Staying for the kids?
[September 24, 2022: There have been some changes made to this post. For more information, read the Editors’ notes at the bottom of the post. Editors.]
Victims sometimes choose to stay in abusive relationships because they think it’s best for the kids to have a dud father rather than no father. Someone made this comment on my own [old Not Under Bondage] blog and it’s so wonderful that I’m reposting it here. [Click here for the Internet Archive link. Editors.] Thank you so much, whoever you are, for writing this heartfelt cry from one who grew up with an abusive father. (My own blog is [Old] Not Under Bondage blog [Internet Archive link] but don’t go there now.)
“Staying for the kids?” — Possibly the most damaging alternative. My mum made us stay with our abusive father and I would have preferred live on the streets. If you knew how incredibly DAMAGED I am and my sisters are from the abuse, you would know that “staying for the kids” is hardly an option.
My advice would be to find a refuge and go on Centrelink [Internet Archive link]1 [Government Welfare Office in Australia]. YES this may be “doing it tough” for a while and making some material sacrifices but it’s BETTER than putting your children through psychological trauma and forcing them to live hyper-vigilantly.
Talking from experience — when we left dad we were certainly poorer. But they were the happier years of my life. As opposed to the 10 years lived under the abuse of my own father.
If you are a mother — your instincts should call you to protect. Protect your children at any cost — not just for the sake of their safety, but as a Christian, for the sake of JUSTICE.
God requires us to “SEEK JUSTICE, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God.” ([Paraphrase of] Micah 6:8.) Please consider seeking justice for your own children. I know it’s hard and you will certainly cop a lot of persecution from others, even Christians as they don’t understand. But remember also that it is not our requirement to “fear man” and care what others think of us. Rather, we must do what we feel God’s will is.
God asked Abraham to offer his own son as a sacrifice and although others would call this murder, Abraham was willing to trust God and be obedient to Him.
PLEASE be obedient to God and be His ambassadors of Justice. As the carer of your children you have a responsibility to show them what is right. By remaining in your abusive households and allowing them to witness and experience abuse, you are showing them that “this is okay behaviour”. This is NOT justice. And that is NOT what God intends for us. I pray that you come to understand the urgency of protecting your children from further harm. And that you don’t wait twenty years and see the sad reality of what it has done to your own [children] when they have grown up as damaged adults.
1[September 24, 2022: We added the link to the Centrelink page. The Internet Archive link is a copy of that page. Editors.]
[September 24, 2022: Editors’ notes:
—For some comments made prior to September 24, 2022 that quoted from the post, the text in the comment that was quoted from the post might no longer be an exact match.
—For some comments made prior to September 24, 2022 that quoted from the post, the text in the comment that was quoted from the post might no longer be found in the post.
If you would like to compare the text in the comments made prior to September 24, 2022 that quoted from the post to the post as it is now (September 24, 2022), click here [Internet Archive link] for the most recent Internet Archive copy of the post.]