to me like something that would suit a predatory man’s agenda very well!

For proof, see these Internet Archive links:
The blog tab at Lundy’s website (archived on 19 March 2025) shows the dates of his two latest blog posts
Starting A New Relationship Part 1 (27 Feb 2025)
Starting A New Relationship Part 2 (11 Mar 2025)

***

Further reading

Testimony from a woman who was exploited by Lundy Bancroft — An ACFJ Guest post.


Discover more from A Cry For Justice

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31 thoughts on “Lundy Bancroft is a predator”

  1. Wow. Just wow. So many thoughts going through my head. First off, utmost respect for you, Barbara, and for April, and for my Sister. Words from a children’s chorus come to mind, “Dare to be a Daniel! Dare to stand alone!….” The real advocates worth following dare to stand alone, shepherds who protect all sheep.

    Barbara took a stand for victims of horrific extreme organized ritual abuse and was publicly rebuked by well-known “advocates” who didn’t believe the things being alleged against prominent people and organizations could possibly be true.

    From Barbara’s post above:

    So he convinced his followers he was “worried about April’s well-being” and made her look unstable and not credible. I also read the letter he wrote about April that he sent to his followers, it’s absolutely horrendous and sneaky!

    This is exactly what happened to Barbara when she experienced an online stoning from so-called “advocates” supposedly worried about Barbara’s well-being as she advocated for victims of horrific organized abuse that the naive advocates couldn’t believe could possibly be true. They painted her as unstable and not credible. I admire Barbara for choosing to be assumed crazy rather than turning her back on victims of horrific abuse, just because “advocates” thought the allegations were too outlandish to be true. She refused to violate her God-given conscience.

    My Sister took a stand against Jeff Crippen who was popularly believed to be the One Pastor who gets it about abuse. This completely parallels April’s comments about Lundy seeming to be the one guy that gets it about abuse. It took a long time for me to get it about Jeff. It wasn’t until he blew off my comment about his split with Barbara that I finally began to see what my Sister had been saying for a long time. She was the impetus behind my Sisters Speaks Blog. She emphasized to me that I need to warn abuse victims about Jeff. She has the same heart that April has as April is currently standing tall exposing Lundy Bancroft as a fraud. She is courageously standing against the man who is recognized nationally, perhaps internationally, as the foremost Domestic Violence expert.

    As I started the endeavor of investigating / writing to expose Jeff, I began to see his abuse throughout his work and his horrific turn on Barbara. I couldn’t unsee it. I became aware that he was the man he preaches against, just like April’s belief that “Why does he DO that?” is Lundy Bancroft’s autobiography. Jeff bragged about his abuse of his church members in plain sight on his blogs and in his book, “A Cry for Justice”, while portraying himself to be the victim.

    Just as April mentioned some of Lundy’s other victims have come forward [albeit not on video yet to our knowledge, Eds.] and April is starting to be believed, other victims began to surface about Jeff. The advocate community finally knows about Jeff, but still refuses to publicly call him out.

    Lastly, on a different train of thought, it occurred to me that I wish the words hypocrisy and hypocritical had never been created. Why? Because in my opinion they change the meaning of the base word, hypocrite, in people’s minds. Hypocrisy and hypocritical create the impression of someone who says one thing, but does another. In reality, the word hypocrite in Biblical times literally meant an actor, someone pretending to be a different person than they are. Jesus and John the Baptist called out the Pharisees for being actors. They pretended to be pious God followers, but Jesus called them out as being sons of their father the devil who was a liar from the beginning. Until I fully grasped this, that they were flat out evil, sons of their father the devil, I was baffled on why they didn’t accept Jesus when they saw his righteous miracles.

    Sadly, the best gig for an evil predator actor is to play the role of advocate. As April stated, it provides access to a vulnerable population to be prey. Then the advocacy community at large either does not believe his victims at all and / or choose to turn a blind eye justifying that the value of their work can still help victims.

    Barbara and April are the real deal, willing to take a public U-turn, against prominent faux advocates once they realize they are actors, in order to protect the sheep, a work of the Holy Spirit which I do not see present in the advocacy community at large.

    [Bold and italic formatting added by Eds. Link added by Eds.]

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so relieved she made a public statement, hallelujah! I’ve tried to warn her about Lundy a few times over the last couple years, but I wasn’t ever sure she saw my messages. This is GREAT, good job One Mom’s Battle. 👏👏👏

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve added an update to this post because I’d forgotten to include in the post a link to a letter April wrote in 2017.

    Around 2017, April wrote this letter to warn victims about Lundy Bancroft. [Internet Archive version here.] The letter describes in detail the interactions she had with Lundy Bancroft after she had attended his “healing retreat”. I encourage you to read the letter and see the skillful ways in which Lundy Bancroft hooked her in to a ‘dating’ relationship and the things he said to test how much she would give in when he tried pushing her moral boundaries. His words and his conduct were typical of how abusers groom, entice and try to brainwash their targets.

    Like

  3. I would like to add my voice to April’s and Sister’s in praising Barb and her steadfast support for survivors who have suffered extreme abuse including Satanic Ritual Abuse. She has done this in the face of personal attacks on her from fellow survivor advocates.

    Barb, April and Sister (and I) have all had dealings with corrupt individuals who deal with and exploit survivors. It’s a huge problem and I would like to comment on the causes of this problem and, perhaps by doing so, offer a little help.

    I am a veteran of three years of Ritual Abuse from the age of 11 years at the hands of Catholic Priests in Melbourne, Australia. These priests were members of a satanic cult and involved many other priests and with the knowledge of the hierarchy.

    Over the years, I have been vindicated and so has Barbara and her support for me, all of which I am most grateful for. But it comes at a cost. It is not easy facing character assassination from your peers. At first these attacks come as such a shock. “These colleagues are behaving like perpetrators. How is this possible?”

    In the middle of these unexpected attacks and the confusion they create, it is easy to cave to the pressure and withdraw or even recant. But Barb didn’t. She didn’t betray her survivors and friends. Barb is made of tough stuff and someone you definitely want in your lifeboat.

    The question remains though, How do you explain these vicious attacks from fellow advocates, from therapists, authors, podcasters and all manner of “authorities” in this “industry”? And, in time, you come to realise that it IS an industry. There are lawyers, therapists, advocates, journalists and even cops — retired and active. There are two commonalities between all these participants in this industry; they are all connected to one or more survivors (we are their ticket into this industry) and they are all being paid one way or another. Tellingly, Barb has never been paid for the ceaseless work that she has done.

    Tellingly also, we, the survivors, are not being paid either. Yet this industry depends on our participation. Is it any wonder that many survivors are further abused by this industry?

    All of the people I met over the years working in this industry except for one journalist, suffered from hubris (in my estimation). Hubris comes from exercising power over people. This, of course, includes Mr Bancroft but it also includes many people who do not actively abuse survivors but merely see themselves as superior in some way to the survivors they meet.

    Hubris leads to a misreading of reality. But it feels good to be superior. Doesn’t it? So consciously, one way or another, the would-be abuser says, “Yes please. Where do I sign for this feel good experience?” Now they have to deal with their conscience but more on that later.

    The “Feel Good” is the knowing part. The unknowing part is the delusion which comes with indulging unreality. The unreality is that the “be superior one” is not, in fact, a superior person. This hidden delusion (from the would-be perp) leads to mental illness. Delusion IS mental illness. And delusion cannot see delusion by its nature. Sadly, all mental illness involves some level of delusion. It is a rare person in power that does not suffer from some level of hubris, some distortion of their perceptions of themselves, the people they deal with, the society in general and their place in that society.

    This is worth bearing in mind when you are dealing with anyone in a position of power. They will be suffering from some level of mental illness and that level will be largely dependent on their personal character and their self-awareness. So, smile, nod, but check everything they say and do if it is in any way important!

    From Lord Acton, an English Jurist from years ago:

    Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

    Many people are familiar with this quote but few are aware of the full quote.

    It continues:

    Great men are almost always bad men, even when they exercise influence and not authority, still more when you superadd the tendency of the certainty of corruption by authority.

    That’s a little “wordy” (he was a lawyer), though it’s meaning is clear. This corrupting influence of power is universal and the more power you wield and the more often, the worse the corruption. These days the “influence” extends to “celebrities”. But what exactly gets corrupted?

    It’s the mind. “As a man thinketh, so is he”. Everything about a person’s life is downstream of their mind and everything downstream, therefore, gets corrupted; meaning their perception of everything, their physical body, their relationships and circumstances. If you know someone who is obviously mentally ill, you will know that everything in their life is touched by this illness.

    Very, very briefly for this comment, as I mentioned earlier, the corrupted individual will want to silence their conscience so they start suppressing it which means they suppress their right hemispherical thinking where the consciences “lives”. Unfortunately for the budding abuser, a lot of other abilities “live” in the right hemisphere and they get suppressed, too.

    One of those abilities is long-term thinking. Abusers (psychopaths / political leaders/pastors, etc.) cannot see the long term consequences of their abusive actions. Perhaps you recognise this?

    Anyway, this is way too long for a comment so I will leave it here except to say that almost all people in the “industry” are corrupted to some extent, at least. Ask yourself first, “Are they being paid?”

    Barb, on the other hand, is not paid and is, instead, a long sighted gem and a treasure because of her character, her commitment and her Christianity.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. James,

      First — welcome back. 😊 It’s good to see you again. 😊

      I’m WAY behind on my commenting. Very big sigh. My life’s been VERY “weird” and unpredictable in the last while (24 / 7 flashbacks and all the healing that goes with letting them “flow” through)….

      I’m planning on commenting on Barb’s excellent post, as well as replying to some other comments….I would’ve put off replying to you, James, but what you wrote in your comment gave me a prime opportunity to — once again 😊 — promote Barb’s excellent Blindness Series Digest. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Hi, James, I like what you said about hubris. :)

      Also, I’d like to respond to a small section of your comment. You said:

      This hidden delusion (from the would-be perp) leads to mental illness.

      As I’m sure you know, the diagnostic systems compiled by psychologists (e.g., the DSM-V) are very poor at identifying perpetrators. I believe this can partly be explained by the fact that many perpetrators have chosen to become psychologists and psychiatrists, in order to prey on and mislead the non-perpetrator portion of humanity.

      Rather than the term “mental illness”, it might be more helpful to use the term “character defect” or “character disorder”. The word “character” connotes morality and ethics more than the word “mental” does. If we use the term “mental illness”, we might be playing on the field that is so heavily infiltrated by the perps — the field of “mental illness” and “diagnosing mental illness”.

      I hope my comment makes sense.

      Like

      1. Hi Barb,

        My comment wasn’t aimed at academics, psychologists or psychiatrists. It was aimed at the general readership whom I presume, like me, don’t engage with the above characters. These readers, I also presume, have enough life experience to not try and reason with drunks. Similarly, they would not try and reason with people who are obviously mentally ill.

        The term “mental illness” is plain to non-academics which is most of us, thankfully. It’s only the “smarties” that want to argue it and, I contend, for the purposes of deceiving us.

        Ordinary people know you don’t let the mentally ill direct air traffic or drive the school bus. Where it gets tricky is when the inebriation or mental impairment is not immediately obvious. This is what I was intending to do — point out that people in power, though it is not immediately obvious, are mentally ill and, I will add, should be avoided if possible. Of course, the professionals, like the drunks, will protest the accusation of their incapacities. It’s part of the territory; their territory.

        I don’t engage with these professionals for the above reasons.

        If we use the term “mental illness”, we might be playing on the field that is so heavily infiltrated by the perps — the field of “mental illness” and “diagnosing mental illness.

        I don’t get onto that “field”, i.e. I don’t engage them. To do so would be playing their game on their territory and that “puts you on a beating to nowhere”. They’re deluded and in their delusion and they think you are deluded. You can’t reason with that!

        So, instead, I talk to reasonable people and I outline the process of this delusion so they can observe it and prove it for themselves and thus make better decisions.

        The exercise of power over other people leads to a feeling of superiority (this is where the poor character first comes in) which leads to hubris (left / right hemisphere thinking breakdown) which leads to distorted perception which leads to being out of touch with reality which is another term for delusion and delusion is mental illness. So, once you see this mental illness for what it is, you won’t want to engage or follow them. And certainly won’t want to emulate them.

        Our society is built of this delusion, this hubris. It’s hierarchical. This is “The World”. It’s all about exploitation without ever admitting it.

        Jesus called us out of the world. He also called us to be humble. Being humble (but not obsequious) is how we get out.

        Humility keeps us sane and is the antidote to the superiority and the hubris which traps us in “The World”.

        Like

      2. Barb,

        I’m STILL way behind on my commenting 😊 — writing them, not reading them. 😊

        When I read your reply to James (12th February 2025), I couldn’t resist adding on to the discussion of different word choices. 😊 For example — and I’m not writing this as a direct comparison 😊 — George Simon, Jr. uses terms such as “character disorder”, “character disturbance”, and “manipulative people”. 😊

        For readers who mightn’t be familiar with George Simon Jr.’s work, a list of his books can be found on the ACFJ website here….you’ll need to scroll down the page to find his books. 😊

        And to find a list of posts on the ACFJ website that are by George Simon Jr. or refer to him in some way, you can find a list here. 😊

        Like

      3. I have given a lot of thought on this question in particular and have reached a conclusion I would like to share but first a bit of background.

        I took my first step out of a 38-year long marriage marked by DV and partner abuse after having read Lundy Bancroft’s book “Why Does He Do That”, so I am deeply saddened to learn that Bancroft himself may be a predator or abuser.

        The book is full of knowledge but I was left with the burning question you bring up in your comment: Is it a “mental illness” or a “character flaw” on the part of the perpetrator that drives the abuse?

        Bancroft actually discussed in the book if the perpetrators in their large sample of abusers showed signs of psychopathy or not. He concluded that they did not but that the therapists had identified a distinct set of thought patterns that led the perpetrators to abuse their partners and close family members.

        This set of thought pattern is listed in the book. And it happens to overlap exactly with the DSM-5-TR criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

        When the book was written (in 1996), NPD wasn’t mentioned, most likely because at the time it was considered a super rare disorder affecting only 0.5 – 1% of the population. So it went under the radar. But at the time I read the book, NPD was slowly emerging in the public consciousness as a destructive force impacting many families negatively, many more than just 0.5 – 1%.

        I knew that my own abusive spouse shared the set of thought patterns that Bancroft listed in the book but it took me a few years to connect the dots and another 6 years to accept that his behavior was actually driven by this personality disorder.

        Like I said, I am saddened to learn that Bancroft himself may potentially share some of these traits. The book he wrote is still the most thorough and comprehensive work on abuse I have read so far, though. It has helped many and can help more.

        The same is true for some YouTube content creators focusing on narcissistic abuse. Some of them show narcissistic traits themselves in my opinion. But their videos may still be helpful — as long as people don’t start idolizing them and sign up for their real life events. People are not saints. Unfortunately, opportunity makes the thief.

        Like

      4. Hi Ann, thanks for your comment. I too found a lot of insight when I first read Lundy’s book about 2001, so I relate to what you said.

        I believe Don Hennessy’s book How He Gets Into Her Head is better than Lundy’s book. It is not perfect, but it’s better than Lundy’s in many ways. You can find a link to Hennessy’s book here.

        I encourage you to dig into Dr Karen Mitchell’s work as well. From her research she concluded that there is only ONE type of Dark Personality, and the terms narcissist, psychopath, Dark Triad, Machiavellian, coercive controller are all describing the same Dark Personality type. She goes on to say that there are many dark personalities working as professionals in mental health and academia and that is one of the reasons why there are so many different terms. The dark personalities like to create confusion so that the rest of humanity are always puzzling about or arguing about whether the different terms are indicating important differences. All this keeps us confused, which is exactly what the dark personalities have intended!

        Like

  4. I shared April’s story in my blog post this week. I very quickly was contacted by a reader cautioning me about gossip. I went back and added your link so others can read it for themselves.

    What I find so intriguing is the quickness of those who want to silence others. Thanks for sharing, many healing wishes to those harmed.

    Whitney Erickson

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Whitney Erickson! Your comment was very timely! This effort of mine to document the allegations against Lundy Bancroft has been a BIG task and the task is still ongoing as more victims and witnesses of Lundy Bancroft’s bad behaviour come forward.

      Since April’s video came out, I have felt like I’ve plunged deeply back into the fray of battle, so much so that I’ve been wondering whether I am being a poor steward of my precious and limited energy. I have MANY more posts about false doctrine that I want to write. Exposing false doctrines and showing what the Bible really teaches is my main gift, I think, my main calling. So this kind of “Expose a particular pseudo-advocate” enterprise takes away from my ability to expose and correct false doctrine.

      It’s hard to find a balance. I wish I could clone myself!

      I am going to try to keep updating this post if I have the time and energy. I want this post to be a repository of all the information and links that evidence the fact that LUNDY BANCROFT IS NOT A SAFE ADVOCATE.

      Keeping this info about Lundy Bancroft all in one place makes it easier for people like you, Whitney, to point the doubters to the evidence against him.

      Together, collectively, we can do our best to protect further women from being preyed on by Lundy Bancroft.

      As for the allegation that “if you say negative things about Lundy Bancroft, you are gossiping” — that’s one of the LIES which the predators have spread into society so that they, the predators, can devour more victims. It is not gossiping when you are voicing concerns that a person (especially a so-called “victim advocate”) is a dangerous person — especially when your concerns are based on credible evidence and testimony.

      For more on the false allegation of gossip, go here.

      All strength to your arm, Whitney. Bless you! :)

      Like

      1. Barb,

        My apologies for combining so many comments in my reply to you, and — perhaps — not commenting the way I normally comment. 😢 There are so many good comments — and very good points in them. 😊

        This what I call “weirdness about my mother” (what has become a MUCH lengthier healing / flow-through process then I originally thought it might be) — is taking a LOT of time and energy. Very big sigh. I’m not writing that as a “pity party”, merely as an explanation for the recent changes in my usual commenting style, timing, and frequency….so my apologies to: you Barb, all the writers you’ve included in your post and comments (screenshots, links, etc.), commenters, etc., for not doing my usual highlighting of everything I note.

        You wrote (3rd February 2025):

        Thank you, Whitney Erickson! Your comment was very timely! This effort of mine to document the allegations against Lundy Bancroft has been a BIG task and the task is still ongoing as more victims and witnesses of Lundy Bancroft’s bad behaviour come forward.

        That.

        Sister,

        You wrote (31st January 2025):

        Barbara and April are the real deal, willing to take a public U-turn, against prominent faux advocates once they realize they are actors, in order to protect the sheep, a work of the Holy Spirit which I do not see present in the advocacy community at large.

        That.

        And you are the real deal as well, Sister. 😊

        The Homeschool Angel (aka April W),

        You wrote (4th February 2025):

        I am thankful to have a clear mind, peace in my heart and a clean conscience….I am so thankful for healing and growth. There is life on the other side of predators….that God wants to give us back. I didn’t want to be labeled as “abuse victim” but Jesus labels me as “overcomer,” “My daughter,” and “much loved!”

        That. 😊

        Barb,

        And although I’ve not commented on so many things, I HAVE kept up with all the additions to your post. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  5. The psychologist Kerry McAvoy testifies on YouTube that she knows four victims of Lundy. The first ten minutes of her video is where she talks about Lundy. Note: we do not know how much overlap there is between the four victims Kerry McAvoy knows of, and the four victims Kate Palmer Bowers knows of.

    Another victim of Lundy’s has come forward. Her testimony (name withheld) can be found if you click this link and scroll down to the heading Victim Impact Statements.

    Like

  6. Today I added several updates to this post. Screen shots of comments by April W, Kate Palmer Bowers and Andrea Aleksandrova. Plus a partial transcript of a video by Lundy Bancroft where he explains what co-counseling is. I’ve interspersed my transcript of his video with comments. Read the post to see how I exposed his ridiculous claims and mocked his self-importance.

    Like

  7. Thank you for your thorough and excellent work, Barbara. Thank you for BELIEVING ME so many years ago.

    I believe Lundy, and others of his ilk, have had their eyes and minds blinded and my prayer is that some of them will be delivered from pride and other sin.

    My desire in going public – was just to WARN the anti-abuse community to be watchful as the Bible tells us. Also note that we spend a lot of time being so profoundly influenced by good words and good teaching (which can be stolen or plagiarized from others!). However the Apostle Paul noted that:

    You, (Timothy) however, have followed my teaching, my conduct, my aim in life, my faith, my patience, my love, my steadfastness

    ….notice this is not WISDOM alone but a life that demonstrates Jesus being inside it.

    I am so thankful, beyond words to Jesus, who is using this painful situation for good. Romans 8:28! I am happy that I was the one who saw and lived it….because there is an advocate in me – to warn and not let go.

    I am thankful to have a clear mind, peace in my heart and a clean conscience in this matter. I am so thankful for healing and growth. There is life on the other side of predators….that God wants to give us back. I didn’t want to be labeled as “abuse victim” but Jesus labels me as “overcomer,” “My daughter,” and “much loved!”

    Thank you all for the support. It means so much. And there are others out there — at least six — who may also be speaking out in the future.

    If we have wisdom and knowledge, without love, we have nothing. There is a sin nature in humans – that seeks to use others and is selfish….if we keep feeding it….it grows until our hearts are resistant to the gentle voice of conscience and Holy Spirit. How can a person choose to walk in such willful sin? The pleasures of sin for a season….it pays something to them….but it enacts a high, an often eternal, cost.

    Pray for Lundy and all of his victims. Pray for ALL eyes to be opened!

    May we walk in peace, joy, love and new life. May God restore everything….all of the dreams….all of the loss….all of the tears….all of it….May every victim become a victor and find his / her voice!!

    God bless you,

    April W.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I would describe my experience as being summarily discarded by LB, in a professional capacity. I was not his victim, but I was his target, as he has released at least one “private” memo to his PLN followers that others have told me “threw me under the bus” and mischaracterized me as a “disgruntled employee”. To be clear, I provided thousands of unpaid hours returning calls to women (protective mothers) who reached out to him for help. I assisted or co-facilitated at least six retreats with him, only two for which he offered me payment; I returned those funds ($2,100.00) to him when he made it clear in email communications to me that he thought I WAS USING HIM. (I have a picture of the check, and the note I sent him, as well as the email thread ending our collaborative work.) The first retreat in which I assisted him, I paid for my spot at that retreat; he told me my payment would be refunded because of my participation as his assistant — it was not.

    Just two mothers that I have assisted through my capacity as the coordinator for his child custody response team report that between them, I gave at least 2000 hours of service (combined). There were dozens and dozens more that I helped, at his request. All hours were UNPAID, which he knew. It is possible that my reputation as an advocate who refused to charge victims for my services was what made collaborative work with me appealing; we started collaboration about August of 2015. Although I do not charge victims for services, he could have chosen to pay me for the services I rendered his callers; he did not, regularly indicating that he could not afford to pay for help. He did encourage me to charge victims many times, and at the beginning of our collaboration told me that I should be commanding $1,500 per public appearance for my trainings and workshops.

    I am a survivor of domestic violence, sexual assault and stalking who has been providing justice advocacy to victims / survivors for more than 25 years. I have never charged anyone a dime for the legal and social systems advocacy services rendered — I believe that victims should not have to pay to access justice. (I have charged for my retreats; the money charged has been minimal to cover the cost of room and board for the participants — I have not made money on them.) I admit that the services I rendered his callers, I did of my own free will. It is also true that I believe that I was approached for collaborative work especially because it was known I would not charge, and that I would be grateful for the opportunity to be mentored by someone I respected so much. I was ripe for the picking.

    The road to the dissolution of our collaboration was awful — at one point, a conversation with him caused me so much anxiety that I broke out in full-body hives (of which I have pictures). The beginning of the end was a phone call he made to me on or about [date redacted], disparaging a mutual collaborator and friend. A project that involved the three of us, plus two others, was going down the toilet, quickly. I wrote a few letters with the intent of resigning from this project, but did not because I was concerned about how the project originator (another survivor and associate who gave him many hours of unpaid work) and the man responsible for creating the project website would be treated if I walked away. Weeks of tense meetings and negotiations ended with the implosion of the project and I paid the website developer for his work, because I feared he would not be paid for work already done after the collaboration ended in failure (I have receipt, dated [date redacted]).

    The single most painful event for me was a retreat in September of 2021 in Utah, at which LB and another friend was scheduled to present. At this point, although our collaborative efforts had become strained, I still had every reason to believe that I was still coordinating his Child Custody Response Team — he had never communicated to me that I was not. There were a few dozen women (and mothers) in attendance at this retreat, many who were begging for help with child custody issues. After he was done speaking, during the Q&A session, one mother in particular asked if he knew anyone who could help. He refused to even acknowledge my presence in that room, even though I had served his callers, faithfully (and unpaid, for approximately 5 years at that point). Someone else had to call out who I was, and that I was available to assist women with custody issues during the remainder of the retreat. In that moment, I knew I had been discarded, and was shocked that he would rather deny protective mothers access to someone who could help them, free of charge, for some as-yet-unknown infraction. Following principals of Ethical Communication, I asked him three separate times for a facilitated conversation to hash out our differences; rather than respond to me, it is reported that he has emailed his network with mischaracterizations of me. There is more, but for brevity and confidentiality, I stop here.

    At one time, I would have considered myself among the thousands of women who were infused with hope by his books; indeed, I don’t deny that his books have been life-saving for so many victims of domestic violence. I am not disgruntled. I am incredibly sad and disappointed that having met a personal “hero”, he seems to be quite distant from the person he claims to be. But I know that I am not alone, because in my role as justice advocate and LB collaborator, others have come forward to me. I hope that the others who have been hurt by him find the support they need; it is hard to find in the DV / Protective Mothers movements when he is so revered. Even now, I expect that there will be those who minimize, deny or doubt my experience. It matters not. I know who I am, and the value I have added to the movement and the work. I know that those who have met both of us together (or me individually) know my desire to serve abused, betrayed and coerced women and their children, and to do it with a patient, kind, generous and willing heart.

    [For safety and protection, two specific dates were redacted. Editors.]

    Like

    1. JusticeAdvocate,

      You wrote (10th February 2025):

      Even now, I expect that there will be those who minimize, deny or doubt my experience. It matters not. I know who I am, and the value I have added to the movement and the work. I know that those who have met both of us together (or me individually) know my desire to serve abused, betrayed and coerced women and their children, and to do it with a patient, kind, generous and willing heart.

      I believe you, and I’m so sorry for what’s happened to you. 😢 And from what you wrote in your comment, it sounds like you do, indeed, serve abused, betrayed, and coerced women and their children 😊 ….and that you do so with a VERY patient, kind, generous, and willing heart. 😊 😊 😊

      Thank you for taking the time to comment here, to add your personal experience to what we’re learning about Lundy Bancroft. 😊

      It’s become increasingly obvious that Lundy Bancroft was an abuser from the beginning….and as so often happens 😢 , no one — or very few, anyway — recognized it until much later. 😢 And as so often happens, I’m sure Lundy Bancroft will have his allies who will defend him until — in some cases, literally 😢 — their very last breath. The same thing that happens with so many abusers and their victims (and survivors). Very big sigh.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Thank you for sharing your experience with Lundy Bancroft. I believe you and it’s so frustrating not only that abusers successfully masquerade as advocates, but perhaps even more so how advocates, as if they have learned nothing about abuse, refuse to consider the possibility that wolves can successfully parade as advocates. In my opinion, a qualification of a true advocate, perhaps the primary qualification, is the person’s ability to recognize that they (and anyone) can still be duped by an abuser. There’s no shame in being duped by an abuser. They are good at what they do. There ought to be shame however in refusing to consider it possible that they’ve been conned by one.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sister,

        You wrote (23rd March 2025):

        a qualification of a true advocate, perhaps the primary qualification, is the person’s ability to recognize that they (and anyone) can still be duped by an abuser. There’s no shame in being duped by an abuser. They are good at what they do. There ought to be shame however in refusing to consider it possible that they’ve been conned by one.

        That.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. If Lundy Bancroft’s book helps women to avoid or to escape from domestic violence then it’s still useful. [One sentence was redacted by Eds.] Women who are suffering right now need one book. They don’t have time to read fifteen or twenty books. Consensus is needed.

    Like

    1. Hello Ella, I agree that it can be helpful for women to have one book to read when they are suffering domestic abuse and are trying to understand what is happening in their relationship with their male partner. However, that book need not be a book by Lundy Bancroft. A better book is How He Gets Into Her Head, by Don Hennessy. It is not perfect (no book is) but it is better in many ways than Bancroft’s Why Does He Do That?

      Pointing women to a book written by Lundy Bancroft (who is a predator, as this post demonstrates) is dangerous. It is not doing a good service to women. Some of the women who read Lundy’s book are likely to follow his work in depth, which could result in Lundy preying on them. Why give the predator ANY oxygen? Why increase his supply of victims to target?

      Like

    2. Don Hennessy’s book How He Gets Into Her Head addresses HOW the man invades the woman’s head.

      HOW the abusive man gets into the woman’s head is a much more helpful topic for abused women to explore initially, than asking WHY the man does what he does. The “WHY” question can keep the woman spinning in the spiral-labyrinth of self-doubt because the abusive man is so skilled at weaving his web of deception and blaming the victim for every problem in the relationship. It can be difficult for the abused woman to be absolutely sure that her husband / partner is DELIBERATELY abusing her. Don Hennessy explains that the abusive man starts abusing the woman from day one of the relationship, which is a great help in dissipating the woman’s uncertainty and self-doubt.

      Like

      1. Barb,

        You wrote (20th February 2025):

        HOW the abusive man gets into the woman’s head is a much more helpful topic for abused women to explore initially, than asking WHY the man does what he does.

        That.

        You wrote:

        The “WHY” question can keep the woman spinning in the spiral-labyrinth of self-doubt because the abusive man is so skilled at weaving his web of deception and blaming the victim for every problem in the relationship.

        That. And sometimes for many — if not all — of the problems outside of the relationship.

        It can be difficult for the abused woman to be absolutely sure that her husband / partner is DELIBERATELY abusing her.

        That.

        Ella wrote (20th February 2025):

        Women who are suffering right now need one book. They don’t have time to read fifteen or twenty books. Consensus is needed.

        Consensus is NOT needed. Everyone is unique, and every situation is unique. There may be some similarities, but that doesn’t equal “consensus is needed”. That idea is part of the problem in both the secular and non-secular world, which is why there are so many formulaic books.

        Like

  10. I’m posting the following comment under my own gravatar from a reader who wishes to remain anonymous. And my apologies to the anonymous reader for the delay in posting their comment….it had gone to my Spam folder.

    For anyone who wants to compare notes, here’s a full document from the Peak Living Network about Lundy’s so-called “co-counseling” method:

    [Link removed.]

    When analyzed through a predatory decoder (or even ChatGPT), it reads like an in-depth manual on how to groom victims — building trust and dependency, gaining access to their deepest vulnerabilities, dreams, and emotions, and overriding boundaries under the guise of “healing”. It also creates a slippery slope for inappropriate touch, framed as emotional healing.

    And if you feel any resistance? “That must be coming from your own wounds, and you should trust the process.”

    This sounds exactly like how any predator working with vulnerable survivors would operate — maintaining the facade of a “healer” while methodically breaking down boundaries.

    If there is a way to comment this anonymously without showing anything that leads back to my identity or picture, I am very welcome to that.

    Thank you so much in advance, and thank you for the work you do.

    I truly hope we can keep perpetrators accountable.

    Warm regards,

    Like

    1. Dear readers, you can go here to read an Internet Archive version of the full document from the Peak Living Network about Lundy’s so-called “co-counseling” method.

      I have read the document in full. It was written by Lundy Bancroft. I agree with the anonymous reader’s assessment of the document.

      Like

  11. Lundy has now started blogging again after having taken quite a long break! He’s writing a series titled “Starting A New Relationship”. His advice includes the suggestion that you “consider having a relationship that isn’t serious. …You might well find that having a casual relationship (or two, or three) is fun, helps to soothe some of your wounded places, and keeps you from jumping too soon into something intense.” This sounds to me like something that would suit a predatory man’s agenda very well!

    For proof, see these Internet Archive links:

    The blog tab at Lundy’s website (archived on 19 March 2025) shows the dates of his two latest blog posts

    Starting A New Relationship — Part 1 (27 Feb 2025)
    Starting A New Relationship — Part 2 (11 Mar 2025)

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  12. Kate Palmer Bowers has published her own blog post about Lundy: Unmasking the Wolf: The Truth of Expert Lundy Bancroft1

    The post discusses how Gretchen Baskerville, who claims to be a Christian advocate, and is a “divorce recovery leader” and wrote The Life Saving Divorce, has refused to believe that April was abused by Lundy.

    The post also does a great job of explaining how the power imbalance between Lundy Bancroft and April W meant that Lundy was very unethical in the way he treated April.

    1 [In case the link to Kate Palmer Bowers post Unmasking the Wolf: The Truth of Expert Lundy Bancroft gets broken, I’m adding a link to an Internet Archive copy I made of the post here [Internet Archive link]. Reaching Out.]

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  13. Before I left the U.S. around 2009, I spoke to this person on the phone. He seemed so concerned and caring about how the legal system was not protecting us. I don’t remember the full conversation, however now, in retrospect his books REALLY fall short of any deep understanding of abusive systems. Sadly this is does not truly surprise me.

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