Knowing Your Own Weaknesses
For those of us who have never had a loving relationship (aside from our children or friends), it can be extremely hard to discern where our own problems lie. I am struggling with this because I have heard so often that everyone has sin areas of their life, and that it will create problems in a marriage, and so therefore I am always picking through my history and trying to analyze my own flaws. I can get obsessed with this and maybe it’s not healthy.
The difficulty is in knowing what is really a personal sin or weakness, and what was just a lie or accusation from my Abuser. For instance — am I really a highly critical person with a forked tongue? He said that I was. (And that was one excuse for abusing me.) I could never say anything right. Ever.
But is that the truth? Am I highly critical? Is this something in my personality that would destroy any future relationship?
This results in a Merry-Go-Round in my head, of constant analyzing and not getting anywhere. The trouble with only having been with abusive men in my past is that I have no clear picture of what my sins truly are (in the context of a relationship). I am surrounded by critical people in my family as well, so maybe it’s part of my “makeup”? But on the other hand, I manage to maintain long-term friendships with others without driving them away.
I often sit and fuss over the past in an effort to figure out “what is wrong with me”, and when I can’t figure it out with certainty then I throw up my hands and say: “I must remain single for the rest of my life because there is a good probability that I cannot have a good relationship anyway”.
Do any of you do this?