Supporters of Victims of Domestic Abuse

As a pastor, what are the most important things for me to know about domestic abuse? — one of our FAQ pages.

Catherine Kroeger’s address at the Beginning Hope Conference, UK, 2010

Cathy Kroeger spoke about things she and colleagues had been doing for decades to get Christians to address domestic abuse, in the USA, Canada and Russia. Kroeger was the founding president of CBE (Christians for Biblical Equality) and at the time of this talk was the President of PASCH (Peace and Safety in the Christian Home). PASCH is no longer in existence. She covers:

• domestic abuse in the Bible: Ezekiel 34, Hagar, Judah and Tamar, Joseph and his brothers
• David’s adultery and Nathan’s faithfulness
• the dichotomy — many are in denial, some are trying to generate social change
• in social change, the role of the prophet is unpopular
• how to get men involved
• pastoral counselling for domestic abuse takes up more time than any other kind of pastoral counselling
• pastors with the least training feel they can handle the problem by themselves
• pastors with more training in domestic abuse work in consort with secular agencies
• in the early 20th century, evangelicals thought Prohibition would stop domestic abuse
• how CBE got active on domestic abuse, lost motivation, then got back on board
• how the World Evangelical Fellowship got a taskforce started on violence against women
• why the RAVE website was set up
• how PASCH is writing a faith-based program for the DULUTH model (Changed Men Changed Lives)
• some professions have higher rates of abuse: military, police, doctors, lawyers, judges, clergy
• the attempted suicide rate in abused women is 35-40%

Continuum of Care for Victims of Domestic Violence Tool — by Catherine DeLoach Lewis. This 2-page PDF is a condensed tool for pastors and counselors who are dealing with domestic abuse cases.  It can be kept in one’s desk for ready access when printed and laminated as a double-sided resource.

Lewis created this version specific to her locality (i.e. phone numbers and agencies); however, she is willing to modify the information to reflect your specific contact information.  Simply contact her by email (address provided at the bottom of the PDF) with your request.

Converting Statements into Questions: A skill for bystanders who want to help victims of domestic abuse — by Barbara Roberts.

Does God Authorize Abuse? — by Aaron Hann. From his post: There are many difficult and painful stories of sexual abuse in the Bible. One such story comes from Genesis 16 with Sarai and Abram’s exploitation of Hagar, their Egyptian servant. It is a story that deserves careful reading to guard us from dangerous conclusions.

Domestic Violence Disclosure Flow Chart — From “Practice Guidelines: A consultative document for Churches, circuits and districts when working within the issue of Domestic Abuse”.

Emotional Abuse of Children — Emotional abuse is the most difficult category to define, and unfortunately, the most difficult type of abuse to investigate. Examples include harsh criticism, name-calling or derogatory comments, shaming, threatening, withholding love and affection, and exposing children to domestic violence.

Honouring Women’s Resistance: How Women Resist Abuse in Intimate Relationships — A 34 page PDF from Calgary Women’s Emergency Shelter. Their booklet Choosing to Change: A Handbook for Men concerned about their abusive behavior toward those they love may be helpful for abusers who want to change.

How can I help my friend or relative who has been abused? — one of our FAQ pages.

Is Someone you Know Being Abused in a Relationship? — Information for supporters victims of domestic abuse.

If you prefer the information as a PDF booklet, one can be downloaded here. and can be downloaded in several different languages, including English. The links to download the PDF (booklet) files are located about halfway down the page.

The myth of women’s false accusations of domestic violence and rape and misuse of protection orders — Fact sheet by xyonline.net, also available in PDF. Summary of the fact sheet:

Myth:

Women routinely make up allegations of domestic violence and rape, including to gain advantage in family law cases. And women use protection orders to remove men from their homes or deny contact with children.

Facts:

• The risk of domestic violence increases at the time of separation.
• Most allegations of domestic violence in the context of family law proceedings are made in good faith and with support and evidence for their claims.
• Rates of false accusations of rape are very low.
• Women living with domestic violence often do not take out protection orders and do so only as a last resort.
• Protection orders provide an effective means of reducing women’s vulnerability to violence.

Neglect of Children — Neglect is a failure to provide certain basic necessities of life, including food/water, adequate shelter, or appropriate supervision. Not getting medical care or not being taken to school may also classify as neglect.

Physical Abuse of Children — Physical abuse can be any act of violence (accidental or intentional) that results in an injury to a child. This may include punching, kicking, shaking, stabbing, throwing, biting, choking, burning or hitting (with an hand or an object, like a belt or switch). Sexual abuse may physically damage the body of the child.

“Power and Control” and “Accountability Wheels” for Male Aspiring Allies — by Ben Atherton-Zeman.  Ben, though not a Christian, believes that more work needs to be done to involve men to end men’s violence. He has created a set of wheels to help men become more effective allies in the movement against battered women.

Proxy Stalking— Many people unwittingly enable proxy stalking. Proxy stalking happens when a person stalking someone relies on information from a third party, such as the victim’s neighbour or work colleague, to stay informed of a victim’s location and activities.

Respecting and Listening to Victims of Violence — An excellent handbook from Calgary Women’s Emergency Shelter. Written mainly for people who want to be able to support victims of family violence, but also beneficial to victims. It will give you ideas about talking with victims in respectful ways that will be helpful to women who are being abused by their partner.

Sexual Abuse of Children — Sexual abuse may include inappropriate touching, being forced to have sex or engage in sexual acts, being forced to watch pornography, being prostituted, or having someone expose themselves to a child.

Sexist Humour and Rape Jokes: Five key points — by Michael Flood. Sexist jokes often are dismissed or excused as harmless fun. Yet they have real, negative effects in the world. They are linked to sexist and violent behaviour, they worsen gender inequalities, and they increase tolerance for violence against women.

Sin by Silence — A documentary that takes one into the lives of women who are domestic violence’s living, worst-case scenarios.  Some of these women have killed their abusers and are now trapped behind bars.  This documentary tells the story of Convicted Women Against Abuse (CWAA), an initiative led by the women of CWAA to help educate the legal system.  Through careful orchestration of letter writing campaigns, media coverage, and senate hearings a moment was born and laws for battered women were change.

Toxic Relationship Aftermath: Doubt, Mistrust and Paranoia? — by Dr George Simon Jr.

Unhelpful Comments by Well-Meaning People – and how to respond to them — by Barbara Roberts. This will give you ideas of what not to say to victims!

Vicarious Trauma — This Headington Institute webpage contains an excerpt from Understanding and Addressing Vicarious Trauma that may be useful for those who are feeling overwhelmed from supporting victims of abuse.

What Men Can Do — Information about how men can respond to and prevent men’s violence against women. The original What Men Can Do website now redirects No To Violence.

Why Didn’t You Leave? — by Barbara Roberts.  Explains the many reasons why women stay. After reading this article, bystanders will be less likely to slight a victim for not leaving an abusive relationship.