A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

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5 Comments

  1. Lonely for 37 years!

    “Am I in the Twilight Zone?”
    Until I stumbled upon this blog, I thought I was the only person who thought I was living in “The Twilight Zone!”

    After our wedding my new husband changed so quickly! He no longer showed any love, sexual interest or affection! He acted as if he didn’t even know me or had to participate in the marriage at all! He did mention as we were packing for our honeymoon that marriage wasn’t for him and that he will only be financially supportive! I was so dumbfounded, I went completely MUTE! I couldn’t even respond because I guess I went into shock! I felt duped, dumped, discarded, unloved, not respected, and all my hopes and dreams for the Christian home and family I always dreamed about went up in smoke!

    Well, I decided not to tell anyone about it and pretended for the next 30 years. I was too proud and embarrassed to admit I had married not only a non-believer, but a man who didn’t care about my opinions, feelings, dreams or loneliness.

    It’s now 37 years later and he is now diagnosed with Asperger’s or ASD. I have done a lot of reading on the subject and so many things now make sense to me.

    BUT if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t have chosen to stay. All the years of pretending and hurt is NOT worth it. I believed God would punish me for leaving him and was afraid to disobey what the Bible taught.

    BUT, today I know my God wants His children to have a good life with happiness and love. The man I married couldn’t bring me any happiness because of an affliction. I should have left for my own sanity and wellbeing. I’m almost 66 years old and it’s too late for me.

    Please take my advice and simply pack your things and leave. Leave a simple note explaining why you left. NEVER tell them in person because they won’t understand and will become angry. They don’t change and things don’t get better, but a whole lot worse over time!

    • Dear sister, I feel for you. Thank you very much for telling your story here. Welcome to the blog. 🙂

      For what it’s worth, I am the same age as you and I have left two abusive marriages. For years I thought that God would condemn me if I divorced my first husband. It took me years to understand that the Bible does allow divorce for abuse. Click here if you want to learn more about exactly how the scriptures allow divorce for abuse.

      I think you will find a lot to relate to in my series about Don Hennessy’s work. I encourage you to check it out.

      Lastly, the best place to get an overview of what this blog deals with is our FAQ page.

      God bless you.

    • Dear sister, what I meant when I said, “I have left two abusive husbands,” is that I have been duped twice. I hope my comment did not come across as me putting myself above you. If it did, please forgive me.

    • Arwen

      I am on my way to freedom. Married for almost 3 decades, I did not recognize his paranoia and highly critical personality until about [a few] years in. I endured because I wanted to be a good wife and mother. I spent those years being a buffer between him, my children, family, and friends. I never felt cherished, only disrespected, discarded, controlled etc. I lost my own identity and became isolated due to his paranoia towards others.

      Then [a number of] months ago he began accusing me of sleeping around since our wedding day. He claims our children are not his. Although he now has been diagnosed with a mental illness he refuses to follow the psychiatrist’s recommendations. He says he does not have mental illness and everyone is lying.

      I’m getting out and free. It’s been a nightmare. However, I’ve had wonderful support and counsel from other Christians and pastors. I am blessed. It’s never too late. I am near [my sixth decade] and for the first time in years, I feel like me again.

      [For safety and protection, some details have been airbrushed. Some paragraph breaks were added to enhance readability. Editors.]

      • Dear Arwen, thanks for your comment and for offering encouragement to Lonely for 37 years. I agree, it’s never too late to get out and start a new life. I know what you mean by “I feel like me again” — I had that feeling the day I got an Order against my first husband which put him out of the house.

        You are indeed blessed that you have good support from other Christians and pastors. 🙂 So many abused women do not have that kind of support.

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