Barbara Roberts ♦ 10th July 2021 ♦ Leave a comment
In 2019, the SBC produced its ChurchCares Program. I wrote five posts about it. Here they are for ready reference. 1. Churchcares.com – the SBC’s plan to equip churches to respond to abuse (focuses on Chris Moles) 2. Darby Strickland is raising awareness about domestic abuse, but… 3. Diane Langberg is advocating for abuse victims, …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 1st March 2019 ♦ 19 Comments
Darby Strickland is helping awaken the church to abuse issues. She is one of the teachers in the free videos which are soon to come out from Church Cares – the SBC’s attempt to start educating the church about how to identify and respond to abuse. In Part 1 of this series I praised the …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 12th July 2018 ♦ 31 Comments
Chris Moles uses some wording that can endorse the abuser’s narrative. I will give three examples of this. Chris’s language permits the abuser to evade responsibility for his wrong choices. Chris wrote a blog post aimed at abusive men – ‘Telling The Truth To Yourself’ (T*). In that post he used some language that in my view …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 2nd July 2018 ♦ 43 Comments
Chris Moles is seen as an expert in domestic abuse by the biblical counseling movement. But does his teaching line up with Scripture? I believe Chris teaches some good things about domestic abuse, but I have serious concerns as well. This series will set out both my praise and my concerns. The biblical counseling movement …
Jeff Crippen w/ Barb Roberts ♦ 12th August 2015 ♦ 33 Comments
One of our readers pointed us to an article on the Orthodox Presbyterian Church website called Helping Victims of Domestic Violence* by Ed Welch from CCEF (Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation). We have yet to experience any CCEF acknowledgment of errors they have written in their published materials about abuse. Be forewarned, the article by Welch will trigger, …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 2nd March 2015 ♦ 73 Comments
Does the victim recognize the abusive patterns? Depending what you mean by ‘recognise’ I think that question can be answered no, and yes, and both. Backstory: This post was prompted by something Darby Strickland said when explaining CCEF’s Counseling Abusive Marriages course. She said: “Until both spouses recognize the abusive patterns, counseling can actually perpetuate the problem.” …
The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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