Supporters of Victims of Domestic Abuse

As a pastor, what are the most important things for me to know about domestic abuse?

ACFJ FAQ page with a list of related posts

Catherine Kroeger’s address at the Beginning Hope Conference, UK, 2010

Cathy Kroeger spoke about things she and colleagues had been doing for decades to get Christians to address domestic abuse, in the USA, Canada and Russia. Kroeger was the founding president of CBE (Christians for Biblical Equality) and at the time of this talk was the President of PASCH (Peace and Safety in the Christian Home). PASCH is no longer in existence. She covers:

  • domestic abuse in the Bible: Ezekiel 34, Hagar, Judah and Tamar, Joseph and his brothers
  • David’s adultery and Nathan’s faithfulness
  • the dichotomy — many are in denial, some are trying to generate social change
  • in social change, the role of the prophet is unpopular
  • how to get men involved
  • pastoral counselling for domestic abuse takes up more time than any other kind of pastoral counselling
  • pastors with the least training feel they can handle the problem by themselves
  • pastors with more training in domestic abuse work in consort with secular agencies
  • in the early 20th century, evangelicals thought Prohibition would stop domestic abuse
  • how CBE got active on domestic abuse, lost motivation, then got back on board
  • how the World Evangelical Fellowship got a taskforce started on violence against women
  • why the RAVE website was set up
  • how PASCH is writing a faith-based program for the DULUTH model (Changed Men Changed Lives)
  • some professions have higher rates of abuse: military, police, doctors, lawyers, judges, clergy
  • the attempted suicide rate in abused women is 35-40%

Continuum of Care for Victims of Domestic Violence Tool

by Catherine DeLoach Lewis.  This 2-page PDF is a condensed tool for pastors and counselors who are dealing with domestic abuse cases.  It can be kept in one’s desk for ready access when printed and laminated as a double-sided resource.

Lewis created this version specific to her locality (i.e. phone numbers and agencies); however, she is willing to modify the information to reflect your specific contact information.  Simply contact her by email (address provided at the bottom of the PDF) with your request.

Converting Statements into Questions: A skill for bystanders who want to help victims of domestic abuse

An ACFJ blog post by Barbara Roberts.

Domestic Violence Disclosure Flow Chart

from “Practice Guidelines: A consultative document for Churches, circuits and districts when working within the issue of Domestic Abuse.

Emotional Abuse of Children

Emotional abuse is the most difficult category to define, and unfortunately, the most difficult type of abuse to investigate. Examples include harsh criticism, name-calling or derogatory comments, shaming, threatening, withholding love and affection, and possibly exposing children to domestic violence.

Honouring Women’s Resistance: How Women Resist Abuse in Intimate Relationships

An excellent 34 page PDF resource from Calgary Women’s Emergency Shelter. And their booklet Choosing to Change: A Handbook for Men concerned about their abusive behavior toward those they love – may be helpful for abusers who want to change.

How can I help my friend or relative who has been abused?

ACFJ FAQ page with a list of related posts and other resources

Is Someone you Know Being Abused in a Relationship?

Information for supporters victims of domestic abuse.

If you prefer the information as a PDF booklet, one can be downloaded here. and can be downloaded in several different languages, including English. The links to download the PDF (booklet) files are located about halfway down the page.

Ps. Jeff Crippen’s Open Letter from a Pastor to Pastors

Readers are freely granted permission to reproduce this letter and use it to good ends.  Please do not alter or change the wording.

The myth of women’s false accusations of domestic violence and rape and misuse of protection orders

Fact sheet by, also available in PDF. Summary from the fact sheet:


Women routinely make up allegations of domestic violence and rape, including to gain advantage in family law cases. And women use protection orders to remove men from their homes or deny contact with children.


  • The risk of domestic violence increases at the time of separation.
  • Most allegations of domestic violence in the context of family law proceedings are made in good faith and with support and evidence for their claims.
  • Rates of false accusations of rape are very low.
  • Women living with domestic violence often do not take out protection orders and do so only as a last resort.
  • Protection orders provide an effective means of reducing women’s vulnerability to violence.

Neglect of Children

Neglect is a failure to provide certain basic necessities of life, including food/water, adequate shelter, or appropriate supervision. Not getting medical care or not being taken to school may also classify as neglect.

Physical Abuse of Children

Physical abuse can be any act of violence (accidental or intentional) that results in an injury to a child. This may include punching, kicking, shaking, stabbing, throwing, biting, choking, burning or hitting (with an hand or an object, like a belt or switch).

“Power and Control” and “Accountability Wheels” for Male Aspiring Allies

by Ben Atherton-Zeman.  Ben, though not a Christian, believes that more work needs to be done to involve men to end men’s violence.   He has created a set of wheels to help men become more effective allies in the movement against battered women.

Respecting & Listening to Victims of Violence

An excellent handbook from Calgary Women’s Emergency Shelter.  Written mainly for people who want to be able to support victims of family violence, but also beneficial to victims.  It will give you ideas about talking with victims in respectful ways that will be helpful to women who are being abused by their partner.

Sexual Abuse of Children

Sexual abuse may include inappropriate touching, being forced to have sex or engage in sexual acts, being forced to watch pornography, being prostituted, or having someone expose themselves to a child.

Sexist humour and rape jokes: Five key points

by Michael Flood.

Sexist jokes often are dismissed or excused as harmless fun. Yet they have real, negative effects in the world. They are linked to sexist and violent behaviour, they worsen gender inequalities, and they increase tolerance for violence against women.

Sin by Silence

Sin by Silence is a documentary that takes one into the lives of women who are domestic violence’s living, worst-case scenarios.  Some of these women have killed their abusers and are now trapped behind bars.  This documentary tells the story of Convicted Women Against Abuse (CWAA), an initiative led by the women of CWAA to help educate the legal system.  Through careful orchestration of letter writing campaigns, media coverage, and senate hearings a moment was born and laws for battered women were change.

Toxic Relationship Aftermath: Doubt, Mistrust and Paranoia?

by Dr George Simon Jr.

Unhelpful Comments by Well-Meaning People – and how to respond to them

An ACFJ blog post by Barbara Roberts. This will give you ideas of what not to say to victims!

Vicarious Trauma

This Headington Institute webpage contains an excerpt from Understanding and Addressing Vicarious Trauma that may be useful for those who are feeling overwhelmed from supporting victims of abuse.

What Men Can Do

The original What Men Can Do website now redirects No To Violence.

Information about how men can respond to and prevent men’s violence against women.

Why Didn’t You Leave?

An ACFJ blog post by Barbara Roberts.  Explains the many reasons why women stay. After reading this article, bystanders will be less likely to slight a victim for not leaving an abusive relationship.


UPDATE  Sept 2021:  I, Barbara Roberts, have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches.  He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, let alone asked for their forgiveness.

2 thoughts on “Supporters of Victims of Domestic Abuse”

  1. I am divorced with children, but even though we do not live together he continues to abuse me through the internet.

    I am tangled in a web of emails that I can never open, phones that he uses through apps to change the settings, my contacts numbers, calendars and not to mention my private documents that he has somehow gotten into and deleted, sending them elsewhere. ….I had years of professional material that I will never get back again. ….He locked me out of my social media account, so I cannot network like I was and was starting to succeed. Now, I am hidden and even though I went to the police, private investigators, family and friends they did not help. The police just mock me, tell me “it can’t be done.” My friends are tired of the same old scenario and say, “it’s time to move on.”

    I am not one to give up lightly, I feel I have been pushing and pushing, showing up, speaking out and, no, nothing. When I told my psychiatrist that “maybe its me.” “Maybe I am crazy!” She had met my ex (when he tried to [get] back with me, I asked him to see her, and I would [get back with him?]). He fools a lot of people I just wanted a true diagnosis. She wouldn’t give that to me due to confidentiality but she did say off the record, reminding me that she would never go to court, speak on my behalf, nor put it in writing but for my own sanity she said, “He will never stop trying to hurt you and will go to great lengths to keep you down.” She was correct and with the children he has made it even harder, causing chaos, drama and confusion.

    My head is spinning and I want this to stop, but no one truly knows how to help me do this.

    Even after all he has done I still feel sorry for him, the emptiness, the constant need to create chaos and the way he goes to great lengths to keep me in the dark by keeping emails, and documents from teachers, professionals and family. I am so tired.

    1. Wow. He is very skilled at techno-stalking!

      I am not an expert in how to handle something like this, but it sounds to me like the only solution for you is to stop using your phone and other devices and get new ones, (new, or second hand from a reputable dealer who provides a guarantee on the goods) and set up entirely new accounts. New email address, new IDs on all social media, new Apple ID and new Google ID and new passwords for them all. And never let the kids know your new passwords or take the devices to him if they have visitation with him.

      And beware of Facebook. Facebook is stalkbook. If you set up a new account at Facebook, be very very cautious about telling your friends and family or letting them follow you or interact with you on Facebook. Cyberstalkers can follow your Facebook ‘friends’ and by watching what those friends share and like on Facebook they can often get a picture of what you are doing in your life.

      At our Resources Page, we have a page about Cyber Safety and Social Networking. There may be some items there that might interest you.

      And by the way, we like to encourage new readers to check out our New Users’ Info page as it gives tips for how to guard your safety while commenting on the blog.

      After reading the New Users’ Info page, you might like to look at our FAQ page.

      I changed your screen name to Anon, as a precaution for your safety.

      Welcome to the A Cry For Justice website! 🙂

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