My abuser’s evil plan was to give me the “scorched earth policy”. But with planning, strategy and God’s help, I outsmarted him.
[September 23, 2022: There have been some changes made to this post. For more information, read the Editors’ notes at the bottom of the post. Editors.]
This account is by Standsfortruth. It is adapted from a comment she wrote on our post The Abuser as Kidnapper and Slave Master. See her original comment here. We thank her very much for allowing us to publish it as a stand-alone post.
This is a short story of how my abuser’s grip was pried off of me with God’s help….
It took planning and strategy in order to outsmart my abuser, and once I realized all the evil that he had been done to me and my family, I started making changes. I set firm boundaries in place inside the marital home, boundaries that my abuser could not compromise, like creating my own secure bedroom with a dead bolt locking key so he could not enter at his free will and I kept this room locked with the keys on me at all times. He hated this, of course. I also had to put window locks on my bedroom windows, after catching my abuser trying to climb through, to get into my room, once when he thought I left. My friend helped by donating a mini-fridge and microwave and I had a TV in there too. It was a decent set up that gave me some sense of control and composure.
After a few months of that, my abuser began asking me to “just leave the marital home.” And he continued to try to get me to move out and go somewhere else. But I refused.
Finally, out of anger and frustration from my effective boundaries, he filed for divorce. (Thank you, Lord.)
But even then I did not want to leave because the house was still half mine, there was reasonable equity in it and once it sold it could provide some money that could help me re-adjust. I also didn’t want to leave everything behind just for him to plunder and then have to reinvent myself all over again. So I decided to create a stand-off right in the home. [Emphasis added.]
I secured a vehicle in my name, and kept it locked 24 / 7, and then I got a job so that I had my own income and my own private checking account. I also had my vehicle door locks changed, so that my abuser could not access it, and learned to never put my keys down where he could access them. This way he could not tamper with the engine or place a listening device in the vehicle to hear any of my conversations. I also got a locking gas cap to discourage any tampering with my gas.
And I always kept my keys fastened to my belt so that he would never have an opportunity to take them or make copies.
I got my own separate cell phone account so he could no longer monitor my phone calls. I also changed my mailing address to a PO box, and notified all of my creditors of my new mailing address and also made sure my bank account used the PO box only.
But the last thing my abuser wanted was for our house to sell because that would give me money, and heaven forbid I receive more independence from him. So he quit paying the house mortgage for several months (to also ruin my credit). So we were now getting foreclosure notices in the mail.
I was up against my abuser’s evil plan which was to give me the “scorched earth policy” — with him hoping in the end I would be so destitute and desperate that I would come crawling back to him. They just don’t ever get it do they?
But God had a different plan.
I covered my bases throughout the divorce process and gathered and collected papers and information that defended my position against any possible lies he might try to accuse me of. I even collected incriminating information about him, saving and securing everything that might help my case in the event of a trial.
To make a long story short regarding the house, during the divorce I requested for several realtors after they had viewed our house to send me a letter stating that I was willing to sign their contract, while my husband for one reason or another was not. This created pressure on him from the lawyers now knowing about the foreclosure threat that had been looming. So my abuser reluctantly had to sign the realtor’s contract. Finally the green light was on to get the house ready to sell!
Then God gave me Elijah-type energy to fix up the property and house one project at a time. I was working on the house and property before and after working my daily job, racing to get it sold before it foreclosed. During that time God sustained my energy in an amazing way that I can’t even explain, and I am no spring chicken. Miraculously it sold 17 days later.
I guess that I am sharing this to encourage other readers that if you should decide to help yourselves towards freedom, just remember that even though it may not be easy, God will be there for you to help you get through it.
[September 23, 2022: Editors’ notes:
—For some comments made prior to September 23, 2022 that quoted from the post, the text in the comment that was quoted from the post might no longer be an exact match.
—For some comments made prior to September 23, 2022 that quoted from the post, the text in the comment that was quoted from the post might no longer be found in the post.
If you would like to compare the text in the comments made prior to September 23, 2022 that quoted from the post to the post as it is now (September 23, 2022), click here [Internet Archive link] for the most recent Internet Archive copy of the post.]