Stop judging divorced people. Just stop it.
Another guest post by Juliette:
For me and my precious many friends going through the very same thing right now:
(A Rant About Divorce, Feel Free To Ignore)
We might get all kinds of blame and accusation for laying down the fight, walking away….and being done with getting beat down. To divorce feels like receiving a humiliating yellow patch shouting…Divorce! She gave up! She walked away and didn’t endure. She is scum. Let’s throw rocks and hate at her. Let’s call this her fault. She filed, so she must be the problem & the cause.
But God knows all the details. He knows about the hell. He knows about the tears, and all the effort that was given, all those years sowed in to…. and all the deep, deep cost of it. Maybe it hurts that people believe the smooth words and omitted facts of another person’s version of your story…and maybe also, we have some fault and failure to deal with, too. I know I do. Every day I learn more things about myself that need to change and grow. Every day I see more of my fault and more things I have to surrender to God.
All of it hurts.
But as far as fighting for love, fighting for joy and fighting for marriage…we know that we did…and we know God sees the whole story. Blamers Gonna Blame….that’s just the way it is….we can’t out-run blame….so we might as well just stand still in the TRUTH and let it defend us and guard our hearts. It is really hard to just stand still and let the rain fall. But, stand still we must.
God defends those who are His and looking to Him. He also deals with all our garbage when we hand it over….and He speaks truth over us to combat all the lies.
Just because someone files for divorce, doesn’t mean they EVER wanted to. It doesn’t mean it wasn’t completely devastating (it is – I think it is worse than grieving a death)…and it certainly DOESN’T mean they were the one who gave up. (I didn’t and still haven’t, although it’s about as bleak as it can get). The “filer” didn’t “commit” divorce. Divorce was brought upon the home through heart and soul, choices, actions, heart-wrenching sin and breach of healthy relationship that wouldn’t get better no matter what.
Many times…”Divorce” is already an attitude in play without all the paperwork. The paper work is simply a technical indication of what was already going on. It is a tragic necessary evil needed to bring some overall peace. Legal Divorce (like marriage) is simply a piece of paper. Actual Divorce (like marriage)….is a state of the heart before God…. the result of how people are relating within a union together.
There can be divorce in a home without ever stepping foot in a courthouse. Let the blame fly. Let the critics and enablers judge…..But truth will always find its mark. Maybe not today or tomorrow….but all things will be set right.
Being the one to file for the legal divorce doesn’t make you a bad guy, doesn’t make you the one who wouldn’t fight for love, and it isn’t a reason to be blamed and treated even more like garbage.
But if you didn’t live inside the hell…then you don’t know who was an instigator, who was a reactor, who was fighting FOR marriage and who was just fighting. You don’t really know whose issues were bringing in hurt or trying to stamp it out.
Divorced people don’t need your opinions. They need you to be educated about all this stuff and be very prayerful and encouraging toward God’s plans. They need you to be friends who encourage friends toward the light.
They just need Jesus, and God’s l-o-v-e and lots of encouragement to do what is right, encouragement to really surrender to Jesus, to GROW and be open to God’s healing and leadership in their life.
And also….shame on all the enablers…..and those with unwise mouths and minds.
If you’re not going to speak life and truth-with-love over a divorced person…. or encourage a divorced person toward good things and running to God about all of it….then do the world a favor and go sit in your room alone with God and just stay there. Reserve your mouth and opinions for Him. Because you’re doing so much more harm, than good.
Stop judging divorced people. Just stop it. Stop enabling people who are toxic.
Start being a person who prayerfully and maturely encourages the broken to run to God.