A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

A New Kind of Insecurity and Trying to Overcome

Recently, God has been showing me a sort of “second tier” insecurity that has erupted in my life as a result of gossip surrounding my divorce and remarriage. I did not see it coming and it caught me off guard. During and after all the lies and accusations were flying around, it was like I was on trial. Over and over again, I watched friends and family disappear. They looked at the evidence and found me guilty. Not everyone did . . . but about 80% did. I never knew when I would drop the other shoe. And the worst part was, I wondered and doubted about myself constantly. Could I really be what they were saying I was? Was I a liar? A taker? An adulteress? The line was blurred because of the confusion and loss swirling around in my mind. Seriously, friends, I do not know how I walked away sane. But, I did. I kept on believing that God has given me a sound mind. I stayed in His Word, even though there were parts that were hard for me to read. I refused to believe that my accusers had our best in mind (they didn’t). In fact, I found (later) that the loudest voices were the ones who are abusers themselves. It probably felt threatening to them that I walked away. They would not want their victims to think they could just walk away, as well  . . .

Looking back, having healed from much and solid now in my relationships that stayed intact, I see what happened. Again, I was on trial. If I made a mistake, the baby was thrown out with the bath water. If I misspoke, the dam burst and “Oh, see? She IS a liar!!” If I dropped the ball while moving and was not what a family member wanted me to be during that time (i.e. returning phone calls when she was going through some trauma) I was deemed a “manipulator and a deceiver.” A friend wrote me, when I pulled away from him a bit, “I kind of see, now, why your sisters believe you are a taker.” It seemed that I had to be perfect. No mistakes. One mistake and I was of the devil. It is not that way in normal life. We all usually accept that we make mistakes. We forgive and move on. We understand; we show mercy. But, if you are on trial, ohhhhhh buddy! People on trial have to maintain perfection or they are ousted. People are watching. There is no room for grief; no room for the deep emotional struggles that come with a divorce; no room for being busy and not being able to return a phone call; no room for error.

My insecurity with these precious friends (who have actually stood by me) has kept me from some fullness of joy in my relationships. I cannot tell you, dear readers, how many times I was afraid I misspoke with these remarkable friends-that-are-now-family and then panicked, calling them or texting them to see if they still loved me. It got to the point of ridiculousness. But, see . . . they had received letters from my family members, describing me in heinous terms. They rejected the letters as crazy and stood by me, wholeheartedly, telling me things like, “I see the fruit of your life and you belong to Christ”. Another said, “I have never witnessed such rejection by one’s family.” One friend said, “Even if these things WERE true, am I not called to love you?” Oh … melt my heart. I had not experienced such love in a long, long time. People have even written of me directly and indirectly to folks on this blog … and Jeff and Barb have stood by me, having spent time with me and watched the signs in my life.

I have only recently (as in the last few days) decided not to chase people anymore. I did not really see what I was doing. But, I was bending over backwards for people because I was so afraid that they would believe the lies. And then what? Would their believing lies make them true? Of course not! I am solid in my walk with Christ. I love Him and I know Him. And I am beginning to believe that those who stepped on my neck when I was down do not love Him or know Him or they would have recognized me as one of His children. It is not my problem. I have not always been honest with friends when I have been hurt by them because I did that once and she completely shut me out, then. Just did not respond. Oh, it is so difficult to regain ground lost after divorce due to abuse. The ‘c’hurch has made this process hell. The aftershocks are brutal. The devastation seemingly complete. But, the truth is  . . . . the devastation is never complete if you belong to Jesus. Recovery may be slow. But, there is recovery.  And always a new start . . . and always a new beginning. That is the beauty of having the Holy Spirit as a Friend.

I did not walk a perfect path after leaving my ex. But I did the best I could. People think they know what they would do if they were in our shoes, don’t they? I would like to see them try to walk the path I walked and the paths so many of you readers have walked. I would like to see them try. And, while that sounds bitter . . . it is not. If they had to walk the path, I would be the first in line to love them.

44 Comments

  1. Rhonda

    Thank you for your powerful blog post: strong in our vulnerability when we share about moving above & beyond the ignorant judgement of others. We rest in God’s infinite Love for us & in His assurances & we find new friends & even new family whose Love is unconditional. Thanks for sharing!

  2. J

    I’m so thankful for this blog…it is all so true! After understanding all of this what do we do now? I’m really struggling because the church was a huge let down and the court system is just as bad because they don’t seem to understand Domestic Violence. My outcome of everything sounds like so many others that have fought for their children and you end up feeling helpless to help your children because the court systems are more in favor of the a abusers. What do you do now?!?! I’m left with no family in the state and no college, no spousal support, joint custody…which will be hell on earth with my ex controlling abuser. I have 2 minimum wage paying jobs and no health insurance. God is in control…right? I know my hope is in Him alone, but where do we go from here. It just seems like a bad nightmare!!! How can we make a difference?

    • J

      Will we see justice here on earth?

      • Will we see justice here on earth?

        not necessarily. But on the Last Day we will see more justice than we had ever dreamed of.
        And even on this earth, my observation is that we often see unusual justice (the abuser and his allies reaping what they sowed) eventually. It can take time, but I’ve seen a number of examples of the abuser being given enough rope and enough time … and he (metaphorically) hangs himself in the end.

        But that doesn’t happen in every case, so I don’t want to ignore the pain of those who are still under relentless tactics of abusers. The legal-abuse and other systemic-abuse cases are possibly the worst. Protective parents losing their kids to the abuser. Protective parents being sent to jail for no reason except that the abuser has enough time, money, determination and shrewdness to use the legal system as a weapon, nay, a whole battalion in his army. Victims of abuse losing their assets, housing, ability to be employed, health, families, countries, lives.

      • Anonymous

        Just encountered this. The abuser abusing through the Courts again and getting away with it and brought in the wolves to support him. I actually thanked his lawyer for putting my children back into the hands of their abuser, and she slammed the door on me when she left the room. I am hearing more and more that the abuser centers think she may have her own power, control, abuse(?) issues. That does not surprise me at all.

        My children who are close to being of age, tell the Judge face to face, just how much abuse they have endured at the hands of their abuser father, and the Judge reduces the amouint of time for his visitation by half, (a victory!) but then removes the supervised portion!!! What?!? Yikes! He calls it a “trial”. It is a trial all right – for those poor children. I have heard that this Judge is a family man, but what in the world?!? How damaging for the children and what should be apparent to the Judge, is that the abuser doesn’t care that his children are in the Courtroom crying their eyes out in horror and fear, while he sits there complacent, no emotion, enjoying his power and control over them. I, on the other hand am having to restrain myself from an outburst at seeing my children weep and cry and wonder if they can trust God to protect them. I think he sees it, in his sick abusive mind, that he is controlling and over-powering me, but he is only controlling and further abusing his own children. So sad. What could have been a period of healing and strengthening for them so that they could have perhaps make an informed and wise decision about what kind of relationship they could or would have with this man, he has destroyed. They just hate him even more. He should have let them heal, but it doesn’t appear that he wants a relationship with them, he just wants the power and control over them. That should be a clue to any person who knows anything about parenting.

        God, why do You allow our children to be abused?

      • So sorry to hear this, Anon. 😦

      • Brenda R

        This is such a difficult question, Anon. He has allowed us our own choices ever since Adam and Eve. What whoppers they made that made it a sinfilled world ever since. But if not them, it would have been the next generation or the next and we would still be where we are. There are evil and deceived people throughout this world. You are being bombarded by both. I have no idea why a judge would give a documented abusive parent any rights at all and sentence children to that abuse. That should be catagorized as cruel and unusual punishment. My heart goes out to you and your children.
        I know the pain of having to send my own little girl out the door happily (NOT) to a man who spoke of slapping her across the head. He would tell me what he would do to her, but never while she was in ear shot. He never did actually hit her (that I know of) but each time she came home I had to reprogram her. She would he hot tempered, refuse to take a bath or go to bed at the appointed time. At age 6 he didn’t bring her back and said he was keeping her. The police escorted me to his house and he held her back while she screamed for me. Then he would stop seeing her at all for long periods of time. Cruel he was. When she was 10 he never saw her again. At age 15 we found out that he went on to his just reward 2 months after he passed. He had arranged with his family not to let her know. News gets around. He was buried naked with his back side up at his request, so that everyone left behind could kiss his……How could such a man deceive me enough to marry him, I shutter to think. My daughter wants nothing to do with marriage or having children. I so pray that her heart softens and will pray that your children have a hedge surround them.

      • Heather2

        That makes me so sad, Brenda. What kind of man indeed! Such evil in this world.

        I always keep in mind something a friend once told me. There is a difference between sin and evil. We all sin to be sure, but some people are so evil that they think of things most of us couldn’t even imagine. And they flaunt their depravity, as well as get satisfaction from hurting and shocking others. The Bible warns us about them.

      • joepote01

        I am so sorry, Anon! Praying, now, for you and your children!

    • Brenda R

      J The church and court systems in general doesn’t want to understand DV. They are complaicent with their rules of how things should be done and do not wish to venture off of that path in order to recognize that all is not black and white. In many situations there is only darkness which needs to be addressed.
      Was your X ordered to keep the children on his healthcare policy? If not, why? Does he have to pay the majority of their out-of-pocket medical expenses? If not, why? Are you getting child support? If not, why? I am only asking because these things should be available to you. If the children are covered at least then you would have come things off of your shoulders.
      Small things can mean so much in this situation. Years ago, I was left to fend for myself with 2 small children. I know how hard it can be. At first we were on “the system”. Embarressing as that was it helped me get on my feet. I was able to go to jr college and get to the place where I was able to find office work through a temporary agency. I took anything they had available. It was a process. Baby steps. Money was tight for what seemed to be forever. Then I got my first “real job” in a dental office with medical benefits. What a sigh of relief that was.
      God was in control in every step and he is there in every step you are taking. My prayers are with you. Feel secure in God. He will provide for you. We may not see the justice we want in this evil world, so keeping your heart on heavenly things.

    • J, the injustices being perpetrated by the Family Courts are on my mind a lot, esp in the USA which seems more crazy than where I live. I wish I had more answers. I do not know what can be done. I know some are striving to expose the injustices, but it often seems like their voices are whispers against the gale of garbage rhetoric, racketeering and profiteering in the Divorce System.

      I have not had to endure 50/50 custody. I cannot imagine how one does it. But I do know at least one survivor who is doing it. She has a husband (good) and a reasonable income and housing and health insurance. How one does it without all those things, beggars belief. But God. . .

      I don’t know how, but God. . . I hope that’s not a platitude. Please forgive me if it comes across that way, and toss it in your big garbage can where you toss all the other unhelpful comments.

  3. joepote01

    Megan,

    The last few days, my mind keeps returning to the topic of divorce and the realization that it is so much broader in scope than we first imagined. And I mean that in a totally good way…not in the sense of devastation.

    When God redeems us from a covenant of abusive bondage, he not only redeems us, but he also delivers us (Exodus 6:6 & Jeremiah 15:21). He delivers us from all those wrong perceptions of Himself and His love. He delivers us from placing our sense of self-worth in anything or anyone besides His love for us. He delivers us from false friends who do not truly love us or have our best interests at heart. He delivers from ‘c’hurches that fail to defend justice and protect the oppressed.

    We aren’t just divorced from the abusive spouse. Through that process, we are also divorced from all these other unloving relationships and false perceptions.

    Blessings to you, as He continues that process of deliverance in all of us!

    • forrest557

      “We aren’t just divorced from the abusive spouse. Through that process, we are also divorced from all these other unloving relationships and false perceptions.”

      And that can be a very healthy thing for us in the long term, albeit extremely painful at the time.

      • Brenda R

        Within only a few days of being separated his family stopped emailing me all of the countless forwards I would receive. What came to mind first was his sister who always sent me the ones about being sisters and wanting to be close. What a revelation. She didn’t care less. Over time I am sure the Lord will send me a true friend.

      • joepote01

        Yes, on both counts! Very painful at the time…and very healing and healthy long-term!

    • Joe — Your comment is huge to me. We are delivered from everything that opposes God and our freedom in Christ (for which He paid a high price!). I had not thought of it that way. At first, it feels like so much rejection and so much ugly . . . but, it is truly God’s intervening, divine protection. Thank you for sharing this!!!

      • joepote01

        “We are delivered from everything that opposes God and our freedom in Christ (for which He paid a high price!)”

        YES! Hallelujah! It is neither painless nor easy, but it is necessary and it is worth it!

      • Summer

        Brenda, can’t figure out how to leave a comment under yours. X’s family never once checked on me in fact helped him move his stuff. His mother who had said before we married in response to my question, “Oh,your heart just gets bigger to include more” but she was one of the worst verbal abusers of me, so though it hurts, it is best I think the others are saying here.

      • Summer, the blog is set up to only nest three levels of comments. That’s why you couldn’t put a comment directly under Brenda’s when you were trying to do so from the blog itself. But I think if you got notification of Brenda’s comment in you email inbox and clicked “Reply to this comment” in that email, your reply would be published under Brenda’s.
        Hope that makes sense.

    • very well said, Joe. 🙂

  4. Brenda R

    Megan this reminds me of this: “Hello, my name is Brenda and I am a people pleaser.” I want everyone to see my pain and believe that my separation was for good Biblically sound reasons. I rehash what I said to someone and later go back to explain what I said. Most often I am told that a second thought about it hadn’t even happened. Don’t worry about it.

    I am much too concerned about what other people think even those that I never see and have not heard from since the day I walked out. I know for a fact that X has told people that I had another (nameless) man, which is not true, but it concerns me that others would actually believe it. I cannot stop what others think and not one has asked me. If X said it, it must be true!

    Lies and accusations are going to continue. They already have. All I can do is press in harder to Christ, keep in his word and remember His promises. People that gossip have their own sins that they need to take to the Lord. It is not my sin that is the basis for their words, it is the evil they are allowing in their own life.

    On another subject: I am listening to Family LIfe Radio this morning. They announced a program to better “Love your Marriage”. It sounded like idolatry in the making to me.

    • joepote01

      Brenda R –

      “All I can do is press in harder to Christ, keep in his word and remember His promises.”

      AMEN! It may, at times sound cliche’, but it’s anything but that! He is life!

      I eventually realized that my over-concern for what other people thought…wanting to make sure they understood my situation, my motives, and my innocence…serves as a good indicator of my compass being set wrong. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with wanting people to know the truth. The problem was in my sense of self-worth being too wrapped up in other people’s perceptions. All that really matters is God’s perception and His love and acceptance of me, as His beloved child!

      Blessings to you!

      • Brenda R

        Thank you Joe. That is sooooo true.

      • Leslie

        Wow. Those are really good words Joe And I suck at doing it. I’m really frustrated and struggling this week , knowing that a big root of that is this desire to have people get it…know I’m not all he says I am and going crazy with wanting people to understand the depraved unregenerate heart of the man who I’m still married to. I’ve a long way to go on this one. Need the reminder often. Thanks.

      • joepote01

        Hah! I completely understand, Leslie! Sometimes, I suck at it, too. Too often, just when I think other people’s perceptions are no longer an issue for me, I get a sharp reminder that I’ve still got work to do in that area.

        Overall, though, I can look back and see how far I’ve come…how much more I rely on Christ and how much less other people’s perceptions matter to me.

        On wanting others to understand about the divorce, I reached a point of deciding that if they weren’t enough of a friend to talk to me about it with the expectation that I was prayerfully and diligently seeking God’s will in the middle of a very difficult situation, then their opinion didn’t matter enough to waste my time and energy trying to explain it all.

        Blessings to you, Leslie, as He continues to deliver each of us!

    • Katy

      how to better “Love your marriage” ?
      lol
      It’s getting really hard to keep my cynisicm at bay lately, and stop myself from open ridicule. sigh.

      • joepote01

        I don’t recall that being on Jesus’ list of greatest commandments:

        Love God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength.

        Love your neighbor as yourself.

        Nope…nothing there about loving your marriage… Too ridiculous! 😉

    • Brenda — Thank you for your words. I used to be a bigtime people pleaser. 😦 I first realized it about six years ago and I have been working to purge it from my life since then. I think, with all that has happened, that is almost pretty much cured! lol!! But, I still see remnants. And I cannot defend myself any further . . . and I will not. And I refuse, now, to share my story with any ole’ person from 15 years ago in my past who wants to know the details. It is too exhausting and keeps me from moving forward. 😦

      • Brenda R

        Megan, I knew the Lord and I had work to do a few years ago, but seem to have relapsed a bit since the separation in June. I feel like I know what Hester in The Scarlet Letter must have felt: she is a market woman. She is not respecting marriage for life. Oh No, what has she done. I am making progress, two steps forward and one back. There will always be a little bit of a people pleaser in each of us until the Lord calls us home. Can hardly wait!!

  5. Heather2

    Dear Megan,
    I first came to ACFJ and found in your testimony a bit of kindred spirit. Your heart spoke the words from my own. I have to thank you for your transparent honesty, for my own healing absorbed your love.

    I cannot imagine your journey but I had my own. Like you, the hatred and accusations were often times more than I thought I could bear. I heard the lies, saw the wagging fingers. My own church turned against me. Perhaps they just needed to keep their distance, but, they stroked my ex’s “wounds.” Little did any of them know what I suffered. Little could they imagine what I had to do in order to provide my children with a healthy childhood. I would do it all again. But in the end, I bore the sacrifice. And you know what, no one bothered to think of life in my shoes!!!! I still suffer from my own insecurities. They can be monumental at times. But our Lord is a refuge and a strength. And when He needs to envelope us in skin, He provides it through humans with a heart.

    We all walk in skin. We all make mistakes, all sin. But thanks to our Father we have experienced the depths of despair. Out of that we can love others and not accuse or judge from a critical heart.
    I always love to read something from you, Megan. Big hugs!!!!!

    • Thank you, Heather! You are a great encouragement to me. Big hugs back!!!

  6. forrest557

    Reblogged this on Tùr Làidir and commented:
    Megan’s story is not unusual. Sadly, divorce shows, as few other things in life will, who your real friends are. They are fewer than you think! I agree that the treatment that abuse victims receive at the hands of church members seriously calls into question the faith of those who add to the abuse. There is nothing in Megan’s article that I can disagree with.

  7. forrest557

    Reblogged.

    Megan, my heart goes out to you. I wish I could say that your experience was out of the ordinary but, sadly, it is all too common. This type of experience identifies who your true friends are – treasure them as they are a rare blessing. It also highlights who and what the church really is. We will be hurt big time if we confuse the real church with the ‘church’ we attend. The real church comprises every true believer, regardless of which denomination they may (or may not) be a member of. This is not the same thing as the ‘church’ where you worship. Whilst there will be real believers there, they may not be the ones with a formal position. It is important to be careful about who you are willing to confide in.

    • Thank you, Forrest. I read this a few times — this part, right here:

      We will be hurt big time if we confuse the real church with the ‘church’ we attend.

      I am learning to discern and it boosts my confidence in the real Church. I thought that I had stopped loving the Bride because I was struggling with hate. Now, I understand that I did not really know who the Bride was . . . now, I do. And I love Her.

  8. Megan, thank you for sharing your story. A couple of things struck me as I was reading. This part here: “If I misspoke, the dam burst and ‘Oh, see? She IS a liar!!'” That person sounded like an accuser. And who was he or she imitating when talking to you like that? THE Accuser. You are not a liar.

    And this part here: “I kind of see, now, why your sisters believe you are a taker.” That sounds like the kind of manipulation an abuser uses.

    I’m sorry you have encountered this kind of abuse on top of abuse. May God strengthen you and help you to sift out the lies from the truth. It does sound like you have some true friends, and their words sound healing. I wish the people who speak to you with accusations in order to control you would stop. But either way, don’t believe their lies!

    • Leslie

      Thanks Joe.

      I agree with what you said..and I’m getting much better and resting in the truth that I know in my heart and who God says I am. and like you, just when i think i’ve got this ‘licked’ something (or someone) will say something and it feels like i’m right back there.
      you said:

      “I reached a point of deciding that if they weren’t enough of a friend to talk to me about it with the expectation that I was prayerfully and diligently seeking God’s will in the middle of a very difficult situation, then their opinion didn’t matter enough to waste my time and energy trying to explain it all.”

      I agree and am getting there as well, but the really hard ones to let go of are those people that have asked…have heard my story, and still don’t really ‘hear’ and judge. I’ve yet to find a way to not let their opinion affect me as it does. I believe it will come. Part of the journey and nice to know I’m not alone. 🙂

    • Thank you so much, Becky. I greatly appreciate these words. And I love your name!! 🙂 Big hugs.

  9. J

    I am so discouraged with the outcome of my divorce. It feels like a bad dream that I hope I wake up from. I’m starting to doubt the very core of my faith and who I am in Him. I believed God would show up and make things right. I know His ways are not ours…I am so discouraged…I’ve never wanted to turn away from God before until now. I was basically put down in my divorce decree for speaking truth. They misspelled my name instead of Jill it was Kill in the decree. I have spent so much money in attorney fees trying to protect my children. In the divorce decree they made me sound like a joke that my husband was the victim and I was just bitter and mad. They didn’t take my claims of DV seriously. It seems like it is all about money in the courts. Is there help for single Moms that are starting completely over and have no family to help them or church for that matter! The state of Indiana seems more for Fathers….it doesn’t matter how bad or abusive they are. Any advice?

    • Brenda R

      J, The court system IS all about money. I once thought I wanted to be a paralegal and took some night classes. I don’t remember which course it was, but the instructor was a local judge. The first night he drew a very large $ on the blackboard and stated that “law is all about this” while pointing to the $ on the board. I lost interest in becoming a paralegal very quickly. I was going into it to help people and not just to make a living. I never did complete that course or any other in that direction.
      Satan will do anything to make us loose faith. The misspelling of your name was a great example. That document had to be reviewed by both parties attorney’s and both had a lack of desire to get it right. K is just one key over from J. One had to write it up for the judge’s signature, the other was to review it for needing potential change. This should not have happened.
      Remember that you know the truth and so does God. We may not see the justice that we desire in our lifetime, but know that reckoning is coming. He works all things for good even though we may not see them.

  10. Meg,

    This was just what I needed to read! Encouraging and timely!

    When I think of people who don’t understand what I’m going through, sometimes I think of the 11 disciples. In John, it often says that they didn’t understand Jesus (until later). But then there was Judas. He not only didn’t understand and wagged his finger, but he also was bound for hell. Seems there are plenty “Judases” in the “c”hurch who’d like to try and take us to hell with them or desire us to live in it here on earth, but God…(as Barb said above)…thanks be to God who rescues us and won’t let this happen!!!

    Hugs!

  11. Rebecca

    Beautiful insight Megan. Thank you for sharing so honestly. And I also wholeheartly agree with Joe’s comments, including,

    “When God redeems us from a covenant of abusive bondage, he not only redeems us, but he also delivers us (Exodus 6:6 & Jeremiah 15:21). He delivers us from all those wrong perceptions of Himself and His love. He delivers us from placing our sense of self-worth in anything or anyone besides His love for us. He delivers us from false friends who do not truly love us or have our best interests at heart. He delivers from ‘c’hurches that fail to defend justice and protect the oppressed.

    We aren’t just divorced from the abusive spouse. Through that process, we are also divorced from all these other unloving relationships and false perceptions.”

    I’ve been talking with a friend this week about this very thing…how when I began standing up for myself and children, the need to break away from the destructive previous church and so-called friends in order to fully understand, see and do what I needed to do to protect us. Their presence was oppressive and kept me in a misguided sense of being the one who was wrong, as well as accepting crumbs for friends and spiritual support (if that), rather than the Truth.

    It was painful, but as time progressed, God has brought beautiful, true friends into my life, while teaching me as well, how to be a true friend. There is hope, God brings those into our lives who are real.

    Rebecca

    • Brenda R

      The Lord hasn’t given me a true earthly friend yet, but in the meantime I am finding such freedom and He is my true friend indeed. I will be crossing over into Canada for my 1st time ever adventure independant of an abusive man. My soul is rejoicing!!

  12. Free

    You know how I know I’m His – I fight for the truth now. I’m no longer sold out on people’s opinions, lies, twists, accusations, blame shifting, flat out denial, refusal to help me, etc. I used to believe the reason no one helped me was because I was all the things the abuser said I was. WRONG. I NEVER had a lust for power and control. I NEVER beat him down. I NEVER wanted to destroy him. Oh but the stories I could tell of his evil words and actions and manipulations are all similar to those testified on this site. It’s the SAME EVIL. There is no MISTAKE in it.

    There was a time I had an abortion. I was angry and shaking in that office. Everything in me screamed that it was wrong. I did it. That baby’s blood is on my hands. And those who performed it and convinced me to do it are responsible too. But the world has said for a long time that it’s a right to abort a baby. The worst part was the torment of not admitting right from wrong. I knew it was wrong but I did it. I convinced myself what others said somehow made it right. You know – thank God those people have those ultrasounds near the abortion clinic parking lots so pregnant moms can see the baby and hear the heartbeat and choose consciously not to abort. The truth save lives.

    The truth saved my life from abuse for the rest of my life now. The truth saved me from calling right wrong and wrong right ever again. My God does what is right and I follow Him. I do not follow the world. The lies they arrogantly parade around make for such an ugly spectacle and without scapegoats they stand alone. Alone, ugly, shriveled up and dying in their own evil “wisdom.” They fight to die and I fight to live.

  13. Finding Answers

    I face a new kind of insecurity I don’t know how to overcome…

    While there are many areas in life I am still very capable, there are some others I can no longer face. Things I used to do before my walls crumbled are now beyond my grasp. I live where God has planted me, a place of comfort to my soul. A place God knew I needed long before I did…

    I am not used to this brokenness, the care I must take to manage my life, limited by some parts that will never heal. I am not used to such weakness.

    I don’t know what to do with this new insecurity.

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