Barbara Roberts ♦ 2nd May 2016 ♦ 56 Comments
This post is a coda to my 2-part series on the woman’s desire in Genesis 3:16. (Part 1 Part 2) Recently I presented my understanding of Genesis 3:16 , which is Part 2 in my series on the woman’s desire, and I summarized my interpretation like this: After the Fall, woman would desire to be cherished by her husband; but rather than cherishing and …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 9th November 2014 ♦ 56 Comments
The Bible does not show that Christians ought to spend a long time working with abusers calling them to account and educating them on how they should think and behave. God only did a single short counseling session with Cain. He did not take a therapeutic approach by gently inviting Cain to explore his emotions, thoughts and …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 4th October 2013 ♦ 168 Comments
When I wrote Not Under Bondage, I emphasized the application of Matthew 18 for cases of domestic abuse. Here in a nutshell is what I said about this in the first edition of Not Under Bondage. If an abuser is a professing Christian, the victim of abuse should try to follow the steps of Matthew …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 29th March 2013 ♦ 13 Comments
UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, let …
The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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