Murderous Words From a Smiling Mouth: A Common Abuser Tactic
UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, let alone asked for their forgiveness.
[August 5, 2022: There have been some changes made to this post. For more information, read the Editors’ notes at the bottom of the post. Editors.]
For there is no truth in their mouth; their inmost self is destruction; their throat is an open grave; they flatter with their tongue. (Psalm 5:9 ESV)
I was reminded recently of one common characteristic of abusers (revilers is a pretty good Scriptural synonym). A character in a movie was incredibly wicked and in his position of authority he issued oppressive commands constantly, using cruel sanctions to enforce them. And yet, all the while he was carrying on this evil, he had a smile on his face. More than a smile. He had a sing-songy happy-go-lucky “aren’t we all having fun” tone to his voice while simultaneously inflicting great pain and suffering on his victims.
This kind of thing certainly qualifies as a “crazy-making” tactic because it sends dual messages that are in conflict with one another. “It looks like I am being cruel to you, but my voice says I we are all very happy here.” Which is it? After repeatedly being subjected to this, the victim doesn’t really know.
We have run into these kind here at ACFJ more than once and we expect more of them will come along again. We are on to them. Their evil doesn’t work here. But they try and try and try, making accusations against us all the while having a “smiley-face” tone to their words. They flatter. Then they accuse. Then they flatter some more. You can almost feel the ooze of their “niceness” while they are simultaneously sinking their fangs in. Most of you know of these things. You have lived with this. It is all intensely evil, and those who practice it are under the intense wrath of Christ.
Here is an example of fangs behind smiling lips. This one is rather typical of the kind of accusations we receive from men who have it in for women and who often are in “fathers’ rights” groups. He wrote this after we rejected his insistence that we embrace his teachings:
Dear brother, all I am asking here is that you listen to me as a brother in Christ, with the love that Jesus calls all of his people to exercise toward one another. I am humbly coming to you in obedience to our Lord’s leading of me, to point out to you that women are abusers as much as men. [Imagine smile on face, soft, smooth tone of words.]
But you have judged me instead. I certainly hope that you do not treat all the poor souls who come to you for help in such a cruel manner. [Throw in several Scriptural quotes here, still emanating from that “smile”.]
I have been honest with you and in return, you have treated me terribly….” [Yada, yada, yada.]
These kind hate it when they are called out on their wickedness, because they have been accustomed to practicing these evil tactics unopposed. They also particularly detest being corrected by a woman, like Barbara who exposes them for what they are. They always try to get in “the last word” as they try to maintain “high ground.”
These things are all too common to most of our readers. The more clearly we learn about “fangs behind a smile” the sooner we will be able to see it for what it is and reject the evil spewings that are meant to guilt, shame, and accuse. Truth is light and the agents of darkness scurry when it shines.
Oh, and that smile? That “happy” tone? They disappear rather quickly and morph into what they really are when that light comes. Gnashing teeth, fangs dripping with poison, a scowl that would murder if looks could kill.
[August 5, 2022: Editors’ notes:
—For some comments made prior to August 5, 2022 that quoted from the post, the text in the comment that was quoted from the post might no longer be an exact match.
—For some comments made prior to August 5, 2022 that quoted from the post, the text in the comment that was quoted from the post might no longer be found in the post.
If you would like to compare the text in the comments made prior to August 5, 2022 that quoted from the post to the post as it is now (August 5, 2022), click here [Internet Archive link] for the most recent Internet Archive copy of the post.]