The Cruelty of the Abuser
For their rock is not as our Rock; our enemies are by themselves. For their vine comes from the vine of Sodom and from the fields of Gomorrah; their grapes are grapes of poison; their clusters are bitter; their wine is the poison of serpents and the cruel venom of asps. (Deut 32:31-33)
Whoever is righteous has regard for the life of his beast, but the mercy of the wicked is cruel. (Prov 12:10)
Cruelty. Think about that word. All of us at one time or another have hurt someone else, causing them some kind of pain. Before we knew Christ, perhaps we even did so intentionally. Intentionally. There it is. Cruelty is the intentional infliction of pain or suffering upon another person or an animal. The definition must continue: Cruelty is the intentional infliction of pain or suffering upon another person or animal for the mere enjoyment or satisfaction of the one inflicting it. Most of you have seen and experienced it. Comes right out of the blue. No apparent reason for the attack. Things seem fine and then BOOM! Wicked words, flying into a rage, bringing up some event from the past and making an accusation about it. WHAM! Why? Because abusers like it. They inflict pain and suffering because they enjoy doing so. Like a predator, the thirst for it builds and they must strike.
Abusers are cruel. They intentionally cause pain and suffering (physical, emotional, psychological) in their victim simply for the enjoyment of keeping them under their evil power and control. They like it. Cruelty gives them a rush. They enjoy watching the suffering. Hurt a favorite pet. Destroy a cherished possession. Threaten to injure or even kill and then watch the trauma inflicted. Abusers like it. They have much in common with those hooded medieval torture experts in the castle dungeon we see depicted in movies.
So when we are dealing with abusers we must realize that they abuse, they do all the wicked things they do, simply because they like to do it. They feed on the suffering and the sense of domination it gives them over the victim. They like it. They like it. They are cruel. Those of you who want to “reform” an abuser — did you hear me? THEY LIKE IT!
Rescue me, O my God, from the hand of the wicked, from the grasp of the unjust and cruel man. For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O LORD, from my youth. (Psa 71:4-5)
As long as a person fails to acknowledge the full weight and implications of the fact that an abuser is cruel, that he delights in inflicting suffering and trauma upon his victim to enslave and control them, such a person has no business counseling, teaching, or advising about abuse or in any abuse case.
Why does he do that? Because he is cruel. Because he feeds on the suffering of others much like his cousin the serial killer.