God’s Gentle Correction

Posted on by Ellie

I am thinking of how I know God loves me. I am remembering the deep despair I felt when I still lived with my abuser and how I called out to God. Just to stay sane I kept mental lists of things to thank God for. I couldn’t have functioned without this important habit. I would fall asleep thanking God for everything I could think of, for pillows, for friends, kind words, air conditioning, running water, my kids, my health, anything. And I would feel God’s love. I knew He loved me. I was in despair at my situation, but I never doubted His love. Perhaps that was an immature viewpoint, recognizing His love through His provision, much like a child feels his parents love in their provision. Now I feel His love in a different, but important way; in His correction.

(Proverbs 3:11-12 ESV)  My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the LORD reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.

And I’m so glad He does. Now I hear God correcting me as I’m speaking, as I’m working, as I’m thinking! You see, it used to be my abuser’s voice I’d hear correcting me as I did all those things. “WHY are you doing that? Why are you doing it THAT way? She thinks you’re stupid. She thinks you’re pushy. She thinks you’re judging her. You should’ve ______. You shouldn’t have _____. Only an idiot would’ve done that, said that….” and on and on he went. After a couple of decades of enduring this constant criticism, I could predict it and it became my self-talk in my head. I had constant anxiety because I was so worried that I had offended, overlooked, or embarrassed someone.

But now I hear God asking in a gentle sweet voice, “Why are you doing that?” Not in a “What kind of idiot would do that?” kind of way, but in a “What is motivating you?” kind of way. He is sifting my motives. He is helping me to set aside doing things out of fear, out of a desire to be accepted or valued, and helping me learn to do things because I want to honor God instead. There is so much peace in that. Sometimes God tells me to be quiet because it’s someone else’s turn to speak, or to offer to help because someone NEEDS help, not because I NEED to feel useful.

How have you noticed God’s correction since getting help to survive abuse?

How has your relationship with God changed since realizing that your abuser’s voice isn’t God’s voice?

[September 23, 2025: Editors’ notes:

—For some comments made prior to September 23, 2025 that quoted from the post, the text in the comment that was quoted from the post might no longer be an exact match.
—For some comments made prior to September 23, 2025 that quoted from the post, the text in the comment that was quoted from the post might no longer be found in the post.
If you would like to compare the text in the comments made prior to September 23, 2025 that quoted from the post to the post as it is now (September 23, 2025), click here [Internet Archive link] for the most recent Internet Archive copy of the post.]

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7 thoughts on “God’s Gentle Correction”

  1. Great post I feel the same way after 13 years with a verbal abuser, user, rapist, liar, cheater and one who maligns my name all over my city I am in see of how affected I am by his evil behavior. Though we are separated, the 13 years almost destroyed me. Now I struggle for food while I try to get on my feet financially. Getting the message out before women marry these evil men is key to turning the tide. Your ministry reaches those society dies not understand and the church turns from as well. God bless you so much Lisa

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  2. My prayers are becoming more praise for God and less Help Me!! God has been so loving and I see Him more in everything around me. I do see Him like a child in all that he provides for me. I didn’t think I could make it on my own. I have realized that I’m not. God is right there with me.

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  3. Oh, my word. I had forgotten that constant unspoken “Oh God, please help me” cry. If I was with X or about to be with X, I was calling out for help. It’s so wonderful to be safe now.

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  4. This is a wonderful and encouraging post. Thank you so much for sharing it. I remember when things were so bad that my prayer life consisted of, “Dear God, please deliver me from this evil, please deliver me from this evil, please deliver me from this evil.” I was so paralyzed by fear and panic. I saw no way out except a miracle, and a miracle it truly was that I got out.

    Yes, my prayer life consists of much more praise and thanksgiving now than it did when I was in the abusive relationship, but even then, in the midst of the abuse, I did thank God daily for two very distinct blessings, 1. I thanked Him that I was physically and mentally able to care for my children despite the hell I was living, and 2. I thanked Him that I knew that no matter what happened to me on this earth, Jesus had paid the price for me and my children and we would spend eternity with Him once this decrepit earthly life was over. I remember when that was truly the only hope I had… eternity with Jesus. I thought my earthly life was unsalvageable, and I didn’t think my children would fare much better, but I knew Jesus loved me and that He had saved me from the ultimate form of punishment and suffering; hell. And for that I have always been thankful.

    Since the divorce He has taught me so many things…. and He’s provided everything the children and I have needed. Yes, I hear His voice so much more clearly now that I’ve begun to clear the abuser’s voice from my head. I have so much to be grateful for today! Thank you Lord for delivering me from evil!!!! Amen!!!

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  5. Kelly wrote a comment to yesterday’s post that was prescient of Ellie’s question: “How have you noticed God’s correction since getting help to survive abuse?” Here is what Kelly said:

    At one point in my relationship with my abuser, he told me that his anger was caused by my fear, that when I was afraid of him, it triggered his rage and I needed to stop, because my fear was sick and causing the problems in our marriage. I knew that this was hogwash, that my fear was caused by his out-of-control outbursts of rage. I knew that I was reacting dysfunctionally because of my fear, but there was no way I was going to accept responsibility for his rage.

    I was praying and talking to God about it once, and He was confirming to me that, yes, I was not responsible for my abuser’s anger. BUT, God pointed out, you are behaving dysfunctionally in your fear. I frowned at Him. He reminded me that He had not given me a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind. I frowned again. I reminded Him that my abuser’s anger was NOT my fault. He reassured me, He knew this. But my fear and dysfunction WAS mine to own, and until I recognized that, God could not release me. I began to soften…I liked the idea of being released from dysfunctional fear.

    I need to add that healthy fear of violence and abuse is different than what I am talking about. Healthy fear leads us to solutions, to being cautious around danger, to being able to protect ourselves. My dysfunctional fear was causing me to do more damage to myself and was not allowing me to take healthy, protective measures. There is a big difference.

    We talked some more, and I owned my fear and the crazy ways that I was acting because of it, and He forgave me and began to set me free. Of course, as I was released from fear and began to set strong, healthy boundaries and act in confidence and love, my abuser began to get more abusive. As God gained control over my heart, my abuser lost control and he felt it. It was at that point that the abuse became more physical. But I was still being set free. it was a process, and I messed up a lot, but inside, I felt my freedom coming, and I rejoice in it.

    I am free from my abuser now, and in the process, I have been set free from fear of other family members who were abusive when I was a child, and who I have always been terrified of. It hurt, to accept responsibility for my own co-dependence, but it meant a freedom that I had only dreamed of. I still smile when I think of God’s gentleness and patience with me, when He tenderly showed me my weakness, and let me sputter and frown, “But I’M the victim here!!!” and still kept gently talking to me until I could see the glory of freedom that He was offering. He is so good and kind. He is also just what we need to be to each other. :)

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  6. This is very similar to what I went through in being woken up by God. Because of extreme debt I too thanked God for every little thing I could think of; TRULY being SO grateful that we weren’t in an even WORSE position. (My husband had tried to put us in a worse position — we’d foreclosed on our home and he wanted to file for bankruptcy….I REFUSED to go along with this and I’m SO grateful that God didn’t allow him to do this.) I sadly realize that there was NEVER a point in our marriage that we HAD to have ANY debt, yet my husband CONSTANTLY put us there by borrowing money and buying things we couldn’t afford.

    Ellie wrote:

    But now I hear God asking in a gentle sweet voice, “Why are you doing that?” ….in a “What is motivating you?” kind of way.

    Yes, learning to hear God’s voice after a lifetime of being insulted and criticized by one abuser after another. God’s “correction” (direction) is ALWAYS for our good, and always given to us with the deepest love of all. Thank you again for leaving up these old posts!

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  7. Oddly enough, I was led by the Holy Spirit to stop most expressions of gratitude and prayer.

    Living an entire lifetime surrounded by abusive relationships, I had become grateful for any drop of kindness that came my way, both personally and professionally. I needed to re-learn gratitude. Needed to be shown God understood my gratitude without words. Needed to understand gratitude was more than an obligatory “To Do” list. Needed to understand gratitude was more than a pasted on, robotic “Attitude of Gratitude”.

    I needed to understand gratitude does not equal love.

    Prayer comes from the heart, an expression of oneself. Real. Genuine. Praise, lament, plea. Not rote, formulaic repetitions. Grace before meals remains at the wayside. I have no set “prayer time”. I ignore all the ‘c’hristian “how to pray” instructions. I ignore all the “C”hristian “when to pray” instructions.

    There is nothing “wrong” with pleading simple words for help, though many “C”hristians would say otherwise. The same can be said for gratitude. I have had times when all I could do was cry “Help!”. I have had times I arrived home and fell to my knees with “Thank You, God.” bursting from my mouth in quiet appreciation.

    Now my gratitude, whether to God or man, is not twisted or distorted by a crushed soul seeking a drop of water in a parched land. Now my prayers build my relationship with God, not a mannequin’s relationship with God.

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