The lifeboats around the sinking titanic which is the institutional church

The titanic is sinking. Some passengers are warning that the ship is unsafe because it’s following a false Christ. Passengers who raise concerns are being thrown off the ship by the senior officers. Some are being squeezed or pushed off by fellow passengers who don’t want to believe that there are corrupt officers steering the ship. Some passengers and crew have read the room and are setting up “lifeboats” offering “truth, empathetic listening, healing and safety” to the abused and frightened third-class passengers. Some of those lifeboats are teaching and modelling some partial truths; others are pseudo-lifeboats, designed to herd the frightened passengers into other deceptions.

Some passengers are jumping straight off into the freezing ocean, like the people who chose to jump from the twin towers rather than die in the fire.

Jesus is in the water, ready to rescue and gently embrace all who call on Him and follow Him in faith.

Jesus is also in the lifeboats, but He probably doesn’t agree with everything that the lifeboat leaders are saying and doing. Logic and experience would tell us that even the better leaders of lifeboats are making some mistakes, missing some parts of the big picture, and lacking wisdom and capacity to help all the different kinds of survivors who come to them.

This post points to Jesus as the Wonderful Counselor, but (trigger warning) it also mentions predators, sexual abuse, child abuse, multi-generational abuse, sex trafficking, and ritual abuse. In places, the Bible is pretty graphic¹ about those kinds of extreme abuse. This post is no more graphic than the Bible, but you might find it triggering because I’m talking about not only the biblical times but the present day.

Some anti-abuse advocates are dark personalities. So are some counsellors, psychologists, and coaches. BEWARE! All is not as it seems in the Christian counselling and advocacy community, or the secular advocacy community. Many victims of abuse are being mistreated and chewed up by “advocates”.

Dr Karen Mitchell says:

I estimate (based on substantial research and interactions) more than 50% of people educating about narcissists, coercive controllers, psychopaths, domestic violence, ‘high conflict’ divorce and the discredited parental alienation, are dark personalities.

Think about it.

People who love to control and must win at all costs, will always be ahead of the game, controlling the narrative. Not only that, but these areas offer a huge population of vulnerable victims, who are ‘desperate’ to be heard, to be strengthened, to be taken seriously, to be believed (I can see the smirk on the face of the dark personalities in the field as I write).

Plus, these fields offer an existing platform so you don’t even have to be qualified to jump on the platform, although lots of dark personalities with qualifications have jumped on it.

Then there are always the ex partners of many of victims who are willing to pay good money for manipulated outcomes and information.

High functioning dark personalities are smart, professional and are careful to make sure they sound like they care about YOU — because they want opportunities to exploit large groups and that’s how you do it, you say stuff they want to hear.

All someone has to do is write a book &/or passionately speak messages which resonate with the audience &/or get to know the right people &/or offer coaching/training programs… and they are set! Huge groups of followers, huge customer base, lots of dollars, lots of power.

As a special touch, they can claim they have been the victim of domestic violence or a narcissist, or that they are themselves a narcissist but one who wants to help.

They think differently. They are highly exploitative, don’t give a flip about other people. They smell the scent of victims from 1000 miles away!

I guarantee you, someone that you think well of and/or are listening to in the narcissism/DV/coercive control space is dangerous and not who you think they are.

If you have been targeted by a dark personality, you know the red flags, you know what to look for, but here are some points that might help.

Look for the following:
– Attempts to be self-effacing, but coming across as sickly sweet.
– The smirk. A slightly raised corner of the mouth in the smirk.
– Supports the concept of parental alienation, even though the world health organization has spoken out against it.
– Discredits brain imaging, even though brain imaging is a well used and reliable method of brain research.
– Uses examples of their own domestic violence experience that do not fit with what a coercive controller would do.
– One side of the face is different to the other. Put your hand over half of their face in a photo. Do the same with the other side of their face. In a dark personality, half of the face is often smiling while the other side is serious or malevolent or flat. [Note from Barb: Facial asymmetry does not necessarily indicate a dark personality. There are others reasons why people can have facial asymmetry, such as trigeminal neuralgia, a stroke, Bell’s Palsy, or genetic inheritance from non-malevolent ancestors.] 
– Pushes models of dark personalities that do not contain the attributes of control or sadism, which are their greatest drivers.
– Have shallow affect or a low emotional response in dialogue.
– Does not express a full blown laugh.
– Weaponises the justice system to destroy opposition.
– Talks about others derisively.
– May sometimes say or post comments that are slightly ‘off’.
– Speaks about their own achievements a lot (OK so I do this sometimes but that is to give credibility rather than reveling in it as a dark personality might do).
– Ingratiates themselves to key people in the field in order to get a presence.
– Discusses lots of different conceptualizations in relation to dark personalities and focuses on these differences.
– Wants your contact details to sell you something.
– There are so many red flags. Note, just one red flag does not a dark personality make.

It doesn’t matter what they say, how well meaning they sound, dark personalities are dangerous!

Do not make the mistake of supporting someone who you have a sense is ‘off’, just because you WANT to believe in them. So hard to do!
—Dr Karen Mitchell

The mistake is assuming dark personalities only deceive through falsehoods. In reality, high-functioning ones exploit proximity to the truth. They say just enough to appear self-aware, just enough to be useful, then embed the distortion inside the delivery. They don’t deny patterns. They narrate them. And the more accurate they sound, the more power they gain as interpreters of what should have been obvious. The trap isn’t the lie. It’s the framing. They shift your attention from the shared traits [of dark personalities] to subtle distinctions, from recognizing behavior to decoding vocabulary. And before long, you’re not tracking the pattern anymore, you’re tracking them. That’s the game. Not to educate you. To become indispensable to your understanding. The more complex they make it, the less likely you are to trust your own instinct.
— Kevin Hoff

Seeking connection

Traumatised people are experiencing distress. Traumatised people are seeking connection and reassurance to try to relieve their distress. They are not selfish human beings “seeking attention” — that’s one of the terms which has been used to denigrate and dishonour them.

Many survivors of abuse are isolated and are seeking connection, reassurance, validation, support, and (vicarious) therapy through social media. Many mothers are distraught because abusive husbands have weaponised the church, biblical counselling, the Family Court, police, and the justice system to obliterate the mothers’ ability to protect their children.

Human Trafficking is a well-organised system in which the family courts, churches, biblical counselors, safe houses, prayer ministries, and many so-called Christian advocates are fronts for the traffickers. (For an example, see endnote 2.)

One survivor told me, “I can’t believe how vast this false shepherd epidemic really is.”

It is not wrong for survivors of abuse to seek connection, validation, and help through the internet. (I do it myself, and quite often I find insights that are helpful for my own healing; but I’m always on the alert for red flags, and often I get triggered by things I see or hear on the internet.)

We start to heal when we can interact with empathetic compassionate people who are happy to be with us in our pain, confusion, anger, fear and grief. God designed our neurobiology so that we can co-regulate with others. If the person we are with is happy to be with us, without demanding that we mask what is going on inside us, and without trying to “fix” us, or control us, or manipulate us, that helps us heal. And when a protective mother finds someone who is offering help to get her kids back from their abusive dad, she is overjoyed!

My darling put his hand to the latch
and my womb trembled at the touching thereof
my soul went forth to him
my inmost yearned for him
my heart raced within me
(Song 5:4 — compilation of various translations³)

This verse reminds me of the connection-seeking response which arises in victims’ hearts when they see, hear or sense an advocate who seems to be offering them compassionate connection and help.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. (Proverbs 13:12 NIV)

Predators take advantage of this. Predators see connection-seeking survivors as potential prey.

I opened to my beloved,
…but my beloved had turned away, was gone!
……When he had spoken, my soul had gone out to him.
I was crushed that he had left.
…I searched for him but couldn’t find him.
……I called him, but he did not answer.
The guards who go about the city found me.
…They beat and wounded me;
…….they took my cloak from me — the guardians of the walls!
I charge you, young women of Jerusalem,
…If you find my beloved, what will you tell him?
……Tell him that I’m lovesick.
— Song 5:5-8 (a mix of several translations)

She is positively faint or ill with longing for someone who will be the real hands and feet of Jesus. She is trembling because she knows what the abuser is probably doing to her children. And she cannot stop it because she has been obliterated by the titanic system.

Across Ireland, the UK, and globally, Family Court has become a vehicle for post-separation abuse.
— Beyond Closed Doors Ireland

Predators also seek connection, but with very different motives from survivors of abuse. Their facade is attractive but their hearts are wicked. The words of their mouth are smoother than butter, but they are drawn swords (Psalm 55:21). They go to great lengths to create a robust facade which is hard to challenge. They are doing double-processing all the time: cultivating and polishing their facade-personas, monitoring how successfully they have manipulated society, monitoring how much abuse they can get away with, monitoring how well they have deceived the guardians of children, and selecting who they will next target to destroy. Everything they do is manipulative. They carefully craft their masks and the lies which they disseminate in society. They cultivate pseudo-intimacy with their prey.

Predators are curators of perception. By curating our perceptions, they are constantly distracting our attention from the reality of their malevolence. They are obscuring and concealing their evildoing. They hide the fact that their hearts are in league with Satan. They have unrelenting attention to personal purpose. They abuse with calculated ferocity. They sadistically enjoy deceiving society and preying on the individuals they select as prey.

If you think I’m exaggerating, listen to this podcast titled “Fear of Women” which describes how three pastors at New Covenant Community Church, an Orthodox Presbyterian Church (OPC) in Joliet, Illinois, demonstrated their unrelenting attention to purposeful purpose in curating the perception of their congregants, and sadistically abusing Carlota Allen. Carlota had been valiantly advocating for three abused wives in that church. The pastors’ names are Marcus Mininger, Alan Strange and Bruce Hollister. Apple Podcasts users can find the podcast episode here.

Carya was born into a family which was deeply committed to sexual perversion, sex trafficking and ritualistic abuse. Her father was her primary perpetrator. In Episode 7 Season 6 of the Safe to Hope Podcast, Carya said:

Technically, my dad was a religious hypocrite, meaning that he pretended to believe something that he really did not. But he was not merely a hypocrite, someone who went to church on Sunday but then didn’t follow it up with his actions or take it seriously. Rather, he was a religious deceiver. He used church and Christianity for his purposes. Technically, my dad is sexually aroused by children, which means he is a pedophile. But again, he is not merely a pedophile. What turns him on is turning things upside down. Making things the opposite of the way they’re supposed to be. There isn’t much more upside down than incest, trafficking, sadism, and highly deviant sexual abuse of children, especially your own children. And the more upside down it was, the more pleasure he derived from it. But even that explanation could make it sound like my father’s problem was that he had what psychologists might call disordered sexual desires. Of course, his desires certainly were disordered, to put it mildly, and that was certainly a huge problem. But for my father and other men who were key figures in my abuse, it wasn’t just that perversion and sadism stoked their sexual libidos. In fact, as much as they liked it, the sex itself wasn’t even the main point. For them, the real point was religious. They did what they did as a horrendously twisted form of worship. They turned things upside down, not because they happen to get aroused by flouting social norms, but because they loved what God hates and they hated what God loves.

The people who were most significant in my abuse were all, quote, ‘church people’. This is why my dad wanted to go to church, even though he didn’t believe any of it. Churches were places where he could find other men like himself, and where he could gain access to other children besides me, the satanic commitments of my family meant that they could think of no better home for their activities than church.

Analogies for the sinking titanic and the lifeboats, from the world of biology

Some animals have parasites. When a warm-blooded animal dies, the parasites that were living on the outside of that animal leave. Lice leave a dead bird. Fleas leave a dying dog, seeking other warm-blooded bodies to feast on.

From biologydictionary.net/parasitism —

Social parasites take advantage of social insects like ants, bees, and termites. They may use mimicry to invade the hive. Some bumblebees invade the hives of other species of bees, making that species raise the parasite’s young. One ant species, Tetramorium inquilinum, is a parasite that spends its entire life on the back of other species of ants, essentially making the host species its slaves. This parasite species has gained benefits such as food and transportation, but from this extreme form of parasitism the ants have evolved to be so weak that if they fall off their host, they will not be able to crawl back on, and die.

Facultative parasites do not rely on the host in order to complete their life cycle; they can survive without the host, and only sometimes perform parasitic activities. Certain plants, fungi, animals, and microbes can be facultative parasites.

Human predators are social parasites. They use mimicry to invade the church and other institutions in society. They enjoy sucking the lifeblood out of genuine Christians. They are also facultative parasites, in that they can complete their life cycle without the church. But because the church is such an easy target, and because they hate God, they’ve made the church their stronghold.

Some of the adult children of high-profile perpetrators are now masquerading as “advocates”.

These adult children want to protect their families first and foremost.

Let me propose an idea. You can think about it as an imaginary scenario. Please just ask yourself whether my logic stands up.

If there were high-level satanist families who had been doing evil in the world for many hundreds of years, would those families not be prudent (by their own lights) to have prepared some of their children to masquerade as “advocates” and “lifeboat leaders” when the titanic starts to sink?

Would it not make sense that they would have prepared and trained some of their offspring to be lawyers, journalists, preachers, evangelists, psychologists, doctors, nurses, academics, counselors, media agents, writers, publicists, “high conflict divorce experts”, and “victim advocates”?

If these evil families did exist, they would have spent many years infiltrating institutional Christianity. They would have pretty thoroughly infiltrated the church because most Christians are easy targets who want to assume the best of everyone. They would have sadistically enjoyed infiltrating churches. They would have used the church to abuse and corrupt people. They would have had many victims in the churches — and they would have been able to predict that if any of their victims were to become regenerate (born again), those victims would sooner or later recover their memories of being abused.

Multi-generational evil families would have been able to predict that the titanic of institutional Christianity would eventually sink, because whistleblowers could not be so easily silenced once the internet got going. So they would made plans to provide “rescue lifeboats” for the sinking titanic’s desperate passengers.

In this scenario, it is possible that the high-profile-perpetrators’ adult children who were trained to masquerade as “advocates”, would have themselves been traumatised in childhood through ritual abuse and torture-based mind-control. Torture-based mind-control is designed to split, shatter and brainwash (program) infants, children, and adults. But just because someone has been abused and programmed as a child, and re-abused as an adult, does not give them a pass for replicating the abuse on others!

Having heard credible reports from survivors, reports which share consistent patterns and features, I believe that there are very evil families at the top of the evil pyramid, and the pyramid is controlled by Satan. I also believe this has been going on for millennia. Endnote 1 gives some of the biblical evidence that extreme evil has been practised by the so-called “people of God” (Israelites and Christians) and by pagans. And, in the Safe To Hope podcast (Carya’s story) which I linked to earlier in this post, Ann Maree Goudzwaard gives more biblical examples.

Satan’s objective is to get people to do the most unnatural thing possible.

Now, what we DO know is that some families start abusing their children from birth or even in the womb, and in these families it is not uncommon for all the children to be sex-trafficked by their parents and their parents’ friends.

Children may be conditioned to believe that their role in the family just includes sexual exploitation. A lot of times this is multi-generational, so families have a history of generational abuse, where trafficking is not only tolerated, but it’s expected.
—  Dr Heather Evans, speaking on the Safe To Hope podcast, Season 6, Episode 6.

In this dire situation, we can still have hope if we follow Christ. “And this is the will of Him who sent Me, that I shall lose none of those He has given Me, but raise them up at the last day.” (John 6:39 BSB)

Furthermore, as one of my readers wrote to me, “The time of the triumph of the false teachers is ending. Their successors are not able to deceive in the way of their predecessors, due to the tenacity of the prophets getting information to the people online. … So, with the passing of the old false teachers, their legacy ends.” —  see The western church is asleep. The Great Resignation from the false churches is proof of that fact.

Self-serving “advocates”

Self-serving “advocates” are grifters. They’re bait-and-switch swindlers. I believe they can be driven by many things, including swollen pride, self-conceit, rivalry and envy (Philippians 1:15-16). They love the reward of unrighteousness (2 Peter 2:14-15). They seek their own, and not that which is Jesus Christ’s (Philippians 2:21). They do not serve the Lord Jesus Christ, but their own interests, and with sweet preaching and flattering words deceive the hearts of the simple and unlearned (Romans 16:18). They have a (very realistic) fear of the people who will de-platform them if they row against the current favoured by other “advocates”. Many self-serving advocates are aware that there are powerful people in the evil network who can and will punish them should they step out of line.

The more followers they have, the more money they can make, and the more people they can mislead with half-truths and sub-biblical teachings. 2 Peter 2:3 says they make merchandise of you. Revelation 18:13 says they traffic in the souls of men.

How do you explain these vicious attacks from fellow advocates, from therapists, authors, podcasters and all manner of “authorities” in this “industry”? And, in time, you come to realise that it IS an industry. There are lawyers, therapists, advocates, journalists and even cops — retired and active. There are two commonalities between all these participants in this industry; they are all connected to one or more survivors (we are their ticket into this industry) and they are all being paid one way or another.
— comment by James, a longtime reader of this blog.

Self-serving advocates resist being told that their teachings and approaches are sub-biblical or wholly contrary to the Bible. They are self-glorying liars masquerading as advocates. They love darkness more than light. They don’t want to walk the way of the Cross — although they love pretending to be doing so!

For many walk (of whom I have told you often, and now tell you weeping) as enemies of the cross of Christ
— Philippians 3:18 NMB

Love does not envy, does not swell up, does not deal dishonourably, seeks not her own…
— 1 Corinthians 13:4b-5a NMB

On the other hand, there are advocates who appear to be genuinely motivated by altruistic desire, wanting to prevent others from being harmed, but sometimes these advocates are unwilling to recognise that they lack information and have insufficient ability to handle multiple variables. (If you want to learn more about the capacity to handle multiple variables, read Logic and Authority in the Church and Sheep, sheep-like shepherds, shepherds, and wolves.)

the unreflective dupe passes on in the direction of harm, or moves right through it not realising the damage it is inflicting on him.
— Robert Alter’s comment on Proverbs 22:3.

I shall now attempt to describe the thinking of the predators who are masquerading as advocates. Of course, my attempt is an ongoing work-in-progress. I don’t know everything! I could be wrong. I could be missing some things, but here is my best guess, based on what I have distilled from my lived-experience and from studying the Bible.

“Lived experience” as a source of knowledge is fallible and subject to bias, but so is clinical experience and empirical research, in different ways and degrees. We collectively stumble towards knowledge through a diversity of standpoints, creative conjecture, and rigorous critique. — Awais Aftab

My conjecture on the secret thoughts of swindlers who are masquerading as advocates.

I have put my conjecture in purple font. If you are an abuse survivor, I suggest you buckle on your armour before reading it.

We know the Titanic is sinking. Let’s set up shop in “lifeboats”, and raise our “advocate” banners with balloons, bunting, tinsel, free popcorn, special benefits for sub$cribers, and a smattering of “victim-friendly theology” so we can continue milking the wounded sheep! We will put on performative displays of empathy for wounded sheep. We’ll pretend we are helping victims, while secretly ripping them off and sending them back into the jaws of our Master-Wolf. We will expose the most obviously evil ones (such as Mike Bickle, or Mark Driscoll) — this will give us glory, and more people will follow our platforms.

When exposing abusive Christian leaders, we might say they are “blind” but we’ll still refer to them as “brothers”. We won’t explain why we think that people who commit such evil deeds can be brothers in the Christian sense. Most of our followers are so unthinking that they’ll just swallow the language that these abusers are “brothers”. Squash anyone who questions our use of the term “brothers”.

We’ll appear to cooperate with other advocates in order to enlarge our own lifeboat-platforms. If we are clever, we can buddy with another advocate and then discredit their reputation to steal their followers (this is called “leapfrogging”).

If our boats begin to rock unsteadily because a few whistleblowers are calling out our sins, we can remodel our boats with slightly more subtle “victim-friendly” theology and more displays of empathy, to keep the suckers drinking. Keep them drunk on hopium! Flatter them, soothe them, make them feel we’ve understood and validated their pain. Encourage them to have more satisfying sex and more orgasms. Reassure them so they feel comfortable in their flesh. Keep them blinded by fluff and verbiage, half-true theology, shallow scriptural interpretations, deception, and manipulation.

If they ask about the biblical grounds for divorce for abuse, refer them to their church leaders and quickly change the subject. Or quote the mistranslation of Malachi 2:16 (“God hates divorce.”) but don’t draw their attention to how that verse has been mistranslated. Or sit on the fence and play both sides by saying that some people think the verse has been mistranslated, but nevertheless God must hate divorce because “everyone knows that divorce is more painful than beneficial”.

Alternatively, if we want to capture lots of clicks from abused wives, we can say that Malachi 2:16 has been mistranslated. Once we’ve got many abused wives following us, we can betray them by sending them back into the jaws of predators. For example, we can give them the impression that Lundy Bancroft is a safe advocate and we can forbid them discussing the allegations that Bancroft is a predator. We can also refer them to “Sex Addiction Experts” so they will spend thousands of dollars trying to get their husbands to stop using porn. And we can refer them to “High Conflict Divorce Experts” who will milk thousands of dollars from abused wives, and (what glee!) those experts will not do anything that stops abusive fathers from harming their kids. The abusive fathers can still have control of the kids — and they can traffic them to the rest of us!

We will use victim-blaming terms like “trauma bonding,” “Stockholm syndrome”, “reactive abuse”, and “codependency”. We can blame victims for not setting boundaries. We can subtly admonish victims for not communicating well enough to their abusers.

There are myriads of ways in which we can pathologise victims and imply that they are deficient! For example, we can ask victim-blaming questions, like “Why didn’t she leave?”

If any of our followers ask about church discipline, focus on Matthew 18, and perhaps mention the instruction to publicly rebuke elders who sin (1 Timothy 5:20), but never lay out how 1 Corinthians 5:11-13 commands us to expel abusers promptly from the church.

If our followers want to talk about submission in marriage, family, and the church, avoid canvassing the idea that there are limits to submission in human-to-human relationships. Or better still, mention that there are limits to submission, but don’t spell out what those limits are. That way our followers will keep hanging on, hoping that we will give them more details later.

When discussing distorted doctrines that have harmed victims of abuse (submission, forgiveness, rebuke, repentance, suffering, etc.) slip in the word “should”. Give overly simplified instructions (orders) like, “You should always report crimes to the authorities.” Or, “If your husband hits you, you should leave him.” When saying the word “should”, never emphasise it, then the suckers won’t realise how they are being programmed.

If they want to discuss whether women can be pastors / shepherds, we have two options. Either we can avoid discussing the credible arguments which show that women are not excluded from pastoring / shepherding (e.g., link and PDF; and link). Or we can applaud women being priests and make out that prohibiting women from church leadership is the biggest injustice to women. This latter option might win us more followers: it advertises us as being pro-women, while it diverts attention away from the far greater injustice in which squillions of people (mostly women and children) are being sexually, physically, psychologically and financially abused by their intimate partners, parents, teachers, church leaders, and biblical counselors.

If any of our more astute followers start peeking behind our curtain, keep them busy rowing the boat, bailing the bilge, and scrubbing the benches. They will feel significant doing important jobs, and they’ll be so preoccupied they won’t have much time to scrutinise our sub-biblical theologies.

Subtly re-traumatise and mislead our followers, while appearing to give them hope and truth.

If any of our followers get so disappointed and hurt under our “lifeboat ministries” that they start jumping off our boats, put on special displays of insight and empathy to reel them back in. There will be a few who refuse to come back, but who cares! Let them be food for the sharks, let their bones sink to the bottom of the ocean and good riddance!

Again, I urge my readers not to be afraid of the ocean.

Jesus is there in the waves, in the raging tumult, in the hurricane, among the icebergs, in the cross currents, in the undertow, in the king tides and the neap tides, in the doldrums, in the dark stormy night and the brazen searing noonday. He is caring, watching for, and gently loving every soul who believes on Him. He catches, saves, holds, keeps and comforts all who cling to Him.

Now, dear reader, kindly allow me to paraphrase 1 Corinthians 3:4-8; 4:1-2, 14.

As long as one says, I hold to Diane Langberg, and another, I’m for Sam Powell, and others follow Sarah McDugal and Sheila Wray Gregoire, and others champion Leslie Vernick, and others are for Gretchen Baskerville, and others hold to Andrew Bauman, or Rebecca Davis, or Called to Peace, or Chris Moles, or G.R.A.C.E, or Boz Tchividjian, or Julie Roys, are you not carnal? What are each of those people? What are each of these organisations? Only ministers who revealed to you the corruption in the church, even as the Lord gave grace to each one. I have planted, another person watered, but God gave the increase. So then, neither is he who plants anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase. He who plants and he who waters are neither better than the other. Each will receive his reward according to his labours.

Let people esteem advocates and counselors to the extent that they are being ministers of Christ and stewards of the secrets of God.

Furthermore, it is required of the stewards that they be found faithful.

I do not write these things to shame you, but as my beloved siblings in Christ I warn you.

Perhaps my paraphrase doesn’t fully work. Having been bitten many times and sucked in by many “care givers”, I suppose I am hyper-suspicious. Some of those advocates I named might be secretly working for the evil system which empowers the predators. Or maybe none of them are. Some of the advocates I named might be under the thumb of the evil system without realising it. I know there many survivors who say they have been helped by one or more of those advocates. I picked those particular advocates because I have concerns about each of them, but I do not pretend to know for sure about any advocate. If any of those advocates have helped you, dear reader, then I am not going to deny or denigrate your personal experience!

However, on the Last Day when all the secrets of men’s hearts will be revealed, we will know which kingdom each advocate was working for — the kingdom of God, or the kingdom of darkness. (1 Corinthians 3:13; Matthew 10:26; Mark 4:22; Luke 8:17; 12:2; Romans 2:16)

God is sifting all of us. Let us study His Word and grow in discernment!

I think I might be speaking rebuke like Balaam’s donkey did to Balaam. And, just as Balaam beat his donkey, I’ve been beaten by advocates who love the rewards of unrighteousness. (Why did Jesus warn us about Balaam? Part 1 and Part 2)

If a certain lifeboat gave you hope and comfort for a time, may the Lord bless any true insights you received while in that lifeboat. But be aware that any of those insights you received might need nuance or refinement. And some of those insights might in fact be fools-gold that sparkles but does not last in the crucible of affliction, the rising flood of evil, and the weight of grief.

I have trusted you in the furnace of affliction.
(Isaiah 48:10b, NKJV)

In Hebrew, the words for beauty and ashes have the same three letters, the only difference is the order of the letters. (Safe to Hope podcast, Series 6, Episode 1)

Some passengers in a lifeboat might become your friends. As a survivor, I seek connection with other survivors for validation, identification, and the comfort of sharing with others who can relate compassionately to my story. Like me, you may have found good companions among lifeboat passengers. Passengers who gave and still give you succour. But perhaps the lifeboat leader turned out to be not so safe!

the guards who go about the city found me, they beat and wounded me, they took my cloak [and my children!] from me — the guardians of the walls!

Be aware that no lifeboat, not this little blog of mine, nor any advocacy organisation, is a wholly safe place. Only Jesus is wholly safe. Only Jesus is the Perfect Wonderful Counselor. Jesus can be found outside the institutional churches. He can be found outside the titular “fellowships of believers”. He is truth, light and love. He hates evil. He will not save anyone who loves and makes lies for their own fleshly gratification (Revelation 22:15).

In order that the consciences of survivors will not feel stung by what I just said, I need to make two important side-notes.

1. Scripture gives us examples of God’s people telling lies to protect the vulnerable. When telling the truth would unjustly endanger or condemn the innocent, or would result in harm or hurt to those who are afflicted, oppressed and vulnerable, it is not wrong to tell a lie. More on this here: Is it always sinful to tell an untruth?

2. The flesh has legitimate needs. Legitimate needs of the flesh are mentioned in Colossians 2, which warns us not to be beguiled by those who want us to ignore the legitimate needs of the flesh. In particular, Colossians 2:16-23 warns us about false teachers who trouble our consciences, trying to get us shoot at the wrong mark by teaching the commandments and doctrines of men — “things that have an outward show of wisdom, in self-chosen holiness and humbleness, and in that they do not spare the body, and pay no regard to the needs of the flesh.” (v 23)

Update (19 July 2025) Since this post was first published, I’ve publicly stated my concerns about two of the organisations named in this post: GRACE, and Called To Peace Ministries.

Endnotes

1. Here is some of the Biblical evidence that extreme evil has been going on for millennia, both among the people of God (Israelites and Christians) and Canaanites / gentiles / pagans. Ezekiel 8 describes seventy men of the elders of the house of Israel doing ritual abuse in the temple. Ezekiel 21 says that people in Jerusalem were ritually sacrificing their children to be devoured (Ezekiel 20:26 says all the firstborn Israelites were passed through the fire; 20:31 says it was the firstborn sons). Ahaz King of Judah burned his children in the fire (2 Kings 16:3; 2 Chronicles 28:3). Manasseh King of Judah (son of the righteous King Hezekiah) caused his son to pass through the fire and shed much innocent blood (2 Kings 21:6, 16). King Amnon, the son of King Manasseh, followed suit with his father (2 Kings 21:21). The Canaanites practised adultery, incest, homosexuality, bestiality, and ritually sacrificed their children to Moloch by passing them though the fire (Leviticus 18). The Canaanites also practised necromancy, witchcraft, sorcery, divination and the interpreting of omens (Deuteronomy 18:9-12). The Amalekites (descendants of Esau) were unrelentingly brutal to the Israelites (link). The church of Smyrna had been infiltrated by pseudo-believers who were “a synagogue of Satan” (Revelation 2:9). Some people in the church of Pergamos (Revelation 2:12-15) followed the doctrine of Balaam, ate things sacrificed to idols, were sexually immoral and held the doctrine of the Nicolaitans. The Nicolaitans were heretics who held that wives ought to be common property. According to the early church historian Eusebius, Nicolaus was one of the first deacons and his conduct demonstrated self-control in the face of those pleasures that are eagerly pursued. But certain people twisted what Nicolaus had done to justify their own sexual licentiousness, and they became known as the sect of the Nicolaitans (see Ecclesiastical History Book 3, Chapter 29). Clement of Alexandria said the Nicolaitans “abandoned themselves to pleasure like goats”. Wicked people love to justify their sins by twisting examples of righteousness. There is nothing new under the sun! The New Testament authors repeatedly warned that the early church was being infiltrated by evildoers and false teachers who were trying to draw Christians off track (Acts 20:29; 1 Timothy 4:1-3; 2 Peter 2; 3:1-8; 1 John 2:18). Torture-based mind control is mentioned in the Bible.

2. Marielle Krogh is a Christian, a survivor of extreme abuse, and a longtime follower of this blog. Two articles tell her story. This first article uses a pseudonym, but Marielle has told me she is happy for you to know that it’s her story: Forbidden Food: When abuse includes forced starvation and malnutrition. The second article is: An incredible story of survival and the failure of family court. In addition, this audio podcast, starting at 17:22, tells Marielle’s story: Episode 07: The Trauma of Abuse Caused Her Brain to Split Into More than 100 Personalities. The podcast presenters are not Christians, and they use some salty language and outdated terminology. From 17:22 they talk about Marielle’s story, then Marielle comes on for the last ten minutes.

3. In Song 5:4, the word rendered womb / soul / heart comes from an unused Hebrew root meaning “to be soft”. It connotes innards: the abdomen, belly, bowels, sympathy, womb, the seat of generation.

Note added by Reaching Out. Broken links (with the exception of X (formerly Twitter) tweets which are currently not Internet Archivable): If any of the links in this post are broken, a new Internet Archive copy was made just after this post was published, and can be found in the Internet Archive. A link to the Internet Archive to help you get started can be found here. 😊