A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

Response to my detractors and apology to ACFJ followers I’ve hurt

Transcript of video

I want to thank all the people who have encouraged me and given me fair criticism over the last few weeks. I have really appreciated your emails, phone calls, messages and comments.1  In the last few months I’ve been helping several victims of abuse get safe from serious abuse. And at the same time, I’ve been criticized by various people on social media.

I’ve taken time out to reassess things.

I have realized that I took on too much. I was trying to maintain a safety protocol at A Cry For Justice, particularly in regards to comment moderation, that isn’t possible for one person to maintain. Something had to go. In my case, what went was comforting words to people who were feeling bruised. I know that I didn’t always provide comforting words to victims.

I’ve realized that I’ve sometimes come across as blunt, sharp, abrupt, curt, terse, brusque, discourteous, impolite and unmannerly. If I have hurt you by my manner, I am very sorry. I ask you to forgive me.

I have also learned that there are times I have to unsay or remove what I’ve said, just to make the person comfortable, even if the reason they are upset is because of a misunderstanding.

I was always the team member who was most dedicated to carefully editing the tricky comments to protect the commenter’s safety.

I have a slew of unanswered emails from victims in my inbox. If you have asked me a question by email and I haven’t answered you, I ask your forgiveness. You might find answers to your questions if you scour the A Cry For Justice website, cryingoutforjustice.blog

Each of us has our own way of speaking and learning. I know my way of speaking has offended some people and I am sorry. My character defects are some of it for sure, and I’m working on that with the help of others.

I also think some of the offense has arisen because of cultural differences. Up until now, all the other team members at A Cry For Justice have been Americans, and a large proportion of the readers are Americans. Aussies have a different manner from Americans, and the meanings of words and phrases can be different too. Many times I’ve been astounded when I’ve been told how a word or a particular turn of speech is understood by Americans. Cultural differences like that can easily give rise to misunderstandings. And if none of the parties realize there has been a misunderstanding, offense can easily be taken. This works both ways. People from other English-speaking countries have probably been offended by things I’ve said that would not be offensive to an Aussie; and I’ve probably felt offense at things people from other countries have said, not realizing that their way of speaking is the norm within their culture.

I am learning how to mitigate such misunderstandings. I’m open to your tips about the cultural differences, but please don’t write them on the A Cry For Justice Facebook page or use the Messenger platform. Please give me your tips by submitting a comment at the A Cry For Justice website.

I’d like to review the history, goals and policies of the A Cry For Justice website.

The website began in 2012. Jeff Crippen had no previous experience with blogging but Anna Wood, a domestic abuse victim he had been interacting with, had a bit of experience in blogging and she urged him to start a blog, so together they set up the A Cry For Justice website.

Some months prior to that, Jeff had emailed me requesting permission to quote some of my book in his forthcoming book A Cry For Justice. I asked Jeff to send me a sample chapter of his book…I read it and gave him some feedback. He then took up my offer to read his whole manuscript and give him feedback. He told me later that he’d incorporated most of my suggestions into the final manuscript. I was very happy to have helped him. I didn’t want recognition; I was just glad to be able to help victims of abuse.

I think I followed the A Cry For Justice website from almost when it began. I commented there, and I sent emails to Jeff and Anna praising their work and offering suggestions for how the blog could be made even better. I was reluctant to muscle in – it was their blog not mine – but eventually I emailed them to say that I was feeling that I could help with running the blog. They each said they had been feeling like inviting me onto the team. So they mutually agreed to take me on as a co-administrator.

Shortly after that, Anna, of her own free will, resigned. Her only explanation was that the blog was not going in the direction she had thought it would. From then on Jeff and I were co-leaders of the blog until Jeff resigned in Sept 2017.

Some months after Anna resigned, I flew to the USA to visit with Jeff.  We jointly decided on the wording for the mission statement of A Cry For Justice: – Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst.

While Jeff and I worked together at the A Cry For Justice website, we unapologetically talked about the dark entangled things to do with abuse. Many followers of A Cry For Justice shared detailed stories of having being abused. And we published many testimonies of abuse. But we never glorified the evil things that abusers do.

Some of our readers were uncomfortable when we talked about the evil things that abusers do. They urged us to focus on things that are pure and lovely, and not talk so much about things that are horrific and disgusting. But the Bible tells us to expose the works of darkness, even when the abominable works that evildoers do in secret are shameful to name. Ephesians chapter 5 says:

Accept that which is pleasing to the Lord, and have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather rebuke them. For it is shameful even to name those things that are done by them in secret. But all things, when they are rebuked by the light, are manifest. For whatsoever is manifest, that same is light.

Therefore he says, Awake, you who sleep, and stand up from death, and Christ will give you light.

Take heed therefore that you walk circumspectly – not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time. For the days are evil. Therefore be not unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. (Ephesians 5: 10-17 NMB)

Jeff and I also unapologetically talked about the spiritual realm.

The spiritual realm includes good things. The Bible has stories of miraculous healing and supernatural deliverance. And we’ve heard similar from some of our readers.

The spiritual realm also includes bad things. The Bible has stories of demons motivating abusers and attacking God’s people. And we’ve heard similar accounts from our readers.

Some of the apostles and prophets were given visions and experiences of the supernatural realm. At times they saw good things: things to do with God and heaven. Other times they saw dark things being done in the spiritual realm, for example, Ezekiel chapter 8, and Revelation chapters 9, 13, & 17.

The devil’s kingdom is ultimately under the authority of God. Satan is merely a created being. Lucifer is a fallen angel (Luke 10:18). But God is eternal and He has ultimate authority over the cosmos, the entire spiritual realm, and the final outcome.

To talk about dark things from the spiritual realm is not the same as glorifying those dark things. You do not have to fear those things if you are in Christ. But if we do not acknowledge the work of the devil and his agents, we push out into the cold all the abuse victims who report those phenomena.

The A Cry For Justice website has always prioritized the voices and viewpoints of victims. (ACFJ publishing policy)

Since the Bible tells us that the devil is devious, crafty and intent on doing evil, it would be dangerous for anyone to say, “Abuse is limited to the types of abuse I recognize because I or my loved ones have experienced those things, or because they were talked about in a seminar I went to, or a book I’ve read. Anyone who is reporting types of abuse that are more unusual than the types I know about must be crazy.”

But that is what many people have done. Many church leaders, counselors and therapists have defined the parameters of abuse…and if you don’t fit within their parameters they say you are not really a victim of abuse so you must be crazy, deluded, or a manipulative attention seeker.

In my six years at A Cry For Justice, I have heard some accounts of extreme abuse from people who follow or comment at the website.

I use the term “extreme abuse” to cover things like

  • organized networks that exploit children for evil purposes
  • demonic-supernatural assaults on a victim’s mind, body and spirit.

I have heard some of these accounts privately from our readers. And a few commenters at our website and our Facebook page have hinted at it.

I have to conclude that the demonic kingdom — and networks of people who are working in consort with the devil — are particularly targeting some of our readers or their loved ones.

Only a minority of our readers have been reporting these things, but I’m not prepared to say that any of those readers who are reporting these things are crazy. Every one of them has been affected by ‘ordinary’ relationship abuse – and they’ve found helpful things at the A Cry For Justice website – but in addition they are reporting things that seem to be coming from the demonic realm and/or from organized criminal groups which are perpetrating extreme abuse on their victims.

A feature in some of these cases is that the groups are practicing pedophilia and torturing children. And if the crimes are reported, law enforcement does not investigate fully; the high level criminals are seldom convicted.

So far as I know, the followers of A Cry For Justice who have disclosed extreme experiences to me privately, chose not to disclose them to Jeff Crippen. I think they sensed that I wouldn’t label them as crazy.

We ought to be discerning and wise about these issues. We are not helping victims if we are not responding well to followers of A Cry For Justice who have been affected by this dark realm. And even if only a minority of readers have been affected by extreme abuse in addition to the ‘ordinary’ kinds of domestic abuse, for those readers the experiences often overlap with each other. For example, abuse from family members can overlap with abuse from a criminal network, and sometimes the family members are part of that network. It seems unkind to give those readers the impression that they can prudently testify at ACFJ about domestic abuse from a spouse or other relatives, and abuse from churches that compounded the problem, but must not mention more extreme and unusual kinds of abuse.

Recognizing the existence of extreme abuse is not going outside the mission statement of A Cry For Justice, Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst. The blog can still have domestic abuse as its main focus while acknowledging the impact of extreme abuse on some of its readers.

Accounts of extreme abuse are not new

Devil worship happened in Old Testament times. Some of the false gods (demons) that were worshipped were Baal, Ashtoreth, Molech, Chemosh, Milcom and Dagon.

Leviticus 20 talks about people who give their seed (their children) to Molech. Some of the people of Israel, including King Solomon, copied the practices of the Canaanite tribes and began worshipping Baal, Molech, Ashtoreth, Chemosh and Milcom. (1 Kings 11:5-7, 33; Jeremiah 32:29-35.; 2 Kings 23.)

The people of Judah set up an altar in a valley south of Jerusalem in order to burn their sons and daughters in the fire. (Jer 7:30-31)

One of my critics, Rachel Miller, mocked me for sharing a victim’s testimony. The victim had reported that her abusive father claimed to be descended from the Hivites. I don’t know whether that victim’s father was just bragging and telling untruths. But I do know that the Hivites were one of the pagan tribes which the Lord left in the land so that He might test Israel by them.

Judges chapter 9 tells how the Gibeonites crafted a conspiracy. The Gibeonites were Hivites.

When the inhabitants of Gibeon heard what Joshua had done to Jericho and Ai, they worked craftily, and went and pretended to be ambassadors. And they took old sacks on their donkeys, old wineskins torn and mended, old and patched sandals on their feet, and old garments on themselves; and all the bread of their provision was d moldy. And they went to Joshua…and said to him and to the men of Israel, “We have come from a far country; now therefore, make a covenant with us.”

Then the men of Israel said to the Hivites, “Perhaps you dwell among us; so how can we make a covenant with you?” (Joshua 9:3-7)

The Israelites were sucked right in by the Hivite conspirators. Joshua 11:19 says –

There was not a city that made peace with the children of Israel, except the Hivites, the inhabitants of Gibeon. All the others they took in battle.

And Judges chapter 3 says:

the children of Israel dwelt among the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites. And they took their daughters to be their wives, and gave their daughters to their sons; and they served their gods. (Judges 3:5-6)

Dark spiritual phenomena are mentioned in the New Testament as well. Satan filled Ananias’s heart so that he lied to the Holy Spirit. (Acts 5:3) Christians are exhorted to be alert to resist the devil. (1 Pet 5:8-9; Eph 6:11-16; Matt 4:1-11; 2 Thess 2) Revelation talks about “Satan’s seat” and “the synagogue of Satan” or “the congregation of Satan” – that’s clearly an organized group of people who worshipped Satan under the guise of being “God’s chosen people”. (Rev 2:9,13; 3:9)

So why do people assume that devil worship would not be practiced today, even by people who have successfully passed themselves off as Christians and gained great respect in the visible church?

Verse 11 of 2nd Corinthians chapter 2 says, “lest Satan should take advantage of us; for we are not ignorant of his devices.” We ought not encourage a mindset in the church where Christians are ignorant of Satan’s devices. Christians who have closed their minds to the possibility of conspiracies could easily be naive and ignorant of Satan’s devices. And they will not be of much help to those who are being oppressed by Satan’s devices.

As Rebecca Davis has said –

A conspiracy is not a loony notion that a mysterious “they” is out to get us.

A conspiracy is a secret agreement (either with or without words) agreed upon by two or more people, to carry out acts illegal and / or immoral, for the purpose of retaining or amassing money, power, pleasure, and / or influence. Anyone who knowingly participates in the conspiracy, even if they don’t amass money or power (for example, participating out of fear or taking advantage of a prostituted child) is also complicit in the conspiracy.
— On Conspiracies & Conspiracy Theorists [Internet Archive link]

It would be wrong to focus only on the devil’s kingdom and conspiracies. But it would be equally wrong to say we must not focus on them at all.

The prophet Jeremiah talked about conspiracies:

Jeremiah 5:26-31 (CSB)

for wicked men live among my people.
They watch like hunters lying in wait.
They set a trap;
they catch men.

Like a cage full of birds,
so their houses are full of deceit.

Therefore they have grown powerful and rich.
They have become fat and sleek.
They have also excelled in evil matters.
They have not taken up cases,
such as the case of the fatherless, so they might prosper,
and they have not defended the rights of the needy.
Should I not punish them for these things?
This is the Lord’s declaration.
Should I not avenge myself
on such a nation as this?

An appalling, horrible thing
has taken place in the land.
The prophets prophesy falsely,
and the priests rule by their own authority.
My people love it like this.
But what will you do at the end of it?

Systemic abuse

We know that abuse involves a pattern of control – covert or overt control – and an entrenched mindset of entitlement.

We also know that abuse can be systemic. For example, the secular legal system can systemically abuse certain classes of people. Many of our readers have testified about how the family court system makes the protective parent provide ongoing access or custody to the abusive parent. In my observation this is so common, particularly in America, that it is systemic. The family court system is stacked against protective parents. And it is giving undue favor to parents who are abusing, neglecting and traumatizing their kids. Because this is systemic in family law, it could be called a conspiracy against children and their protective parents.

So why is it hard to open our minds to the possibility that other conspiracies might be going on as well?

A whole denomination can systemically abuse people – most often women and children – and it can be systemic because of denominational rules, structures, and doctrines.

Now I need to tell you something else. Way before I joined A Cry For Justice I was aware that there are organized groups (dark spiritual cults) which conspire together to do immense harm to the victims they target. I learned this about 25 years ago when I supported a survivor of one of those groups. The abuse she had suffered was extreme, and the cult was still accessing her and abusing her well into her adulthood, including the years in which I was supporting her.

And I need to give a Trigger Warning for what I’m going to say next.
This may be upsetting. Survivors of child sexual abuse should be particularly cautious, and it is recommended that ritual abuse survivors read or listen to this material with a support person at hand.

The cult that abused my friend practiced organized child exploitation and torture. The perpetrators used the iconography and rituals of existing religions to bond victims into sexual slavery. My friend told me that some of the cult members held important positions in society: clergy, doctors, lawyers, law enforcement officers, politicians, people who worked in government departments. My friend also told me that the group which abused her was connected with similar groups around the world.

My experience in helping my friend was the first time I’d heard about Ritual Abuse. For those who want to learn more about ritual abuse, I have given a reference2 at the bottom of this post to a document titled “Ritual Abuse and Torture in Australia”.

So all the time I’ve been writing at A Cry For Justice, I have known about those groups and what they do to their victims. That knowledge did not make me lose focus on helping domestic abuse victims who follow ACFJ. Nor did it make me unbalanced so I over-focused on dark things from the spiritual realm.

What happened recently

About three months ago, in early August, a longtime follower of A Cry For Justice alerted Jeff Crippen and me to Fiona Barnett’s public testimony about having endured extreme abuse from an organized group. Fiona’s testimony deals with severe child abuse, child sex trafficking, torture, mind control, and ritual abuse similar to what my friend had disclosed to me 25 years ago.

Jeff Crippen did not believe Fiona’s testimony: he immediately decided she was crazy. I assessed Fiona’s testimony, read many of her articles, watched her documentary and many of her interviews. I got the impression that she was not crazy and her testimony was believable. So from August 14, I shared a few of Fiona’s things on my personal social media accounts. And I began reading more testimonies from people who say they were abused as children in highly organized luciferian cults and were sex trafficked and subjected to torture-based mind control programming. I also looked at reports and research evidence that would corroborate the testimony of victims about techniques the perpetrators have developed to control their victims.4

Jeff Crippen emailed me on the 1st of September insisting that I stop sharing Fiona Barnett’s material at my personal Facebook account. In addition, he demanded that I publicly renounce on Facebook my endorsement of Fiona.

I told Jeff I would not renounce my endorsement of Fiona, because that would require me to violate my conscience.

Jeff had written at A Cry For Justice about the liberty of the Christian conscience, so it seemed very strange to me that he was ordering me to violate my conscience.

Then on the 19th of September Jeff ordered me to stop sharing material about extreme abuse anywhere online. It was hard for me to tell whether he was moving the goal posts, or whether he had just lacked clarity in his email on the 1st of September.

The next day Jeff Crippen began publicly denigrating me for the approach I’d taken in giving voice to survivors of extreme abuse. On 20 Sept he rebuked me at the ACFJ Facebook page, and on 22nd Sept he denounced [Internet Archive link] me at his blogs.

What I shared at my personal accounts was material that I believe is true or is possibly true – material that I think is interesting, or worth considering. I do not have absolute proof that the material I shared is all true, but in my view there is a preponderance of evidence that the reports are true and the hypotheses are plausible. And if the reports ARE true, they explain a lot of what appears to be going on in the world, both historically and currently.

I have realized that it was unwise for me to suddenly begin sharing material about extreme abuse on my personal social media accounts without first giving my followers an introductory explanation of why I thought this material was relevant to the topics I’d been sharing about before.

Without doubt, what I was sharing was inconsistent with what people had come to know me for. I was not taking into consideration how much people identify Barbara Roberts with A Cry For Justice. Nor was I taking into consideration how a follower of A Cry For Justice might be put in danger by what I was sharing. For example, if someone who followed A Cry For Justice was being continually abused by her current or former church, and that church knew ACFJ was helping the victim, and the church was watching Barbara Roberts’ social media accounts, that church could have used what I had been sharing to paint the victim as crazy for seeking support from me.

It needs to be noted that my personal social media accounts express my personal interests and views, just like Jeff Crippen’s personal accounts represent his personal interests and views. Some followers of ACFJ may not like the political views which Jeff expresses on Facebook or twitter. I would never order Jeff to publicly renounce the political views he expresses on his personal accounts, yet he ordered me what to do on my personal accounts.

On Sept 3rd, out of deference to Jeff Crippen’s concerns, I stopped sharing any of that material on my Facebook account. And I have now removed the majority of that material from my twitter account @NotUnderBondage. I removed those tweets for the safety of victims who follow me on twitter. After this video has gone live, I may share more material about extreme abuse on my personal accounts, as and when I feel it is appropriate to do so.

Jeff Crippen has given us a lot of insight into the mentality and tactics of evil and evildoers. I can’t speak on behalf of all followers of A Cry For Justice, but I think that most of us have been enormously encouraged and empowered by things Jeff has written.

While he was co-leading A Cry For Justice with me, Jeff wrote articles3 about the demonic influence in abuse. So it is hard for me to understand why he can’t or won’t take on board the idea that some people have suffered extreme abuse from the dark spiritual realm, and some people have been extremely abused by criminal groups that are actively involved in the occult.

I believe that extreme abuse does happen. I’m not believing every account of extreme abuse. I’m taking care to assess whether a person is claiming to have ‘inside knowledge’ of extreme abuse in order to spread misinformation or to re-entrap victims. I’m watching. I’m cautious. But I believe many of the accounts of extreme abuse are genuine. And I believe some of the victim-supporters are people of integrity who are working really hard, often without pay, to help the victims get safe, and to make it harder for the abusers to wreak their evil.

Please understand that Jeff’s resignation in September last year (2017) had nothing to do with Jeff and I having a difference of opinion on satanic ritual abuse and other conspiracies. My clash with Jeff over those things only began in August this year (2018).

I also want to say that before Jeff resigned, he didn’t ask me to hand the ownership of the blog to him. If Jeff had asked me back then, I would have given the blog ownership to him. At that time, I had no inkling that Jeff might have wanted to dismiss me from the blog. If I’d handed the ownership back to him he could then have dismissed me from the blog if he chose to. I would have grieved…and then moved on. But he chose to resign.

In retrospect, I think some of the problem between Jeff and I was the different temperaments we have. And some of it was our different views of the goals of the blog – what we wanted the blog to be.

I always wanted ACFJ to be not only a place of education, but a community of mutual support

I always wanted the A Cry For Justice website to be a community where victims of abuse can share their stories and benefit from hearing other’s stories, and they’ll feel safe to participate because the comments are well moderated.

While Jeff and I were co-leaders, we mutually agreed on the policy of not allowing a free-for-all for people to recommend resources, unless the item was already listed on our Resources page. That’s one of the ways we attempted to keep the website a safe place. We didn’t want to point readers to resources that are not all that good, especially when there are so many good resources already listed on the ACFJ Resources page.

Before an item is put on the Resources page, it is vetted by the ACFJ team. It takes a fair bit of time to research an author’s work – time that could often be better devoted to other requirements on the blog.

Unfortunately, some people who are victim-advocates have become indignant when the resource they had recommended was not endorsed by ACFJ.  I would ask those folks to please take into account that each blog has its own way of doing things, and most bloggers have good reasons for the policies they have at their blogs.

I would also like to point out that the way I address victim-advocates is sometimes different from the way I address victims. If someone has a ministry as a victim-advocate, I think it is fair to expect that she or he would be open to hearing constructively critical comments about the things they are saying in their ministry. When I have carefully articulated constructive criticism about what a person in ministry is saying, and that person decides to ignore or block my feedback and chooses to just vent their indignation to others, I find that disappointing.

My hope is that victim-advocates will at least acknowledge and consider my feedback, and respond to me with respect, even if they disagree with me.

One person at Jeff’s blog noted [Internet Archive link] that what often comforted her at A Cry For Justice were the many survivors testimonies. She said that for her, the testimonies were the best nourishment in the blog. I wonder how many people realize that the survivors’ testimonies at A Cry For Justice have been nourishing partly because the people running A Cry For Justice have carefully curated the testimonies, ensuring they are easy to read and easy to comprehend and would not ruffle anyone’s feathers or convey wrong ideas. And most of that work was done by me, though TWBTC helped to some extent.

Please forgive me, I don’t want to boast and I feel like a fool in saying this, but if you talk to someone who had a guest post published at the blog, they will probably tell you that they interacted with me in the preparation before their post was published, and that I made sure they were happy with the final draft before it went ‘live’.

In moderating comments on the A Cry For Justice blog to prioritize the safety and well-being of victims, I have to think about many factors:

  1. The risk of hurting a victim’s feelings,
  2. the risk being a victim being triggered by something that someone else has said,
  3. the risk of a victim being re-abused,
  4. the risk of victims being told what they should do, think or feel,
  5. the risk of a victim hearing something someone else has said as a harsh instruction (an Order),
  6. the risk of an abuser identifying their target victim, if the abuser read what the victim had written,
  7. the risk of spreading false doctrine or misinformation that would lead people astray or confuse them,
  8. and last but not least, the importance of teaching good doctrine which exposes and disentangles all the false doctrines that are contributing to keeping victims in bondage.

In doing this complex moderation, I have often faced a moral dilemma. I have to weigh the safety and well-being of my overall audience against the feelings of an individual person who has been abused.

When I know that someone is a victim of abuse, I don’t want to hurt their feelings or trigger them by saying something that reminds them of how their abuser talked to them.

But if that person has espoused ideas that are not biblically sound; or if they’ve “sermonized” at other victims by telling them how to feel, think or behave; or if they’ve written a really long comment that would be hard for other deeply traumatized victims to read in its raw form; I have sometimes advised them how to phrase and format their comments to make the A Cry For Justice site function well as a communal support group. That’s how I’ve tried to make ACFJ a safe place for all our readers.

But the irony is, because I had taken on too much, I sometimes came across as curt in my replies to commenters. I’ve done my best to teach and model how to write and respond to comments. But my efforts have been far from perfect.

I’m immensely grateful to readers who have replied to other commenters with compassion and encouragement. I’m immensely grateful to readers who have diplomatically replied to a commenter who said something a bit insensitive to other another commenter. And when a commenter has advocated dangerous ideas (because they’ve imbibed wrong doctrines from their pastors) I’ve appreciated those who have responded by giving a kindly corrective.

But some readers of A Cry For Justice have been sitting on the sidelines, watching and noticing when I fell short because I was tired and was simply unable to write a sensitive reply to a reader. And when they thought I’d fallen short, they judged me…and some of them went and badmouthed me to others in the survivor community.

I’ve been supporting and interacting with hundreds of survivors of abuse. I do this voluntarily. Many of those victims have several different IDs in the way they have interacted with me. They may use:

  • Several different email addresses,
  • several different screen names when they comment at the blog,
  • a different name when they comment at Facebook,
  • not to mention how some of them have several different WordPress IDs to try to keep safe from the cyberstalking of their abusers.

I have kept some records to help me remember who is who, but my brain is overloaded. And my records are imperfect.

I have a plan in place for sharing my workload. I will be announcing that plan in the next few days. So stay tuned.

When Jeff and I were co-leading the A Cry For Justice site and TWBTC was assisting, we mutually agreed on a protocol for moderating comments. Jeff was very okay with us banning and blocking commenters where necessary.

It’s also important to note that the Facebook platform is even more difficult to manage than the blog. Facebook does not give us many options to guard our readers’ safety and well-being. When people comment at our Facebook page, we have only three options:

  • We can let a comment stand, which means everyone can read it,
  • or we can hide the comment, which means only the commenter & their friends can read it,
  • or we can ban the commenter from our Facebook page.

What is more, Facebook is set up and configured to give people the impression they have the right to ‘free speech’ and they can easily disregard the responses other people make to their speech. That’s the way Facebook is constructed. Facebook is reaping all our data and making money from advertisers, while giving each of us the feeling that we have a giant megaphone to blast out our thoughts and feelings, and we can easily stop our ears when we don’t want to hear what people are saying back to us.

The time differences around the world also affect communal discussion. Americans can light a bushfire and I will only see it when I wake up hours later. By that time the bushfire has spread and it’s hard to bring reasonableness to the discussion because it’s got so heated…and when I try, some people perceive me as dictatorial for trying to calm things down.

Facebook has catered to our self-centredness. Our biases. Our prejudices. And now, almost everybody is seeing Facebook as THE way to communicate. Very few people are willing to engage in deep conversation or thinking which might challenge them or make them feel uncomfortable.

While Jeff and I were co-leaders, a lady messaged us saying she was setting up a closed group on Facebook to discuss domestic abuse, and she asked our advice about how to do this. Jeff replied to her saying:

I have not had any experience with closed groups on Facebook. One thing for sure though, you need to moderate comments if you allow readers to comment and don’t publish the nasty ones. We find it best to keep dagger throwers from even being allowed to comment and if necessary we block and ban them.

While he co-led A Cry For Justice with me, Jeff Crippen told me more than once that he wanted us to drop the Facebook page, but I was reluctant to drop Facebook because it helps abuse victims find the blog.

Is it “power hungry & controlling” to hide or block comments?

Let us picture someone called Jesse. I’ve chosen that name because it can be male or female. Jesse is a Christian who has a presence on the web: Jesse writes a blog, has a Facebook identity and a twitter identity.

Now; what if Jesse tells you who to listen to and who not to listen to. Or Jesse does not publish your comment at his website. Or Jesse hides the comment you made at her Facebook page. Or Jesse bans you from his Facebook page. If Jesse does any of those things, can we conclude that Jesse is a power-hungry person who wants to control you?

Not necessarily.

What could be the REASON why Jesse is not letting some people spread their views at his social media platforms? Could Jesse have some good reasons for not letting everyone express their views on her website or Facebook page?

If there are no conceivable good reasons for Jesse behaving that way, then Jesse is just a selfish controller and power-monger.

But if Jesse has good reasons for curating what readers see at his or her social media and website, then Jesse isn’t trying to hold power in an ungodly way. Rather, Jesse is trying to take care of the overall well-being and safety of all the people who are benefiting from Jesse’s work.

This is where you and I need to exercise discernment. We can assess Jesse’s track record. Has Jesse stood up for victims of abuse? Has Jesse toed some party line in the Christian world, and avoided telling the whole truth in order to stay in favor with important people? Has Jesse done a lot of hard work, often without much kudos or reward, to help victims of abuse and oppression? Perhaps Jesse mouths good rhetoric; but how much has Jesse self-sacrificially done to protect the safety and well-being of real life abuse victims who are being crushed at the coal face?

At the Facebook page of A Cry For Justice, many critical comments were made about me. I only censored a few of those comments.

I actually hid one comment which supported what I was saying – I hid it because the commenter had also recommended a book which I know would lead our readers into wrong theology (contemplative Christianity). I banned one commenter who kept on arguing against the inspiration of Scripture: he accused me of being legalistic, but I don’t think it is legalistic to uphold the inspiration and inerrancy of Scripture. I hid another comment that was extremely snarky to me, and when that commenter wrote another comment which made untruthful claims about my actual conduct, I banned her from the page.

However, I did not hide or block the vast majority of the comments that were angry at what I had said about Billy Graham, or were claiming that I was being ‘legalistic’ to uphold the truths of the gospel. I let most of my critics have their ‘free speech’ on our Facebook page. And I replied to their comments reasonably –  my aim was always to encourage my critics to reconsider and be more open minded to the possibility that I had not gone off the rails.

But the vast majority of the people who deprecated me at Facebook did not respond reasonably and courteously to my comments. They just ignored me, or criticized me even more. They had formed a fixed opinion of me and were determined to maintain it.

Are you starting to see how Facebook has conditioned and colored the way we all interact? Do you grasp how hard it is to have reasoned and respectful interaction, when almost everyone just defaults to Facebook as THE place to interact and comment and discuss things?

At the A Cry For Justice blog post about Billy Graham and other ‘untouchables’ in the Christian world, Rachel Miller submitted a highly critical comment about me. Rachel has a blog of her own, but she didn’t use her own blog to state her concerns about me. When she saw that I hadn’t published her comment at the blog, she posted it at the ACFJ Facebook page…and two days later she allowed Jeff Crippen to publish her critical opinion of me at his new blog.

Jeff and other people have dismissed me because they think I’ve been sucked in by what Jeff calls “the crazy conspiracy/ Satanic ritual abuse business”. (Jeff said that here [Internet Archive link].) But they have not given a lot of reasoned arguments for why they think I’ve lost the plot. In my view, they have not done enough research and they are making assumptions about the testimonies of victims.

My detractors have not had the life experience that I’ve had. That doesn’t make me ‘better’. It just makes me different from them.

I invite you to compare how much I’ve allowed free speech at ACFJ, with how much Jeff Crippen has allowed free speech at his blogs and his personal social media accounts.

I’m not the only one who is censoring comments. Jeff is censoring some comments that are submitted to his blogs. Several people including myself have submitted comments to his blog Unholy Charade that he hasn’t published. Jeff is curating what people see at his blogs. Many bloggers do this: it is a mistake to think that I’m the only blogger who curates what people see at their blog. 

Furthermore, Jeff is not running a public Facebook page in conjunction with his blogs. So he’s not opening himself up to the “free for all” on a public Facebook page where people can make knee-jerk, drive-by digs at anyone they want to criticize.

Jeff Crippen asked me not to cite his blog posts as support in articles that I write or statements that I make

I have decided that it is not appropriate for me comply with Jeff’s request. Any author is free to quote or cite another author, so long as they attribute the quote correctly. I agree with what Jeff wrote at the A Cry For Justice blog, and those things continue to be helpful to victims. If I think something Jeff has written is relevant or pertinent to what I am wanting to say, I will cite it if I think it will help my readers.

Three other people (Megan Cox, Valerie Hobbs and Rachel Miller) asked me to remove their posts from the A Cry For Justice blog. I initially told them I would, but I have now informed them that I will be leaving up all their posts at the ACFJ blog.

One of the ACFJ readers has said she hopes that all the material by Jeff Crippen and Megan is left intact at A Cry For Justice. She wrote that publicly without any prompting from me, and several other readers have agreed with her. She pointed out that to delete that information at ACFJ would dry up a wealth of helpful resources: it’s like Jeff is trying to erase history and is assuming that our readers blindly believe what anyone tells them and don’t have discernment.

If I removed a post, that would remove all the comments at the post too. I will not undermine any of the content of A Cry For Justice when I deem it to be in accordance with the truth of scripture and helpful for understanding and wisely responding to abuse.

I still concur with the material by Jeff, Megan, Valerie and Rachel that is published A Cry For Justice. So I will not be removing it. But of course, if any of those people no longer agree with something they wrote in the past, they are free to say so at their own blogs.

I don’t know how long I will continue to run the A Cry For Justice website, but at the moment I’m wanting to continue this voluntary ministry. I may find at some point that I don’t feel capable of managing the workload even though I have new assistants. If I ever contemplate giving up the online ministry of ACFJ, I’ll try to provide plenty of advance notice.

To sum up

I believe that evildoers have infiltrated, corrupted and gained widespread control of churches, organizations and major social institutions.

In my observation, there are very few professing Christians who are aware of the extent of the corruption and are standing up and speaking out against it. And evildoers are constantly throwing distractions, disinformation, stumbling blocks and obstacles in the path so that Christ’s people will be thrown off track…and will attack each other…become disabled…or die.

One our readers has noted that

Sex trafficking of women and children would not occur if there weren’t money in it. Who’s paying for it? Is it not evil people who pretend to be good? Do you think there’s no Satan worship? Is it really so inconceivable wicked people would participate in ritual abuse?

The evildoers don’t want Christians around, hindering their agenda. Psalm 2 talks about how the kings of the earth enjoin to conspire against God and his Anointed. As I read the following passage from Psalm 2, think about the “kings of the earth” as political leaders, religious leaders, and powerful people in the health system, the legal system, mass-media and entertainment.

Why do the heathen so furiously rage together
and why do the people imagine a vain thing?
The kings of the earth stand up,
and the rulers take counsel together against the Lord and against his Anointed.
Let us break their bonds asunder: and cast away their cords from us.
(Psalm 2:1-3)

And the Gospel of John talks about this as well—

This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.

Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.
(John 3:19-21)

If you know the Lord Jesus Christ, you can take comfort in the Bible’s assurance that God wins in the end.

God will take vengeance against the ungodly. His Word is true and trustworthy. He has promised that every soul whose name is written in the Lamb’s Book of Life will be saved. (Rev 13:8; 21:27)

The Lamb is Jesus. Jesus is fully God and fully man, fully divine and fully human, the only human without sin. He is the light of the world, the door, the way, the truth and the life (John 14:6). He is the good shepherd. He knows every one of his sheep and calls them by name. And He goes to great lengths to rescue every one of his sheep from the briers. Jesus said:

my sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me, and I give to them eternal life. And they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.  My Father who gave them to me is greater than all, and no one is able to take them out of my Father’s hand.  And I and my Father are one. (John 10:27-30, NMB)

Oct 22, 2018, Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison apologized to victims of institutional child sexual abuse. He said the words “ritual sexual abuse” at 5:55 in his speech. To listen to his speech go to Full speech: Scott Morrison’s national apology to child sex abuse victims [Internet Archive link] [Scroll part way down the linked page to find the phrase “ritual sexual abuse” that Barbara Roberts mentions. Editors.]

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


1 People who have publicly disagreed with Jeff Crippen’s stance: Bitter HerbsSister, Gany TFollower from the Start.

2 Trigger Warning Ritual Abuse and Torture in Australia, Advocates for Survivors of Child Abuse, 2006 [Internet Archive link]

3 Articles at A Cry For Justice by Jeff Crippen which dealt with Satan and the kingdom of darkness:

Demons Thrash When They are Exposed – And so do Abusers

Abuse as an Attack on Marriage by the Evil One

The One Behind all Quests for Power

The Satanic Nature of the Abuser’s Mockery

Signs of the Dark Kingdom

We All Begin in Naivete About Evil – But We Must Not Stay There

Christ is Risen and Satan is Thrown out of Court (Part 16 of Wise as Serpents Sermon Series)

4 Fiona Barnett cites an example of the psychological research conducted at the University of Sydney, Australia, in the 1960s: Trigger Warning Social Control in the Psychological Experiment: Antisocial Behavior and Hypnosis [Internet Archive link] (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1965, 1, 189-200) The senior researcher was Dr Martin Orne. The study was supported in part by a research grant from the United States Air Force Office of Scientific Research [Internet Archive link].


  1. Rebecca Davis

    Thank you for this, Barbara. Though you and I have disagreed about tone and about how to interact with fellow advocates, I fully agree with you about the problem of extreme abuse as you’ve defined it here and as I’ve made reference to here and there (often obliquely) on my own blog. I’ve personally seen that those who are in domestically abusive relationships also often carry trauma from childhood, and sometimes it’s extreme trauma as you’ve described here.

    The survivors of extreme abuse that I’ve had the privilege of getting to know personally are truly heroes in their desire and determination to survive and overcome. Some of them choose to speak as well, and it is always at great cost, because it puts their lives in further danger, and sadly, because they are so little believed and so mocked, even by Christians. It pains me greatly that even Christians, who ought to be aware of extreme evil, will publicly use the “tin foil hat” accusation against survivors of extreme abuse.

    As you’ve implied about yourself, I also haven’t drawn conclusions about all of the different theories and statements regarding conspiracies, some of which seem outlandish to me and some of which I don’t understand at all. But those I quietly simply put to the side in my mind, because what I’m dealing with personally with the people I interact with on a weekly or even daily basis is enough to convince me that extreme abuse as you define it here is going on all around us all the time.

    I’ve also felt a great internal urging to address this problem that so few in the church understand. I believe that some of the most “troublesome” people in the church may be survivors of extreme abuse, with all the trauma-created results that go with it. Instead of mockery, it’s imperative that we address them with compassion.

    • Seeing Clearly

      Rebecca, thank you for speaking truth out loud regarding dark, hidden, but very real issues.

      In many, many instances where humans realize that they have unknowingly aligned themselves with an abusive marriage partner, it is following a pattern from severe abuse as a child.

      As women share experiences of their private lives with me, the silent compassionate question forms in my mind, “What happened to you in childhood?”.

      • Rebecca Davis

        Yes, I’m glad you see it too, Seeing Clearly. Until Christians acknowledge that sex trafficking and child pornography (Siamese twins) [conjoined twins] happen not just on the other side of the world but right here under our noses, and until they’re willing to investigate how it is that it can be hidden in plain sight, they won’t have the open arms they so desperately need to embrace the most needy in our churches.

      • anonymous

        And it’s known that much of the child sex trafficking and child pornography is coming from the very parents, incestuous dads / stepdads /mother’s boyfriends, and what happens when those child victims become 18? They get to ‘consent’ to the family’s – legal – pornography production. Nowadays, with the internet, and online porn exploding the industry, it isn’t so concentrated, but it used to be, with the old VHS era, that such was like a pipeline for porn. And it was a family operation with the next generation abused and victimized into being the next generation of pornography producers. In the VHS era, much of the ‘grooming’ for women in adult pornography came from incestuous families, from children being prostituted out and raped and abused, and it was like a factory operation. Many adult women in porn today are yesterday’s child victims. I still think it holds true even though nowadays the victim pool has widened and been rapidly expanded due to the internet and the increasingly pornified society we have today.

        People think this all happens ‘accidentally’ or ‘coincidentally’? Nonsense. The evildoers are very strategic and cognizant of the deleterious effects and they count on such. Ruin (and that doesn’t imply ‘damaged goods’, but rather it is about violation and the harms of abuse, rape, and sexual abuse) another batch of girls in their childhood, and you have tomorrow’s sex slaves (be it prostituted out women, ‘porn stars’ or otherwise trafficked women).

      • I agree, but I’d like to add that females are not the only victims. The evildoers victimize males too. The woman I knew 25 years ago – her primary abuser was her adoptive mother.

    • Thanks Rebecca. Yes, I know that you and I have in the past disagreed about tone and how to address fellow advocates. Maybe in the future you and I may not disagree so much on that…. I’m not sure, but it’s possible that my tone may change somewhat now that all this stuff has happened since September 2018.

      I appreciate your support of abuse victims including those who have suffered extreme abuse.

      • Rebecca Davis

        I’m heartened by this encouragement, Barbara. I also appreciate your support of victims and survivors of all forms of abuse, and I also appreciate the support Jeff has given to victims and survivors of abuse through the years. I pray that the rifts in the advocate community can be mended.

  2. Seeing Clearly

    When I found an ACFJ post in my email this morning, I felt a sense of relief and love. For me, it meant that you had arrived at a place in this painful journey to speak out loud. You have been concise in matters that are very complex.

    I continue to embrace the extremely important ministry of ACFJ.

    Thank you, Barbara.

    • Finding Answers

      ^That, re-iterated many times.

      And you, Seeing Clearly, and your comments to me and to others, have helped along with my healing.

      The same to ALL on the ACFJ blog, past and present, posters and commenters, the many in the silent audience.

      I have been well and truly blessed, alive despite the battle. Without ACFJ, I would not be here.

      Thanks and glory to God.

      • Seeing Clearly

        Finding Answers, I am so proud of you for your choice of an ongoing, relentless, and often painful pursuit of truth in your life. (hugs)

  3. Anon

    Barbara, you speak to a very narrow audience of spiritual Christians who have been abused. Carnal Christians are unable to discern the spiritual truth of Ephesians 6:12, hence, they see you (us) as “crazy.” Plus, how many of us have actually experienced someone causing us harm, on purpose, pre-meditated, with intention to hurt, repeatedly? This is abuse. This is evil. Keep speaking the truth, Barbara. The church needs to wake up!

    • UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, let alone asked for their forgiveness.


      Welcome to the blog, Anon. 🙂

      I’m not sure what you mean by the term ‘carnal Christians’ — that term has been used in many ways. But I think I get your drift.

      Some people (though not you, I think) have used the term ‘carnal Christian’ to pretty much excuse abusers who profess to be Christians. Typically, the line goes like this: “Your spouse is a Christian because he or she has been baptised and goes regularly to church. Your spouse’s ill treatment of you is because he or she is a carnal Christian. So you must just be long-suffering and tolerate the ill-treatment…”

      Jeff Crippen wrote a four part series titled The “Christian” Abuser: Couldn’t He be a “Carnal” Christian?. Here is a link to Part 1 of that series and from there you can find the other parts.

  4. KH

    I’m glad you have addressed this, Barb. I saw the bandwagon going but didn’t feel certain it was right, though I was concerned with some issues I saw.

    I believe ritual abuse happens. MK-Ultra documents make that clear. I also think conspiracy theories are sometimes true, and sometimes untrue. I’ve seen too much to discount anything because it sounds extreme. At the same time, I don’t automatically accept every account, especially if there are political motivations at play that mean caution is needed – but not dismissal without investigation. (Pizzagate, etc).

    I think part of what has happened here is that as the reach and influence of this blog grew, the merging of roles that was happening early on became untenable. In the professional helping community, we often distinguish between the caring / helping / support role and the advocate role, because the two roles clash often. Advocates primary responsibility is to the overall community; helpers primary responsibility is the care of individual survivors.

    As a helper (professional counselor here), my primary responsibility is to creating safety for individual survivors to process trauma. It is not helpful to that work to challenge someone’s beliefs outside the context of our work (politics, for example). But for an advocate, speaking out about injustice in the community IS of primary importance. To stay silent would be to abandon the role of truth-teller.

    So I see one major issue on ACFJ as being one of Barb trying to carry two roles – support and advocacy – that too often directly conflict. While she has had some success at stretching herself (at a cost, I am sure) to try to fill both roles, the roles are necessarily somewhat conflicting. It’s a dilemma most advocates face that their advocacy leads people to come to them for care – when the qualities and mission that make a good advocate can conflict with a support role.

    I feel like it is impossible to dissect everything that’s happened between the personalities here, so I look at how each party is handling conflict. I think Jeff was wrong to dismiss ritual abuse survivors as crazy.

    I also think that mixing ACFJ’s mission against domestic abuse with mission against other types of abuse or theological wrongness creates confusion, because most survivors are not in a place to also research and become experts on other forms of abuse, so I think separation is important.

    But calling for promoting messages within distinct forums is different than calling someone crazy, or trying to restrict someone’s speech within separate forums. I’m always suspicious when that happens. I’m glad Barb has acknowledged that she should have handled things differently versus switching messaging abruptly without explanation. I think setting up a separate blog or handle to address some of her non-domestic abuse concerns could be helpful.

    • Rebecca Davis

      I concur that even though domestic abuse and “extreme abuse” can be very much related (for example, a man who wants to traffic children might marry a vulnerable, pre-traumatized, and even dissociative woman to give him lots of children to traffic, and then he could cause chaos and fear in the home to cover what he’s doing). Still when educating the public it seems better to keep the information about the two kinds of abuse in separate places. When survivors of abuse go to research to try to understand their abuse, they usually will focus on one type, and could be overwhelmed by the whole gamut at once.

      I’m not sure how that would work out in practice, but it seems like a wise idea to perhaps have a different blog that explains “extreme abuse” and maybe reference that in the blogroll.

      • I am not intending to start another blog to address extreme abuse. Nor am I intending to put a lot of focus on extreme abuse at this blog. Others are writing about extreme abuse as their main focus. So people can do their own research to find those kinds of blogs, if they wish to.

        As I noted in the post / video, I simply want to acknowledge that extreme abuse exists and that it sometimes overlaps with domestic abuse. The focus of this blog will remain domestic abuse and the exposure and untangling of false teaching which contributes to making the church an abuser-friendly environment.

    • Hope

      Wow, KH, this was well written and full of wisdom. I think your post really just summed up both the good and the unwise of both Barb and Jeff in this situation. Both have blessed many, both are believers and guess what??? Neither are perfect.

      • Thanks for contributing to this thread, Hope. 🙂

  5. NG

    Thank you, Barbara, for your gracious heartfelt words. ❤

    I’m one who has sometimes disagreed with the tone and the direction of this blog in recent months. Some of the sharpness and bluntness as you put it, certainly can have a lot to do with cultural communicational differences. (I’ve also plenty of times been accused of being too blunt and sharp, without it being my intention.) That your time and energy resources are limited is totally understandable.

    Abuse is real in its many forms, and all of those who come in contact with it need the wisdom and grace to deal with it. I have been blessed by this site and others, where the voices were heard and victims were supported, instead of the all too common ‘ah you have to forgive and show unconditional love to your abusers’.

    May the Father continue to guide and shine His light on your path and use this blog for His glory.

  6. anon55

    It’s a long post and I’m not done reading it yet, but I’m so glad it’s up as it has been long awaited. It’s so very solid. Now, back to reading…. 🙂

  7. Suzanne

    I’m completely mystified and so disappointed that Jeff would deny the reality of ritualized, extreme abuse or label a victim as crazy. Isn’t that what our abusers do? It’s especially surprising in view of his background in law enforcement, as there’s so much evidence that these groups exist and of the harm they do. And to criticize you, Barbara, for extending support to these victims makes it all the more painful. I had always thought of him as someone who had compassion for the victims and was willing to believe their testimonies. I’ve been disappointed so many times when people I’ve trusted turned out to be less than what I thought them to be; I never thought that Jeff would be one of them. Thank you for soldiering on in the face of so much opposition. I consider you to be a heroine in the cause of advocating for, validating, and supporting victims. I’ve prayed that God will always give you strength, wisdom, and discernment as you continue this ministry. And I’ll pray for Jeff, that God will open his eyes to the reality of extreme abuse.

    • ruth8318

      Well said!!

  8. AppleofHiseye

    Thank you, Barbara, for this response to the conflict that arose in Sept.

    Thank you for validating me when I shared my story with you about the spiritual abuse I experienced in our former church. Yes, I believe what happened in my case was a conspiracy of leaders to try to break me down, and I believe it happens more than we know.

    It took a lot for me to muster up the courage to share that story with you and you believed me without hesitation. You were very compassionate and professional in the way you handled my disclosure to you.

    I understand that not everyone goes through the type of bullying and harassment that me and my family experienced with our former church. I also understand that it doesn’t happen at all churches. For this reason, I am very reluctant to share our story with many people. It does sound crazy! But having experienced it, and knowing that everything we went through really happened, makes it easier for me to believe when others share their stories.

    For those who try to discredit victims of these abusers by lumping them all in the “crazy” basket, my hope is that they never have to be the target of one of these conspiracies, because I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

    Thank you for what you have done to help victims of abuse and I pray that the Holy Spirit will continue to lead you and guide you as you go forward.

    [Paragraph spacing increased to enhance readability. Editors.]

  9. anonymous

    I wonder also how much sexism is at play. For example, the criticism of Barb for not wanting comments to be in all caps….as though she is a schoolmarm or something. That’s such a gendered criticism. Has anyone read comments or pages done in all caps? It strains the eyes. It’s hard to read.

    And indeed, the blog’s community of readers, complete with their shared experiences, is a really helpful point of the blog. But it’s Barb’s initial post that generates the discussion, and the comments only happen because Barb moderates and edits them.

    Has anyone seen the kind of horrible comments that go on unmoderated sites? Look at just about any news article online that allows comments and read the ones that show up after any story of domestic violence, rape, or other violence against women. It’s filled with all sorts of stuff from misogynists, abusers, abuser-friendly / abuser-apologists, and flying monkeys of all sorts.

    I don’t know about Facebook, as I think social media is so damaging. The internet is a bad enough place for women because of men’s violence, abuse, and harassment; social media is like crack for abusers.

    But for Jeff to leave under different announced circumstances and then to recently post such a bristling ‘denouncement’ of Barb and all, it just seems wrong. How many abusers dismiss their victims as being ‘crazy’, and to spout ‘mental health’ again in criticizing Barb seems to be quite the weaponized attack so common with abusers and for those who are bystanders, it’s easy to fall for the lie of abusers when a person doesn’t know better.

    I don’t understand Twitter so I don’t know what to say there, but whatever. I come for the blog. And what’s here on the blog has mattered to me.

  10. frank o'shea

    Satan is ever active, without letup.
    I am Catholic and aware of my church’s evil both in history & today.
    God bless.

  11. many years

    Thank you for all of this, Barbara. You are loved of the Lord. Don’t give up the ship! But do take good care of your own needs in the process of evaluating the continuation of A Cry For Justice. You have helped many people. And I can relate to harshness, or discouragement from some comments from readers, at another blog in particular, as I have experienced that from a few readers who have posted insensitive comments or questions after I had posted a comment when all I was doing was pouring my heart out and just wanting positive affirmation, and compassion and support. Sometimes, it is the same commenters who ask questions of several commenters, or they ‘play favorites’ when someone said almost the same exact thing, but they encourage one person and not the other.

    I also appreciated how you expressed how Americans and Aussies language / the syntax can change in definition. And I do know now, why my comment from about a month ago, here on ACFJ was not addressed here on the site as you were accessing various aspects of the blog, and you were focusing on what you were dealing with behind the scenes. My comment was about Lundy Bancroft’s book ‘Why Does He Do That?’ I now have the book and I am going to prayerfully read it, comparing it with scripture, and also taking into consideration that some abuse is very deceptive and subtle.

    I am going to put a link to a very sinister article which has to do with the opening ceremonies of CERN in Switzerland [the Gotthard tunnel], back in 2016 / 17 which included some very Satanic over-tones. This celebration was attended by dignitaries world wide. I just found the link a week ago, and I was shocked. It was scary…. So, I can believe it when you say there are women and children who are being used a sex slaves, etc and young boys too. ‘As in the days of Noah, so shall the coming of the Son of God be.’ And we are there. There is much to pray about, and I believe as you do, we are here, as saints of the Lord, to rebuke the hidden things of darkness.

  12. Anonymous

    Thank you for your apology and explanation. I think that 90% of disagreements and conflicts among human beings can be worked out. The other 10% probably falls into the category of dealing with people with pathological disorders, character disorders, or entrenched unrepentant sin, whatever you want to call it. If we’re not dealing with such people, it pays to make all effort to listen, engage and seek to understand. It is clear now from Barbara’s post that tiredness (maybe compassion fatigue?) from her enormous workload played a role in the way she responded to readers.

    We can agree to disagree, but we don’t need to put down one another. The public comments made in the recent past toward Barbara had the flavor of lynch-mobbing to me. To be kind to those who made such comments, they probably didn’t intend to come across that way, but such was the effect.

    There are several positions of ACFJ that I have not always agreed with, but I fully respect the right of the past and current leader(s) to hold their position, and believe they (both Jeff and Barbara) have only strived to do their best. Their attitudes have been such a fresh air after the life-sapping experience of being in a toxic abusive marriage, that I was, and continue to be, thankful for their existence and presence in my life, albeit through the cyberworld.

    Finally, I think readers may not appreciate that Barbara is not only Australian, she has a highly academic approach. Her book, Not Under Bondage, is a very rigorous look at divorce from a Biblical point of view, and not your average lay book. Perhaps Barbara comes across pedantic or overly detailed in her posts (such as her investigations of various speakers’ / teachers’ approach), but that may be because God has gifted her with a huge capacity to read, analyze, think through, and lay out a detailed, critical examination of issues that she is interested in. Facebook, on the other hand, is a vehicle for shallow, poorly reasoned, emotionally laden arguments, that often serve no other purpose than to get something off our chest and feel better. Sure, sometimes the comments are uplifting and encouraging, but when used to enable an agenda of discrediting another, FB just becomes a weapon of abuse. Thanks to Barbara for clarifying her position in this post and not resorting to FB commenting.

  13. many years

    Here is the site I referenced as to the opening ceremony of the CERN tunnel in Switzerland.
    The Opening Ceremony of the World’s Largest Tunnel Was a Bizarre Occult Ritual [Internet Archive link] I am posting this site to show just how bad it is in the world among the so-called leaders of the world.

  14. daughterofgod

    Barb thank you so much for all your hard work supporting victims! It’s a huge responsibility that no one could manage perfectly but you’ve done really well. The demons in people hate when the truth is exposed and retaliate. There are too many victims of satanic [abuse?] that have come forward and there’s too much evidence to say it is just a conspiracy theory. I personally know a few of them. It’s actually not that uncommon. I believe them. One of the worst things someone can do to a victim is calling them crazy and that is exactly what Jeff is doing which is very disappointing. He is not even giving the benefit of the doubt. I am praying for you and your blog. You have helped me and many others with your work. Please keep it up and don’t waste your precious time with the trolls. We love you! God bless.

  15. Kind of Anonymous

    Barb, I have often appreciated the depth of brain work you do in really looking deeply into a situation in order to discern what is really behind how things might first appear to be before rushing to pronounce a verdict, as well as your desire to be faithful to God and His word.

    I am also grieved of course that this issue that arose between you and Jeff has resulted in, from what I read, your getting some unfair treatment. I wonder why there couldn’t have been a collaborative post in which both you and Jeff could have discussed the question of SRA and wickedness in high places with an explanation of why Jeff at this point isn’t certain how much of it is hooey and how much is truth, and you being able to explain your thinking on the matter as well. We readers could handle the idea that Jeff and you have different perspectives on issues like SRA. I am concerned that you might think I am rebuking you; not at all. I am grieved that Jeff chose to handle this the way he did although I think I understand his reaction. SRA is scary stuff most people don’t want to believe.

    I am however, somewhat familiar with the SRA issue. I first became aware of SRA when I was seeing a counselor who began to tell me that she was sure I had been ritually abused. I was describing to her the demonic torment and other things I was experiencing. When I pressed her to give me a concrete explanation of what she saw that led her to this conclusion, she gave me a vague explanation of “Oh, I see it all the time.” Later on I asked her why the word of God couldn’t help me or God Himself.

    My thinking was that if the only way I can be helped is if I happen to be one of the few people who can afford someone who is a skilled deprogrammer of SRA victims and I can happen to find one of those few people, what does that say about God’s power to help me? She got angry and said sarcastically that the Bible was not on trial here today. The lack of any form of evidence other than just her opinion made me very suspicious and I discontinued counselling with her. As to the idea that I’d had some form of abuse related to Satanism or occult involvement was a possibility as I did have some clear memories relating to that, but nothing of the more extreme variety. I prayed and asked God for evidence if this was so but nothing further was ever confirmed through any means.

    Around this same time and prior to that time, two things came to light in the media. One was the McMartin Preschool case, in which it was alleged that children were being sexually abused and traumatized by this preschool, a sort of front for some form of SRA. And an organization that called itself the False Memory Syndrome Foundation came to light in the media. This group claimed to advocate against unscrupulous therapists who were telling their clients they have been sexually abused by their parents or Satanists, etc, based on unsubstantiated memories or fragments of memories.

    The official description of the results of the investigation was said to prove that the allegations were false and that it was a panic generated by paranoia, etc. Yet there were evidences found that somewhat did line up with parts of the children’s testimonies and was described in less official reports. This makes it very hard for Joe Public to determine whether the particular law enforcement personnel in this case were part of the spiritual wickedness in high places, or whether their findings were the truthful result of an in-depth investigation by honest policemen and women.

    The False Memory Syndrome Foundation gained credibility and traction in the public mind with their apparent exposure of false victims and unethical therapy practices that resulted in innocent parents and caregivers being charged with sexual abuse on the basis of memory fragments interpreted by a client’s therapist. Soon the term and the name of the organization was being used by the public with no thought as to how credible it really was or where it came from just because of the use of credibility associated words like “syndrome” and “foundation”. One example I read was of a woman whose counselor listened to her describe a memory fragment that contained an image of moss. Her therapist told her that the moss symbolized pubic hair and that this meant she had been abused by one of her parents I think. That’s incredibly irresponsible of a counselor to say this and the folks at FMSF claimed to be rescuing all of us from the terrible lapse of ethics in such cases.

    However, I later came across an article about the founders of this organization. One of them was a man whose name, if I am recalling correctly, was one Ralph Underwager. The article exposed that Mr. Underwager had written a pedophilia positive article in a European magazine called Paedika. I researched it on the internet and sure enough, I was able to find this magazine and the mentioned article. When this fact came to light, Mr. Underwager stepped down from FMSF. Very interesting.

    The things described by people who have been involved or alleged to have been involved either as victim or perp in SRA-like situations are so truly gross and evil that they spark fear and create a feeling that there is nowhere to hide from evil and that those we think are trustworthy are part of the very evil we think they protect us from. It’s quite understandable that it’s preferable to relegate such stories to the lunatic fringe or some crazy seeking attention and playing the system.

    However, we know that both political and religious regimes rape, torture and kill people, sometimes for extended periods of time in horrible ways and often with the side angle of getting sick pleasure and power out of it. We find this anywhere. War crimes. Serial killers. Predators. Dictatorships. Is it really that hard to imagine that what some do for religious reasons, and some for political, some will do for spiritual or occult reasons? It’s all a form of seeking power and control, whatever framework is being used.

    Whether tales of things like SRA, MK-Ultra mind control, the Illuminati etc, are absolutely true, or partially true and part urban legend, I am not in a position to say. I’ve heard and read some extreme claims from those who have posted online about having been part of these organizations and say they witnessed corruption and gross evil in the very places we hold as bastions of truth and honor. I think rather than get caught up in fear horror and hysteria over it so that we either run with it full tilt or deny it outright, we ought to take it on a case by case basis. And if someone is presenting with a story of SRA and it’s proved that their claims may not be true, it doesn’t change the fact that the person obviously needs some manner of help. It may be true. It may be something they were led to believe. It may be conversion disorder. Given that evil takes many forms and the days grow darker, gross ugly stuff like that is likely possible.

    This is what I know about this rather scary subject. I don’t know if any of it helps. But thank you just the same for being willing to tackle scary stuff.

  16. AnonDD

    Great job, Barbara. Thanks for all of your hard work in all that you do, but also in articulating so well. I’ve stumbled across the truth of the difficult deep darkness that you speak of and know that the reality of it is being exposed. I, like anyone with a heart, have struggled through the pain, deep grief and righteous anger of learning about this form of abuse. It is a hard pill to swallow and some just aren’t willing to take it. However, I feel if we love the truth (and I can tell that you do), we stay open to explore the possibilities of the most unpleasant and challenging truths, no matter how ugly or evil they are. Just wanted to share a few thoughts and let you know that I support you and send love and prayers your way.

  17. Helovesme

    Barbara, first and foremost THANK YOU for putting so much heart and soul into this post. I woke up this morning wondering if today might be the day we saw this, and here it is! You obviously put a lot of time and effort into covering all the bases. It was worth the wait for sure.

    When Pastor Jeff resigned last year, I did wonder how that would increase your workload. You described in detail what it takes to do what you do—-so it’s not surprising what a toll it eventually took on you. I certainly understand how hard it is to maintain self-control and discipline when stress is coming at you from all sides. Being spread so thin really does take a toll.

    Whatever you decide to do in the future regarding the blog is completely up to you. You’re a precious child of God, first and foremost. If you are sacrificing too much of yourself, even with the best of intentions, that is not right and not fair. I can’t imagine that any of us who follow this blog would stand for that.

    The “cultural differences” you brought up was interesting. I’m an American, but I’m the child of immigrants. So I know what you mean when you speak of such things. And what you described is indeed quite common. I’m so glad we can speak openly about such things, because it really does help us understand each other more.

    I’ve been around American women who are as you described: blunt and direct—-which is not terribly common to see in my personal experience. Sometimes it’s refreshing (direct and plain honesty often is), but sometimes they are being rude IMO. They are works in progress just like the rest of us.

    Regardless of the fact that we all grew up in America, each one of us grew up in our own little worlds. For some, being blunt and direct was perfectly fine and natural. For others, it meant you were being prideful and rebellious.

    And to be perfectly frank—-sometimes I think these women were treated unfairly because they are women, not because they have done or said anything wrong. A forward speaking woman is not always treated in the same way as a forward speaking man might be.

    This is also the case within “church or Christian culture” as well. A Christian woman who speaks her mind is easily labeled as a troublemaker. Those of us who have said “no” to being abused didn’t get applauded for it—-we received quite a lot of backlash for it.

    I appreciated the breakdown and explanations you have regarding abuse in general, and then a segue to extreme abuse. I appreciated what you had to say, and I will keep all those things in mind. For now, I have no opinion on it one way or another. But in no way, shape or form do I believe that you are crazy or going off the deep end.

    Thank you also for realizing that it did cause some of us a bit of shock when we saw certain things posted on your personal page—and yes—it would have been great to have been given a bit of preparatory communication. It’s all good, though, IMO.

    I DID give a lot of thought when it came to claims or concerns about the naivete of former victims of abuse. The idea that we might be easily misled or influenced in unwise ways—-in regard to posts about extreme abuse or conspiracy theories being introduced. Many of us look up to Barb, so is there real worry that she might lead us astray, or down unwise roads that might derail us from being healed and set free?

    Okay—there’s no doubt that our past abusers (and their enablers) are master manipulators. They are really good at what they do. They deceive and carefully execute their schemes in order to entrap and immobilize their victims.

    Their charm, charisma, powerful personalities, or convincing sincerity and passion wove a pretty intricate web of lies that kept us in bondage. We didn’t really see things as they really were, or we didn’t see the red flags or warning signs, or we didn’t know how to escape the torment when we DID see more clearly.

    I will speak of myself here. There’s no doubt that I was impressionable for many years after being abused by my dad. I was deceived in a lot of ways regarding the Word, and only with resources like this did I start to see how many ways I’d been spiritually and emotionally exploited. And deceived regarding what abuse had done to me.

    This site encourages us to take back what abusers take from us: our right to think for ourselves. Abusers love and live to possess their victims as if we are their property. In no way do I believe Barb would try to tell us what to think or how to think. I don’t believe she treats victims as though they are of low intellect. I believe she is fully aware that that is a tool of an abuser, to convince them that they are fools—-and she’s not like that.

    I agree with your thoughts about Facebook. Too often we allow the worst parts of us to come alive as we hide behind a computer—saying things and treating others in ways we wouldn’t dream of doing if we saw them face-to-face. As if it’s not as harmful or destructive, or we feel we can get away with it since it’s so much more impersonal.

    I have been on the pages of others who also ask their readers to be kind, courteous and not use certain language or even bring up certain topics. It’s perfectly fine to me. So no, it’s not always power hungry or controlling to have some guidelines set up. And I do not at all envy what you go through to moderate and peruse what comes through here. But I do thank you for it, because it involves enormous labor.

    I hop we can bless and encourage each other with our personal thoughts and testimonies. That really has been one of the biggest blessings, as Barb pointed out.

    I’m beyond sorry for the falling outs that have occurred. I hope their resources can stay as well, because I think they’ve helped many.

    • There are readers and commenters on this blog from many different countries. I know we have readers from the UK, New Zealand, Canada, Australia and occasionally Africa, Europe and Asia.

      • Helovesme

        You specifically mentioned America in the post, so that is why I brought up how Americans can also be direct and blunt when they speak.

        I don’t think those are bad qualities. When a person chooses to be compassionate, that should always be done in a direct and clear way—-that is how the recipient has no confusion about what the giver is trying to give them.

        My point was that even within a certain country, people are unique. Each person tends to be distinct in how they communicate. It’s based on a wide variety of factors.

        I know a few people from Australia, and to be honest, I wish they were more like you in respect to trying to be more honest and straightforward.

        My family is from a region in the world that is often stereotyped in all the wrong ways. IMO, that is one the biggest reasons my abuse was never taken seriously. People can be so ignorant that they somehow think that abuse is built into their DNA, solely based on their ethnicity. This is also why my abuser was usually given a “free pass,” as if his sin was somehow something he couldn’t help doing.

        It is very difficult to contradict people in this respect. They’ve already made up their minds. They’ve used a wide, broad brush over millions of people from a certain country—-people they will never meet or know very little about—-yet they’ve come to certain conclusions that they believe are truthful.

        My dad may have been born and raised in that country, but I find it hard to believe that every man who grew up there is likely an abuser. Or they have a greater chance of becoming one, or that it’s inevitable and they have no choice in the matter.

        Yes, I believe the unsaved are slaves to sin (my dad is unsaved)—-and without Christ they have no real power to break that yoke. But sin is still something that is chosen—-and my dad, regardless of whatever environment or culture he grew up in—-chose to abuse me over and over again.

        Bit of a tangent, apart from your original comment and post. Being an American, yet being raised in a culturally different home—-is not terribly unique but it does come with some extra baggage at times.

      • Thanks, Helovesme. 🙂

      • Finding Answers

        Replying to Helovesme, but not sure if it’s going to nest properly, as am replying on Barb’s comment.

        Helovesme commented:

        My point was that even within a certain country, people are unique. Each person tends to be distinct in how they communicate. It’s based on a wide variety of factors.


        Ran into this both personally and professionally, sometimes ending up with miscommunication all around.

        I’ve been painted with so many wrong colours, I’m surprised I don’t resemble a rainbow.

        Thank you for putting into words the ones I can’t seem to find.

      • Helovesme

        Thank you for that kind reply, Finding Answers. It’s been very hard for ME to find the right words, or effectively try to communicate it to others.

        I LOVE that Barb brought up the cultural differences—-I really hope that came across. It’s quite brave and very helpful to point such things out.

        While we are all from different countries and / or come from different backgrounds—-last I checked we aren’t from different planets!

        Even though we are speaking English on this blog, sometimes it might feel like we are speaking different languages. Again, Barb pointed that out very well, and I appreciated that.

        As an unbeliever, I was painted in all sorts of narrow minded ways due to my gender and ethnicity. That was hard enough!

        Fast forward to becoming a believer, and while still retaining my gender and ethnicity—-being born again tended to add to that “palette” of colors to paint me with—-again, mostly inaccurate ones.

        There is no real way to stop people from using those paintbrushes. My answer to all that is to remind myself that I have one Potter in my life, and only He is allowed to put His hands on me to mold me and make me. No one else deserves that type of access to me but Him.

        I do NOT want or need a myriad of potters—all trying to mold and shape me into what they want or expect or demand me to be. If they want to “paint” me into whatever pigeonholed image they have of me, I can’t stop them. But I will resist, make no mistake.

  18. Trying Again

    Thank you for your explanation. I will ever be thankful to you for all you have done on the blog. It is a safe, caring, encouraging, educational place, and that is only because of your hard work!

    I have learned a bit about SRA and it is truly scary. To the point that I also had to put it out of my mind, but I do know that just because it is out of my mind does not mean it does not exist.

    I appreciate that you will keep A Cry For Justice focused on domestic violence. It has done so well in helping in this area, and I hope it long continues to. But it does not hurt to remind us once in a while of the connection occasionally with SRA. Keep the light shining on all evil!

    Thank you again for your explanation, which evidences great thought, care, and humility.

  19. Deborah

    Thank you for your thoughtful post. I was grieved to see the rift between you and Jeff. I have also been grieved and disappointed by his political views being made public on Twitter specifically…. His refusal to address the concerns raised about it on Twitter were also distressing. I wondered where the Jeff Crippen I had “known” and learned so much from had gone. So I quit reading either one of you or promoting sites or books. I pray there will be more clarity and healing if that is appropriate.

  20. Hadassah's Legacy

    Thank you, Barbara for your response to your detractors as you say. It was very well-written, reflecting gracious and professional conduct, honesty and humility. A stark contrast to what I was saddened to see written about you. I kept an open mind until I was able to seek your perspective, and that of another I suspected would have concerns about the comments about you, as you know. What you have written here is very welcome in respect to my regard for your discernment and your enormous efforts on behalf of survivors, and to uphold truth and justice. I hope it will inspire some needed reflection, and corresponding humility and determination to make restitution, in your detractors.

    • Helovesme

      That very much went in line with my thinking as well. Thanks for articulating it so nicely.

      The way Barb was spoken to and painted as on the Facebook page is not the Barb I’ve gotten to know. And I’m still convinced she is that person, despite contrary opinions.

      Even though I don’t have a concrete opinion about ritual abuse testimonies, I think it’s wrong to dismiss them as crazy or that they are lying or whatever. How awful is that?

      I completely agree with those that have said that such extreme forms of abuse are absolutely plausible. Not every testimony may be truthful (Barb acknowledged that) but that doesn’t mean it’s all a hoax.

      Barb brought up child sacrifice from the Word, which still to this day I find hard to swallow or even grasp. That someone would ever do such a thing, even centuries ago. But the Word says it did, so I believe it did occur.

      My story of abuse wasn’t taken seriously for years. Not because it wasn’t plausible, and it wasn’t a case of extreme abuse.

      I believe it wasn’t taken seriously because it’s very hard for some or many to believe that a parent would ever abuse their child. Parents are supposed to love and protect their kids. It blows our minds that the parent is the one the child needs protecting from!

      Here is another example. I never realized how often marital rape occurs until I started reading more and more testimonies from wives. I believed them. But at first, my mind had a hard time grasping that their husbands, of all people, would dare to do this to them. It blew my mind how cruel and how low these husbands would sink.

      Some might dare to say that it can’t be rape if they’re married. That these women are crazy for even suggesting it. Really? Listen to their stories, and then try to spout that nonsense.

      So Barb is not crazy or off her rocker in the slightest. Maybe she will open some minds a bit or get us asking more questions, or at least start praying about such matters. How could that cause any harm?

      • Another Reader

        Many wives who have been raped don’t even have the ability to identify it as such. Some think it is their lot in life and that the husband is permitted to do such to them because he is the husband, so he owns her, her body, and can do as he pleases.

        Others find it to be too devastating to identify such and would rather deny it away, resolve to themselves to forget such, or convince themselves that it wasn’t so bad and it could have been worse. All are helpful to survive, but not particularly helpful in other ways.

        One myth perpetuated by abusers (and rapists) is that their wives are frigid and therefore they had to rape, and it’s understandable, given the wives’ supposed frigidity. This is a lie. In reality the rapists didn’t want consensual, mutual sexual relations, but rather wanted to rape. It’s the violation, the coercion, the forcing to do against their will, which is the ‘gem’ in these guys’ eyes. The whole point of the rapes is to violate, to humiliate, to degrade, to subjugate, and to debase the woman. That’s the great payoff for the rapists.

        The rapist husbands know they are destroying the woman. They turn whatever is good and pervert it. They take the woman’s sexuality, her body, and they make it into an enemy, a source of trauma, a lasting scar. A crime scene. This is all the more draw for them. It’s like rape is the ultimate expression of woman-hatred and so-called ‘masculinity’ and the rapists being ‘the man’.

        So men love rape. Maybe not all do it, but the love of it is there. Just look at porn. Alternately, there are surveys and studies which show that when asked, many men admit that they’d rape if they knew they could get away with it. And that’s straight up asking if they’d rape, using the word “rape” and all.

        Is it any wonder why men do it to their wives, when marital rape is still disbelieved and discounted? The ‘stranger rapes’ are something like under 10 percent of reported rapes, but those are the ones most often prosecuted as they are easier to secure convictions (due to rape culture myths, the rapists’ go to [the] claimed defense of “consent”).

      • Helovesme

        Thank you Another Reader. That was a very good and thoughtful reply and insight into something so horrible and evil. Worst than that, it’s a reality for so many precious souls.

        No matter what form of abuse is alleged, it seems sinful humanity is ready to find some way to discredit or disregard it. The lies are ready at their fingertips. I never wonder anymore why victims don’t report to the police or even confide in others. Each victim may have varied reasons why, but it all comes to down to being either dismissed or demeaned in some way.

        For example, there are men who are sexually assaulted and abused. I recall reading that one man was told his allegations couldn’t be true, because he is a man. So, the truth that humanity can be victimized only applies to women and children?

        There was a comedic movie I once watched that most would suggest is tame and humorous. I hadn’t re-watched it in awhile, but when I did—-I picked up on a comment that marginalized a woman’s wedding night. I won’t repeat it, but I was shocked by it. It caused me great discomfort and I wondered why I hadn’t picked up on it before!

        This site did a wonderful series about male sexual coercion with their intimate partners. They found ways to dominate and intimidate their partner, in order to humiliate and demean them. And they were incredibly practiced and subtle at it as well. They were able to weave such a web over their partners that I don’t think their partners even knew what was really going on. BUT, the consequences were obvious: shame, humiliation, feeling dirty and / or demeaned. So you can know that something is wrong or something doesn’t feel right, but you don’t know how it all happened.

        This is the Don Hennessey series, and since my memory isn’t quite what it used to be, I may have left out or bungled some of the info provided. Please forgive me if I have.

        Rape doesn’t always have to be a violent act. That was another big learning point for me. Just as abuse is not always physical to be valid, rape doesn’t have to be violent in order to be labeled as such.

        You expressed VERY well what is really going on in the minds of these husbands when they attack their wives. They try to find ways to justify their evil, but when it comes down to it—-they’re not at all interested in mutual relations. They’re not interested in intimacy as God intended it. They are full of hate, not love.

        In this day and age, I don’t think we STILL understand that rape has nothing to with lust—and I would suggest it has nothing to do with sex (as we understand and define sex). Sex is used and seen as a weapon to hurt someone as much as possible. As you expressed it, that is the endgame for these evil persons.

        So the idea that rapist husbands are simply “desirous” of their wives is a complete farce. They’re not even guilty of “lusting” after their wives, IMO—-if that argument is ever brought up.

        I wonder if they get away with their evil deeds because wanting to sleep with your own wife is generally seen as a normal and natural thing. We might say that it’s odd if husbands DON’T want to be with their wives.

        This is why I think you’re right on that wives may not even know what was done to them. And, don’t know how to process it IF they realize what was done to them. They too might wonder if their husbands just wanted to be with them so badly that they got out of control and got carried away.

        And again, I don’t think these husbands are at ALL interested in being with their wives. They want to hurt them as much as possible, and rape is one of the worst (if not the worst) way to hurt someone.

        Even as I type this, I’m still shocked that people can sink this low. When it’s the very people you know, love and trust victimizing you and sinking to these depths of evil—-I would ask how any victim should be expected to process such trauma?

        Abuse in of itself is horrific. But abuse from my dad, my own father? I used to call him “Daddy.” But he’s the one that is using his access to me as a means to damage me. My availability and vulnerability as his daughter was being used against me!

        AND, the very fact that I’m his daughter actually worked very well in his defense. Like you said, wives are often treated more as property than people. The same can be said for children.

        My dad was physically and verbally abusive to me—-not sexual abuse at all. But it did mess with my personal view as a woman. And since my dad acted more like a master over me, than a father—-I felt like a slave and something of a zombie for much of my life. I felt like I was doomed to be dominated and intimidated, which isn’t much of a life. Abuse drags you down like nothing else. You try to pull yourself up and out of its debilitating teeth, but it always tries to pull you down even harder.

        However, I am convinced that there is healing in His wings. Not trying to paint solely a depressing picture here! It is a fight, but it is a good fight—-one that I do believe is worth fighting. If God says I am worthy, I am worthy. So I’ll keep fighting to get back all that was stolen from me, because He says I am worth it.

        The word “submission” was never used in my home, but the reality of it was there for sure. So I can understand what victims are talking about, within the church, when they try to explain that they were always told to be submissive. Or expected to be. Such attitudes are not just to be found in the religious realms.

        Coming back full circle! Whether the abuse is on the extreme end or not—-never dismiss someone’s testimony right at the outset. Just because it seems implausible doesn’t mean it’s all lies. What it MIGHT mean, is that it’s challenging your preconceived notions of human behavior, so you deny that such evil is really possible.

        Don’t blame the victims just because they’re making you uncomfortable when they dare to speak up. Take it as a challenge to your own idealism and possibly limited ways of thinking.

  21. Follower from the Start

    Thank you Barbara! I had already surmised as much. You are spot on about absolutely everything including Jeff. I am not going to expend the time or energy it would take to find the specific posts / comments as it would take a lot of time and some are bound to find fault with my approach either way. Let’s just say I’ve observed Jeff from six years of reading his posts and comments, seeing other comments he has made elsewhere, and observed both what he has said together with what he hasn’t said. Suffice it to say, I am not at all surprised he bullied you. I am glad you stood up for yourself. I appreciate all that you have done and are doing. Thank you.

    • Gany T.

      FFTS – I think this is an example of what you’re talking about – Jeff’s double-speak about CHRIS MOLES. (Yes, THAT series which generated a lot of comments here and elsewhere, many of them very negative.)

      This shocked me when I first saw it on The Wartburg Watch because: a) Jeff seldom ever comments there, and b) because of its content and date (shortly after Jeff’s public attacks against Barb).

      link to Jeff’s comment about Chris Moles at The Wartburg Watch [Internet Archive link].

      Someone called Bill MacDonald commented [Internet Archive link] at Unholy Charade Nov 19th 2018 at 9:35 AM, and he mentioned Chris Moles in his comment. Here’s the part where he mentioned Chris Moles:

      The recent tone at ACFJ has been disturbing because of this arrogant sense that it is a human role to become the final say in what is right or wrong. I’ve read and agreed, for example, with much of what Chris Moles has to say about domestic abuse in Christian circles. His thoughts were very helpful in my own awakening about the problem the Church faces. But Barbara’s analysis painted Ps. Moles in tones of dark deceit, manipulation and accommodation of the worst of the church’s abusers in positions of authority. We’re all shades of gray in our purity, but ACFJ’s analysis cast Chris as a direct accomplice to the very evil he claims to be against.

      Jeff Crippen replied [Internet Archive link] to Bill MacDonald’s comment saying:

      Thank you Bill. Very encouraging.

      After reading all this one must ask, “Now whose readers’ “welfare” should we be concerned about, Barb’s or the “new” Jeff’s?”

      • UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, let alone asked for their forgiveness.


        Thanks for pointing this out, Gany T.,

        So Jeff castigated Chris Moles at TWW (The Wartburg Watch) but he didn’t say anything negative about Chris Moles at his Unholy Charade post….he just thanked Bill for his comment.

        And for what it’s worth, when Jeff first emailed me in August expressing concern about my support of Fiona Barnett, he also mentioned my Chris Moles series. He said some people were telling him that 15 posts on Moles was too much and he appreciated my articles on Chris Moles but he agreed with the people who were saying that my Moles series went on too long.

        If any readers want to review my Chris Moles series, you can find them here: Chris Moles Digest

      • anonymous

        Yes, the Chris Moles series was great. I hadn’t heard of him before, but from what I read of him, it was abuser-friendly, abuser-apologist nonsense that harms real victims. Whereas Chris Moles wasn’t on my radar prior, in reading the series, it was helpful to dissect things, see how these abuser-friendly people like Moles are so dang popular in the Christian, conservative circles. No wonder there’s so much wrong-thinking, when seeing how popular Chris Moles is and how he is seemingly one of the ‘untouchables’ yet I saw nothing of the sort.

        There was a photo showing Moles clowning around with another guy, apparently at a conference about DV where he was a presenter. He tweeted it or posted it himself. That’s like a slap in the face to all victims out there, as learning about DV, becoming aware of the hell it actually is, the life-altering harms, the trauma, and even the lethality of it is not the time to clown around — and if you do, because conferences can get long, then don’t tweet a photo of such out to the public, like ‘here we two guys are, having a good ol’ party time, at the wife-beating conference’….that stuck in my mind. So did his dodging the question of divorce and Pastor Crippen is clear about such — that marriages to abusers don’t need to be fixed, but rather ended….but Moles says basically the opposite and focuses on the ‘poor’ abuser and how can we help the wife-beater with his tough life and difficult marriage….gag, gag, vomit.

  22. ruth8318

    You have a beautiful heart for hurting victims of abuse – that is what I KNOW IS TRUE. But it does sound like you’re overworked. I have never thought you were harsh.

    • Thanks Ruth, I’m going to spend some time at the beach today, to try to unwind. 🙂

    • Hi ruth8318, I recently sent you an email. Would you be able to check your inbox and reply to it?
      Don’t worry that you have done anything wrong on the blog because you haven’t. I just want to check something with you the book order you made.

  23. Now Free (formerly struggling to be free)

    Thank you, Another Reader, it disgusts me that courts still have so little justice for cases of rape. It seems systems are so complex and difficult to navigate that it’s no surprise many do not bother. Their restrictions are so archaic and certainly not victim friendly, and the laws and means of reporting and investigating desperately need to be reviewed. My heart goes out to all who have been raped, both men and women. It is so life changing and can be a life sentence of death inside to a victim.

    I have a long term close friend of the family who has had a loving and big influence in my life from an early age. Now approaching their [advanced age], they have kept their rape when young by a [young] woman quiet on the main. They have suffered with this in their heart, but I can encourage you it never stopped them living life and sharing God and enjoying His ministry in their lives.

    I want to encourage you all, God does in time heal and bring His loving recovery as you give everything in your life over to Him. There is life after rape. We do not detract from the hurt and pain of violation that you have experienced, but send out our heart felt love to you all. I believe God rocks you in the bosom of His being, close to His heart and wounded side. You are precious to Him.

    God’s promise of abundant life is not just for some Christians, but all. I have witnessed that despite tears still in my friend’s eyes when we briefly talk about it.

    The whole rape thing disgusts and enrages me, and I’ve had to come through much with a [friend] who had been raped. Believe you me, it affects others too, and much love conquers much. They are living life to the full today. I pray the God who knows your pain will draw close to you all and be your comfort, be your strength and be your song.

    A challenge to Christian men – rise up and speak up when all around us we hear belittling, sexual innuendo and entitling male rapist-type speech occurs. Stand up for truth and justice. I hear many women shouting as they want change, but few men!! It is time for men to add their voice, not sit quietly as many do, letting women deal with “women’s issues”???

    As I’ve said many men have endured this too. If we don’t stand, who will??

    I’m reminded of William Wilberforce and Lord Shaftesbury and many others who spoke up. Seeing changes in law over child workers and slavery, sometimes one man shouting loud enough can change things.

    Change it at least for those around you, far too much myth and accusation surrounds genuine rape victims who rarely get decent recognition or justice. We can as men at least speak our love and view on such. Be like Jesus, don’t let these things pass you by.

    Love you all. Praying you will be heard, be believed and receive help and means to live that life God has intended for us all.

    [Details airbrushed for protection. Editors.]

    • Another Reader

      Rape is about ruining someone and destroying someone…. It’s not about sex or lust. It’s about domination and subjugation.

      Tamar asked for her rapist half-brother to at least marry her, but what did he do? Refused such, threw her out like trash, having destroyed her.

  24. This comment was submitted by a woman who unfortunately had her photo attached to her Gravatar. I didn’t want to risk her being exposed to greater danger by publishing her comment with her photo showing. I emailed her to ask her to remove the photo from her Gravatar but she has not replied. So I’m publishing her comment from my own Gravatar. Here is what she says:

    Ms. Barbara, I have to first apologize for not knowing what you had helped me ‘name’ myself here…. I’m pretty certain it was at least two other times, and possibly even from another email as well. I can’t figure out how I might log in here. Sigh. I am so ‘all over the place.’ I can’t tell you how many times I’ve began a comment….saw it too long….and abandoned it instead of editing. BUT I will say that I AM beginning to be ‘aware’ of life, of what I do, etc….remembering things like this more now. I suppose I am one that is taking much longer than others to get it together.

    I am one of your followers that has had her babes taken from her by her abusers. It is that, more than anything else that is my daily battle. Since I last commented, I have come to realize I have also been under various and heavy forms of pathologies since birth. I am struggling with many things and am mostly paralyzed (not physically).

    But I did find it relieving that you brought some of these things to light. I once thought it absurd….‘nutso,’ etc. and am personally still afraid to bring this sort of thing up; Pastor Jeff’s response is the norm, as mine once was, too. I can’t find anyone (yes, multiple churches inclusive, starting with my church family….oh and yes, my blood ‘family’ as well) that will believe me when I attempt to articulate the crazy stuff my STBX did / does (well, ok….some of it IS mind-blowing and I still struggle to grasp).

    You’d think that seeing I live in the area where [a notorious pedophile] lived, folks here might be more apt to believe that evil truly is just that. [The exposure of that pedophile was given a lot of coverage on national and international media – Eds.] Across just this country there are countless pedophile rings ‘busted.’ I quote that because I’m beginning to think we haven’t scratched the surface, and those ’30 kids here, 12 there,’ are possibly for show…. Do you know that the numbers for just the US in ‘missing children’ is 800,000 per year? Umm….?!? It is especially hard when it is close to home.

    My husband’s gf [girlfriend] and her children live with him….she was married to one of the sons of [that infamous pedophile]. Her / His son violated my little boy…. I am nearly convinced there is a lot more going on….but half fear I’m climbing the ‘conspiracy’ tree. I once called my STBX’s ex-wife (pre me) to ask her ‘what the heck is going on?? i.e., is he ‘normal?’ Why do I feel as though there’s more going on here….with him….and his craziness….than I am even starting to tune into?’ Her response? “For her (& his) son’s safety, she could not tell me.” She is not crazy….she is a caring professional and has her life together. Remarried, confident (again?), etc. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN????

    I can speak as a victim-trying-to-become-survivor that after almost 40 years of gaslighting, it IS a struggle to know what the heck to believe. But when you finally gain the courage to believe a teensy bit in your own discernment, and just can’t risk your babes because you’re ‘not sure,’ and you actually report substantial evidence….and CYS does NOTHING….well…. Oh, but they sure are quick to scoop up babes from breastfeeding mama’s. People DO see that all over the place, right? You do read the legitimate stories, news, etc. of this, right?

    I digress. And this is getting long and risking my abandonment of [missing word or phrase], lol.
    I guess what I’d like to know is WHERE or WHEN do people believe the evil one draws the line? (and we do agree he exists, correct?….) Do we think he actually stops and says, “Meh, that’s a lil too much for me….wow….can’t believe ‘the Creator’s kids’ have that vivid of imaginations. Huh. Yep, too sicko for me!”

    WE are the people that victims count on….to be heard….to be believed….are WE supposed to draw a line on that?? If I told you my story….and you initially discern that yes, I am a true victim, no I’m not here to harm others, etc….and then I told you that my husband was [husband’s actions removed by Eds to protect commenter from being identified.] (which he was, and yes I told social services, etc., and no, that did not go well, lol), would that mean that I am no longer a victim? Or that you denounce me? Golly gee, NONE of us have lived each others stories, how are any of us to know?? WHAT the heck is the difference between the church, etc., not believing us….and us not believing other victims??

    What about the dark net? So, that does not exist? I have a short, sweet (ok….not sweet at ALL), to the point video I’d like to share with you. I do not believe it would be appropriate here, I had to turn my head, squint, and peek at it out the corner of my eye….but it a simple explanation on why we should never….EVER….get ‘curious’ and explore the dark net. EVER.

    I do have some other things that I am wrestling with that I would like to email you about. For now, I thought you might find the link below interesting and validating. Pretty sure THAT wasn’t made up. ooop….but then again….there goes my questioning myself. Ugh.

    I know one thing for sure….our Father despises lukewarm. I believe we are responsible for exploring these things, to discover the lies (evil….from the father of lies) and be a vessel for His Majesty to shine His glory onto. If not us, then WHO? If we, having experienced a solid, tangible or even just taste of evil within our ‘Christian’ walls….now recognizing it…. If WE can’t uncover the enemy….if WE don’t dare consider or investigate other victims’ stories….we whom are largely not believed anyway….but have also the experience and endurance to persevere (aka allowing the Lord to have His way, lol)….who IS going to? If we cannot ask our Father to lead the way….if we do not ask Him for His Holy Spirit’s discernment (solely so we are not drawn into manipulation or evil itself, right?), then what IS our walk with Him?

    I know I still seek broader reasons than just little me awakening to my lil slice of hell. I am just not that important. Me helping another victim or so down the line….locally? Perhaps. I just read what I read in His Word and there seems to be a greater purpose, if we are believing that we are drawing close to His Kingdom. We are still alive, and these were near death experiences. Everything has been stripped from us. WE are the ones that others do not believe….but we know better. The Father has graciously opened our eyes. SOME days I can find that a humbling privilege….that He would allow me to experience, then escape, then even gain wisdom because of it. I am not worthy. I did nothing special. But how blessed to no longer be at least COMPLETELY blind to evil….seeing only pink fluffy bunnies as the liar likes to disguise as.

    I also wonder about the 144,000….that perhaps the entire truth IS only revealed to so very few….so many others falling away. I AM scared, but I should pursue Truth anyway, counting on His faithfulness alone. I’m working on that.

    Thank you, Barb for taking these risks. I did not read all the comments everywhere, but my heart hurt for you and the attacks. Sure, we all have errors in our ways. They are revealed to us when He knows best. I’m grateful to follow a woman that IS human, AND is seeking Truth. If you were perfect like my abusers, well….I would just never hope to achieve their ‘level,’ and so would have no hope of growth…. 😉

    ITNJ Judicial Commission [Internet Archive link]

    PS. I witnessed my (earthly) father, close buddies of my STBX, behave in a very suspicious way. [Details airbrushed by Eds to protect commenter from being identified.]
    Maybe I’m wacko….delusional, right? Would you still hear me out anyway? 🙂

    • Seeing Clearly

      Dear One,
      I am thankful that Barbara was finally able to post your letter. In response to the last sentence in your first paragraph; no one who has been / continues to be severely abused gets it together quickly. For our own internal protection, the truth needs to dawn on us slowly. Then, the wheels of escape and healing begin to turn.

      There is a period of my childhood abuse that is wrapped in evil. For all of my pursuit of details regarding place(s), person(s), events, confusion clouds the healing. Sometimes my mind runs rabbit trails similar to those in your writings. My eyes dart to places, faces of the past flash before me, fear overtakes and the rabbit trail goes deeper.

      I am not falsely naming those faces in accusation, simply leaving no stone unturned, like a confused child trying to make sense of life. I know who the main perpetrator is, how old I was, where he lived….

      What I have identified in the last year is that this evil is the root of my crippling anxiety. For the first time, when I am alone, this part of me is speaking in single, unintelligible syllables. This part of me has been too terrified to show herself until now. I read scripture aloud to her (myself). Courage is growing to know truth.

      People would label me crazy if I spoke this out loud as I tried [to?] decades ago; the church tried to cast demons out of me. When I described what was bubbling up, the (Christian) mental hospital treated my depression with ECTs, silencing these little parts who were beginning to speak.

      Evil is very alive and active. It is finding very comfortable places in children’s church ministries, among so many other places. Evil gains room every time a church leader silences the one who tries to speak of sexual abuse.

      Continue writing / sharing as you are comfortable and Barbara / ACFJ team know best to print.

      • Now Free (formerly struggling to be free)

        There’s things in your post [comment], Seeing Clearly, that just speaks of such injustice and misunderstanding and downright madness. Hugs to you — it’s hard enough to get back our childhood and memories in order to piece the jigsaw together.

        God knows all and His Spirit has ways of working beyond man. Cling to Him close. I’ve watched others find answers that only God can piece together. Our trust is in Him alone.

        God bless you for sharing these things. Again you are all a real inspiration and challenge to me.
        Sadly, especially in days gone by, some of the medical practises on these things and mental health are horrific.

        We have a long way to go but speaking up now is not only courageous, but we hope and pray steer many from making mistakes again.

        Praying that God continues to help you in much healing and recovery.

      • Dear Seeing Clearly, I don’t label you as crazy. What you have said here sounds to me like you are a survivor of horrendous abuse and you are still in the process (maybe the early part of the process) of letting these memories come up to full consciousness where they can be felt and faced and with God’s help you can be healed….so the memories will be integrated, not so fragmentary and not so destabilising or traumatizing.

        I am so sorry that the mental hospital gave you ECT. That would just have re-traumatized the dissociated parts — frightened them back into hiding. And I believe you that deliverance ministry did not help either.

        There is a book I am reading by Kathy Sullivan. She describes how she suffered horrendous abuse from her father and other pedophiles and mind-control torturers that her father exposed her too. If you have suffered Ritual Abuse or been a victim of child sex trafficking or MK-Ultra mind control, I don’t recommend you read the book if you don’t currently have a good therapist; and it would be a very good idea to ask your therapist if they think you are in a safe enough position to read the book.

        I’m only mentioning this book because Kathy Sullivan describes how at one stage in her recovery, some of her Christian therapists pushed the line on her that she needed to see all the dissociated parts she had inside her as demonic introjects who she had to pray against (as in praying against demons). Her gut feeling was that the advice of these therapists was not right for her, but, because all the other Ritual Abuse clients in the clinic were following the advice, she tried to follow it too. After she left that clinic she realised that the advice had been inappropriate for her.

        Again — caution about reading her book. It is harrowing to read even if you have not suffered Ritual Abuse. But if you have suffered Ritual Abuse, it could be very triggering and even fatal if you do not have sufficient professional skilled support to deal with the triggers and what might come up.

        However, God is the Wonderful Counselor (as Finding Answers can testify!) and He can help you and your little ones in the very best way. He knows the timing that is right for you. He knows how gently to lead you, and when to slow things down so that the memories and integration can happen with compassion and tenderness.

  25. Now Free (formerly struggling to be free)

    I guess what I’d like to know is WHERE or WHEN do people believe the evil one draws the line? (and we do agree he exists, correct?….) Do we think he actually stops and says, “Meh, that’s a lil too much for me….wow….can’t believe ‘the Creator’s kids’ have that vivid of imaginations. Huh. Yep, too sicko for me!”
    WE are the people that victims count on….to be heard….to be believed….are WE supposed to draw a line on that??

    Thank you for saying this.^^ I have seen many an evil thing come from sometimes the most unlikeliest of sources. Sometimes pure evil manifested in human words, action or reaction and sometimes with a demonic manifestation. I often from a young age thought if we can dream up and have creative imaginations (and mine is very creative) how much more is there in the spiritual realm both good and evil. We equally have no real idea perhaps for our own protection and finite-mind sanity. God does not allow us to go too far. However, there are possibilities and from what we read of others accounts from quite sane people that we cannot discredit. Whilst I would never believe the words of any unbeliever fully and especially those involved in occultist or witchcraft practices or the likes of [occultist or witchcraft practices], we can read of much that is true, seen and unseen, in satan’s name. We have many accounts of such evil does exist and practices etc from those who have been deeply involved in such and have been wonderfully truly saved. God’s arm is never too short to save! Therefore there is much we do not even leave to imagination, but it is up to us to trust testimony or not. For some of us we have experienced things beyond us so we go from experience too.

    I am of the mindset ever when in ministry and even more-so today that there are things going on all around we have no real full idea about. It’s not that they are not real, just because we have no prior knowledge. Knowing there is much that cannot be fully explained, and the sheer panic or fright it could place on society much has been covered up over the years. If churches or governments have sought to cover up abuse and seek to silence are we really surprised about it. We see how much has already been covered up by church and state authorities. So it’s reasonable that there is much more than meets the eye. I say often to others “who knows what is going on behind closed doors and what dirty deals take place, when we get leaked or some [of our?] things are revealed from time to time. We just simply do not know.”

    I thought this comment from the lady you have posted, Barb, puts it so well. We cannot box God into a box with our finite minds nor should we ever dare regarding the spiritual realm. I do not see that in the scriptures. Jesus spoke of hell far more than heaven and He often encountered evil both in human form that Satan was using, as well as demonic activity. I know in my own abuse the face of evil very much was in my own face at times. It certainly crossed my mind many times “was there something more than human abuse here involved.” I know from the scriptures it wasn’t but it came close.

    It’s natural for man to not want to hear “scary” things. Not all humans can hack hearing about ghosts or ghouls or like horror movies. Equally not all humans can hack blood-and-guts war movies or extreme violence. Others cannot hack medical dramas that speak of fatal or life destroying diseases or watch gruesome growths or bloody opening up of humans in operations. I even experienced this week again speaking to a friend re my own situation and they opened up with their own child abuse, their girlfriend had to walk away and admitted she can only hack short bursts of info at a time. It all gets too much. We are but human.

    This is something we know only too well as survivors healing and recovering. It’s not easy reading, we shed many a tear as much triggers our own pain and I will be the first to admit we cannot fathom that even what we have gone through we read of others who have gone through much worse. I know for me I often am ashamed that I have in no way gone through some of the horrendous abusive situations I read of some of our readers and yet I see them in so much closer touch with God and doing far better in life than I am. It’s both a privilege and an extremely humbling and challenging experience to be part of the ACFJ family. If nothing else you challenge me to be closer to God.

    My point is this: if we as humans find all manner of things too hard to comprehend or too difficult to allow into our minds and hearts as it simply freaks us out, then it’s understandable why many cannot fathom or allow things into their own lives that are too evil, painful or absurd to them. However it does not take away the reality that such goes on and has been happening. If it hurts us who are wise to much of the evils of the devil through abuse because we have lived it and yet it bewilders us, how much does it for others? It’s all about not saying “it does not exist” but simply to say “I don’t understand but I’m open to the possibilities.” To me they are vast and seemingly endless (I say “they are” because God has His staying hand on evil but one day He will release that hand) when it comes to the spiritual realm. Woe to the world when that day comes.

    No eye hath seen or ear heard the amazing things God has for us. John on the isle of Patmos saw things that blew his human mind but even he was not permitted to write. Why? In my opinion that’s because of two reasons. One – we are to walk by faith not by sight. We do not walk in the light knowing every single thing in life. We would be like God. Satan tried that very thing. So proud he wanted to be God. He was not willing just to be in high position among angels in heaven. He was not content to be “second fiddle” so to speak. He wanted to be God. We are not to walk like that but always by faith, forsaking all, I trust Him.

    Secondly, I believe we are not to know of things because it’s too big for our finite minds to take in. God knows our limits, but satan does not care about that. So often evil presents itself, that is hard to fathom but it does. We cannot comprehend everything but to not comprehend is no reason to deny that things do exist beyond it. Some do better than others, it’s just the way we are. We are unique. This is why I never worry when others don’t fully understand. It’s the same about much in spiritual life. We are all at various stages in our journey. There is much division on many periphery issues or beliefs based in scripture. There are many viewpoints.

    One day we will know the big picture and how it all fits.

    I remember at college doing an essay based on the Book of Revelation which we were studying at the time on the various doctrinal beliefs of the End Times. Some more plausible to me than others but we all think we have it right. However I always saw a piece missing. It’s where John was not permitted to tell all. I remember ending that essay by saying we walk by faith not by sight. We can have all our theories and viewpoints and even be adamant we are right but we do not have the complete picture.

    I hasten to add we do [have enough of a picture to understand] salvation, so please do not think that I am saying scripture is not complete and [that] ALL we need to live for God now as 1 Timothy 3:16 tells us. We most certainly do but include in that is we walk by faith. Faith in God’s word, faith in God’s Son, faith in God and His provisions, etc etc. So whilst we do not know ALL, I am a person that God has made to rationalise and to deduce where I stand on things, but even though I have many ideas and thoughts I also know I do not know everything. I have to listen, accept or reject and on some things just be big enough to say could be, might not be, I am open to learn, but will not rule out anything.

    Many years as both Christian and as a Christian worker in many spheres of ministry has taught me one thing. Anything is possible with God and there’s much I haven’t a clue about in the spiritual realm, but I cannot deny someone’s experience or rule things out. As this lady has said we need to not be so finite in our minds for there’s much beyond us that would blow our minds if we truly knew what was going on.

    We get glimpses into things that as a Christian going on in human life due to evil and spiritual realms. I feel unless they contradict scripture completely without repute, I cannot discard such. I am not God to know or to throw out any such situation or statements. However I will not let them ruin my relationships or life for Christ. There were many colleagues in ministry as there are family here, who we agree or disagree on many things, but those things are not the gospel, they are periphery issues — so if I’m truly honest although I think and believe I am right I do not rule out that I could be wrong. Isn’t it going to be a great day when we will have grasped it all but with new bodies comes minds and hearts that can take it all in. Until that day I hold onto my own ideas, beliefs and my opinions, and I may express them from time to time, but I offer my hand of peace always to my brother or sister in Christ, agree to disagree if need to be. Life is too short and frankly, sadly there’s a world spiritually dying and suffering, and a Christian army suffering with too few to stand in the gap and stand up for God and as Christ on earth. We need to lay down our weapons towards our brothers and sisters. So many unsaved see that and say, “Why should I be one of you? You nearly hate worse than those not Christian.” Sadly it’s true at times, we are human and yet we are to be godly. Shame on us.

    My dad in his wisdom often states something I think is wise when brothers and sisters get in conflict or when an unsaved person says what I’ve just mentioned as they watch on. I will leave it for us to ponder. It’s something I try in my human frailty to grasp and live by.

    Simply he states “the problem is not people it’s our sight. We need to take our eyes off man.” We are but human saved or not. The saved should know better, as we have His spirit within us. However, we all succumb to the flesh we are not perfected yet, but although it is true it is no excuse. We need to get our eyes on Christ. We must get our eyes off men for our example in life for everything and get them back onto Jesus Christ. The saved must do and say what Jesus would do and say. The unsaved must not see Christians as God who can do no wrong, they must see Jesus. They should not be basing their beliefs on man but on Christ. It’s true what someone once said, I’m not sure but it may have been Amy Carmichael who said it. The great missionary from northern Ireland to India. She had a dream one night of many people who had blindfolds on and were stumbling towards the pit of Hell. Many falling into the pit of hell screaming and yelling as few were stopping them. Around the pit were many with no blindfolds speaking to them and stopping them. But there were gaps in the chain as they tried [to] link hands to stop the falling. There was not enough unblinded people to stand in the gap. She then heard singing of praises to God and looked and over by a tree sat lots of unblinded people singing and making daisy chains. Knowing of her vision I’m not sure if it was her or [the] likes of Wesley, memory is failing me. It was someone prominent through history who said this.

    The unsaved do not need a vision of Hell, they need a true vision of Christ. It’s the saved who needs a vision of Hell, so we will do all in our power to stand in the gap and preach the gospel to prevent people going there so to speak. We must be their example of Christ on earth as we ought to be.

    Now here’s the question, as Christians are we truly “Christ Ones” as it were Jesus Christ on earth, or is it just a name we give ourselves. A challenge to me – How about you??

    Happy New Year to you all as 2019 looms. For me the thoughts of it comes with lots of similar feelings I had re Christmas connected with it. It’s one of my toughest times and I’m sure is for many if you too, especially those of us who are alone with none to share the “fireworks” with so to speak.

    We do not know what the future holds, but hallelujah, we know know Who holds the future!!

  26. Seeing Clearly

    Barbara, you are correct. I am a survivor of horrendous abuse, one year into the intense process of integration. I am still in the care of a neuropsychologist, having begun with him prior to my divorce [over one decade] ago. He has helped me navigate numerous conflicts and learn healthy ways of relating. As long as I was struggling through current conflicts, he discerned I was not ready to begin this journey.

    Thank you for referencing Ms Sullivan’s book. I will read it at some point, not right now.

    I was able to retrieve inpatient records and ECT records from [the 1990s]. Their Christian medical philosophy did not embrace DID as viable diagnosis, a rookie student did my testing (poorly). My narcissistic abusive minister spouse was given too much input. It was never discerned that I was in an abusive marriage. This last year is the first time I have had access to these records.

    [Number redacted] months ago, I was able to receive guidance from an ECT nurse at the same facility.
    It is now standard procedure that a patient with any indication of DID is not a candidate for ECTs.

    In weeks prior to meeting with her, I experienced the body memory of waking up in the middle of the induced seizure. My body was rigid up to my neck, giving me the sense that I was suffocating. This memory is what spurred me on to retrieve complete records.

    The record states that after completion of 2nd treatment, “patient complains of waking up during seizure”. You are right, it frightened them back into hiding. Also, the near-death sensation caused another split. This part separated with an out of body experience, more trauma.

    Regarding the church trying to rid me of demons, my now-ex was dabbling in Vineyard Church teachings. With my depression, anxiety, shaking during healing prayers, I was a prime candidate for novice, ill-taught people to practice eradicating demons from me.

    Horrible PTSD reactions occurred. In times alone, my mind and body was screaming, evil was running rampant. A suicide attempt was caught mid-way, voices were instructing me, I was admitted and ECTs ([number redacted]) were administered.

    After that, very import parts of me were silent, but active; i.e. Anxiety.

    For as long as I can remember, there have always been two dominant parts guiding me through my days. One questions, one answers….

    Late summer 2017, I was triggered by my pastor supporting a registered child sex offender who made arm / hands motions in my personal space during worship service. The pastor supported the perpetrator and documented an untrue version of my statement.

    The psychologist recommended I then consider beginning the integration journey. It is an amazing process coming to meet treasured parts of me that I love dearly. For some time my sessions were twice a week, now once a week. I am into my third drawing / sketch pad. Much of my drawing is done with my left hand, as a child. As is my writing, left to right, letters backward.

    When “angry” parts are causing internal and mental chaos, he has suggested I ask the angels that are present to talk with them. Last week, with pencil and paper, he drew a diagram including an evil entity sandwiched in this anxious part. He graciously informed me that yes, there is evil that comes in sexual abuse, also in the use of drugs. Drug usage seems to be an access for evil to ‘dwell’.

    He also told me that when people try to cast them out, they being integrated into that specific alter, become angry. I will in time learn about the specific pain memory that this part holds. Then, it will be a part of integration for this part to play a usefulness in my being (a simple look ahead part of what will come in its own time).

    The psychologist stresses the importance of daily scripture reading. We go at my pace. I choose to give a lot of time weekly, on my own, giving up many other tasks and pleasures. I now realize how different my life would be, had I been spared the abuse. Every aspect of my life has been affected. I am quite certain I would not have married when I did ([number redacted] months after my father’s rather sudden death from a brain tumor) nor have agreed to fall into the covert aggressive clutches of my now-ex.

    I now choose to give recognition to God for designing my Dissociative Identity Process. It is a phenomenal built-in system. I was equipped while in the womb with a very complex ability to split off parts / memories / experiences that my childhood normal development processes were not equipped to handle, should I experience traumas the likes of what I have experienced. God knew that evil would ravage children. With the free will of man, God made a provision of mercy and grace. He somehow spoke into my being how to use this process at the split second it was needed. For years, I accused God of not paying attention, not protecting me. As I journey, becoming aware of my phenomenal network within, I am in awe of God’s careful detail given to my creation and watching closely for the moment I would need to subconsciously set this protective process in motion.

    • Thank you so much, Seeing Clearly! I found your comment illuminating. I have never heard a person say that God designed their Dissociative Identity Process, but as soon as I read those words of yours they rang true. To God be the glory!

      I am so glad to hear you are under the care of a mental health professional who understands DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) and who is wisely helping you through your process of healing.

      Kathy Sullivan also used the technique of left-handed writing and drawing to help her dissociated parts express themselves and reveal their memories. Since Kathy and you are right handed, your left hand is your non-dominant hand.

      Somehow, using the non-dominant hand seems to help the dissociated parts express themselves in journals and drawings.

      Bless you, Seeing Clearly. I am so glad you are part of the ACFJ family. 🙂 🙂

  27. Now Free (formerly struggling to be free)

    Seeing Clearly, your last paragraph is so beautiful and I can only say a loud AMEN to that. I have often spoken about such and it is something many counsellors on the Christian side would do well to note. Often a survivor or those in recovery will ask “where was your God when all these horrendous things are going on?”
    I have always believed He was weeping right there, but as you say God also ordained the free will of man. It is a complex theology for sure, but our God is amazing and always has the answer.

    My heart goes out to you and others on this blog who have had such childhoods taken from them due to violation. As Finding Answers will tell you there is much ahead of you but there’s much beauty coming in recovery. Do be assured of my love and prayers as you continue to heal and recover those hidden memories and that hidden life that as I put it is the real you inside.

    I too am discovering the real me that albeit through different circumstances and abuse was hidden for my own protection. Even in the early hours this morning I was experiencing that and have awoken rejoicing in heart. Another part of break through from spiritual abuse.

    Sadly I did not get any proper counsel as I was attempting separation from my now ex wife. I still cannot fathom the fact that my pastor and his wife gave me no opportunity to defend myself nor brought my situation before the church board. I feel I lost everything but that pushed my spiritual being into hiding.
    It’s been a long struggle of [approximately a decade] of being “lost” to only these last few months to start to wake up from.

    Thank you for sharing what must have been oh so difficult and painful journey in your life. I am so glad you did. I know it will greatly encourage others and continue to help others in their own recovery.

    It is so good you have got good help through all this and even sometimes it may seem like baby steps forward that is still progress. I keep telling myself this daily.

    May the great Abba papa God reveal Himself to you in precious ways in these days ahead.

    [Exact time airbrushed for protection. Editors.]

  28. Child sacrifice was being practised by Jews in Ezekiel’s day. The ‘highly religious people of God’ would slaughter children as part of their idol worship. People are naive if they assume that it wouldn’t be going on today.

    Ezekiel 23:36-39 (CSB, emphasis added).

    Then the Lord said to me: “Son of man, will you pass judgment against Oholah and Oholibah? Then declare their detestable practices to them. For they have committed adultery, and blood is on their hands; they have committed adultery with their idols. And the children they bore to me they have sacrificed in the fire as food for the idols. They also did this to me: they defiled my sanctuary on that same day and profaned my Sabbaths. On the same day they slaughtered their children for their idols, they entered my sanctuary to profane it. Yes, that is what they did inside my house.

    • anon

      Don’t you think this is figurative? I mean, there’s lots of ways to sacrifice one’s kids to idols, other than literally. And still, what is the incidence of this? Not common. Or maybe some elective abortions, for mere convenience and all?

      • There is no reason to assume it is figurative. There are many survivors of ritual abuse who say they witnessed the ritual murder of babies and children. They are fortunate that they were not killed themselves, but they were exposed to and often compelled to participate in this ritual human sacrifice. And they were tortured, mind controlled, sex-trafficked.

        One of those survivors is Kathleen Sullivan. I recommend you read her book “Unshackled: A Survivor’s Story of Mind Control”.

        Or if you don’t want to buy a book, have a look at these links:

        Extreme Abuse Survey [Internet Archive link]

        Ritual Abuse and Torture in Australia – PDF [Internet Archive link]

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