Thursday Thought — Shifting Sands
Your partner has too many rules. There are all kinds of things that have to be done just so, in the way he considers correct, or he’s going to have a fit. Everything has to be his way.
And as if that weren’t stressful enough, the rules keep changing, so there’s no way to even keep up with what he wants. One moment he’ll get all bent out of shape because the house isn’t absolutely spotless and perfectly organized, but then at another time he’ll be complaining that you never relax. He’ll accuse you of cheating on him if you want to get yourself dress up, but then later he’ll criticize you for never wearing anything sexy anymore. He’ll criticize you after the two of you have been out with other people, saying you weren’t making enough of an effort to be friendly with people, but the next time he’ll say you were talking too much. He’ll call you “fat” over and over again and harangue you about needing to lose weight, but then he’ll say you’re obsessed with counting calories and analyzing the fat content of what you’re eating.
No wonder you can’t get it right with him; there isn’t any way to get it right. A guy who is constantly changing the rules like this wants to find fault with you, and he’s going to find a way to do it.
Don’t blame yourself for not being able to please him. He has created a set of impossible binds for you, and that’s his issue, not yours.
(entry from Lundy Bancroft’s book, Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That? [*Affiliate link] pp152-3)
***IMPORTANT NOTE: While we endorse Lundy’s writings about the dynamics of domestic abuse, we do not recommend anyone attend the ‘healing retreats’ Lundy Bancroft offers or become involved in his ‘Peak Living Network.’ See our post, ACFJ Does Not Recommend Lundy Bancroft’s Retreats or His New Peak Living Network for more about our concerns.
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