[August 13, 2022: There have been some changes made to this post. For more information, read the Editors’ notes at the bottom of the post. Editors.]
This post was contributed by one of our readers. Many thanks to her!
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How many times have we heard people say that any form of psychology is wrong for Christians? Can you count how many times you have heard that? I myself have lost count. Being told that, however, did cause me great confusion, because as a Christian I did not have any desire to oppose God and what He wanted for my life – or didn’t want for my life. What books could I read? What blogs could I read? Was I safe at all?
A fair amount of time has passed now and I have had some professional counsel, read lots of books, benefited from ACFJ and the help given to me by Ps. Crippen and Barb, just to name a few. But there was still something gnawing at me about “why” I just was still having so much trouble with pain. I know that I will most likely be assailed with fear and bad memories for the remainder of my life, but this was not that and I could not pinpoint what it was. I knew it had nothing to do with my relationship with Christ and I also, through prayer, knew that He wanted me to be free from these effects of abuse. So, I decided to ask someone.
I now know that there is a great deal to be benefited from in the realm of psychology by people who have studied and know how the brain actually works. I was amazed to learn that repeated abuse causes pathways to develop in the brain that then automatically come to the forefront upon any form of “reminder” of abuse and / or trauma. And it doesn’t have to be abusive. Just one word can trigger your brain to those pathways.
It works this way. Take a surgeon for example. He studies the body and learns exactly where to operate for let’s say, appendicitis. He is well versed in all the territory of the human body and has studied for years, taken tests and memorized all sorts of data and information. Hence, when he picks up the scalpel to perform that specific surgery, his brain automatically recalls the information and his brain instantly returns to the pathways made through the repeated course of years of study on this subject and tells or reminds the doctor exactly where to place that scalpel. The surgeon’s brain actually lays out the picture and the surgeon sees everything playing out in his mind. If the surgeon makes the incision and there is no appendix there he may panic. He most certainly will have some sort of reaction and response to the fact that there is no appendix in that specific area. Just so you know, not all peoples’ appendix lies in the same place. Some are higher and some can be much, much lower than what would be considered “normal”. In any event, the pathways that were made in the surgeon’s brain may falter and depending upon the surgeon’s personality, the reaction may be mild to extreme. Anywhere from mild confusion to extreme panic and anxiety with fear, caused because he believes he may have made an error. If the surgeon has had this happen before his reaction will be milder, as his brain will have already made some form of pathway about how to react and what to do because the event has happened to him before. However, because that pathway is less traveled, it may take him time after his initial response for his brain to pull up that pathway. It has not been traveled very much. The “rut”, isn’t as deep.
So it is with the mind of the victim of abuse. Years of abuse have created certain pathways that the brain has just automatically made as the result of abuse. Every time victimization happens a pathway is reinforced until the pathway is dug into the brain like a deep “rut” in a road. When events turn a certain way, like the wheel on a car, the brain takes the “rut” route, because it is well paved. Sounds pretty hopeless, doesn’t it? But it is not. Amazingly enough, knowing how to conquer this “rut” development is God’s way of helping us heal! There is hope – and lots of it!
God created us with a brain that would develop these pathways for a reason. It aids us in memorizing His Word, recalling specific events from His Word that build our faith and help us with fear, remembering stories about how God loves us and how God works in our lives, among numerous other things in life that are good and need to be embedded deeply in our minds. However, sin coming into the world meant that now bad things were going to happen to us and it brought about a whole other area that causes immense damage and deep trauma and pain when we are abused or suffer trauma in other ways. The road gets well paved for good and for bad. But here is some good news about changing all of that.
There is a method of therapy / counselling that research has shown to give great benefits to victims of abuse and trauma. It is called EMDR. It is completely safe and uses no gimmicks or devices – just you and a counselor. You can read about it here: What is EMDR [Internet Archive link]
The process works by bringing up the old memories that still cause trauma (not reinventing any memories, but just using what you remember) and taking them from the short term area of the brain where they would have been stored and placing them into the long-term memory area of the brain. That way, when you are triggered, your response is not instantly connected with the pathways in your brain made by abuse, but rather it gives you a way to form new thoughts and memories and pathways so that the old can be remembered yet not surface so easily. It is part of trauma therapy. It is safe, involves no form of hypnosis or any other “strange” form of therapy and is only based upon what is troubling you or what triggers you may have. It is particularly helpful for people with PTSD. In one form of this therapy they may use touch or tapping, but in another form of this therapy they may just use written exercises that will accomplish the same thing.
For instance, because of the deep spiritual and psychological abuse I have suffered at the hands of an old pastor / Elder and wife situation, along with my abuser, there are too many pathways that have formed that lead me to now have instant fear or anxiety about certain situations that I never had before. It does not take long to form these pathways in the brain. It just takes a situation of extreme trauma happening. For instance, a rape takes place rather quickly but can cause a long-term pathway to form due to the intensity of the trauma. Other abuses can happen over longer periods, but with less intensity than, for instance a rape or other form of abuse that happen rather quickly and is short lived.
In my case, the spiritual abuse was over a long period but the intense level of abuse when they brought charges and excommunicated me for putting my abuser out of my home was short and violently psychologically abusive in that they shared my counseling notes containing details of sexual abuse with the entire “c”hurch and others outside the “c”hurch, hanging their charges on the walls of their cult for anyone to read. This caused intense and immense damage to me. I have learned that my relationship with Christ has nothing to do with these forms of heinous abuse that have been done to me. I was / am just dealing with very abusive people. However, over time, no matter how strong you believe yourself to be, any form of abuse can cause this type of intense damage to you and you don’t even realize it is happening. This is what weakens us and may be what causes us to stay so long with the abuser or in an abusive situation such as a “c”hurch situation. Sometimes, the more coping mechanisms we develop, the longer we stay. Abuses of all types cause these pathways to form. The results may be mild or severe symptoms. We are all different in our types of personalities and our backgrounds, etc., so a lot depends on where you have come from and how much intense trauma has taken place in your life and how you would handle abuse according to your personality and what your coping methods are. People who are experiencing PTSD, as I am, would probably benefit from this type of counseling.
The trauma I suffered was so heinous and intense to me that it caused these pathways to form and has left me in the state I am. This type of counseling is no more expensive than ordinary counseling, but can bring trauma to the surface and can be hard to go through. The benefits are said to be more than worth it though. Wouldn’t it be nice, to not have those awful pathways in your brain? Wouldn’t it be nice to have pathways that actually lead to truth and knowledge of who we are in Christ and how God sees us, instead? Yes, yes it would. We may all have the knowledge of who we are in Christ and how God sees us, but do our thoughts instantly go to that area and retrieve those thoughts and beliefs when we are under the gun with triggers or seeing our abusers, or do our brains travel to the most common pathway that has been made through abuse?
People tend to think that all we have to do is say positive things to ourselves each time we are in a situation when we are triggered, and I am not saying that that is not possible for some people, but for most victims of long-term abuse or short term violent psychological or physical or sexual abuse (ex: excommunication, rape, incest, spiritual abuse, sexual or physical abuse, emotional abuse, etc.) that is not the case.
Over a period of time you are taught to do this on your own. I do not know how that works, but I do know that the counseling concerning this technique sounds more than worth the trouble and time, although I do not look forward to re-living the trauma I have worked hard to lay aside and heal from. But the truth is, I am not really healing – I am simply shoving it out of my mind to deal with later. However, if re-living it all and dealing with it frees me from having to live through it from day to day, then I am all for it. I have been told, that the trauma I have lived through in my life is so horrific that it will feel like I am living a completely new life to have even one-quarter of it re-routed in my brain. You see, being a Christian does not automatically make things work like magic in our lives. God has given us wisdom and learning and knowledge to help us in this world, heal from the damages caused to us by others sinning against us, and this is just one of those means. God does not have a magic wand that He waves over us to bring us healing. He uses other people to whom He has given wisdom and insight because He wants us to be whole and healed and free from all the effects that have come to us because of abuse. Just like He wants a sick person’s appendix removed by a skilled surgeon so they can recover and live and be whole again. He likewise wants all of us here who have suffered in other ways to be healed, made whole and to live again.
[August 13, 2022: Editors’ notes:
—For some comments made prior to August 13, 2022 that quoted from the post, the text in the comment that was quoted from the post might no longer be an exact match.
—For some comments made prior to August 13, 2022 that quoted from the post, the text in the comment that was quoted from the post might no longer be found in the post.
If you would like to compare the text in the comments made prior to August 13, 2022 that quoted from the post to the post as it is now (August 13, 2022), click here [Internet Archive link] for the most recent Internet Archive copy of the post.]
A Cry For Justice 
I am very glad this information has been shared. EMDR is valid and has been scientifically proven. I had a friend who was a counsellor and uses it in her work with her clients. I also had a counsellor who practiced it with me a few years ago. Since then I often forget to use it myself. It is simply tapping “left-right, left-right. ” I then am supposed to take the damaging triggers, thoughts, and lies that I believe about myself in prayer to The Lord and replace them with scriptural truth. I am not a counsellor so please don’t take this as any form of instruction. You should do this with someone who is trained in the therapy.
But it does work. There have been scans of brains showing before and after therapy. The brains have lit up differently. This is all about replacing the old pathways with new, healthy pathways. I agree with this article and recommend it for anyone who needs it.
It is another tool which God has made available so we can find healing and the life He wants for us!
I just started this therapy yesterday and would love to know anyone else that has had success with it! One of our children is also doing it and has had amazing results in his irrational thought patterns and getting “stuck” in wrong thinking/anxiety. I am hopeful this is going to be a huge benefit to me as well. Thank you for posting this. So encouraged that I am on the right “pathway” to healing.
This is a very good description of EMDR!
I had some traumatic experiences at the end of my first marriage. My brother, who is a licensed (Christian) therapist in North Carolina, uses EMDR and he found a therapist for me in California that was trained in EMDR. I found it to be effective in reducing anxiety and helped keep me from obsessing on the trauma. It was combined with conventional talk therapy and imaginative prayer. EMDR does not require an endless number of sessions to be effective. Many people experience relief very quickly.
This article is so good thanks for sharing. I have gone the route of different types of council,one at a church and it was horribile…they shamed and condemned me because I couldnt just get over it..the scriptures didnt do it the books I read helped and other types of counciling helped some but I was stuck and lost Hope.I just started EMDR and am feeling freer. I wish this article could be delivered to all churches. They think if its anything outside their walls its evil.
This is a very interesting post – I worry about waking up shaking and know it’s because of all the previous years – but I know for sure my Savior loves me and it gets me out of it. What I really appreciated was the thought about changing the pattern in my brain. I’m praying about it.
Thank you!
Thank you for this information! I am four years out of 25 years of abuse (mostly emotional/spiritual) and in a beautiful and healthy marriage now. Yet I still wake up feeling anxious, a simple word from my husband can cause intense emotions in me I have to battle to sort through. These things weren’t making sense to me at all, I should be healed and more healthy now! This article really sheds light on the why of my reactions and feelings! It makes perfect sense to me. And, I believe that it is perfectly in line with the way God would work in healing but any counselor should be researched before just trusting them to use this! I am reminded of the scripture that tells us to “be transformed by the renewing of our minds” and after so much abuse a mind definitely needs to be renewed so that it can be transformed to live in the light and freedom of Christ’s love!! Thanks again! I am going to do some research on this!
Grace-It sounds like you are experiencing “triggers”. The EMDR is specifically designed to create new pathways, so that these old triggers, do not send one back into the emotions one felt when the abuse was occurring.
I think that healing requires more than us just moving on and living life. I think that we have to deal with what has happened. I mean, we would not have a knife wound and just ignore it and hope it healed. In abuse, the research shows that victims find ways to cope. We can become really good at developing these coping skills. Then, once we move ahead and leave the abuse, those old coping skills still remain and come to the surface, when we get reminded of the abuse or something happens that triggers us and we still have those old pathways in our brains. Hope that makes sense and helps.
Coming out of abuse (2 years now) I understand how memory / triggers work and the pain that comes from this. I also see that this EMDR thing seems very strange to me. I am in a Celebrate Recovery program along with counseling and have overcome many painful memories from being abused. Creating new memories by taking the same event and making it something good rather then bad…ie. my abuser would complain Every Time I used normal amounts of toilet paper, so when I noticed that I was still having flashbacks and his voice / negative comments were still in my head I made a new tradition of once or twice a year taking a whole roll of TP , my kids and I just having a hay day blast with it. For some reason though this same new TP tradition came the relief I needed for the negative comments that were still in my head for the laundry comments my abuser made as well… (a friend suggested the new TP tradition and it worked 🙂 ) *****Just to name one thing specific thing that I did to change and lessen the trigger affect.
Hi Charity! Welcome to the site. I edited your comment to disidentify you somewhat. I shortened your name as we have found that some abusers will come looking for their victims by searching for their names on boards like this. We wish to protect our commenters as much as possible, so you might wish to use a different name for future comments.
Reblogged this on Tùr Làidir [This link is broken and we were unable to find a copy in the Internet Archive. Editors.].
This is a very interesting post. I have wondered about EMDR and if it only affects the brain or does it reach the heart as well?
Hi, Kind of Anonymous, I have not received EMDR therapy myself, but from the testimonies I’ve read about it from other Christian survivors of abuse, it does affect the heart as well as the brain. A Christian can undergo EMDR and God can be there guiding the healing process. I think this is probably true even if the therapist is not a Christian.
Kind Of Anonymous,
You wrote (3RD JULY 2020 – 10:21 PM):
^That.
My experiences with EMDR were with a counsellor who, for a number of others, was a VERY helpful counsellor (omitting their details for their safety and protection).
For me, although ^That counsellor was (in general) a REALLY bad “counsellor”, my EMDR experiences were helpful and reached my heart.
It has taken me almost two decades to assemble the words to define the pictures in my mind for two of the pictures I saw in my mind during EMDR.
One of the pictures I saw in my mind was actually a vision from God.
At first, ^That picture was all black.
In my mind, I heard a voice say, “Choose Life. Choose Death.”
When I chose Life, I could actually FEEL my world shifting, and the picture I saw in my mind developed many blue lines.
For many years, I thought ^That picture I saw was of me choosing not to commit suicide. (I had originally chosen to do EMDR because I was, at the time, suicidal.)
In actuality, the picture I saw in my mind was the result of choosing Life when I was baptized and saved in the hospital when I was six months old.
Another picture I saw in my mind was of me, clinging to the side of a steep, rocky, amethyst crystal crag, unable to move in any direction, and I did not have a safety net.
For my words to define ^That picture I saw in my mind, I am copying-and-pasting a recent (lengthy) ACFJ comment of mine.
I wrote 29TH JUNE 2020 – 3:57 PM:
For me, “choosing a rock” means clinging to the side of that steep, rocky, amethyst crystal crag (aka absolute obedience to the Holy Spirit).
For me, “choosing a hard place” means disobeying the Holy Spirit and hitting the rocky bottom of the canyon floor (aka the pit, aka hell).
For me, Kind Of Anonymous, EMDR helped address some of the heart stuff.
For other individuals, their experience(s) might be different than mine.
Clarifying my comment of 4TH JULY 2020 – 5:59 PM.
In my comment, I wrote:
The comment I quoted above should have been written:
(Strikethrough and bold / addition of the phrase “to live” done by me.)
In my comment I wrote:
The comment I quoted above should have been written:
(Strikethrough and bold done by me.)