I met an abuser’s ally
I was at a moms’ group yesterday. One of the moms was talking about a how a friend’s wife left him and won’t have anything to do with him and so on. I asked if there had been abuse. She responded that he was verbally abusive and talked circles around the XW, but the XW instigated and was disrespectful. Then she was aggravated with the XW’s pastor for being supportive of the XW and saying she was in the right. Yeah, I didn’t let that go, any of it. Although I was constantly interrupted, I declared that verbal abuse is abuse and should not be tolerated. I wish that I had informed her that in my experience physical abuse is easier for me to process (not easier, but easier for me to mentally recover from) than verbal and emotional or any other kind of abuse. And about the instigating, now that just chaps my hide.
Galatians 5:19 – 21 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication …wrath … and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
This passage ranks adultery and wrath together. I wonder if the XW could’ve “instigated” adultery. If she had hidden a naked woman in the closet and pushed that woman onto her husband, would this ally have let him off the hook? Would she be standing there defending his adultery the same way she defended this “instigated” abuse? Is it only abuse that can be instigated? No wait,
James 1:13 Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:
So when people abuse, it’s because they are abusers, not because their victims are instigators or disrespectful and had it coming.
The sad thing is that I used to believe the way that mom does and it kept me in danger for 21 years.
Well, I pray that I’ll get to love on this mom and share what I’ve learned. And I’m praying that this abuser she and her husband are allied with gets exposed for what he is.