A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

Many Christians Do Not Seem to Know Whose Side they are on or Who the Enemy is

UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, let alone asked for their forgiveness.


You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies. (John 8:44)

I have been a pastor now for nearly 34 years, but prior to this I was a police officer for 14 years. I have always missed those police days, and I want to tell you the chief reason why — we were all certain whose side we were on and who the enemy was.

When I became a pastor I found that certainty and the unity it produces to be largely non-existent in many if not most local churches. Christians do not seem to be on the same side. They do not recognize the enemy. They have foolishly allowed the enemy to infiltrate them. They are not united and lack a sense of “we all wear the same uniform here and have the same badge.” So when the enemy comes along he is not faced with a united team standing together but rather a bickering, doubting, confused group that is rather easy to conquer.

Every day when I went on patrol, I wore my uniform. I had a marked police car. I wore a badge and I enforced the laws of the State of Oregon. So did every other police officer in our department. Oh, sure there were some personality conflicts among us and once in a great while a phony would creep in among us but would eventually be “outed.”  But when it came down to it, when the fight got intense and the danger loomed, we all stood together. All of us. If you called for backup, you knew it was coming — and fast.

I was a police officer on Friday in the midst of all that unity. On Monday I was a pastor, never to experience that camaraderie again for 30 years. Why? Because as I found, Christians do not have a sense that they all wear the same uniform, display the same badge, follow the same Law, and have each others’ backs. Nor do they grasp who their enemy is, what he looks like when he shows up, and what tactics he uses.

Part of the problem of course is that many “Christians” are not Christians at all but false professors and hypocrites. And of course the enemy we face is far more crafty in his disguise than the burglar who breaks in or the armed robber at the bank. Nevertheless, we are without excuse.

As a police officer, I received slaps on the back and commendations when I busted a crook. Yes, we had to deal with complaints lodged against us and sometimes we were wrongly disciplined, but all in all there was positive reinforcement to do a good job. One time a service station clerk faked an armed robbery and pocketed the cash in the till. He then called the police and acted terrified, describing the robber and the gun the guy held on him and so on. Long story short, I figured out he was lying. Under some pressure (I know you are lying and if you don’t fess up now you are really going to jail for a long time) he caved. Yep, he and his buddy staged the whole thing. We found his buddy, arrested him too, and recovered the money.

What happened? Did my superiors say “Jeff, you messed up. I mean, you have slandered these two fellows. They are fine young men who made a mistake and now you’ve given them a criminal record. You and the station owner (the victim) have been way too hard on them.” Nope. My supervisor came to the scene, saw what we had accomplished, patted me on the back and said “Crippen, you did a fine job here.”

What happened when I became a pastor and busted a bad guy in the church? You all know without me even having to tell the stories — and there were many of them. I felt all alone. No backup. Turns out the supposed comrades of mine were standing with the crook.

And THIS is precisely what happens to abuse victims in churches when they bust their abuser and tell what is really happening. No sense of “we are in this together.” No clarity regarding who the enemy is.

So the righteous are called unrighteous and the wicked are justified.

And now you know why so many times I almost returned to the police department.

Things ought not to be this way among Christ’s people.

do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)



  1. Rebecca Davis

    I think those are the differences — that ability to discern, and even the sense that there’s even a need to discern, and the sense that something needs to be done about the wicked in the church. How much do we hear about the wolves in sheep’s clothing in most churches? How much do we hear about the need to cast out the “root of bitterness” (the evil person) out of the church? With the sin leveling that’s going on — all the sin equal to all the other sin — in many churches it’s comparable to a police officer saying to a criminal, “Well, who am I to arrest you? I’ve done things wrong too.” Great post.

  2. Anewanon

    Could the difference rest in the overall goal of the organization? The police department serves by rooting out the bad guys, whereas the church serves by converting the bad guys? Very simplistically put, however.

    Thus the church is quick to give more mercy because after all we all have guns pointing back at us in the church. None is righteous, not one. We hear this over and over and it keeps us looking in the mirror and then to Christ rather than at each other.

    Police want to put away bad guys, the church wants to redeem them.
    That is my possible explanation thru my experience anyway..

    • Jeff Crippen

      I suppose there could be some of that element responsible, but as I think about it, as a police officer I wanted to see criminals converted too. That was supposed to be the goal of their punishment – a “penitentiary” is a place to do penance, though of course it is hardly that anymore. But I think the main difference is that as a police officer I KNEW the bad guys were bad guys – that they were evil. And I treated them accordingly. I didn’t let them ride in the front seat with me to jail, no handcuffs, no pat-down. But that is the naivete in the church, the refusal to say “that one is evil.” We also knew as police officers that there are many people who are NOT going to do penance, who are not ever going to change because they like being wicked. But the church is in denial about that. “God loves everyone. God has a wonderful plan for everyone.” That is not what the Bible says.

      • Amy

        This is really interesting. And one thing you said in your comment struck me because it’s what I was told by my former church after my then-husband walked out on me — “God loves everyone”.
        Yep, I was told how “you are both sinners and God loves you both”. If that didn’t make me feel guilty and put more doubts in my head that maybe I was really to blame for my then-husband’s abusive behavior. It sort of reinforced that if only I was better, more respectful and submissive, that he would change and everything would be okay. It also made me feel guilty for even thinking of divorce because after all, if we were both sinners and God loved us equally, then I had no right to think of breaking up a marriage because I was just as bad as him.

        Weird huh, how our thinking can get so messed up after living years with abuse and then having more abuse heaped on us from the one place we should be protected, out churches.

    • Anon

      I’ve had the ‘not one is righteous, no not one’, verse used against me more than once by the sin enablers to justify the abuser’s behaviour. So much so that it is hard for me to even hear that verse now because it can be so twisted by false Christians.

      I like the police dept analogy. Good way of contrasting compared to what the so called average ‘church’ is like in dealing with evil doers.

      • Tess

        yes.. we are made to feel bad sinful and guilty for speaking out…..we know we are not perfect ourselves…..we know we all fall short…but if someone is being hurt……well its more sinful to be an enabler by turning a blind eye surely?
        I am not used to speaking out….so this awfully painful experience has been devastating.

  3. Natalie

    Excellent comparison. It’s maddening, and those who don’t get how that could be maddening are either uneducated (books illustrate these concepts, so savvy reader-types would get it), on the wrong side, or have no experience with wicked people and are unwilling to learn.

    • Jeff Crippen

      It is maddening indeed. It seems to me that the uneducated group and the inexperienced group are outnumbered by the unwilling to learn and the on-the-wrong-side crowds. Instead of loudly protesting injustices to victims, it appears that what we most often see in these abuse cases in the church is the crowd screaming for Barabbas to be released and Jesus to be crucified.

      • UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, let alone asked for their forgiveness.


        It seems to me that the uneducated group and the inexperienced group are outnumbered by the unwilling to learn and the on-the-wrong-side crowds.

        I second that, with perhaps a slight rephrasing:
        It seems to me that the uneducated group and the inexperienced group are out-powered by the unwilling to learn and the on-the-wrong-side crowds.

      • modern day samaritan woman

        “unwilling to learn” thank you….I have said many times…”chosen ignorance”. I have worked as a substance abuse counselor for many years, I have a pretty good gut instinct…some of these people are so good at duping that they fool the best of the best, like Lundy Bancroft (even Lundy admits this in his book “Why Does He do That?”). My ex was one of those that duped me and everyone else…his gaslighting techniques almost drove me to commit suicide…I really thought I was losing my mind…I admitted myself into a hospital the second time I left him…he fooled all the doctors and therapists…he fooled almost every therapist involved in our marriage…even one that had worked with abusers.

        I have tried to educate people, but, most refuse to even hear of what is truth and the reality of what is happening in the body of Messiah…they rather would label me and others as the problem, they choose to remain ignorant, therefore, a useful tool to further abuse and traumatize victims…I still suffer from cognitive dissonance and do not know if I will ever fully heal from what I have experienced both from him and those that choose to remain uneducated. If it was not for this website and the power of the Almighty, I would have followed through on the suicidal ideation I had on an almost daily basis…thank you to all who have the courage to speak truth and reality…

      • I’m so glad you haven’t followed thru on the suicidal ideation, Modern Day Samaritan Woman!

        Your voice here is really important, just like every other survivor’s voice. We all help each other. 🙂

  4. VictimNoMore

    The response we received when our daughter told the elders and pastor what a person seeking membership and a leadership role in our church had done to her and to several of her friends was this: “Well, did you forgive him? That’s a terrible thing to say about someone! That root of bitterness is a sign something is wrong inside of you and you need to work on that. You should know better than to gossip like that about someone.”

    The man was allowed to join the church and is the worship leader at our former church.

    What is right is wrong and what is wrong is right. Come now, Lord Jesus!

    • Jeff Crippen

      We have dealt with wicked people numbers of times over the years, putting them out of the church (or more typically they leave when they know their evil is exposed), and then over and over again they simply go down the road to another local church. Some have even become elders or some other kind of leader. And do those churches bother to call us to look into the person’s history? Nope. I used to call and warn the pastor when this would happen and you know the typical response? “Oh, I am sure they will do just fine in our church.” And then the pastor runs over and tells the wicked person I called. Over and over and over again it has happened. I no longer call the pastors. If these “shepherds” don’t care enough about their flock to do the checking themselves, then there is nothing I can do about it. And you know what? Maybe they are right. Maybe the wicked person WILL do just fine in the other church – because it is a place where evil and thrive and has lots of comrades.

    • one of the little people

      VictimNoMore: I am so sorry that happened to you and your family. Your daughter is very brave to warn others about this man’s evil behavior. She should never have been treated like this by the church.

      • Anonymous

        This thread reminded me of some quotes by Martha Stout:

        A part of a healthy conscience is being able to confront consciencelessness. When you teach your daughter, explicitly or by passive rejection, that she must ignore her outrage, that she must be kind and accepting to the point of not defending herself or other people, that she must not rock the boat for any reason, you are NOT strengthening her prosocial sense, you are damaging it–and the first person she will stop protecting is herself.
        —Martha Stout, The Sociopath Next Door

        “We raise our children, especially girls, to ignore their spontaneous reactions – we teach them not to rock the societal boat…By the time she is thirty, the valiant little girl’s “Ick!”- her tendency to respond, to rock the boat, when someone’s actions are really mean, may have been exciesed from her behavior, and perhaps from her very mind.
        —Martha Stout, The Sociopath Next Door

      • Anonymous

        FYI–I was just on Amazon.com and noticed that Martha Stout is coming out with another book titled, “Conquering the Sociopath Next Door: How to Defend Against the Manipulative, Conscienceless, and Destructive Person in Your Life,” Due out April 24, 2018.

        [Note from Eds: Of course we haven’t yet had the chance to read this new book by Martha Stout, but we trust it will be okay because her previous book was so very very good.]

    • Tess

      Oh dear….this is heartbreakingly true…..I am in this position right now….having spoken out and now I am left alone…..isolated without backup from a church and pastor I loved and respected.

      It is so disappointing and so so sad……yes, we should all be on the same side….speaking out against our common enemy is not easy…….I am in the UK…..it happens everywhere!!!!! Lets pray for wisdom and discernment within our churches!!!!!!

  5. Charis

    I was a firefighter / paramedic for roughly 10 yrs. We repeatedly scooped up women in the back of the medic, broken & bruised, stabbed, shot, punched – domestic calls that, at the time, I remember thinking “Why doesn’t she just leave?!”

    Police accompanied every scene, keeping the perpetrator under control or at least physically separate from their target. Keeping us medics safe, too.

    It was the words of the police that I had ringing in my ears as the true nature of my own spouse came to light several years ago: “Abusers never change. Abusers always abuse.” As I contemplated my own husband’s potential, I remembered the insight of my brothers in blue. I also remembered all those patients: bloody and bruised, tearful and torn – who felt they had no choice – threatened by their abusers at the pain of death.

    To that was added wisdom from the Holy Spirit and knowledge from educated authors – and my path forward (and out) slowly became clear.

  6. Avid Reader

    There’s at least 5,123 people reading this site that are deeply grateful you didn’t go back to being a police officer.

    Thank you! 🙂

    • grace551

      So agree!

  7. 3blossommom

    I wish you had been the pastor when my husband was being caught and “confessing” to his early affairs (only emotional of course) and financial “indiscretions” within the church. He was able to fool so many with his performances. Only two church leaders have ever doubted him over twenty years. Everyone was standing by him even when truth came out. They thought he must be healed and handed grace because he finally really confessed (kind of). He was a trophy for the Lord. I was the victim sitting back watching all of these discerning men of God believe him and then heaping even more doubt and self-condemnation on myself because I did not. Through two decades of abuses, “indiscretions”, and affairs, everyone would have thought that my emotional problems, because of living with him, were what was bringing our marriage down. Now I have found my voice. I have seen evil. I know who the enemy is and Satan didn’t make him do it.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Good for you!!!!!

      • Tess

        I too would love to have had a Pastor like Jeff…… thank you for the wisdom you speak.

      • Jeff Crippen

        Thank you Tess. And we would love to have you in our church! Consider yourself one of us. 🙂

  8. Mary

    This is a good analogy that sadly shows the lack of unity within the church. As mentioned in several posts, the church is unwilling or outright refuses to understand why pessimism is gaining momentum and membership continues to decline. When leaders abuse their power, it is devastating. When the offender is supported and offered sloppy forgiveness while the victim is ignored and left alone in their pain, there will never be unity.

    I totally understand why you almost returned to the police force. Thank you for standing strong against the real enemy and fighting for truth.

  9. TruthSerum

    So the righteous are called unrighteous and the wicked are justified.
    And now you know why so many times I almost returned to the police department.

    And now you know why I don’t go to ‘church,’ anymore….I don’t have to go looking for trouble; it finds me on its own.

  10. abigail

    Jeff when you were an officer you helped women who were abused but just where you lived in Oregon. NOW my friend you help them the world over!!!!!!

    • healinginhim

      I have always missed those police days, and I want to tell you the chief reason why — we were all certain whose side we were on and who the enemy was.

      Many years have passed since the Lord graciously saved me. I was so naïve because I truly felt that those within the church would protect me … It was a very rude awakening to discover the enemy was very much a part of the church.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Thank you abigail. Yes, it’s true and I need to regularly remind myself of that. As I try to regularly remind everyone here – we at Christ Reformation church are only about 35 people total, and that count includes children! When I first came here nearly 25 years ago I remember preaching to around 170 people and a pretty much filled sanctuary in the church building. If you were to visit us now on a Sunday, you would see lots and lots of empty pews. BUT you would also see genuine unity. I have no doubt this is exactly what needs to happen in most local churches – deal with the wicked who hide in sheep’s wool, announce the truth about the evils of abuse hiding in the church in disguise, and then watch for the explosions. When the dust settles, if the pastor is still there, perhaps a few real Christians will be left. And then you have a real church.
      This is NOT (as enemies try to say) an example of driving good people away because they don’t agree with the pastor. That evil scenario can indeed happen sometimes if the wicked ones are in leadership. But in the case I am talking about, it is the truth that shines the light which the wicked flee from. And of course sadly they often take some naive and duped folks with them. As we all know however, what is typically happening now is that the victims and those who support them who are driven out.

      • JustMe

        I intend one day to visit you in Tillamook. After eight years of verbal abuse, my current ex has filed for divorce. I’ve been forced to leave my home and church, at it appears as though he is in good standing there even after having admitted to verbally abusing me. I looked into getting a restraining order against him, but in Oregon the abuse must leave visible marks on the target. I am sickened by what appears to be acceptance by the church in continued grace-giving to an unrepentant railer. (1 Cor 5:11) The thing that really bothers me, tho, is that through all of this I am questioning my salvation

      • Jeff Crippen

        We would LOVE to meet you! Here’s a thought by the way. Maybe what you are experiencing in questioning your salvation is something similar to what I have experienced, and I suspect many others who have been victims of abuse by “Christians.” Namely, that we are being forced to re-evaluate the bulk of what we have been taught about Scripture, about what a church should be like, about who a Christian is and so on? I used to assume most churches were peopled by Christians. I make that assumption no more. But I also know Christ has His true people, always. The real church exists and hell’s gates will never prevail over it.

    • grace551

      Good point, Abigail.

  11. Starlight

    Yes, thank you for this. I was in a group setting recently where we were expressing prayer requests and one woman kept saying “my sister is a Christian” but every time she goes home to be with family the sister is so mean and so hurtful and lies and is unkind and sabotages her … she went on and on about how terrible her sister acts to her and her husband and to the family – please pray for her … “but it is good that she is a Christian ”
    These are godly women who love the Lord and are leaders in the church and one even runs an organization for the prevention of child abuse and they keep saying this obviously evil non-Christian sister is a Christian.
    I was just about bursting out of my skin to say to the whole group “this woman is not a Christian, stop saying the words that she is a Christian because I can hear by your description that she is not” as this woman was describing the works of darkness and destruction that her ‘Christian’ sister was doing every time she gets together with her back home.
    How can we sit in our Bible study groups as normal intelligent functioning professional women and be so completely deceived as to who is a Christian and who is not. This should be discernment 101. Thank you Jeff and Barbara reminding us that the emperor really didn’t have his clothes on and that it is plain to see.

  12. Anonymous

    Starlight, Tess & Amy, I hear you! It’s all to keep us blind and to keep us from growing and knowing the Lord more intimately.

    I’d spent decades trying to incorporate the lies you’ve addressed, into my soul. I kept trying to shove them all in and hurry and shut the door so they wouldn’t come tumbling back out. Over and over I’d force these lies–“God loves everyone,” “we know we all fall short,” “but it is good that she is a Christian” and so many other lies into my heart trying to make them fit even though they felt evil and it made me feel even MORE worthless because I truly hated these evil people. The abuse from these abusers was constant, aggressive in nature and the more I loved them the more they destroyed me.

    Enter Jesus. I’d been saved for decades mind you, and had walked a defeated walk with Him. After He tore all the lies away I was left with Him and His truth. And part of this truth is that God DOES NOT love all people and that God actually HATES evil people.

    “‘I have found David son of Jesse a man after My own heart…” Acts 13:22. Now, if we are gonna try to paste the lies written above onto what we know about God, why did God bother to single David out? I mean, God loves us all the same, right? Surely Absalom and Korah and Cain were all loved by God, right? Don’t forget Esau. Nope. When God had this written, “…but Esau I have hated, and I have turned his hill country into a wasteland and left his inheritance to the desert jackals” (Malachi 1:3), He was teasing–joking around, right?

    No! God HATES evil and He hates evil people’s evil deeds and their evil “heart.” HE distinguishes between good and evil and HE gives us the Holy Spirit and HIS word to help us to identify these evil ones as well. If all people were savable, why does He tell us to stay away from certain evil people and why does He give us a checklist that we can use in order to identify them? (2 Tim 3:1-5, John 8:44, Romans 1:29-32, the book of Jude and other verses as well.)

    Why do Paul and others in the Bible point out that some people are evil, and then go on to name them BY NAME as well as to list their evil deeds? BECAUSE THIS IS RIGHT AND GOOD TO DO! It can be a wake up call for those who DO belong to God but were being deceived (Galatians 2:11- Galatians 2:11) as well as to give hope to those who were being oppressed by these evil people but felt powerless to change it and who may have doubted what they saw. And keep in mind that these people that were exposed by people like Paul, WERE ALL IN THE CHURCH, CLAIMING TO BE OF GOD.

    God loved David and Moses and Paul and others ESPECIALLY SO, because they were men who desired to know Him. He did NOT tell them that everyone was the same and that He loved every person, and it amazes me that I used to actually believe this lie. It’s SO NOT BIBLICAL!

    • Survivor

      For God so LOVED THE WORLD …

      Absalom was the only one in the family recorded in Scripture to have noticed and given a d***** that his brother had deceived / tricked their SISTER into “helping” him then RAPED her, thereby RUINING her life for THE REST OF HER LIFE … even her father [King David] didn’t think the incident important enough to respond to …

      The water – or is it our eyesight? – is still not clear …

      Don’t want to find oneself going the wrong way down the one-way street. … It’s safer to just not drive at all – just sit in the car … or stand on the sidewalk …

      The world (natural and supernatural) is watching.

      • Hi Survivor,
        You’d given a screen name different from the one you usually use on this blog, so I changed it to the one you usually use. Please take care what you write in the “name” field.


      • Survivor

        I thought I had been written off but wanted to respond so gave myself the name Sola y Solamente, which seemed appropriate, given the circumstances.

        Thanks for letting me know.

        Survivor I shall remain, then.

  13. Anonymous

    This is in response to Survivor, December 29, 2016 – 7:33 pm.

    Thank you for your comment.

    And concerning Absalom and his standing up for his sister who was raped. I agree with you that he seemed to be the only one to care although it does say that David was furious (but did nothing). Please note though that all the behaviors Absalom exhibited were acts of vengeance with no seeking the counsel of God or men who worshiped God such as Nathan the prophet or even his father David. He took matters into his own hands. Even afterwards, when his brother the rapist of his sister was killed, he went on to usurp his father in an underhanded and devious manner. Was this his true heart being revealed or was he so broken on behalf of his sister and how she’d been devastated after her rape?

    Well, one of his final acts of retribution was raping David’s concubines on the roof for all the people to witness. So if he knew how badly his sister had been harmed and if this was his reason for trying to take over the kingdom so that this wouldn’t happen to other women because of the harm he knew it caused them……did he think that raping David concubines PUBLICLY would help THESE women escape the fate of his sister? Was it really concern for his sister or women or anyone else that motivated him or was this simply the catalyst that spurred him on?

    Most of us here are trying to learn the truth of God’s word so that we can then honor God with our response to abuse. We want to serve Jesus truthfully. Absalom did not honor God in his behavior.

    • grace551

      Hello Anonymous, Thank you for this well thought-out comment on the story of Absalom. I think you nailed it, and you have helped me to think clearly about the questions raised (what the reasons for Absalom’s actions were, and whether he desired to honour God). I appreciate it.

  14. Tess

    I know this comment is out of date …It refers to the ‘uneducated’ V ‘unwilling to learn ,’post. I have been traumatised by my first hand experience of being befriended by a narcissist and I was so naive, believing the flattery and lies. […] I could not get my head around that behaviour within a church; that a Christian friend would be so fake and lie to me. Yes, I had an innocence up to that point. After a year I still struggle to believe what has gone on and still going on. I don’t want to believe it and, yes, it is crazy making – what it’s like to be ostracised for telling the truth etc.

    I have bought and read many books, spoken to other pastors, been for counselling, spent hours on line educating myself. Yes, I have lost my innocence, my naivety. It has been traumatic for me at age 72 to find myself in this new world of evil and ungodliness. I feel contaminated – tainted. But I had to learn. It is possible even at my age to educate oneself. It has been painful and uncomfortable. But for the Lord’s sake it had to be done.

    Thank you Jeff and Barbara. You have helped to keep me sane. Jeff commented that I could be ‘one of us’. He even said he would love me to be a member of his church. That was so so healing for me as I am so isolated just now. It’s a story people don’t wish to hear, but it’s true and real – Uncomfortable to hear. Thank you Jeff.

  15. Starting to Heal

    I am just starting some odd journey of healing in this area. I wasn’t even aware how deep this “issue” was in my life until God ripped the blindfold off for me. I knew my church wasn’t safe anymore for support. So I shut down and hid. The church I have diligently served in for several years and faithfully attended no matter what. I’m still struggling with understanding new truths I keep being shown.

    I knew something was wrong. Very wrong. I tried to reach out for help and was met with every single thing you mentioned and then some. I just resolved that I have to pray harder. That I’m failing as a Christian and even so far as to believe I don’t have any real grace from Jesus because I have no grace for the home situations. If I can’t give 100% grace (forgive and forget) I must not even know Jesus. I thought I wasn’t submissive enough a “contentious wife” they all sided with him. Took him under their wings and made sure I knew I was out of line for even telling anyone what was happening. I was told “he who is without sin cast the first stone” and all the rest. My children and myself haven’t had a phone call returned in months. I started believing them. I just tried to try harder and kept my mouth shut. I thought I was the enemy. I thought I failed at loving him enough. That if I actually show the love of Jesus he will get better. So it must be my fault. I truly thought they must be giving me real counsel. I know them all. I serve on boards. I serve missions. I was at the point of suicide and was told again it’s my lack of faith or trust in God that brought me there and was told I need meds. I have been told I can’t serve the same anymore because I’m being “hard hearted” yet, he is asked to serve to “keep him close and plugged in”.

    I love the Lord with all my heart. I truly do! My husband was telling someone right in front of me he’s not a Christian, I was stunned! He told me yesterday that there is no point to church anyway. This is not the man I married! The man I thought I would serve God next to! I told someone he’s saying things like that and I was told “I wouldn’t worry about it. I know he knows the Lord” as a Christian I am GREATLY concerned with statements such as his [this?]. They know the truth, he is an alcholic and an addict of many things, not just drugs. They see it first hand but again, I better not speak of it. I have been isolated by my church “family” and really thought it was me!

    God is showing me different and I would be lying if I didn’t say the truth is hard to take as well. Isn’t that interesting? So please keep speaking, I can’t be the only one God is directing to pages like yours. It’s still hard to wrestle with. It needs to be said. I apologize for the length. Errr. Just frustrated and confused I guess.

    • twbtc

      Hello Starting to Heal,

      Welcome to the blog!

      You will noticed that I changed your screen name. You gave what appeared to possibly be your name – for safety reasons I changed it. If you would like a different name contact me and I can change it – twbtc.acfj@gmail.com

      We like to encourage new commenters to read our New Users’ Information Page as it gives tips for staying safe when commenting on the blog.

      I understand the frustration and confusion, and yes, the truth can be hard to take as well, but the truth sets people free. The messages that the church members have been giving you are false. Submitting more, praying harder, forgiving and forgetting are all dangerous advice to give to domestic abuse victim. At the least it keeps a victim in their abusive relationship, allowing an abuser to continue with his evil ways. And it’s not biblical!!

      I encourage you to keep reading our posts. We have a list of TAGS on the top menu bar and a search bar on the side menu bar for specific searches. Keep reading and commenting as you are able! We’re so glad you are here!!

    • healinginhim

      Starting to Heal — Your testimony sounds so much like mine and others. Many of us can relate to your frustration. So thankful you discovered ACFJ. We pray and empathize for one another. ((hugs)) ❤

    • Rebecca Davis

      Hello, Starting to Heal. I’m glad you found ACFJ, too! I hope you’ll be encouraged here — there’s much to explore through the posts and the pages. I get angry about the way Scriptures are twisted to keep oppressed people in bondage and to protect the ones who are doing wrong. It’s so painful when a church turns on a faithful member like this. Please know that I’m praying for you as you continue on your healing journey.

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