A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

Who is Responsible to “Fix” a Broken Marriage Covenant?

“Why is it that when he is wrong, I am the one who always feels guilty?”

That’s a pretty good question, isn’t it?  I heard that in a movie once.  It was made by the sister of a sociopathic family member who kept everyone else in chaos and confusion by her selfish antics and blaming.  The movie was a comedy.  Real life isn’t.

This morning I came across a couple of very, very common statements that we find in books and articles and sermons about marriage and divorce.  And it struck me – these statements are actually putting the burden of responsibility for preserving the marriage onto the INNOCENT party!  Here they are.  See what you think – (find them on page 2546 of the ESV Study Bible),

“In the case of adultery, divorce is allowed but not required.  In fact, forgiveness and reconciliation, restoring the marriage, should always be the first option.”

And again –

“But it must be emphasized that, if reconciliation of the marriage can at all be brought about, that should always be the first goal.”

We hear this stuff all the time, right?  Now, I want to make some observations here:

1.  Isn’t the FIRST option/goal in cases where the marriage covenant has been violated, REPENTANCE on the part of the offender?

2.  When we say that forgiveness and reconciliation are the first goal (slap me to my senses here if I am wrong), are we not bypassing the guilty party and running right to the victim and saying “OK, now it is YOUR duty to fix this marriage.  YOU must forgive and reconcile”?

Is it not more in keeping with the nature of marriage as a covenant to say, “This marriage covenant has been destroyed by adultery/abuse.  Mrs. Victim, you have the right to divorce.  Mr. Perpetrator, Christ calls you to repent.  But even if you do repent, she does not have to remain married to you.  She will forgive you.  But it is her legal, covenantal right to divorce you.”

Is it really true that restoring the marriage should always be the first option?  Abuse victims who have sorted it out will answer, “No way!”  In fact, that is probably the worst thing to do.

Think about it.  When we talk about forgiveness and reconciliation, whom are we addressing? The VICTIM, obviously.  The abuser isn’t going to be forgiving anyone – though he will try hard to make you think he is really the wronged party.  And he sure isn’t going to be the one working to reconcile the marriage.  He has been doing just the opposite and he will continue to do so.

What is the first priority in cases of abuse, or other situations where the marriage covenant has been destroyed by horrendous sin that smashes the vows?  The first priority is to tell the victim what her rights are. A civil judge would do that.  An attorney would do that.  But the church?  Well, we don’t seem to be doing this.  We lay the load on the poor victim.  And that is just wrong.

26 Comments

  1. Barnabasintraining

    Hi.

    I just learned of your blog yesterday as I have been researching this issue of marital abuse, especially with a view to divorce as a valid option for the victim.

    Our church has recently been confronted with this issue in all its full regalia. As is usually the case, the victim is not receiving full validation, nor is divorce — which she is leaning toward — considered legitimate by the majority of the leadership. My husband and I are of the view that divorce is a valid option for the victim and that abuse of any sort is not to be tolerated. I am attempting to educate myself on this matter and it appears your blog, among others, is going to be helpful.

    I appreciate what you have said here regarding the first priority/goal. We are seeing something similar though not as blatant. It is the desired end view of reconciliation that is paramount at this time, with the repentance of the offender as a concurrent goal. However, the victim’s situation is such that she finds no grounds of assurance that seeming repentance on his part would mean actual change as he will do whatever he has to to keep her while the pressure is on (he might lose her), then once it’s off (he’s got her again) his pattern has been to return to his abusive state. This has been a sticking point and is causing the victim no end of trouble. She feels she must leave in such a way that he understands she is not a prize he will receive if he cooperates and leadership is tripping all over this.

    Desire for anonymity keeps me from saying anything more, but you can imagine, I’m sure, the kind of pressure she is feeling from those whom we feel should be supporting her instead.

    Thank you for your blog. I look forward to learning here.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Yes, you are right in the thick of it! We are very happy that you visited the blog and hope that reading through the posts here will help you. The pattern that you describe is classic. What this fellow wants is to possess, to control, and to win. It sounds like the victim is pretty wise to his game of false repentance. I (Jeff) have learned the hard way that whenever the abuser is insisting in any way that the victim must reconcile with him, he is not repentant. The party who is insisting on reconciliation, who insists that others forgive him, is indeed the guilty party and remains unrepentant.

      Time has taught me reality. Abusers don’t change. Yes, Christ can change any person’s heart – but He doesn’t change all. He can make whales fly, but He doesn’t. And I think that the hardest, most deceitful abusers are the kind who wear a facade of Christianity. If this man professes to be a Christian, which I assume he does from your comments, then he has been living a lie for a long time. At some point, such people become those described by Hebrews 6:4-8. So I operate on the fundamental assumption that if a man is an abuser, motivated fundamentally by a mindset of being entitled to power and control, justified in whatever he needs to do in order to maintain that power and control, then he is most certainly not a Christian and he is not going to change. How can such an individual be a Christian in light of Scriptures as in 1 John that say if a man says he loves God but hates his brother, he is a liar and the truth is not in him.

      Churches, Christians, pastors are for the most part ignorant of abuse and the abuser mentality and tactics. They think they can handle any kind of sin, and think that their knowledge of Scripture equips them for it. But they aren’t qualified. They don’t know the nature of the beast. So they are not going to apply Scripture properly.

      The abuser in your church will do everything he can to gain allies to his side from among you. His goal is to then use all of you to put pressure on his wife to submit herself to him once again. These things divide churches, or perhaps more often, they end up with the perpetrator of abuse remaining in the church, seen as the poor guy who really wanted to do right and stay in his marriage, while the victim has to leave the church and is branded as guilty for separating. I hear these horror stories weekly now.

      If you can do so in days ahead without compromising your anonymity, please let me know how the scenario develops. I learn from these kinds of reports. Also, you may email me directly at swordtrowel@gmail.com if you like.

      Blessings on you in Christ.

      • Barnabasintraining

        Thank you. I will keep your offer of emailing in mind.

        I do see I have left some holes I feel it’s important to fill.

        1) The abuser is not currently attending our church, though the victim is.

        2) The victim did finally move out of the house and the abuser did let her do so (there really wasn’t anything he could do about it). He is only abusive when he feels it is safe to be so. That is, as long as he feels she is not going to leave him. If he feels a threat of losing her, the game changes to sweetness and light until he’s comfortable again. That’s how he snared her to begin with.

        3) In spite of this, he is still trying to exert control by trying to get her back. The
        leadership see this as being serious about restoring the relationship, which it is, but in a perverted way. He just doesn’t want to lose her. He doesn’t have the upper hand at this time and he knows it so he’s playing from a down position. Should, God forbid, he ever find himself again with the upper hand we believe we would see the same old thing.

        4) The unfortunate thing is, people who need to know about the whole situation only seem to see him at the times of crisis (when he is in danger of losing the victim), when he is in a place to garner sympathy and he is indeed quite pitiful at this time. If you didn’t know the full story it would be easy to think the roles were reversed. They have no idea what goes on when he has the upper hand. The last time he waxed sympathetic was when he had to appear in court. In deep irony, the church (he was attending our church at the time) was there for him enough to effect an apparent positive change. This is the condition he was in when he had to appear in court: all sweetness and light. He even seemed to actually mean it. But, then he got her back and could relax and…back to square one. Now he is about to lose her again so he is a very sympathetic sight and it is this state that one of the elders just happened to contact him about something church related and learned the whole story — from his side, which is not the whole story at all. For all we know his grief, repentance, cooperation, etc. is real, in a sense. But we do not think it means what it appears to mean. It’s almost a comedy of errors, without the comedy.

        This, except for him being in our church at this time, is frighteningly accurate on all counts,

        Churches, Christians, pastors are for the most part ignorant of abuse and the abuser mentality and tactics. They think they can handle any kind of sin, and think that their knowledge of Scripture equips them for it. But they aren’t qualified. They don’t know the nature of the beast. So they are not going to apply Scripture properly.

        The abuser in your church will do everything he can to gain allies to his side from among you. His goal is to then use all of you to put pressure on his wife to submit herself to him once again. These things divide churches, or perhaps more often, they end up with the perpetrator of abuse remaining in the church, seen as the poor guy who really wanted to do right and stay in his marriage, while the victim has to leave the church and is branded as guilty for separating.

        And what’s even worse, if he were really telling the truth and really was repentant, we would have no way of knowing. As the victim says, he plays it well.

        The only reason I know the truth is because I have known the victim since before she was involved with the abuser and I know her well. I have seen her in many different situations and I know her consistency. I have also seen him, having met him through her (we were in a different church at the time), and I know his lack of ethics and have seen his verbal abuse, which petrified me.

        You are absolutely right about churches, Christians and pastors. They have no idea what they are doing. They are not qualified and consequently we see them performing spiritual malpractice left and right.

      • Jeff Crippen

        Yes, I have concluded the very same things about nouthetic counseling. We included a chapter in our book about this issue and talked about the doctrine of the sufficiency of Scripture – what it means and what it does NOT mean. Unless a counselor knows the sociopathic personality, he or she is going to be duped. Thanks much for the additional insights.

  2. “When we talk about forgiveness and reconciliation, whom are we addressing? The VICTIM, obviously. The abuser isn’t going to be forgiving anyone – though he will try hard to make you think he is really the wronged party. And he sure isn’t going to be the one working to reconcile the marriage.”

    The very fact that the abuser tries to make the victim look guilty is telling. At least *he* understands that whoever is guilty is responsible for the mess. By constantly pointing the finger back at the victim, he proves himself wiser in some cases than the counselors who are deceived by his tap dancing.

    If all the burden actually rested on the shoulders of the victim to reconcile, all he’d have to do is playact another phony repentance and sit back and watch the fun. In my experience, that never happens. He has to spread the blame and he does so for a very good reason. In fact, he has to lay the *ultimate* at the feet of his wife. (If she didn’t ___, then I wouldn’t___)

    Added to the attitude of most churches (the marriage is an unbreakable covenant that must be preserved at the expense of the parties involved), this blaming inserts just enough doubt in the minds of those passing judgement to pressure the wife into reconciling. Again. And again. After all, she hasn’t changed enough yet has she? She certainly isn’t perfect so there must be two sides to this story.

    No one seems to get the idea that *it doesn’t matter* what she does. This woman is no more flawed or sinful than any other woman who’s ever walked the face of the earth and she does not deserve to be battered in any manner– emotional, verbal, or physical (which involves a broad range from living under the threat of violence to bullying, to sexual abuse.) In fact, much of what you may see in her behavior is probably *the result* of years of abuse! So not only is she getting blamed for the initial abuse, she’s now blamed for being traumatized and the internal damage she’s taken.

    Abusers know what they’re doing. They have this down to a fine science. They’ve had plenty of time in secret to perfect their technique on the wife and kiddies. It would pay to look at how they manipulate their victims and keep them in a never ending hamster wheel of bondage and see if you– as the observer, counselor or pastor– might be getting the same run around.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Thanks Ida Mae. It is a pretty raw deal, isn’t it? Hey, are you any good at marching around churches with placards and chants? It may come to that.

  3. Robin

    Yes!!!! Thank you Jeff. As any abused wife knows, she tries and tries to fix the marriage, change HER behavior, all in the hopes that the abuse will stop and he will change – and it is all, frustratingly, to no avail. She takes the blame on herself, which the abuser also doles out so well. Until he truly repents, there is no hope for the marriage.

    Thank you so much for your blog. As for many abused women, it took years…a couple of decades, actually, to realize this and to conclude that the pain and damage of staying in the marriage was worse than the pain of leaving – & ultimately divorcing. I still grapple with his claim (false belief?) that he is a Christian, but when I don’t see spiritual fruit in his life, or true repentance, I can’t but help come to the conclusion that he is an unbeliever. Thanks for your posts on this topic. I look forward to your book, and will be sharing it with the pastors at my church.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Thanks much Robin. We can hardly wait to see it published and get it circulating. Boy, some people aren’t going to like it:)

    • Glenys Hicks

      As a former severely abused wife of 25 years, I can tell you that you are spot on! She will try and try and reconcile and leave in a cycle that is soul-destroying. With the honeymoon period of the cycle diminishing until it is non existent after each reconciliation. Eventually the pain of staying out weighs the pain of going and divorcing. She then throws herself entirely at God’s mercy because she still feels that everything is her fault and that somehow she will not retain her salvation…. the fear can make her physically ill with panic, yet she takes that step, hoping in Gods’ mercy and understanding. Then she reads about preachers telling her she divorced unbibilically because the ex husband did not commit adultery, and the cycle continues…. so sad… that is my life now.

      • Jeff Crippen

        Glenys: Whenever the cycle takes that condemning downswing, come on over to the blog here and tell us. You have a group here who will encourage you. I know what you feel like. I have opposed abusers in the church during my nearly 30 years of pastoral ministry. I have been attacked and I still get attacked and accused. When you shine light on evil, it hates you for it and the enemy does all he can to mess with your mind. “There is therefore now NO condemnation for them who are in Christ Jesus.” None. The Spirit of God is the spirit of sonship, not fear. Those accusations and fears that hit you are not from Christ. From now on, whenever you hear or read a preacher/teacher say that there is no abuse for divorce, take that book and launch it, and shut off that preacher. I know with no doubt at all that people who teach that stuff are totally ignorant of evil. They have never met it. If they had, they would never forbid divorce for abuse. They may mean well, but they have been taught and embraced a Pharisaical tradition. When they meet evil, their tradition will be shattered, just like it was for me.

      • Dear Jeff, I have written before, but just to recap..

        I left my ex husband because in the end I was so ill with fear that I couldn’t keep any food down. He refused to go to marriage counselling and when I told him if he didn’t go to marriage counselling I would be leaving in the morning, he told me to go. He said he didn’t do anything wrong. I left to save myself but I did hope to remarry one day, which I did four years later. My ex alternatively threatened and pleaded for me to return which I refused to do as after each reconciliation in the past…(and there were many), the abuse would recommence with worse injuries and disrespect for me, and the “honeymoon” phase was constantly less each time. I just couldn’t take it any more….
        My new husbands’ wife left him for her boss….
        Just 5 weeks after leaving my unrepentant (unbeliever) husband, he met and slept with his present partner. Does this constitute adultery seeing as I left and told him I would not try yet another reconciliation? Just wondering if my current 15 year marriage is biblical or not… I ask because I recently have been told yet again that I did have grounds to divorce but not remarry… Thanks for any thoughts. Blessings, Glenys

      • Jeff Crippen

        Glenys- It certainly does constitute adultery. You drew a firm boundary to protect yourself and that boundary gave your ex a clear choice to repent of his persistent wickedness by at least going to counseling. He made his choice and while still married he had sex with another woman. But even if he had not done so, you were free to file for divorce from him and to remarry. Why? Because of his unrepentant, habitual unfaithfulness to the marriage covenant he made with you before God and witnesses. He is the one guilty of treacherous divorce. You simply filed the paperwork acknowledging what was reality.

        As to anyone (and there are far too many such types) who is telling you that you had no right to remarry, disregard them. They speak at best out of ignorance and at worst our of hypocritical self-righteousness. If you have not yet read Barbara Roberts’ book, Not Under Bondage, I highly recommend that you do so.

  4. Barnabasintraining

    Jeff,

    I’m not sure where to put this comment so I figure I’ll just put it here.

    I’ve been reading back through this blog and have seen a couple of places where you all are thinking of how best to reach your audience. I had a couple of brainstormy thoughts.

    What about YouTube videos? I am sure you would get a good amount of traffic.

    Also, there are at least a couple of blogs that I think would be very interested in what you’re doing. I’m not in full agreement with all of their theology, but I definitely agree with their position on spiritual abuse. The first one I’m thinking of is called Wartburg Watch. They deal mainly in spiritual abuse issues and have done posts on physical abuse too. They call themselves “the fellowship of the wounded.” They are here:

    http://thewartburgwatch.com/

    The other is a pastor they have begun to work with to minister to the spiritually disenfranchised, but I suspect he would be interested in what you are about also. I don’t know what his view is on divorce for abuse but I would be surprised if he didn’t support it. He is Wade Burleson in Enid, OK. His blog is here:

    http://www.wadeburleson.org/

    At the very least, they know people who know people….

    • Jeff Crippen

      Alright, thanks much for the ideas and websites. I will check them out. I’ve never done youtube video posts. I am thinking about doing a few more sermons on abuse in our church and maybe we could video those.

  5. Anonymous

    Barnabasintraining, firstly, kudos to you for standing by your friend. You are the gold that victims/survivors look for – very hard to find. Even friends who had known me long before he came along were convinced by him that although I USED to be a consistent, responsible, faithful Christian, I now have been so hurt by his “thoughtless actions and bad temper” (which has been transformed by Christ) that I have gone the other way, being influenced by worldly feminists and now have abandoned the faith and become bitter and abusive. They have been asked to pray for me.

    Secondly, your statement that if he was telling the truth, you would have no way of knowing is exactly what leadership often fails to grasp. I have had friends sit me down to say, “Really, I CAN tell, and I know that NOW he is really remorseful and changing. He is NOT lying – he can’t pull one over me, I would be able to tell.” Even I, after having lived many years with him, couldn’t tell during all those hearts and flowers stages. My kids always thought those apologies were fake though. So if I, the one who knew the most intimately, couldn’t tell, how can church leadership, for whom he is performing, tell?!

    Thirdly, with regards to Youtube videos. I noticed that David Instone-Brewer’s position on divorce for abuse is on a multi-part series of 2 to 4 minute clips. It’s just great! But it hasn’t had many viewers. And the disheartening thing is that when you watch it, all the other divorce youtubes appear at the side, and guess what, they present the no-divorce position, and there are many of them. So all I am saying is that youtube can attract many viewers, but for some reason, some are shunned. But hey, every avenue should be exploited.

    Lastly, Anna’s point on the covenant of marriage. The teaching I received over many years is consistently one that says that a covenant cannot be broken. Even if the other person breaks it, I am obliged to keep it. If that’s the teaching they drum into you, you would never dare to contemplate divorce. My church doesn’t consider reconciliation as the first option, although it does hold reconciliation as the ultimate goal. It concedes that the woman must be convinced that repentance has occurred. But it doesn’t know what to do when the man insists that he has repented and is pressuring the church to validate it. The church’s response is one of “Great, you’re doing well. Keep believing and praying for her to see it”

    • Anonymous,

      “The teaching I received over many years is consistently one that says that a covenant cannot be broken. Even if the other person breaks it, I am obliged to keep it. If that’s the teaching they drum into you, you would never dare to contemplate divorce.”

      I lived for many years in a horrible marriage to an unfaithful wife, out of a heart to do all in my power to wholeheartedly keep my covenant vows. In the end, it ended in divorce, and I came to realize that there was nothing I could have done to prevent it.

      I also came to realize that God never intends for His children to be enslaved in a covenant of abusive bondage. Satan uses covenant to enslave. God never enslaves.

      For His children trapped in a covenant of abusive bondage, God offers redemption.

      We see God’s heart of redemption in how He redeemed Israel from their covenant with Pharaoh, and we see it in how Jesus redeemed us from Adam’s covenant with the kingdom of darkness. Both of these were blood covenant relationships from which God lovingly redeemed His children.

      Our Redeemer lives!

      • Jeff Crippen

        Thanks Joe! Right on. Redemption by blood from Egypt and from Adam – great illustrations of God being in the covenant-breaking business when the covenant is evil bondage.

      • debby

        Hi Joe,
        I have a pastor who has caused me much pain as I came to him during my abusive marriage seeking help and was not taken seriously and given poor advice that made things worse. He is very “up on scripture” so I have been doing some studying to “renew my mind” on some of his patriarchal/pharisaical teachings to get to the truth of the scripture. I am interested in the part you said, “how he redeemed Israel from thier covenant with Pharoah.” How was that a blood covenant? Thanks for your insights!

      • joepote01

        Debby –

        Thank you, so much, for your interest and your question!

        Rather than respond with a lengthy discussion, it might be best to refer you to my own blog, where I discuss my understanding of this topic in more detail.

        Here is a post where I specifically discuss the covenant between Pharaoh and Joseph: http://josephjpote.com/2014/04/the-great-divorce-2/

        It might also be helpful to read these two pages on my blog where I discuss the biblical use of the terms “covenant” and “redemption”

        Please feel free to comment on my blog, with any further questions or discussion.

        May God richly bless you as you continue to study His word!

        Joe

      • Joe and I know that we don’t quite see eye to eye on the question of the Joseph and the Israelites being in a covenant with Pharaoh in the Genesis & Exodus narrative (before they fled from Egypt). Joe and I cordially agree to differ. I don’t really want to debate the points of difference here, as that may detract from the tone of the blog. But the happy main point — on which both Joe and I agree — is that God redeemed the Israelites from Egypt and that is an encouraging parallel for how God redeems us from abusive relationships. 🙂

  6. Barnabasintraining

    Hi Anonymous,

    It’s kind of nice in a sense to be seen as the gold a victim/survivor looks for. Gold is a valuable, rare commodity. But honestly, I’d rather be as common as dirt because of the abundance of people like me, if you see what I mean.

    To me it seems more than blatantly obvious that a victim should be affirmed in escaping completely and permanently via divorce. But the thing that trips me up more than anything else is the idea that the person filing for divorce is therefore the cause of the divorce.

    Point taken about the You Tube videos. That’s a shame. Still, I hold out hope, which I hope is not delusional, that the main thing the church needs is sound education. Maybe some sort of alliance or organization of like minded people would be more effective.

    Here, for example, would be a place where education is needed,

    But it doesn’t know what to do when the man insists that he has repented and is pressuring the church to validate it.

    If they knew the issue was control they would know pressure to validate is incongruent with genuine repentance. Clearly, the man has not come to the place of concluding that people have the right to make up their own minds. His thinking and core beliefs remain unchanged. He is still entitled to control. This is why we have made the stipulation that discipleship of the abuser must be wholly apart from the victim and completely irrespective of whether or not reconciliation ever happens.

    • Jeff Crippen

      “If they knew the issue was control they would know pressure to validate is incongruent with genuine repentance. Clearly, the man has not come to the place of concluding that people have the right to make up their own minds. His thinking and core beliefs remain unchanged. He is still entitled to control. This is why we have made the stipulation that discipleship of the abuser must be wholly apart from the victim and completely irrespective of whether or not reconciliation ever happens.”

      This is very, very well put. The party who is doing the pressuring for forgiveness and reconciliation is the guilty party. Truly repentant people don’t do this. The Prodigal son is the classic example of real repentance. “Now, father, I am your son and you know that you have to forgive me because God requires it and besides, I am really sorry.” Hmmm…. no, I don’t think it went quite like that.

  7. I love this post, Jeff!

    So much of what our churches teach on divorce sounds great to anyone sitting in the pew on Sunday, who has never been thru divorce or lived in an abusive relationship. However, it ceases to make sense when stacked up against real life situations. More importantly, it doesn’t align with what the Bible says on the topic of divorce, but rather with what someone thought it should have said, or must have meant to say.

    Thanks for keeping it real!

    • Jeff Crippen

      Joe: As soon as we began to write posts on this blog, identifying by name leading Christian pastors and teachers who deny that abuse is a biblical ground for divorce, the missiles started to fly – especially when this blog was linked with Facebook. People are so blindly loyal to the big names that their response was “How dare these guys act in such a way to these fine, godly men.” We de-linked with FB because it just isn’t a forum for meaningful discussion. You are absolutely right. These teachings sound so pious and wonderful, until you enter the real world of abuse. Then their fallacy is revealed.

      • “blindly loyal”…

        …to pastors and teachers…to doctrines and myths learned from childhood…

        It’s truly sad…

        And, yet, I do understand.

        I, too, was raised in the church hearing similar teaching. It is difficult to let go of until life smacks you in the head with a situation that doesn’t fit…

        Once we’re forced to dig deeper and search out God’s truth ourselves, with scripture and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, it’s easy to see thru, but until we’re confronted with the need, it is very difficult to let go of what we have been taught.

        Thank you for confronting people with the need!

  8. Finding Answers

    Pastor Jeff wrote Think about it. When we talk about forgiveness and reconciliation, whom are we addressing? The VICTIM, obviously. The abuser isn’t going to be forgiving anyone – though he will try hard to make you think he is really the wronged party. And he sure isn’t going to be the one working to reconcile the marriage. He has been doing just the opposite and he will continue to do so.

    Pastor Jeff quoted “Why is it that when he is wrong, I am the one who always feels guilty?”

    I hate those days when the “not me” voices of all the abusers in my head get the upper hand and taint my trust in God.

    I don’t remember encountering a regular cycle of abuse, but when every relationship in my life has been abusive – and abusive in different ways – it becomes one hodge-podge of events.

    Putting aside the non-linear fashion of healing, the only cycle of abuse I experience is in the pattern of healing. And this is one of the days nothing sinks in – not Scripture, not listening to sermons, not prayer, nothing.

    The only thing I can do is wait it out, knowing the only way through it is through it. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. Cycle after cycle after cycle.

    It’s like being re-abused with none of the abusers present. “The gift that keeps on giving.”

    The one upside? I was led to the first post by Barnabasintraining. There are a number I have followed with interest, as I am led through the posts by the Holy Spirit.

    I may not remember where I initially “met” them in the blog, but it’s like reading a familiar voice, the opposite of the “not me” ones in my head.

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